Too Fat For Fun: How Screwed Up Body Images Keep Us From Enjoying Life
Recently fashion blogger and MTV “Twitter jockey” Gabi Gregg stirred up quite a bit of attention for writing about wearing a bikini. While fat.
Said Gregg:
“I love my body. I think we should reject these fashion rules about what we are and what we are not allowed to wear … We have to be happy with the bodies that we have right now.” Gregg added that she is not trying to lose weight but is promoting a healthy lifestyle. “You can be any size and be happy with your weight, and that doesn’t mean you’re not practicing healthy habits,” she said.
Photographed on vacation in her two-piece, she encouraged other women to post pictures of themselves – regardless of their shape – in bikinis and it was refreshing. Some concern trolled about weight and health, but ignored the fact that a lot of women, even thin women, don’t wear bikinis because they don’t feel they possess what the tabloids call a “bikini body.”
Ah, the “bikini body.” That ethereal thing where everyone, suddenly, is supposed to look like a swimsuit model or a Hollywood starlet or a freshly sunned Kardashian – instead of their bony, lumpy, awkward selves. It’s where we apply an impossible standard on a situation where we shouldn’t even give a crap.
But most importantly, the pursuit for the “ideal” keeps us from actually enjoying our life in the moment.
How many times have you or someone you’ve known forgone pleasure because we felt we didn’t deserve it for some superficial reason? Where most simple parts of living are now “rewards” only for those who have the right “look” to obtain them? Where you can’t get married unless you drop the weight for the wedding, or you can’t go to the beach this summer if you don’t get into a certain shape, or that you can’t buy new clothes or start dating again unless you go down or up a dress size?
And how often does this – what we think will be motivation – turn into de-motivation at doing anything. Often saying “I’m not going to do so-and-so until I look this certain way” really means, “I’m never doing that at all because I don’t deserve it.”
What you end up doing is avoiding something fun because you’re worried about someone else’s judgment of your body when it’s really your own judgment and notions that’s truly holding you back. It sounds crazy when you say it out-loud. But that’s how a lot of us think. And we were encouraged to think this way by a society that puts women’s bodies up for critique – whether it’s Beyonce, Angelina Jolie, or your next door neighbor.
After all, if the so-called “most beautiful women” in the world can’t avoid ridicule about weight loss, muscle tone, facial structure, and hair – how can you?
Being a woman means your body is always up for discussion. Fat, thin, fit – there’s no way to escape it. You have the choice to ignore it and live your life as you see fit, or you can waste valuable time fretting about how you look instead of just enjoying whatever is the actual task at hand.
You can worry about fitting into the wedding dress, or you can look forward to the excitement of the day and the life you’re building together with your partner. You can relish in professional opportunities, go on vacations, and focus on the fun, or you can agonize over whether you “deserve” that fun because when you have it, your hiking, beach, or sight-seeing trip won’t look like a Vogue-ready fashion spread.
You can take photographs of your memories or avoid all photos out of fear of seeing only the “fat” and not all the fun you had.
I don’t know how many times I’ve worried if I wasn’t having the “right” kind of love or dating life because of my weight fluctuations. That maybe I didn’t “deserve” love because I was “fat.” Never mind that I had friends and co-workers heavier than me who had found love, gotten married, and started families. It didn’t matter if there was evidence all around me of people enjoying their lives. I was fixated on my weight and my worth instead of just focusing on being happy. It took me a moment to realize – as I pined over older, thinner pictures of myself – that I wasn’t any more confident when I was smaller than I was now. No changes to the outside truly changed what was going on inside.
My insecurities didn’t really come from my size but from my anxiety about being accepted. Even if weight was removed from the equation, I would just replace my fears about fatness with my fears about not being “lovable” or being too needy or being too brainy or worrying about if I was pretty enough.
I needed to fix what was wrong with my heart before I could tackle being out-of-shape. Because fat, fit, or thin, I wanted to be able to enjoy my life. What’s the point of sweating and working your way to fitness only to still be oppressed by thoughts of inadequacy, worrying what others think.
Have your fun and be healthy too. Or not. A good life isn’t a reward for being a size 6. You can have a good or bad life at any size. Why choose a self-imposed misery if there’s something you can do about it? Why sit on the sidelines of your life waiting to be “changed?”
