Would You Use A Gestational Carrier?

by Danielle Pointdujour

I have a secret….I’m a huge Giuliana & Bill fan. Season after season I’ve watched E! host Giuliana and her entrepreneur hubby Bill on their desperate search to have a baby. From IVF excitement and home purchases, to pregnancy, miscarriage and now breast cancer, to say the ride has been a rollercoaster would be an understatement. The couple has been very candid about their struggles and that is one of the things that make them real to viewers and the show a phenomenal hit. On this newest season the couple made the decision (after Giuliana’s breast cancer diagnosis) to try having a baby via gestational carrier and recently found out that they will be having their first child this year.

Whether you call them gestational carriers or surrogates, the concept is nothing new. Many women, famous and not so famous, have used this method to add to their growing family. Actress Angela Bassett and husband Courtney B. Vance discussed their surrogacy experience on Oprah a few years back and Sex and the City star Sarah Jessica Parker went the surrogate road as well. However, this may be one of the few times that the actual behind the scenes struggle to conceive and the decision to actually use a carrier has been made so public by someone in the spotlight. And just from watching the show…the pain is very, very real.

As Giuliana and Bill weighed the pros and cons of using a gestational carrier, I couldn’t help but wonder if I would be able to make a choice. Sure motherhood is not just about the carrying of the child in your womb, but a lot of women would be lying if they said that wasn’t the part of motherhood they were somewhat looking forward to. As much as we many of us may not want to experience the morning sickness, back pain, sleepless nights, cankles and childbirth, we do want to watch our growing bellies in the mirror, feel our child kick inside of us and experience all the other wonders that come from carrying your own child. I had to think, would I be comfortable with some woman, a virtual stranger to me, carrying and bonding with my child in a way that I will never get to experience? And there are other issues like, what if she doesn’t eat properly, what if she’s nuts and stalks the child later in life because she feels it’s hers? No matter how many psych tests you do, one nut can always slip through the cracks.

Clearly for Giuliana and for many other women in the world, gestational carriers are their best or only option, and if motherhood is something you truly desire, then motherhood in whatever form it comes should be a blessing. Honestly, I don’t know if I’m strong enough to make that kind of decision, and hopefully I will never have to. I think personally I would rather adoption over a gestational carrier, because emotionally I don’t know if I could handle watching my child grow in another woman’s stomach. Call it selfish, but I’m just being real about what I can and can’t handle. In any case, for some women out there who are strong enough, gestational carriers change their lives in ways they once thought were impossible. I may not be the right choice for me, but as I watched the smiles on G&B’s faces as they saw their baby on the ultrasound, there was no doubt in my mind that is was the right choice for them. And that’s all that matters.

Could you use a gestational carrier?

  • Dreaming

    Yes, I could, but I don’t need to.

  • I got sense!

    I’m must be the odd one out. I absolutely LOVE the idea. I will either adopt or use a surrogate. I have no desire to be pregnant. No I am not “lying” because being pregnant doesn’t make you a mother. You are not a mother or parent until the child is born. None of this, “morning sickness, back pain, sleepless nights, cankles and childbirth, growing bellies in the mirror, feel our child kick inside of us and experience all the other wonders that come from carrying your own child” is appealing to me. Not to mention most people leave out “all the other wonders” and just get general until you are already into it and can’t turn back. The more I learned in sex ed at 13 the less I wanted to be pregnant but I knew I wanted to be a mom. Doesn’t matter where the kid comes from or how it got here (the 9+ months in the womb is the easy part). What matters is what you do with them AFTER they are born.

  • Mimi

    (giggles) I guess that we are on “the same coin, but we’re on different sides”. I would love to be a surrogate. I want to experience the “joys” of pregnancy. But, I don’t have the desire/want/need to be a mother.

  • http://www.myblackfriendsays.com myblackfriendsays

    I would probably try to adopt before I used a surrogate. But I already have one pretty great kid, so I know that probably influences my decision a great deal.

    I don’t think there is anything weird or wrong with having a surrogate–different strokes for different folks, as they say.

  • Tameko P

    I would do it. I’ve had 2 babies and there is no more mystery about the pregnancy process! Been there, done that, had enough of it.

  • Yulez

    I also love G & B. This is the first celebrity baby that I’m geeked about. I would definitely use a gestation carrier. As a matter of fact, I may do that if I can afford it. If not, I’ll adopt. I have no desire to incubate. Sorry.

  • Kennedy

    This is one of my favorite shows I am so happy for them but it is bittersweet because it’s not exactly the route they wanted.

  • E.M.S.

