Is She Really Going Out With Him? Reflections on Kimye

by Danielle C. Belton

We don’t know if Beyoncé and Kim are best-friends-forever or if Kim is someone Bey politely tolerates since she’s schtupping the friend of her husband, but for all who’ve been on that end of the “I hate your boyfriend/girlfriend” position as the friend/sibling/innocent bystander, the latter situation is highly familiar, so we project that.

But there is a point where this animus can’t be maintained. When we’re dealing with the various bags of crap our friends, sibling, neighbors date, people we greet with all the warmth of a cold sore, we have to accept something fundamental: We are not our friends and our friends are not us.

You may think those you love could, as Drake would warble, do better, but, obviously, they do not agree. And only time will tell who was right and who was wrong. I can attest, as a person who once loved someone everyone in my life despised, that there is a powerful “us versus the world” insatiable passion that can develop from someone telling you “NO! DON’T DATE THAT BOY!” over and over. The more others freak out, the closer you two become. Until you marry, half out of lust/love and half out of delicious spite. And as you take the gasoline of love, pour it over your head, light that match, and let the world watch you burn in your romantic mistake, you know it’s a bad idea, but you do it anyway because … what do they know about your life and love?

Resistance to Kimye is futile. As futile as it was when you fell for that tacky, jerky boy in the 10th grade, as pointless as when your parents hated that chick who’d already named your kids when you were only freshmen in college. As silly as the couple that got engaged on the first date and stayed married for 50 years despite all the chit-chit-chatter. We’re on the outside looking in. Nobody knows what happens in love but the two people going through it. I know what I want and need and what my friends and family would like for me. I also know I have a fatal attraction for stoic, angry people who claim not to like anyone but me. (They really mean they don’t like anyone including me, but they think if they say I’m the only one they like, I’ll be easier to manipulate.)

Who knows why these things happen and which ones will defy the odds and be together forever? It is what it is. People in love, like the rich, are not like us. It’s emotion, it doesn’t have to make sense. Love has its own backward logic.

Love is different.

  • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

    ?! Really! We gon try and rationalize these two media attention whores, with it being “love”?! Nah men! I refuse!

  • Anon

    Excellent writing. You’ve single handedly redeemed the quality of writing on this blog. Kudos.

  • my_reply

    Lol I like to see pictures of them cheesing. It makes me giggle because they look like such fake attention seekers especially Kanye.

  • Cosmic Mess

    I don’t know what everyone is up in arms about. Kimye was destined to be. They sincerely deserve each other. Thats a whole lt of self absorbed in one relationship though…..

  • Marisa

    You think if maybe I click my heels 3 times this broad,her entire family and the rest of the reality show trash would disappear

  • Paige

    Do you really honestly believe this is all love? Kanye has essentially lost his mind in terms of romance, which he seems to readily admit and the Kardashians will literally do ANYTHING to be famous and make some money. You can’t honestly tell me you think these two are in love. They, especially Kim are in love with money and attention. This is about press, publicity and certainly for Kim, making more money and desperately trying to extend her already expiring fifteen minutes.

  • Amber

    I dont see what everyone’s issue is. Kim Kardashian dates men with money so what. I would too in this economy. She falls in love fast and hard but let’s remember that she dated Ray J for years. She was with Reggie for years. After that she made some mistakes, especially that sham of a wedding. So she got ahead of herself and tried to rush her fairytale ending with that awful wedding That’s not a crime. Kanye has courted her (or tried) for a while and he finally got her! Yeah they clearly arent camera shy but that doesnt make them bad people. To me it seems like she is happy and enjoying herself. She looks more natural (less makeup,no extensions) and it makes me happy for her.

  • I don’t even see how Kanye is such a catch that people are so heavily questioning KIM’S worthiness (gender issues anyone?).

    I’m not the biggest Kim K fan by ANY stretch (especially after that marriage stint she pulled), but Black women seem to be really showing our asses with Kim K because the vitriol towards her is always so personal with us.

