Five Steps to the Emotional Side of Going Natural
So you’re really going to do it. You’re going to do the “Big Chop.” Go natural. Embrace your inner afro in an outer most way. Marvelous. But before you tackle the final frontier of what your actual roots look like, prepare yourself for the wave of emotions you’re going to go through if this is your first time ever seeing what your real hair texture is.
If you’re one of the fortunate few who immediately fell in love and immediately found perfect workable hairstyles and a routine, that’s great. But you’re the minority. This post is for everyone else.
1. Throw away all preconceived notions! Before you let the relaxer go, you first need to let go of whatever you think your hair is going to look like once it grows out. If you’re going natural expecting your hair to grow out looking like Solange Knowles fro or Tracee Ellis Ross’s ringlets, divorce yourself of this notion now. No two heads of natural hair are ever alike. You may have more than one curl pattern in your head. Or your roots may curl up differently from your ends. Embrace the surprise because you are almost guaranteed to get one.
2. Acceptance. Did you take my advice on no. 1? You didn’t listen did you? It’s OK. Don’t feel bad if you have Natural Hair Shock Syndrome. For a segment of you, you will not take to your natural hair very well. You’ll start to wonder why you did this, but you’ll feel alone in your shame because to complain out loud will cause some judgmental people to say you’re a self-loathing, straight hair fetishist. You should ignore those people. Almost everyone goes through this: the initial shock of whatever your hair turns out to be once the strengtheners are gone. It’s just not popular to say “I had to learn how to love my hair.” But there are only two cures for Natural Hair Shock Syndrome. One of them is going back to your perms, wigs, and weaves. The other is number 3.
3. Experimentation! Your hair is an adventure you have chosen to embrace! Good for you. This is a magical time when you try different techniques and hairstyles and products and methods to find what works best for you. Like rocking the short cut, growing it out, molding loose curls with styling gel, using conditioners to make it curl up, trying locs, trying braids, trying two-stranded twists, trying twist-outs, blow-outs, and up-dos. Once you let go of any preconceived notions you can truly find what works best for you and have a lot of fun the whole way.
4. Confidence is your friend. If you go natural, you’re going to need lots and lots of confidence as sometimes people will make rude comments like, “You need a perm;” “Your hair looks nappy;” “You don’t have ‘good’ hair like Cousin So-and-So;” or “You’ll never get a man with those locs in your head.” Whether it is strangers or loved ones who say these things, you need to ignore them. By choosing to go natural you have chosen a path they still find strange and scary. While it may be best to ignore these folks, it’s always good to have a few comebacks in your arsenal. For instance, if you’re a God fearing woman, I suggest saying, “I am simply embracing the hair the Lord gave me rather than trying to perfect His perfection.” If not that, try any variation of these: “It’s a recession;” “It’s just hair;” “I’m not wasting $100 on a perm. That’s my new shoes money;” “If all a man cares about is hair, that’s a man I don’t want;” or “I lead an active lifestyle. I can’t afford to lose any training days for my decathlon because I can’t sweat out my hair.” But honestly, you don’t need the comebacks. You just need the confidence.
5. Be A Hair Ambassador, Not A Hair Bully. Once you’ve come full circle and are now a master of your curl domain, it’s important to not let your love turn into a love most foul and judging. Do not try to convert other women using the same judgmental tactics people used on you to bully you into getting a perm. No accusing women with perms, wigs and weaves of “hating themselves” when they’re just still doing what you used to do. Remember how you felt early in your hair journey. That nervousness. That frustration. The disappointment that your hair looked nothing like Lauryn Hill’s locs from 1995. Instead, focus on the positive. Be helpful with those who are curious about going natural. Celebrate your fellow afro people. Don’t waste your time getting into petty debates over what is better or easier. Focus on what was better or easier for you. Now go out and have a grand ol’ natural time.
Danielle Belton is the creator and editor of the blog blacksnob.com and has been natural since 2001. You can read more about her persona hair journey here, here and here.
5 steps…
how bout 3 words
“Just do it”
+1,000,000 to the infinity power
I really, really do not understand why Black women feel obliged to chop it all off instead of letting it grow in and cutting the relaxed part off later when it reaches a certain length. I loved this NYTimes Op-ed video, “Transition,” posted yesterday by Zina Saro-Wiwa that describes the movement, but there is no mention of women who like me transition without doing the big chop. Btw Danielle i really think Number 5 is important. It saddens me the stories I hear from relaxed women about the hate they receive. Not everyone is like that.
