What those activists were going up against was a system that had a particular set of expectations from women, and another set of expectations from men. Women were expected to stay at home, cook for the family, make sure the man was content, etc. Men were supposed to make enough money to feed everyone, protect the family, be the main enforcer of child discipline, etc. These roles were carried further in this system to say that an extension of protecting women was to participate in a set of small courtesies, like opening car doors, pulling out dinner chairs, that sort of thing. In turn, women were to make sure they took care of their looks, had dinner ready when their husbands got home, all that. Then the activists said, “Hey, listen up. We think your system is stupid. We are smart and responsible enough to vote. We do just as much work, and there is no basis for paying men more to do the same thing. We want to abandon your system, and we want to prove that we really are equal.”

In abandoning and replacing that system, women also must come to terms with the fact that if they don’t want to be stuck in a kitchen or at a secretary’s desk by default, then they should also expect the courtesies extended to women under that patriarchal system to disappear. If anything, those courtesies stem from a male desire to be needed. On a deep, unacknowledged layer, they allow the man to feel like he is completing something weak – perpetuating the idea that women are prim, prissy, and fragile. If women still want those courtesies to be extended to them simply because they have a vagina and breasts, they should also be ready for the forms of discrimination that say that those breasts and that vagina should bar them from the voting booth. Holding the door for someone is a courtesy, as is giving up a chance at a empty seat. If the rest of the patriarchal system is out the door, then those actions should and must become unhinged altogether from gender. I realize that it may seem as if I am saying that voting and holding a door are similar things – I’m not. But I am saying that the system that said women couldn’t vote is also the system that said men should hold doors open for them.

In case you haven’t guessed yet, I am a man. I hold doors open all the time for people. It’s a courtesy that I enjoy giving to everyone, not just women. Saying that women are equal doesn’t mean that men should stop holding doors open for women; it means they should stop holding doors open *simply because* they are women. On their part, women should stop expecting that kind of courtesy *simply because* they are women. Your vagina is not some magical door-opening contraption, and a penis is not some kind of ticket into the voting booth. Equal is equal, and courtesy should be based on humanity, not gender.

Basically, Ms. Harris’s complaint is simply dressed up nostalgia for one of the few bright spots in a societal order that would have brought with it a host of conditions far more infuriating than the loss of an empty subway seat.

  0

I will open doors,give up seats for anyone. Having manners mean you will extend it to everyone. Its just the kind of man I am,so its not something I
do for show or because a woman is attractive. Even though I live in ohio,Im from dc and am very familiar with metro. I dont see any difference when im riding the train in toronto,dallas or the buses in columbus,minneapolis or
dallas. Having manners isnt gender specific,so one can’t just point out what men arent doing. I see women all of the time,not give up seats pregnant women,the elderly or men. It seems to only be an issue when a man doesnt do it. If you are not the exact opposite of what you complain about,then you should get some manners.

  0

  0

  0

*Im in love with hip hop*

sigh

never mind

  0

  0

  0

I wonder if he would have allowed a white woman to sit.

  0

  0

I wonder if women will be allowed to box men in the upcoming Olympics?

  0