    Re-f*cking-lax.

  • YB

    Your realllyyyyyyyy need to get out of your little box and read The comments from Yahoo!, TMZ, and Perez Hilton then you will truly see hate for Kim. It’s not black women creating petitions to get her show off the air or throwing flour on her. It’s interesting how whenever Kim K is featured on a black website its always, “You angry black boards be jealous” card. It’s interesting and also tired. Do you research then come correct.

    Please and thank you.

  • or how about I just refer you to last night’s twitter session when Kim K tweeted a pic of the soul food she was cooking for Kanye, so you can see the smirks and “bish please” she received from sistas for it (from women who probably can’t even boil rice I might add). She tweeted a f*cking plate of food she was cooking for her man and got roasted. That shit is personal.

    Here’s your seat \___________

  • TWObyTo

    really they make a good couple similar personalities

  • Or how about I just refer you to last night’s session on twitter when Kim tweeted a pic of a (relatively delicious looking) plate of soul food she had made for Kanye and got roasted for it by (mostly) sistas? Simply for cooking Kanye some food.

    You are very welcome.

  • why aren’t my comments showing? #rude

  • YB

    Keep grasping for straws. You are really hard pressed to make it seem like nearly 20 million people are out to get Kim. I gave you valid examples, even an occurrence of Kim being ASSUALTED by a non-black woman and you are trying to compare that to people make fun of her because of her attempt to cook food that is not associated with her race nor culture. Please spare me. It seems you have more issue with black women then what some black women say about Kim.

    What you can do is take that seat you offered me, put it in a corner, sit in it and then think. Think long and hard, even though It’s something you don’t do regularly.

  • simplyme

    Wonderful article, but I just don’t buy their relationship to begin with. Love? Maybe…but not likely.
    And if their relationship is in fact legit…I never really thought Kanye was much of a catch to believe that his dating Kim K was dating down (despite being a fan of some of his older stuff). They both seem like two very narcissistic and self involved people..so maybe its a match made in heaven… or maybe (likely) they’re just having fun until one cheats/they get tired of each other. I think a better example for the topic is Alicia Keys and Swiss Beatz… with Alicia Keys being the “Kanye”.

  • lw

    Am I the only one who thinks Kanye is a gay man (or at the very least bisexual), and that this is all for mutually beneficial publicity?

  • http://www.myblackfriendsays.com myblackfriendsays

    I like them together. He’s a genius, she’s gorgeous. And even better, she has her own money. Kanye needs someone who likes him for him, not for his money or influence.

  • so what is the difference between the tmz comments you oh so kindly directed me to and the twitter comments I directed you to? Or how about just go through a typical necole bitchie comment section. You are trying to make it seem like I suggested that Kim ONLY gets flack from black women. if your comprehension skills were on par you’d realize that my argument only suggests that black women’s attacks on Kim K seem to come from a more personal place.

    Lol @ grasping at straws. I am about as pro-black woman as you can get, which is why I can call us out when we’re hatin for no apparent reason.

    that snide remark you just HAD to slip in there about soul food not being “her culture” and therefore she possibly can’t know how to make it for her man proves my point. Your bitterness is seething through.

    Have the best of days.

  • YB

    Lord this going back and forth with a nameless Anon who cannot argue a point and doesn’t even know what point she is arguing is tiring. I’m going to make this as simply and easy for you to understand so you can get it.

    1. There is no personal hate black women have for Kim K. One cannot have personal issues with someone without know them personally.
    2. You failed to mention the disdain other races have for, so it was you who made it seem that only black women hate Kim. (Funny how the one who cannot compose a paragraph without cursing wants to talk about writing skills.

  • YB

    3. I didn’t realise that stating that one is not of a a certain culture was a snide remark and makes me bitter black women. Pulled the “black women are jealous” card once again. Even when trying to prove someone wrong you show that they are right. Pathetic.