Why not just change your thinking and get in the game?
The idea that a woman has to be super thin is definitely a screwed body image mentality. However, so is the notion that being overweight and obese is somehow a healthier one.
I’m as saddened for a women lugging around 50 lbs of unnecessary weight as I am for those who need to eat few burgers.
“I’m as saddened for a women lugging around 50 lbs of unnecessary weight as I am for those who need to eat few burgers.”
+1
Both extremes are unhealthy.
If you’re not happy with your weight you can get a weight to make you happy. Just work on it!
You miss the point of the post. The idea is to stop hiding from the world because you are not what they want you to be. Should people work on getting fit? Of course, but that is a long, hard journey. Healthy weight loss doesn’t occur overnight. What should people do in the mean time? Stay in their house and wear moo moos for the next year and a half? Why shouldn’ they be allowed to enjoy their lives? Becuase society keeps telling them they are ugly, or disguising their disgust as concern for health.
I completely agree with Gabi. This self-hate needs to stop. Stop feeling bad that you don’t look like your favorite model. Your time will come, but in the mean time, ENJOY this life. Go out and see the world, and let people see you in it. It could all end tomorrow, and how sad would it be if you had wasted so much of it waiting for the right moment.
While I think its wonderful she feels so comfortable with herself to wear a swimsuit, especially a bikini, at her size (because I most definitely wouldn’t) I really think we should get away from telling people that they can/ should be happy/ healthy at any size. That is a lie, irresponsible and wreaks of denial. I only hear fat/ bigger say that and its very telling.
100% disagree. You should be happy at any size. You only get one body, the one you have. If you put life on hold because you can’t accept they way you are today, yo are missing out. It doesn’t matter if you are size 2, size 6, size 12 or size 22.
Most women have body image issues, whether thin, overweight, or average, and many stop living until they look “acceptable.” This is a fallacy that you need to look a certain way in order to live.
Life happens whether you are at your “ideal” weight or not, so you should embrace what you have today.
Except that it actually IS possible to be happy and healthy in a larger body, particularly if you exercise regularly.
One study found that a quarter of healthy weight people have at least two cardiovascular risk factors, while half of overweight and a third of obese people are healthy by metabolic measures. Source: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/19/health/19well.html. I’m part of that half, actually.
The reason why you only hear fat people making this argument is because skinny people are too busy saying “OMG you can’t be FAT and HAPPY and HEALTHY and LOVED and perceived as ATTRACTIVE! That messes with my world view too much for it to be true!” But it is.
I also disagree.I’m pro good health.But no one should stop being HAPPY due to their weight.You can be dissatisfied with your weight and actively doing something about it but that doesn’t mean you have to stop living.
Why should this woman stop going swimming,out to movies,etc simply because she’s fat?
Some fat people work,some fat people pay taxes.Fat people are human no one should stop living until they get skinny.
no matter what size a woman is her insecurities will play a part on how people see her as well as how she sees herself.
as a somewhat coveted size 6 i don’t think my body image is any better than someone twice the size as i am and they may have more confidence.
i look at my wedding video from when i got married three weeks ago and i notice the imperfections in my body. some of my friends would slap me upside the head for saying that but i notice it. but i always do.
my thoughts of what i should look like and what i look like don’t match up.
that didn’t stop me from enjoying my day, my husbands love, or prancing around Hawaii in a two-piece. i am insecure and fearless, worried about what others think but also don’t give a F***.
every woman will have to be able to calm the little voice inside that’s critical to let your biggest self shine.
as the somewhat coveted size 6… my struggle with body image is no different than someone who may be twice my size.
i noticed my imperfections in my wedding dress when i watched the video of the occasion from three weeks ago.
i noticed my imperfections as i traipsed around hawaii in a bikini.
i notice my imperfections daily.
but i’ve also found a way to put my critical voice on low and let my “i don’t give a F***” attitude” take over to balance my insecurities with my biggest self.
it is a balance every woman with insecurities needs to find to live their lives out loud.
I feel that this is the same way I am! What I want to look like doesn’t match up with what I would like to look like. However, when it comes down to it, I don’t let that hold me back; I do what I have to do.
Like you, “i am insecure and fearless, worried about what others think but also don’t give a F***” – It’s quite the paradox, but this is how I feel often :) Just have to find the right balance!
she looks great!