When the Trust Is Gone, You Should Be Too

by Britni Danielle

A few weeks ago, one of my girls and I had an interesting conversation. She told me about her on again off again relationship with a guy and how she came to the conclusion that it was finally time to sever ties.

Apparently, my friend (who is as straight-shooting as they come) found herself doing something she never thought would ever, ever do: rifle though her guy’s things looking for signs of another woman.

Although they weren’t in a relationship, the pair have a long history and agreed to date each other exclusively until they were ready to make it official. But as she went through his things, my friend said she knew it was a wrap. Instead of confronting him head on about her suspicions, she behaved like Inspector Gadget looking for clues. And in that moment she knew the trust was gone and no amount of reassurance could make her get over his past indiscretions.

After my friend told me about her ordeal, a Facebook acquaintance posed a question about checking her man’s phone and whether or not she should go through it to see if he was messing around. Although she didn’t suspect her guy of cheating, she was still curious to see if her beau had a wandering eye and was engaging in inappropriate behaviors with other women.

These stories are certainly not unique. Countless TV shows have depicted couples snooping through their partner’s things, or one party following the other to see if they are cheating (think Samantha Jones from SATC following Richard).  Despite wanting to know without a shadow of a doubt that your partner isn’t cheating, if you have to stoop to snooping, it’s probably time to call it quits.

Trust is an essential part of any relationship, and if you cannot trust that what your partner says matches his actions, then you’ve got a big problem. Communication is the backbone of relationships, and discussing your suspicions and fears with your mate is much more effective than going undercover and snooping through his things.

But, if you still feel the urge to go on the hunt, remember this: When you go looking for something, you’ll probably find it.

Have you ever snooped through your partner’s things? How did that work out for you?

  • Nigerian sista

    YES! YES! ANNNND YES! If you give a woman a reason not to trust you she won’t. I would consider myself a confident woman who can easily trust. At first the trust was very strong. We didn’t have passwords to each others laptop/computers or mobiles, we could use each others mobiles, life was great. I had no reason to snoop. Until he wanted to place passwords on EVERYTHING and started acting very suspicious. Then i did what most women would do, check his phone. Why should I start loosing sleep and wandering if he is cheating or not? Yes i found what i was looking for, saved me years of wandering if i can’t trust him or not. It all cam out when I confronted him about the VMs i heard and ” happy birthday” card i found in his brief case. Life is to short wasting years with some who will gladly cheat on you and try to hide.

  • http://cupofjo-jo.blogspot.com bk chick

    I literally just had this convo with my friend a few days ago. I told her if it gets to the point of snooping then it doesn’t matter what you find/don’t find..the trust is gone…It’s easier said than done but I truly do believe that

  • V

    at that point…you KNOW you need to call it a wrap.


  • GordonBlu

    Nothing last forever…monogamy has its place & a “Specific Purpose” in the cycle of a relationship. However, on a long enough timeline someone or both parties will entertain the option of stepping outside the relationship for whatever reason. Being pure lust or need for attention. What characterizes lasting relationships is how you handle moving past those indiscretions after “It” has happened. Was it just a bump in the road you two got over, or a rock that made both of you fall completely off the wagon….. *OnlyThe$trongSurvive*

  • Isis

    What if the trust was never there? I don’t trust men at all.


    @ isis and why dont you trust men at all?

  • Isis

    Cuz u cant get The Truth from them even after u beg for it And ur completely upfront. If they feel The Truth will put them at a disadvantage they will lie even when telling The Truth will cause The woman way less pain. Men are so unfair


    You are definitely speaking the truth about some men, But you are also casting a wide net. you’ve heard it before,but the truth is,none of us are the same. Ive met plenty of women that would’nt tell the truth if i paid them. Dont confuse men you met/know with those you dont know or will never meet. guys say stuff like about women on this site all of the time. Youre frame of mind hurts you,because you are youre own worst enemy. after all,dont act like you’ve never lied or did anything wrong a day in your life.

    I hope you arent offended by what I say,but there’s no such thing as fair in this life. is it fair that a respectable gentleman has spotted you from across the room,but unbeknownst to him, he has no chance hell. why? you already blamed in him for some bs that someone else said/did.

  • Isis

    I feel u


    you’ll be fine

  • Deanna Perkins

    If we have to go so far the we have to snoop through someone’s things, that’s on us. More than the lack of trust for the other person it’s clear we don’t trust our choice to be with them.


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