    4. And if cursing toward black women, calling us bitter just for speaking about a celebrity, and stating that we have gender issues make you a pro-black woman, and would hate to see what you as an anti black woman looks like. You clearly have issues.

    I will continue to have a nice day and pray you get the sense you are in such dire need for. Kthanx

  • vandcamp

    +1

  • http://gravatar.com/jameane Jame

    All that selfishness might workout perfectly for them. You can’t really have a fight if no one is listening.

  • http://gravatar.com/ladyhomespun Jamila

    Anyone who stops and thinks about if for a second will begin to see that Kim and Kanye are actually perfect for each other. Now that I’ve seen them as a couple I can’t even see them being with anyone else. Kim never looked right right Kris Humphries. Alexis was too much of a nice girl for Kanye and Amber Rose was too hard, but Kim strikes me as just right–someone who is right in between Alexis and Amber.

    It’s a match made in entertainment heaven.

  • http://gravatar.com/honeybfly1980 Isis

    I just can’t buy into them as a couple. Personally, I think she matched up well with Reggie but whatever. If she’s happy good for her

  • Natsai

    lol at ‘…’ and YB arguing about the exact same point!! both of yall r on the same pg. haters of all races hate kim k and when kim k posts soul food thts when black women go ham. but theres something for everyone to hate on kim k for so what r yall arguing about? which race hates her MORE? lol calm yourselves. maybe you two will play nice now that i can be your common blog enemy smh.

  • Natsai

    shes not using him for money but for status and relevance. still counts as messed up in my eyes. oorrr maybe they do like each other lol who cares, i got my own problems to figure out honestly

  • Quan

    @Jamila AGREE 100%

    And trust me…I’ve been a fan of Kanye’s since College Droput. None of his other chicks seem to fit like Kim K. The chemistry is obvious… but whether they’re in love or not… Who knows? Both of them are really screwed up individuals. What I don’t get is the obvious double standards. Everybody is “concerned” for Kanye, like he ain’t a grown-ass 35 year old man. Seriously…? All that kneegrow wants is a beautiful basic bish to show off, fulfill his fetish fantasies and tell him how great he is. And as a fan I can tell you …I feel like he’s the more damaged one in the relationship, despite his perceived “genius”. I’d be more worried for Kim K…yeah you can call her out for her ho shit since most of it has been documented for the world to see. But trust and believe..she ain’t got nuthin on Kanye Omari West where that is concerned. And that ain’t even half of it

  • Marisa

    I love how its just sistas who are so jealous of this ran through broad,if anything black women have stand for this chick and her family way TOO MUCH just not to be deemed a hater of her. Kardashian is useless like Paris Hilton is uselsess and her fame came from doing a white dude on tape, their all cut from the same trashy cloth. While black women are supposedly spewing hate you leave how big time WHITE Hollywood actors have called this chick and her family out. John Hamm,Edie Falco,Daniel Craig have called this chick and her family pointless. I say the same thing I here that I do on alot of black forums how many other white high profile people have gotten as much shine as this chick on black boards. If Kim and her other sister didnt have the rep for screwing famous brothas I doubt these black boards would feature her so freakin much, and sorry that to me aint enough to deserve all this coverage. She’s not the first white chick to do it or the last nothing she has done is so ground breaking except having the complexion of protection. As we know white tramps get mainstreamed while black ones dont.

  • briana

    They seem happy to me, they match each others fly and have similar interest. I hope it works out for the best

  • Trueletterson

    Look Kanye have become twisted and unbalance he have gotten worst sense his mother died, Kim is no better she just got pretty face and money! I am surprised you are surprise they don’t hide themselves, they are what we though they would be. Take a hint those two are not to be admired.

  • Ray

    check out illuminati music industry

  • jamesfrmphilly

    are they going to be allowed to reproduce?

