dv1387007As I glance at the hands moving ever so slowly about the face of my Gucci watch, carefully advancing my daily fortunes, I realize two things. Number one: Time never stops moving, even when some wish to halt the current in our steady yet progressive flow. And number two: Even as the promise of time goes, always sending our today into the luck of knowing a possible tomorrow, there still may be someone overhead who fails to realize the beauty in one’s growing older … our parents.

No matter how many calendar years of our lives that goes by, sometimes Mom and Dad may still treat us like we’ve never moved past the careless age of 16. For us, the time warp can feel as paralyzing as being revered as no more than a helpless toddler to our parents, stuck in the trike riding days of a kindergartner, when in reality we’re independently sitting behind 4 wheels and a V6 engine.

Anytime a suggestion is offered by anyone in life, you can rest assured the giver likely means well when it comes to giving an opinion. As for the aided words of continual input fresh from the advice pool of our ‘rentals, we understand those gentle suggestions usually don’t fall short from the arm span of them, either. They, too, mean well, even when we interpret it as unnecessary effort.

But on the flip side …

I’m all for the importance of raising your children well. In fact it’s a practice many have forgotten on a quest to get by as parents rather than go the extra distance. But when it comes to a mother or father constantly telling a 30-year-old what to wear or what not to do after midnight (if you get my drift), I question whether it’s necessary to try and raise an adult that is no longer a child.

From the crowding opinions on the state of our love life, to the constant arrows of unnecessary input tearing through the surface of our being, sometimes they come off as an overbearing coach rather than a cheerleader for celebrating our independence.

As we start to knock on the door of adulthood, the idea of still being treated in the way of a non-independent can sometimes be more of an annoyance than an enjoyable relief. That caring can feel like a parent who’s overstepped their child’s boundaries.

There is a beauty in progression, but an ugly tone to those who remain trapped in a Peter Pan existence. You have to let your adult children live and learn on their own, especially if their lives are moving in a proper direction. You can only hope you have instilled in them the proper information. Even if they’re constantly knocking on the door of trouble, you can’t fix a person or offer someone help who hasn’t asked for it. It’s a futile mission.

We do understand that Mom and Dad’s mentality to stay paternal and offer guidance is typically harmless; they’re merely dealing with the need to keep parenting. They hope to have an influence that will be celebrated as necessary rather than regarded as a burden. It keeps them from feeling like they’re on the outside looking in on the soul of their own creation.

But at some point, you have to let go.

Mom, Dad, remember this: Guidance is a beautiful thing and something every person desires at some point in his or her life. Nothing you’ve ever done has gone by unnoticed, and there’ll always be a respect for the extensions of love, care, and comfort you’ve given over the course of our lives. As long as you exist in our lives, whether it be in flesh or locked in a memory, you’ll always be more relevant than the masses, even when you think we’re growing apart.

But know this: Because you gave us one life to live, we ask that you trust our ability to move forward comfortably in an effort to live it. Clipping our wings doesn’t hinder our beauty, but rather it gives us a further reach, allowing us to go that extra distance.

 

{Editor’s note: This post is a part of the Best of Clutch series, where we highlight interesting posts from the past worthy of another read.}

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  • think i might email this to my mum

  • LemonNLime

    This was something I had to work out with my Mom. She is VERY religious and once I left for college, I stopped going to church regularly. When I finally got a job and was completely out of her pocket, I stopped going completely. I felt that I was fully taking care of my, especially financially so she had no right to have any say so on how I live my life because she wasn’t financing it.

    She had a hard time understanding that I am an adult making my own choices (that she didn’t agree with) so rather than moving on she decided to call me EVERY Sunday and berate me for not going to church. I got sick of it and finally stopped picking up the phone. Then she got mad about that! I was explaining the issue to a lady at work, who is a Mom, and she gave some really good advice. She explained that is is always going to be hard for Moms to let go, but what you need to do is sit down, tell her you love her and respect her choices but that you are an adult, and that your religious and personal life where no longer up for discussion.

    Sure enough I had the conversation with my Mom, she was taken back at first but she got it and finally stopped. When I go home out of respect for her I go to church. Last month she visited me and right before she came she started going on about how she wanted to go to a church that was 90 mins. from my house. I told her she was free to use my car (and put gas in it) but I was not going anywhere. She asked me to at least think about it. When she finally arrived, she told me not to worry about it because she was staying in my home and out of respect to me, if I didn’t want to go to church she wouldn’t push it. I was wicked surprised but happy she finally got it.

    • chiomzie

      @lemonnlime
      i am really happy your mother tried to understand you and give you the respect your age deserves. my mum not at all, i am 33yrs and she still wants to control, everything from the way i dress to my boyfriends to when i come home(our last fight on this time issue happened because i came home at 9pm after leaving at 4pm, smh, her reason for butting in is because she is my mother, shes older & has experienced life more than me, and, so knows more, smh. i am all out of the strength of trying to reason with her. maybe she will listen one day, i sincerely hope so.

  • Biba

    Oh my goodness, this is SO appropriate for my parents right now. ESPECIALLY my mum. It’s particularly challenging as an adult who has had to move back home after getting a job in their city post-grad. I hear they call us the “boomerang” generation or something.

  • This is something I continue to deal with. I will be 30 next year and my mom (mostly) still treats me like I am 16 sometimes. I appreciate the fact that she is still looking our for me, however it does tend to bother me a lot. I wish mothers would “chill” and let us live our lives. They raised us right and they should respect the decisions we make.