Comments on: Are We Teaching Our Daughters to Hate Their Bodies?

By: Dalili

Dalili — Fri, 15 Jun 2012 02:33:42 +0000

Thank you Tami, for this well written and insightful article and the mention at the beginning. Thank you!

By: Candy 1

Candy 1 — Fri, 15 Jun 2012 01:39:30 +0000

I grew up with a mother who gently told gave me a baby-I-love-you-but-you-need-to-watch-your-weight talk when I was 13. I was probably 5-10 lbs overweight. I didn’t lose the pounds, but I eventually grew taller and more muscular so I was ok by the time I was 15. But then I would hear my mother constantly complain about her body, taking diet pills, etc, and I think I took that in, because growing up, I always had a problem with my body because I was built a lot like my mother. I always felt fat as a teen, but I was only 135ish, if that much (and I was 5’6″). I would skip 2-3 meals sometimes. I’m in my late 20′s, now, and I still struggle with my body image, and I don’t want to pass down my issues to my daughter.

By: LovelyAnon

LovelyAnon — Thu, 14 Jun 2012 18:11:13 +0000

Great Article, Well Written! I will say that my mother NEVER spoke about weight or dieting while I was growing up. She never dieted & she was never overweight, she exercised occasionally. I had a HUGE problem with my weight & the way I looked but my mom always told me that I looked pretty. I was 115pnd soaking wet with rocks in my pocket at 5’6″ all throughout high school. I hated being so skinny and I wanted to have boobs & a booty…like other black girls. But I’ve learned that will never be me, and I’m okay with that now.

But I think now, I put more pressure on my mom to get in shape & lose weight, even though she never did that to me. Mine is coming from health purposes, she doesnt work & sit around all day doing nothing. I want her to live an active lifestyle & feel better about herself.

By: Anon

Anon — Thu, 14 Jun 2012 16:46:19 +0000

@Anon2
“we’re health embracing. And I’ve even had my mother who is a little bit bigger than me tell me you need to lose weight.”

I’m going to walk away from this conversation. Because I re-read your first reply to me and uh… no.

By: selahmode

selahmode — Thu, 14 Jun 2012 16:41:35 +0000

You ladies with the mother’s who may have been overly conscious about dieting or their figure are in the minority in the black women. Extremes on either end of the spectrum in any facet of life i.e. food, clothes, possesions, etc are unhealth. However MOST black women are overweight. I’m not, I count myself blessed but I also go to the gym 3 times a week. I don’t like soda or fast food, and I cook and eat a variety of food including soul food.

My mother doesn’t go to the gym, my aunts don’t go, my cousins don’t go. No one wants to sweat out their hair/weave and when I mention I’m going they remark, “I don’t know what you’re going for.”

America is a fatter nation compared to other countries anyway but us black girls take the cake. White girls, spanish girls, asian girls are all over the gym. I see a few sisters that are my size here and there but I see just as many if not more overweight black women at the gym. They may go for a little while but they fall off. I know because my sister is one of the ones who fell off.

By: anon2

anon2 — Thu, 14 Jun 2012 14:24:10 +0000

Sorry, can’t relate… the only time I’ve heard a woman in my family tell another woman to gain weight was during pregnancy… We aren’t fat-o-phobic, we’re health embracing. And I’ve even had my mother who is a little bit bigger than me tell me you need to lose weight. I’m sure these people you speak of exist, but not in my world. We get the “you need to push away from the table” speaches, or “go get some exercise.” My father used to lock me out of the house and make me go play… so I’m sorry I can’t relate.

But even more… this article is about healthy body image… not about the fact that black women are wishing other black women to get fatter.

By: Miss September

Miss September — Thu, 14 Jun 2012 05:05:27 +0000

I so can relate to this article. I had a mother that was obsessed with her body image and passed it down to me. I remember growing up every Monday; my mom was on a new diet and was always I need to lose 15-20 lbs. I don’t fault her, because that is what she knew growing so it was passed on to her. It wasn’t until at my heaviest that I learned to accept myself. I have my days when I think I’m a fat cow , but for the most part I would say I am pretty self assured . I think when I have a daughter I will definitely stress to her that she is beautiful and also to take care of her body and be health.
I agree with @mamareese that beauty starts within and the way you carry you and treat others…

By: dee

dee — Wed, 13 Jun 2012 20:29:04 +0000

Everything you said in your article is spot on. I was put on my first diet when i was about 8 years old by a mother who for as long as i have been on this earth has always been on some type of a fad diet, so in turn I was groomed starting at a very young age that my body was not acceptable which in turn translated into I am not acceptable.

What I can also say is that I have never witnessed my mother say one kind thing about her body that wasn’t followed by a negative comment about another part of her body. For example my mother would say “i love the way my legs look, but my behind is too fat, I need to lose weight” and then of course I am my mother’s daughter so the body that she hated is the body I have inherited. There were times where my mother would say very affirming statements to me like “you are a beautiful person” or “I have always loved the dimple in your cheek” however the damage had already been done. Our girls are watching and listening to everything we say and do as it relates to our own selves because they are looking to us to teach them what is acceptable and to set the standard for them to follow.

It really isn’t just about weight but a simple “I hate my nose it’s ugly” or “I wish my hair would do that” or “I wish I had her height”. If we are not good enough in our own eyes how can we even begin to teach our daughters how to accept themselves. It’s a vicious cycle that we don’t pay much attention to and it’s not just women who do it men also participate in this as well. I wont even get into the media influences that attack us every single day as that’s another topic.

So to answer your question “are we teaching our daughters to hate their bodies” I say YES and the way we do it is by showing our girls how much we hate our own bodies.

By: Anon2

Anon2 — Wed, 13 Jun 2012 19:07:34 +0000

I’m pretty sure that what you got out of this article is not what was written (just guessing by how you responded) Besides, I can’t name one black woman (come from a family full of them) saying “go ahead an get fatter” or “it’s okay to be obese” And I’ve never heard any of my girlfriends black family’s throwing around “Get fat” mantras… you sound like you buy in to the propaganda we’re being fed by the media that all black women want to get or be fat. I’m fat… not super fat, but fat enough, and I guarantee you that nobody in my family is encouraging me to get fatter nor stay this fat (I’ma size 16/18).

This article was about how our self esteem as adults and mothers affect the young minds around us, that are close to us. This article was not about “yay get fatter black women!”

By: Kelly

Kelly — Wed, 13 Jun 2012 16:54:07 +0000

Thank you. A wonderful piece. I have read studies it is more the father’s concepts of femaleness and beauty that women end up internalizing. I can’t speak to whether this is true or not. But I’ll say – anecdotally – my father’s attitudes were healthier and kinder about women, and my mother was less so – always on a diet, never good enough. I do take after him more, now that I’m older.

As always, you write wonderfully, and on important topics.