  • http://gravatar.com/efueshe DD

    It’s soo sad that all of this Kim bashing is the epitome of male privilege. Isn’t it HILARIOUS that Kanye can glorify sex and basically use women as objects in every song but Kim is seen as the WHORE! But it’s the women that allow men to do that to them. Just like it’s the bullied that “allow” bullies to Isn’t is just titillating that Kanye is always cast as the “victim” in her dirty spidey web! What exactly is she looking for that she doesn’t have? Fame, has that. Money, has loads of that. Haters coming out of the woodwork, boonies and the cut? Yeah, that’s what she’s looking for. More hate honey! It’s also just freaking fantastic that everyone piles on her but nobody discusses the culture in which women are idealized as naked side parts? Yeah, but it’s her fault right. Not the millennium of women represented as property, being deemed ill equipped to vote, not valuable enough for their work to be deemed of equal standing with males, regarded as inadequate academically, and literally being valued only to procreate. Nope. It’s HER FAULT because she created the whole culture in which she gains fame in. OMG I’m JUST DYING OF LAUGHTER!

  • Black China Doll

    She learned to cook fhtat meal for Reggie.

  • ginnamarie

    People have GOT to stop obsessing over the whys and hows of this relationship. They’re together. it’s done. let’s move along

  • http://twitter.com/Clnmike Tonton Michel

    The more I read about the hate for Kim the more I root for her to win.

  • IT’S ME AGAIN

    you mean he doesn’t like ANYONE but his “QUENTESSENTIAL “GAY” MANSERVANT” That is!!! Or do you STILL BELIEVE they are just B-U-S-I-N-E-S-S PARTNERS?? (wink wink) LOL! MIMI IS THAT YOU GIRL??

  • Tyrone

    Black People

    Kim K is not getting any younger. She is not married, and has no children…The Clock Is Ticking! Yes, Kim has a fetish for blackmen, What’s New? She and Khloe are two peas in a pod. To stay relevant, she has to have a baller or athlete on her arm at all times, which is pathetic. I don’t see why any self-respecting brotha would marry her? She’s the kind of woman men sex and leave, not marry. For those who say that blackwomen envy Kim, Not So! How can sistas envy a whitewoman who’s trying to be like them?

  • ms_teacher

    finally, someone actually sees her as a normal person, capable of making mistakes!

  • ms_teacher

    THANK YOU!

  • ms_teacher

    me too.

  • ms_teacher

    people should stop hating on her for her mistakes–mistakes that a lot of us have probably made ourselves. we’ve just been blessed with the luxury of keeping our mistakes a secret, whereas k.dash’s mishaps are blasted all over the media.

    as for her only dating big-time celebs and athletes, can you really blame her? One, she’s a flippin celebrity, so she usually surrounded by them. do you really expect her not to be attracted to them? yea, right. i’m not the only one who dreams of marrying one celeb or another. she just so happens to be living the dream. lemme ask this question: if she married a garbage collector, who she be seen as a better woman then?

    as for her cooking some “soul food” for kanye, is it a crime for posting a pic of a delicious dish you have prepared for your “boo?” if so, handcuff me now. hell, there would not be a holding cell large enough to keep all of us criminals! and how are you so sure that kanye didn’t request this particular dish? he probably didn’t think she could do it…she proved him wrong!

    and lets really be honest with ourselves, i highly doubt that k.dash and fam really make a living from doing nothing. as a matter of fact, i’m pretty sure that they have a couple of biz ventures that they are currently into or pursuing. and even if they were making money doing nothing, so wat? they got lucky. many of you ppl would die for such an opportunity and wouldn’t think twice about it!

    all in all, we don’t know these people personally, just by what the tabloids layout for us. so who are we to judge the logistics of kanye and k. dash?

  • Dionne
  • Dionne

    Please get A LIFE!@ms.teacher

  • Joan

    Did Kim really change her look (tone down her makeup and dress more conservatively) for Kanye? If so, then she’s very insecure and desperate. A woman should change her look because she wants to do it for herself, not for a man. Anytime a woman lets a man dictate her look, that is a recipe for disaster. I mean, after that, where do you draw the line? My impression of Kim (even before Kanye) is that she has very low self esteem and that makes me feel sorry for her. I don’t care how rich she is…I feel sorry for her. Her mother is not very protective of her daughters at all; she’s a horrible example. People criticize Kim and her sisters, but their mother is the real problem. She would throw her daughters to a pit of lions if the price was right. In a way, she’s pretty much done that.

