Ah, the ‘90s. When trios and quartets were the move and brothers were out here making music videos shirtless, with leather pants… in the desert. Good times. I’ll always associate ‘90s R&B with the heydays of high school, with unrequited crushes, with hastily scrawled notes shoved into lockers, and with a lot of naïve fun. Now that we’re grown and can look back on groups like Boyz II Men, Jodeci, Tony Toni Tone, and Dru Hill with nostalgia, we’ve got a bit more real life experience in the areas these dudes suggestively crooned about. So let’s take a short quiz and see which group best reflects the love life we’ve grown into.
You’ve been seeing your beau for a full year now. What’s your idea of a perfect anniversary night?
a. Come home from work to find that he’s filled your apartment with candles and cooked a meal that you’re too hot and bothered to eat.
b. He doesn’t plan anything, but does demand that you “tell him what you want; tell him what you need; tell him if it ain’t good enough for you, baby.”
c. He doesn’t plan anything, but promises that he’ll cry for you tonight.
d. He tells you to “tell your supervisor you’re leaving early today, ‘cause he’s willing to pay for the rest of your day, girl.”
You’ve had a huge, possibly relationship-ending fight. How do you proceed?
a. Wait for him to call his boys, especially that fine one with the baritone voice, and gather outside your window, singing “End of the Road.” Because you know he’ll cave first and do it.
b. Listen to him accuse you of cheating, insisting somebody’s sleeping in y’all’s bed, before he apologizes, promising he’ll never make you cry again and he’s only paranoid because he’s “never been in love before.”
c. Decide whether or not you believe him when he says that even though you’re in a rough patch, you’re forever his lady. He also says he’ll cry for you. Tonight. Again. But he doesn’t. Which is a relief to you.
d. Let him lure you toward the bedroom, with a shoulder massage, and lay your head on his pillow, like he’s politely invited you to.
For a special occasion, which place would you most like to go with your man?
a. The symphony, a five-star restaurant, and a swanky hotel.
b. Movies, a nice family-style restaurant (read: Red Lobster), and back to his place.
c. The show, the after party, the hotel.
d. A moonlit picnic where commissioned a piece of spoken word poetry to be recited, with djembe and acoustic guitar accompaniment.
How would you describe “your type?”
a. Mr. Sensitive. He’s a real flowers-for-no-reason kind of guy.
b. He’s a bit wild, a bit hood, but very ambitious. And he may or may not have dyed his hair platinum blonde at one point or another.
c. He’s all hood. Tatt’d up, club-hoppin’, hard-partyin’, and all yours—until he’s not. He only reveals his soft side behind closed doors, but when he does, it’s well worth the secrecy.
d. He’s boho. Buys your birthday gifts at thrift stores, boho. He stops to smell the roses, muses about how it never rains in Southern California, and sometimes has no loot. But it’s okay because you guys are in pretty deep love.
You’re having a family crisis. Which of the following is your boyfriend’s idea of being supportive?
a. Canceling everything he’s doing and spending as much time by your side as you need.
b. Pulling you away from an abusive situation and then proposing.
c. Asking if he can take your mind of things with some good lovin’.
d. Lighting incense and offering to pray with you.