    I prefer the word surrogate, “gestational carrier” is just an extra fancy name that’s unnecessary. I find absolutely nothing wrong with a couple deciding to do it if they can find a woman willing. I think it’s an extremely kind and selfless gesture to carry someone else’s child when they are unable.

    It’s another option you could explore if you’re against adoption for some reason (but adoption is just as good, the point is making a family, not where the child comes from).

  • I got sense!

    Very interesting! I thought about being a surrogate when I was younger. They get paid very well. I also thought about donating my eggs. I guess I’m weird because of my background in biology and my personality type. I think through things instead of feel through them. I see pregnancy as a miracle and a wonder but unnecessary for parenthood. I want to be a mom but not a pregnant woman. You’ve made my day, lol.

  • http://themodernmedicineman d-rhyme

    @i got sense. No you don’t. Your statement about thinking is wrong. How the he’ll do you feel through something. Left brain gathers data. Right brain feelings is experience storage. No feeling, no experience or memory. Takes both sides to think effectively. Your statement was attempt at under handed slap. It was mean but you have free speech to makeyourself look stoopid. you can have free speech but others can’t. That’s tyranny.

  • Bren

    It’s a consideration. I’ve been pregnant before and other than my growing belly and feeling my child kick, it was not a pleasurable experience, especially for someone who could not just sit home and deal with the discomforts. I want more children but I so not want to be pregnant again.

  • I got sense!

    What the hell are you talking about? There was no underlying message in my post nor was I attempting to insult anyone. You seem über sensitive and you are projecting your feelings. I’ve taken several different types of personality tests and based on those findings I make decisions based on facts. Some people make hard decisions on feelings. This is science not me taking shots at anyone. How you got all that you got, tried to insult me, and misspell words at the same time is baffling. O_o

  • Jinx Moneypenny

    If I could afford it, maybe. But adoption has always been the second option, before surrogacy and after pregnancy. So maybe not.

  • Yulez

    B & G explained the difference between a carrier and surrogate. A surrogate uses a donor egg, the GC uses the parents’ DNA (egg and sperm).

  • http://www.sarahdjarnie.com sarah

    @ got sence, I totally do not see your point of view, the whole point of having a child of your own is going through the beauty of the entire pregnancy, when I was pregnant i felt so beautiful and absolutely grateful to have the gift of life growing inside of me. i remember all of the turns, tumble and kicks in my belly. Look if you can not carry a child then this is a good alternative but if you can get pregnant and carry why wouldn’t you want that opportunity?
    Pregnancy is a beautiful thing.

  • chanela

    I wonder the people in the surrogate’s life feel? imagine her working some place and she seems to be pregnant constantly,but she doesnt have any kids or talk about them at all. must be confusing until she finally tells you shes a carrier/surrogate. also do parents have a say in the surrogate getting a c section or not (let’s say if she chose to have a c section instead of vaginal) and to on if she’s allowed to have an epidural or not? or what if she decides she doesnt like the couple or doesnt want to carry anymore and get’s an abortion?? Gosh i hope they have contracts O_o

  • EbonyLolita

    If all else fails & my $$$ is on point. YES! Truth be told I’d prolly feel a way about another woman carrying my egg & my mate’s sperm, but when you want a baby you want a baby. If I had to use HER egg then I wouldn’t do a surrogate.

  • http://Hotmail Dionne

    hi i am so happy for you i watch your programme every time and i have seen how you have struggled it is a blessing and will hope gods with you god bless you dionne

  • http://Hotmail Dionne

    by the way this is for giuliana and bills baby

  • Giselle

    If your Insurance Carrier covers Infertility (call them and inquire in general before approaching a clinic), NEVER NEVER NEVER tell the insurance, doctor, nurse financing, or anyone else in the clinic that you are considering using a gestational carrier (GC) for your embryo!!!!! If they get one whiff of your intention to use a GC, everyone will want You to cover all the costs. No one needs to know until the time comes what you will be doing with your frozen embryos. You can tell everyone that you’re not mentally ready right now or you want to guarantee great samples for a later time (the younger you are the better quality of eggs you have). Whatever your excuse, your Insurance (if they cover Infertility treatment) is more likely to pay most costs up to the freezing part on your first cycle or more. If they even think someone else is going to carry your baby, YOU WILL PAY EVERYTHING. Doctors and clinics don’t want to be cited for any liability to insurance carriers, so they will tell them Everything, even though you didn’t realize you were giving them too much information by innocent chit chat on your hopes, dreams, intentions. NEED TO KNOW BASIS ONLY! DONT GIVE ANYONE ADDITIONAL INFORMATION if you’re expecting coverage from your insurance! … did i say NEVERRRRRR? thats right.

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