The Morning After: No Phone Call, No Text — Was It the Sex?
The morning after you’ve had sex with someone for the first time can be one of the most sobering moments of the day: What may have once been a hazy, shrouded-in-candlelight night has come to harsh, blinding, clear light in the morning.
And far too often, it has signaled an end, a one-night affair, an escapade. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
It can also be a beginning, a reaffirming moment, an incredibly tender awareness that you’ve found the mate of your dreams.
The morning after you and a homey/lover/friend have done it, are there signs that indicate a hint of the future?
Is there any promise after the pleasure?
Somehow in human relationships, we’ve missed a step: There’s no after-sex protocol that two people have to follow.
Once you hook up, and it’s not what you thought it was, or you simply did something you don’t think you should have, there’s got to be a way to communicate that and keep your shirt.
The sexes have different ways of dealing with the Morning After, for sure.
Many women can pick up on a quickie just by the way the partner is acting the next day. Did he hastily jump up and go to work (or somewhere else)? Did he linger in the afterglow of the experience, holding you delicately and not wanting to leave? Did he cook you breakfast?
What do the signs mean?
Mika Britt of Atlanta thought she knew.
“Me and this ‘friend’ of mine became intimate one night … and the next morning, the next day, I was expecting a call,” she said.
It never came.
After the experience, Mika was wondering whether he did as well.
“Needless to say, it was over,” she said.
Just like that.
To be sure, the Morning After can present potholes for your self-esteem. But you don’t have to let a mystifying love encounter dampen your perspective about yourself. Lay the foundation the Night Of, not the Morning After. While these foundations don’t have to be set in stone, they do need to be poured in quick-drying cement.
Does he really want to be with you? Is this just a fleeting moment?
Roberta Flack said it best with her 1972 version of “Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?”
Is this a lasting treasure
Or just a moment of pleasure?
Can I believe the magic of your sigh…
Will you still love me tomorrow?
If he has to jet shortly after being with you and doesn’t call or text you that day, it is safe to assume something is wrong. With him. Not you.
Understandably, many women jump to conclusions when a night of passion is followed by deafening silence: “It wasn’t good?” or “Was this just about the sex?”
And while it’s entirely possible he may have viewed it simply as an opportunity to hook up, take heed. He may be just as scared and uncertain as you are. Men are not the know-it-all creatures they are assumed to be, certainly not in new relationships or those that have been taken to another level. For many men, how the woman reacts (Will she call? Does she even want to be together?) is just as crucial to the future contact.
The thing that goes through the man’s mind is mightily similar to what goes on in the mind of the woman: “Was last night a repression of my inner-most self, unleashed ever so briefly?” or “Was that the darkside of ‘Me’?”
The truth is, nobody, not you and not him, is quite sure. And that’s okay. Communication is a two-way thing. If he doesn’t call, call him. If she doesn’t hit you up the next day, take the initiative. You’ll likely be glad you did.
And just think: The Morning After will pass, then the night, and then a brand new day.
Am I missing something here? He didn’t call because you mean nothing to him. If you sleep with a guy who has made no commitment to you, why are you expecting a call? I don’t understand?
Here’s a little life Lesson: Yes there is a thing called Common Courtesy but remember Courtesy ISN’T always Common; some men may call/text the morning after and some may not and unless you two had the “Commitment Talk” prior… why are you having hurt feelings?
I have no hurt feelings. I think too many women are naive about the way men operate.
@Chloe
I have no hurt feelings. I think too many women are naive about the way men operate.
Because some of these women are desperate. And being desperate in a “relationship” often leads to one-sided confusion.
right! lol these women are really selling themselves short and making it seem like they’re sexually liberated… yet they feel bad afterwards.
quit having sex with strangers! it’s sad that “don’t talk to strangers” has gone completely out the window and its now acceptable by society to have sex with somebody you just met. these same women cry and ask for sympathy when they get pregnant by this “fling” or catch a disease.
the best thing is the stop having sex with people who don’t care about you… aka people who don’t know you. SMH such stupidity from these so called “grown ass women”
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLMAOOOOO!!
iLUV it! The avi-the bulldog, makes your post even more succinct!
I have never had this problem and I am not a freak between the sheets type lady. I have never had a one night stand, it takes me while to relax around a man before I can open my legs. I have talked on the phone and or dated a man for months sometimes years before I open my legs.
I think women should make sure the man has “put in work” and become attrached so that they can avoid being the hit it and quit it girl.
The quickest I have ever sleep with a man was a month to the day of knowing him. Chile why did I do that? His balls stuck out further than his di*k did and he “finished” within 5 minutes, twice within one hour WTF?
NO, I don’t think most women have any idea if they are tight or loose down there.
I tell you what, I saw a woman use her vagina to smoke a thin cigarette in Amsterdam. A woman with a snatch that tight can survive anything, recession or nuclear disaster be damn. She totally sold me on the importance of kegel exercises.
Love the article And most of all the responses.