82721629The morning after you’ve had sex with someone for the first time can be one of the most sobering moments of the day: What may have once been a hazy, shrouded-in-candlelight night has come to harsh, blinding, clear light in the morning.

And far too often, it has signaled an end, a one-night affair, an escapade. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

It can also be a beginning, a reaffirming moment, an incredibly tender awareness that you’ve found the mate of your dreams.

The morning after you and a homey/lover/friend have done it, are there signs that indicate a hint of the future?

Is there any promise after the pleasure?

Somehow in human relationships, we’ve missed a step: There’s no after-sex protocol that two people have to follow.

Once you hook up, and it’s not what you thought it was, or you simply did something you don’t think you should have, there’s got to be a way to communicate that and keep your shirt.

The sexes have different ways of dealing with the Morning After, for sure.

Many women can pick up on a quickie just by the way the partner is acting the next day. Did he hastily jump up and go to work (or somewhere else)? Did he linger in the afterglow of the experience, holding you delicately and not wanting to leave? Did he cook you breakfast?

What do the signs mean?

Mika Britt of Atlanta thought she knew.

“Me and this ‘friend’ of mine became intimate one night … and the next morning, the next day, I was expecting a call,” she said.

It never came.

After the experience, Mika was wondering whether he did as well.

“Needless to say, it was over,” she said.

Just like that.

To be sure, the Morning After can present potholes for your self-esteem. But you don’t have to let a mystifying love encounter dampen your perspective about yourself. Lay the foundation the Night Of, not the Morning After. While these foundations don’t have to be set in stone, they do need to be poured in quick-drying cement.

Does he really want to be with you? Is this just a fleeting moment?

Roberta Flack said it best with her 1972 version of “Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?”

Is this a lasting treasure
Or just a moment of pleasure?
Can I believe the magic of your sigh…
Will you still love me tomorrow?

If he has to jet shortly after being with you and doesn’t call or text you that day, it is safe to assume something is wrong. With him. Not you.

Understandably, many women jump to conclusions when a night of passion is followed by deafening silence: “It wasn’t good?” or “Was this just about the sex?

And while it’s entirely possible he may have viewed it simply as an opportunity to hook up, take heed. He may be just as scared and uncertain as you are. Men are not the know-it-all creatures they are assumed to be, certainly not in new relationships or those that have been taken to another level. For many men, how the woman reacts (Will she call? Does she even want to be together?) is just as crucial to the future contact.

The thing that goes through the man’s mind is mightily similar to what goes on in the mind of the woman: “Was last night a repression of my inner-most self, unleashed ever so briefly?” or “Was that the darkside of ‘Me’?”

The truth is, nobody, not you and not him, is quite sure. And that’s okay. Communication is a two-way thing. If he doesn’t call, call him. If she doesn’t hit you up the next day, take the initiative. You’ll likely be glad you did.

And just think: The Morning After will pass, then the night, and then a brand new day.

  • http://itsoftenbeensaid.wordpress.com Sasha

    This is an interesting perspective and even though this is a woman’s site I’m glad to see a man take on this subject matter. Women are told so many conflicting things- act like you don’t care/ be an ice queen so he doesn’t think you’re clingy but at the same time show affection and cater to him so you won’t lose him to another woman, etc. While this advice may be coming from a good place I think its best to follow your first instinct and intuitions but if you need to hear the words from him to just call and be honest. Its so much easier and less mentally taxing to just come out and ask/ be yourself instead of playing mind games and driving yourself crazy.

  • http://Facebook.com/unlockedlovers Mary Wright, NYC Matchmaker

    This article doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface. As a matchmaker, who has interviewed thousands of men, I’ve noticed that what men say in PRIVATE is far different than what they say in PUBLIC. In my experiences with my male clients, the problem is simple. Women sleep with men before cementing the friendship and that makes it easy for a man to pull away afterwards.

    Ladies, before you slept with him, did you meet his best friend? Do you know any of his co-workers? Have you met any of his family members? If you can’t answer positively to a few of these questions, then it’s too soon to sleep with him because you haven’t made a REAL connection. I also don’t agree with calling him after sex if he hasn’t called you first. At best, send a text or email message but let him call you. If he doesn’t, again, it’s because you never really made a connection or any lasting memories. Take it slower with the next guy.

  • Marisa

    Its not that complicated I notice that when a dude is putting on woe moves so he can get it in, they have all the time in the world stay blowing up phones,a gang of texts back and forth even during so called busy times like work, etc. Then after he’s accomplished whatever all of a sudden that same hectic schedule he had before now becomes such a problem were he cant even return a text or call send an email whatever. Guys send the message loud and clear and alot of women choose to ignore it. I think its all about control they go right to their boys talking about getting a chick sprung if she calls or if he dont call how he handled his. I give you 72 hours and I chuck the deuces and really I think the 72 hours maybe generous, because we know me are on to the next chick. So I will no longer twist up my nerves doubting myself, my motto is if you want to talk to me you would you. Thats all I will do I’m not some teenager that has spare time waiting by some phone OMG is he like totally gonna call why doesnt he wanna call. I just think women give men way too much power over them STOP IT

  • Me

    I slept with a guy Sunday and I regretted it as soon as I woke up Monday morning. I dipped out without waking him and when he sent me a txt to ask if it was a one night stand I had to tell him the truth and say yes. Sometimes we just make mistakes and it isn’t that deep.

