True Life: I Have Never Been on a Date
I’ve never had the experience of a stranger asking for my phone number, and then meeting him at a restaurant for dinner and drinks. No attractive man has ever organized a flash mob to ask me out for coffee.
In fact, in my mid-20s, I have never been on a date.
I know other women who can say the same. They had a “boyfriend” in high school. Then a college boyfriend or two. Now, they’ve broken up and she’s ready to have some fun. At least, it looks fun in the rom-coms, but I’m sure if me and Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome were sitting across from each other at a candlelit table right now, I’d have no idea what to say!
Every notable relationship I’ve had began as a “situation.” You know how you think you’re friends, and then it just kind of eases over into something more? The texts went from, “What was the homework in chem class?” to “What you got on?” And for some reason … you answered.
Sooner or later everyone starts to ask, “What’s up with you and homeboy?” You say nothing, though you know it was up last night and the night before. And that’s fine until you watch “Think Like A Man,” and wonder why no one has ever embarked on an epic pursuit of your goodies. I want someone to string a million Christmas lights up on a rooftop and cook a gourmet dinner for me!
I can admit, watching those exaggerated depictions of what romance should look like has caused me to view my relationships as inferior. It frustrated me that my boos never planned anything special for me. But then I had to ask myself if that made his feelings for me any less real. And I had to check myself for setting such a low standard in the first place.
Going forward, I plan to not hold my date to an unreasonable expectation. I know I wouldn’t ask anything I would be unwilling to do. Then again, without some sort of dating precedent, how do I really know whats reasonable or not?
Any other Clutchettes out there who have yet to go on a “real” date? What’s your game plan for how to conduct yourself when it does happen?
I’ve never been on an official date. I would only consider an outing to be a date if the two people mutually have interest in each other. I’ve gone out with guys who I couldn’t care less about. I’m sure they considered those to be dates, but I didn’t. I plan to conduct myself on a ‘real’ date as I would any other day.
You already know! It’s because you allowed your love interests to not have to work and court you. Why should a man ask a woman on a proper date if all he has to do is text ‘what you wearing’ and it’s on? The problem isn’t whether or not you know what a date looks like, the problem is your standards are wayyyy too low. Having a dinner date would not be much different than a study date. There’s just food involved, you look extra nice, and topics vary. You deserve more and it doesn’t need to involve a man renting a helicopter for the night. People only do to you what you allow. These men have sensed they can get away with the bare minimum and that’s all they’ll give if that’s all that’s required.
That’s exactly what’s going on. When I read “What you got on” my eyebrows went, “no he didn’t”, lol (yes, they speak). If a guy can get what he wants without putting in any work, he won’t feel the need to. I feel a little sad for women who think romantic gestures are unrealistic. I expect romance therefore i get it. I wouldn’t be with a man who has no idea how to be romantic and I’m willing to do my part. Guys enjoy romance too, just a different kind ;).
As some have stated, folk that haven’t been on dates need to let it be known to whomever is showing interest and its mutual that you like to go on outtings, even free events etc. but that you do like to get out and experience life by doing different things and not just hangin at someone’s house. It’s the standard and expectation you set for yourself, and only you can do so.
I don’t know about going out with people just to go though, the only way I can date someone is if I am interested, not just for something to do cause I am bored, a free meal or so called experience on dates with people you are not even interested in.
It’s a different ballgame entirely when the pistons are firing on ALL cylinders = chemistry compatibility, attraction
That is weird…I am 33 and get asked out on dates almost daily– and this has always been like that….maybe you are giving off some type of vibe or something?
RAWR!!!!!
i like that mama!!! you is d=something fierce!!!!!!!!!
African Mami – Do you have a job or do you work for Clutch?? You are on EVERY SINGLE article!
Abeg, mind your GOTDAMN business!! I comment as I please! The fug?!
LMAO x 100 @PhillyGirl12 says:
I comment a lot on this site, but i use my phone (most times, except when i am at home). The power of mobile technology.
@ African Mami..lol..I never accept though mama…that is why I am still single..lol…who are all of these extra people worried about wtf you are doing…I think I may find another site soon…Black women on this site have developed a sisterhood and respect even when we don’t agree with one another…where did all these trolls and itch bays come from?
@ AM when did people start policing when and what people comment on…the funny thing is if you have noticed that she comments on articles…you are on just as much…
@ Ms. Info
Girrrrrrl, I ain’t phased! I am going to frequent and comment as much, if not more. You are right about the sisterhood!!
Shout ourrs to all my girls hurrrrrrr!
nyhoo: when I grow up, I just want to be like you girrrrlie. Gerring all the boys hot and bothered!!!! Yes lawwwwdie!
I love dates! My fav date was in this place in NYC called St marks ! We went to all stores on the street (a comic book store my fav) and then went ate sushi and then went on like this long adventure thru the night .
ooooh lala!!!! sushi will have me in the emergency room doe!!!
It maks you ill? Usually when I feel ill if i eat sushi I feel better!
girrrl, even the mere thought of it drives me complete nuts.I don’t even like the smell….
I understand. Im 26 and never had a real boyfriend.
He’ll come soon. Prepare now. You’ll never know where your first romantic date will end up. Best of luck to you.
How can you say, “He’ll come soon”?
because she doing him……
I’m 23 and never had a real boyfriend either !
I am 26 and have never been in a relationship either. It’s nearly impossible for me to have romantic feelings for someone else and I just don’t care for relationships.
Aww, that is actually kind of sad…
I’m in the saaame exact boat :/ I feel you lol
You’re not alone. A lot of women have never had a real date or a real boyfriend. Most of the time when they claim to be in a “relationship,” they are either seeing someone’s husband, or they are just hooking up after dark.
There are many women who have no idea what relationships entail.
If it is that serious for you ladies, then I recommend online dating or rec sports ASAP!!! There is NO reason to be under 30 and NO prospects. Shoot, even Kendra from Playboy managed to find a man and ole’ girl was just about a smidgen from a straight up **e.
It is the summertime. Get out there, get cute, and get some dating experience! You don’t have to marry him, it is just dinner. And for the love of all things, NEVAH pull out your card to pay on the first date!!!!
I’m 22 and never had a real boyfriend/relationship either! Just a few flings & friends with benefits here & there, a couple of which lasted as long as an actual relationship smh…..or the classic “talking to” someone, which never really went anywhere
Same here. 27, and although I’ve been on dates, never had a boyfriend. Just a few “situations” and friends with benefits.
Me 10!
No one has asked for my number randomly, it doesn’t happen and I don’t think it’s weird.
The difference between a lot of you and me is that I get approached a lot! More than what I ever care for because I have no interest in dating.