  • Leo the Yardie Chick

    All of this! Wow. It’s as if every on-line Black media outlet has a betting pool regarding these two, with all these Kimye articles being spawned daily. The news stream can’t be that slow, can it?

  • Leo the Yardie Chick

    They’re trying hard to make us care, though. Far too hard.

  • http://www.lifeasatrucker.com The Trucker

    why am I here and how did it happen? …..and then I commented, lol. Yous guys have a great day, got to go! lol

  • Anita N.

    Don’t leave Kanye out! I have sincerely never heard of anyone with a bigger ego than Kanye West. It’s unbelievable how inflated that head of his is. They do truly deserve each other, because no two other people in the entire world are as wrapped up in themselves as they are!

    And honestly, this Beyonce hanging out with Kim Kardashian thing makes perfect sense to me. They are both essentially beautiful people who are devoid of any real depth or personality- they were made for each other, too! Beyonce’s personality is “nice”…that’s it. She is incredibly boring and not very bright when you think about it. Sure, no one can deny her talent or her business savvy, but that does not a personality make. Same with Kim. Pretty face and body, a machine at generating attention and dolla bills, lacks a soul.

    Leave Kimye and Keyonce be…they all belong together.

  • Penny

    Do you really think that Beyonce and Kim hang? Whenever I see them together (it’s only been a few times), I think they must be together by default because of Jay and Kanye. As famous and talented as they are, I always feel like Jay-Z and Beyonce are regular, normal, but very successful people who tolerate Kanye because he’s so talented and they tolerate whomever he brings around because, well…that’s just part of it. It’s work. If I see a bunch of photos of all of them on vacation together, that’s different. Or if I see photos of Kim with Beyonce and Beyonce’s mom and the baby out shopping, that’s also different. I’ve only seen them at events together. And whenever I see Kim with Beyonce, I think, Kim is way, WAY out of her social league. Beyonce worked hard from the time she was a child and she’s truly talented. She fills arenas all over the world. Beyonce might come off as not the brightest bulb on the block, but she is definitely talented…and gorgeous. Kim is famous for having a dad who was OJ’s friend, a mom who was Nicole’s friend, a sex tape she made with Brandy’s little brother, a reality show, a huge wedding, a huge breakup and now being Kanye’s most recent companion. I say “most recent companion” because I have seen no real evidence of anything more than that. Even if she and Kanye were to get married, we all know that she will marry someone for show.

  • Nuck If You Buck

    It’s embarrassing how much I “know” about these two and how much strong opinion I have about them. I click on these damn articles, I turn it up when E! talks about them (what the hell am I doing watching E!?) I am not in the place I want to be physically, successfully or spiritually, but I’ve let this mess become part of my daily commentary.

    If I stop paying attention, THEY STOP BEING PAID, YO. Why is it so hard for me to do it, though? They put them everywhere, everywhere, everywhere and their pretty faces cast some kind of distracting shadow I cannot run from.

    Sorry, ya’ll, I had to put this out there. Maybe this will help me. Hell, this surely does feel like an addiction, at least for me. The first step is admitting you have a problem….

  • MsZMC

    Kim and Kanye aside.. I loved this article! It is so true that we all have that “type” that we know we isn’t good for us yet we want it so bad. And we all have that one person who everyone around us is telling us we shouldn’t be with.. and yes it does intensify the relationship.

    This is a very well written article about forbidden love. Thanks for actually writing something on clutch that didn’t sound like beauty shop talk.

    I still don’t support Kanye and Kim tho.. and yes this is coming from the “i know whats best for him” mentality lmao #shrugs

  • Cocochanel31

    You are hilarious! Love your writing style!

  • joan

    Win what exactly?

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