I’m Diggin’ You Like a Grave and Other Truly Awful Pick-Up Lines
Show of hands, ladies. How many of you have been minding your own business, walking down a street at midday, strolling through a grocery store, shopping at a mall or taking in an outdoor concert, when some (possibly well-meaning) man has tried to spit game? Emphasis on the word “tried.” This isn’t a piece about street harassment, though, heaven knows, some of the brothers who are guilty of what I’m about to discuss are guilty of that, too. No, this is about the exchanges that leave you doubled over in laughter, rather than ready to call the cops.
I’m talking about bad pick-up lines. They range from the old-school standards ( Girl, yo’ feet must be tired…) to the bossy and presumptive ( Girl, smile. I know it can’t be that bad….) to blatantly untruth ( I know you! … I don’t know you? Oh, you look so familiar, though…).
Look, I know it’s hard for men to work up the nerve to strike up conversation with women they don’t know. I know the odds are against them that they’ll get a real, working phone number, a fulfilling conversation, or a woman even willing to slow her hurried gait long enough to turn and acknowledge him. I’m sure I’m not the only woman who’s had this discussion with guys she knows and trusts. They have all kinds of reasons why they try “lines” instead of genuine, normal greetings and introductions: they’re nervous, they’re tongue-tied, they want to make us laugh, a truly creative line might work as an icebreaker. The list goes on.
But whatever their reasons, one thing’s for sure: Girl, are those astronaut pants? Because your booty is out of this world! ain’t likely to lead to a long-lasting relationship.
I asked my Twitter feed to kick me a few quick truly embarrassing (and equally hilarious) bad pick-up lines, and I got a few doozies I’d like to share:
1. “Your daddy must be a pimp cause you just b****-slapped my heart!” (@ismashfizzle, who is also credited with the “astronaut pants” gem above)
2. “Is your last name Gillette? Because you’re the best a man can get!” (@Cubanita)
3. “I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?” (@lolaelizabeth)
4. “I’m a thoroughbred, not a load o’ bread!” (@thembithembi)
5. “Are there mirrors in your pockets? Because I can really see myself in your pants.” (@mazzie)
6. “You must be 50% ass, girl!” (@thewayoftheid)
7. “Can I borrow your phone? I need to call my mom and tell her I met the girl of my dreams.” (@strong_cookie)
8. After handing over his phone number: “Ayo… I’m sorry, hun… You dropped this.” **smile like an idiot** (@iamdvsj)
What do you think? Would any of these work on you? Do you have a bad pick-up line that would trump all of these? Do you feel violated or harassed by pick-up lines? If so, is it all of them or specific ones that rankle you?
None of those would work on me, just as flattery doesn’t either.
It’s rare that guys use pick-up lines on me. Usually, I get a “How you doing, baby/sweetheart/shorty/gorgeous…” in a very lecherous tone.
Once while I was working and in training at a certain store, I had a guy ask me if I worked there. I told him that I did but that I was in training and may not be able to help him. This fool had the nerve to start telling me that he had seen me from across the room blah blah blah. He even asked me if I had a Facebook. I told him that he was being inappropriate and he had the nerve to look at me like I was the one out of line.
The Gilette one WOULD definitely work on me!! I LOVE pick up lines, although my aura says otherwise. They are corny, stupid, foolish, silly and all of that. But at the end of the day, I am not going to lie, if I am not having period crams, I will definitely smile or retort back!! Life for me does not revolve around getting intellectually/mentally stimulated. Educated, shit talkers are welcome. Just do NOT shit on Africa-that will have me going from 0 to 360 on yo azz int the blink of an eye!
None of those would work on me, just as flattery doesn’t either.
It’s rare that guys use pick-up lines on me. Usually, I get a “How you doing, baby/sweetheart/shorty/gorgeous…” in a very lecherous tone.
Once while I was working and in training at a certain store, a guy asked me if I worked there. I told him that I did but that I was in training and may not be able to help him. This fool had the nerve to start telling me that he had seen me from across the room blah blah blah. He even asked me if I had a Facebook. I told him that he was being inappropriate and he had the nerve to look at me like I was the one out of line.
None of those lines would work on me. It is actually not often that a guy uses a pick-up line on me. I usually get guys saying, “How you doing Baby/Sweetheart/Miss/Shorty” in a lecherous tone.
One time, a guy did use the, “I saw you from across the room…” line while I was at my job working.
How about “Excuse me can you stir your finger in my coffee? They ran out of sugar.”.
Ive used that one before and it was 50/50.
Yo, that one is LAME! Did it work fah real fah real?!
Depends on the woman, if she is interested she will over look a lame line and open the door for conversation.
that’s true!! Wish you nothing but success with that line.