Stop Staring. My Eyes Are Down Here
Maybe I hate myself. Maybe I really hate you. Maybe I use my hair to make up for my dress size and my flat feet. Maybe I do want to be white. There. You’ve figured it out. Maybe I’m lazy. Maybe I’m not as enlightened as I should be. Maybe my eloquence is misplaced. Maybe I’m one of those about whom Harriet Tubman spoke—one of those slaves who could have been freed had she known she were a slave.
Maybe you’re right. Maybe you’re not. I haven’t worked out the kinks. And you don’t get to do that for me. But there is nothing more I would love to say to you right now than this: Get out of my hair.
I’m talking to some of you natural-haired wonders. Not all of you. Just the ones who feel the freedom that comes in wearing your hair the exact way it grows out of your head affords you the liberty to shame and cast judgments on me. Me. The weave wearer. The one with the standing relaxer-and-style appointment. The one who owns more wigs than socks. The one who straightens her hair with a flat iron, careful to keep its smoldering clamps from getting too close to my brown skin (which I love, by the way).
Most of you don’t care what I do. There are those who don’t think twice about it. There are those who respect my choice. They used to make the same choice I do. And maybe one day, again, they will. Maybe they have never made the choices I have made. I’m never made to feel lost, less enlightened, less sophisticated, less beautiful, or any less myself. I just am. Weave, wig, relaxer, hot comb, or not.
This is for those who regard me with pity, those who feel a responsibility to help me cross over, as if I endeavored to cross over in the first place. As if there’s some sort of self-love holy land to which the freedom of natural hair is the only ticket. It’s funny how, in said freedom, we resign ourselves to being divisive. How can we embrace shirking traditional standards of beauty, and yet oppress each other with our diagnostic judgments and unsolicited assessments of value and self-worth?
You don’t get to do that.
Now if I ask you how you did it, if I admire it, if I want you to guide me, do it with all the zeal of offering me a new dinner recipe. Do it as if you’re excited because it tastes great, but you couldn’t really care less what I’m eating tonight. Don’t get all enthusiastic about trying to fix me.
You don’t get to do that.
As much as I want to say it’s just hair, it’s not. It’s never been. It’s political around company. We ignore that it’s even more political among ourselves. That you think your hair elevates you says so. That I feel guilty for not partaking in the natural hair revolution says so. Perhaps this revolution all dressed in self-love needs to wear different, more inclusive clothes.
In loving yourself, I just ask that you let me be and love me anyway. So please, stop staring. My eyes are down here.
I happen to be natural by choice…my sister gets perms by choice..we have a right to make a choice about out hair…many cannot judge on either side…most natural wearers had a perm at some point…It really is what is in your heart not on your head, as cliche as that may sound..it is true…good morning A.M :)
Eh. The only folks who tend to be all crazy about natural hair and shaming people have usually been natural less than 3 years. Or basically, went natural after a certain movie came out and felt shame themselves. Bump them.
Agreed..I can’t say Ive run into “zealots” but I have run into a lot of “know it alls” and they have been “natural” for no time. Like a fad, this new wave of naturalistas has renewed itself, reasons different from the past of course, but now its intensified 10 fold with the urban blogging, and now medias inflated attention of natural celebrities. Now all the sudden everyones an expert. I don’t know how often I am quoted something from some blog about someones natural journey…YAWN…I didn’t hear ANY of this when I cut all of my hair off almost 10 years ago. Its not until the past 3/4 years or so that I would have people approach me asking if I got this from this persons blog, do what this person does on that blog, copied what this celebrity did to their hair on this webpage, and some even had the gaul to SUGGEST I go to this/that persons blog to LEARN how to shampoo my locs?? LEARN? Are you serious? Woman are enthusiastic about their hair, which is awesome, but that enthusiasm somehow gets to some women’s egos, and enthusiasm can quickly turn into chauvinism. I enjoyed this article. As a woman whose hair has been natural for almost 10 years, I can understand this writers frustration on several levels. I have sistas who have perms, wear weaves and wigs, and tell me about their schooling on “natural hair” from their co-workers and associates with natural hair….Its got to be frustrating. But then I, who have been natural for so long, have been questioned and judged, but always, and not shockingly, by someone else’s “natural” standard of beauty. Its the same deal with the women who still look at me funny, and shake their head, just BECAUSE I have locs. (Like the older black woman who told me my hair looks like a head full of snakes..yikes!) Frankly, it doesn’t bother me anymore. Ive experienced this on both sides enough over the years, that now I just politely listen, and move on with my day. I still love talking about HAIR with anyone who approaches me about my hair. Its always humbling because I love my hair and Black hair, and thats what that counts :)
oh..
…articles like this really make you believe there is an army of natural nazis out there. Before I went natural, I never met them; now that I’m natural, I still haven’t met any. Where are these natural hair zealots, trying to convince relaxed sistas that they hate themselves?!
I only pay attention to someone’s hair if it’s really busted, or really nice. If you’re walking around with 14 inches of yaki *like everybody else* NO one is paying attention to you. Trust.
I know! I do not personally know of these natural nazis. I always meet ppl who are judgmental of my natural hair. I had one ‘church’ person tell me that no one in their right mind would want my texture of hair.