I think some people like to feel like they’re going all in when it comes to transitioning. I did both. I let the hair grow and had a pretty nice length of natural hair when I was ready to snip the dead hair off. However the next day my mommy came with the razor and buzzed me down.
I also agree that you should just do it. It’s okay to research till you think you’re an officially paid researcher for some hair company but it’s okay to just do it.
If you’re more low maintenance and don’t like braids and prefer low maintenance (like me), once your hair grows out to a certain length, the two textures start to look raggedy (and mine two textures were more alike than most). Also, after a while some people experience breakage where the relaxed hair ends and the natural hair begins- especially if wearing braids. I did a transition (1 1/2 years, not on purpose, just never made it to the salon) and when my hair was straightened after the cut it was chin-length, but once I washed it it shrunk down to about 2 inches or so- and I was not interested in being a slave to straightening my hair every week or so just to have length. Some women straighten their hair until it’s longer, but then they often complain of heat damage and end up having to cut the burned hair off anyway. It’s just the easiest way to have a head of healthy hair. Plus I think some women also go natural as a way to not measure their self worth or physical beauty by the texture or length of their hair. Having done it, I must admit that it is quite empowering to know that I can look just as good with short hair (before my haircut I had never had hair above my shoulders since I was 1 or 2!).
It’s not necessary to cut all of your hair off, it’s just more work not to- you’d be transitioning for years and it’s much easier to style hair that is either completely natural or completely relaxed- especially if your hair is long.
I can only speak for myself, but I chose to “chop” because length did not mean much to me. My hair had been relaxed for most of my life and I had no idea what my natural hair would look like. I preferred to start with short 100% natural hair and learn how to manage and care for it as it grew. Eight years later, i have mid-back length natural, beautiful hair. Every journey is different.
There’s a NYTIMES video on this? The NEW YORK TIMES? Are people THAT thirsty for attention?
It was easier for me to chop it all off. I had so much breakage when I attempted transitioning. Of course, I didn’t have access to transitioning bloggers/YouTube channels at the time.
@Anonymous, Transition is a short documentary by Zina Saro-Wiwa on the NY Times site:
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/06/01/opinion/black-women-and-natural-hair.html?_r=1#commentsContainer
@ everyone, okay, that makes sense. I dont think I have the head shape for cutting everything off!
@Anon, well that kind of goes back to Number 5 as I said before. The natural hair stuff (at least to me) is just about learning from others through the process. Even in the Wiwa documentary, she notes that it is more about helping other naturals see more natural images when mainstream media does not have those images. It was not about shame, just encouragement. Not everyone has the same experiences.
Ya’ll are raaaaaaaaaaaallllly doin’ the most on this natural hair business. I’ve DEFINITELY noticed the difference between women who were natural before the movie, and the one’s who were after it was made. Wooohooo chile! Some folks are doin’ the MOST. It’s not that serious.
I’m personally glad I was “natural” before a movie that had a nation wide release shamed a lot of women into going natural.
what do you mean?
what movie?
@df @alyssa Anon is talking about the Chris rock film Good Hair.
You can’t tell by my avi but I started my natural transition Last year. I just did the big chop in Dec myself. I was trying to do the whole let the relaxer grow out thing but I’m impatient and said F it! Let me chop it off and get it over with! The only time I was emotional is when I saw the big ass bald spot from the relaxer back in May of 2011. I cried all the way from the hair salon in Queens to my house in Brooklyn. Gladly my hair grew back since I transitioned. While these steps are helpful for some, My only steps would be to be confident and like someone stated earlier Just do it! oh and I totally agree with step five! I couldn’t mess with some of these natural hair forums because of that mess. It felt the movie “school daze” up it that jawn #ruinslives
These are great tips for going natural. I love being natural. Wish I had done it sooner and also wish I had learned how to take care of it sooner
I find being natural…very liberating. I would never turn back to relaxing my hair. I wish I never put that stuff in my hair from the beginning. I love my hair…and I don’t think anyone should feel insecure about letting it grow the way that God intended it to grow.