  • Pulseguy

    If you’re having sex with a man and you don’t know what his response will be the next day you’re having sex with him way too soon.

  • Overseas_honeybee

    . Exactly. Casual sex causes more problems then it’s worth. Confusion being the biggest one.

  • http://gravatar.com/sholla21 sholla21

    Am I missing something here? He didn’t call because you mean nothing to him. If you sleep with a guy who has made no commitment to you, why are you expecting a call? I don’t understand?

  • OSHH

    ITA with both comments. So not worth it!!!

  • Me

    @pulseguy Perfect summation!

  • http://www.interracialdatingcoach.com/ Zabeth

    Cosign! This is excellent advice.

  • http://www.interracialdatingcoach.com/ Zabeth

    Cosign! This is great advice!

  • Chloe

    Here’s a little life Lesson: Yes there is a thing called Common Courtesy but remember Courtesy ISN’T always Common; some men may call/text the morning after and some may not and unless you two had the “Commitment Talk” prior… why are you having hurt feelings?

  • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

    LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLMAOOOOO!!

    iLUV it! The avi-the bulldog, makes your post even more succinct!

  • http://gravatar.com/sholla21 sholla21

    I have no hurt feelings. I think too many women are naive about the way men operate.

  • http://gravatar.com/nolakiss16 binks

    So agree with you and Overseas_honeybee! This sounds like to much work and to many game playing to see where you two stand when that should already be established before you hit the sheets.

  • http://gravatar.com/sholla21 sholla21

    @Chloe
    I have no hurt feelings. I think too many women are naive about the way men operate.

  • MySister’sKeeper

    Exactly! The problem lies with both parties, not just the men.

  • http://gravatar.com/sholla21 sholla21

    Exactly.

  • MySister’sKeeper

    Because some of these women are desperate. And being desperate in a “relationship” often leads to one-sided confusion.

  • http://gravatar.com/chanela17 chanela17

    right! lol these women are really selling themselves short and making it seem like they’re sexually liberated… yet they feel bad afterwards.

    quit having sex with strangers! it’s sad that “don’t talk to strangers” has gone completely out the window and its now acceptable by society to have sex with somebody you just met. these same women cry and ask for sympathy when they get pregnant by this “fling” or catch a disease.

    the best thing is the stop having sex with people who don’t care about you… aka people who don’t know you. SMH such stupidity from these so called “grown ass women”

  • http://beautyinbaltimore.blogspot.com BeautyinBaltimore

    I have never had this problem and I am not a freak between the sheets type lady. I have never had a one night stand, it takes me while to relax around a man before I can open my legs. I have talked on the phone and or dated a man for months sometimes years before I open my legs.

    I think women should make sure the man has “put in work” and become attrached so that they can avoid being the hit it and quit it girl.

    The quickest I have ever sleep with a man was a month to the day of knowing him. Chile why did I do that? His balls stuck out further than his di*k did and he “finished” within 5 minutes, twice within one hour WTF?

  • http://beautyinbaltimore.blogspot.com BeautyinBaltimore

    @ ME- What happened? Was the guy a dud? I bet if he worked the middle with plenty of Devlin Weed level licky licky, you would have hired a U-haul and moved your stuff in the next day LOL. Talking to your girls Nene and nem, naming your future kids with dude.

    first daughter’s name “Des-la’me”

  • http://beautyinbaltimore.blogspot.com BeautyinBaltimore

    NO, I don’t think most women have any idea if they are tight or loose down there.

    I tell you what, I saw a woman use her vagina to smoke a thin cigarette in Amsterdam. A woman with a snatch that tight can survive anything, recession or nuclear disaster be damn. She totally sold me on the importance of kegel exercises.

  • Curtis – chase southwest visa

    Love the article And most of all the responses.

  • Alina

    Some times I think the internet is my best friend cause you are right on the mark with your answer. Make the guys work and develop an attachment. Don’t live in regret just move on until you find a good man!

  • Rock Style

    Well I think it’s really a bit more simple than people expect. I meet a nice woman somewhere and I want to see if things will work. I am looking for an LTR, a one night stand is not my goal. We have dinner, get along great, she is intelligent, fun, and attractive. At this point I want to have sex and see how the electricity is between us. If the sex was terrible we don’t call back, why would we? Are we supposed to get into a relationship where the sex is terrible right from the start? Not going to happen.

    I think most men are very sexually driven. If the sex was great we are far more likely to call back. I am a fairly social guy, into a lot of things and make friends easily. I think most of the guys I know would agree with this. When we are hanging out around the camp fire or doing whatever sport, the subject of woman and sex is a regular topic. Women good at oral sex are at the top of our list. But any one of those magazines you read will tell you that.

  • Me

    …But a woman calls once and sends a text and still doesnt get a response, is heart breaking. Especially, if the man reassured all of her fears..

  • Cindy

    >>>If he has to jet shortly after being with you and doesn’t call or text you that day, it is safe to assume something is wrong. With him. Not you.

    Wrong!!! If a man truly wants a woman, he will wait for sex. Today so many women open their legs to attract a man and get ‘humped and dumped’. Uh, that’s THEIR fault, not the man’s. Simple rule: If he won’t wait, don’t date…period. It’s a giant, red, flashing sign too many women are willing to ignore and they scream bloody murder when they get burnt when it’s actually their fault…

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