True Life: I Have Never Been on a Date
I’ve never had the experience of a stranger asking for my phone number, and then meeting him at a restaurant for dinner and drinks. No attractive man has ever organized a flash mob to ask me out for coffee.
In fact, in my mid-20s, I have never been on a date.
I know other women who can say the same. They had a “boyfriend” in high school. Then a college boyfriend or two. Now, they’ve broken up and she’s ready to have some fun. At least, it looks fun in the rom-coms, but I’m sure if me and Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome were sitting across from each other at a candlelit table right now, I’d have no idea what to say!
Every notable relationship I’ve had began as a “situation.” You know how you think you’re friends, and then it just kind of eases over into something more? The texts went from, “What was the homework in chem class?” to “What you got on?” And for some reason … you answered.
Sooner or later everyone starts to ask, “What’s up with you and homeboy?” You say nothing, though you know it was up last night and the night before. And that’s fine until you watch “Think Like A Man,” and wonder why no one has ever embarked on an epic pursuit of your goodies. I want someone to string a million Christmas lights up on a rooftop and cook a gourmet dinner for me!
I can admit, watching those exaggerated depictions of what romance should look like has caused me to view my relationships as inferior. It frustrated me that my boos never planned anything special for me. But then I had to ask myself if that made his feelings for me any less real. And I had to check myself for setting such a low standard in the first place.
Going forward, I plan to not hold my date to an unreasonable expectation. I know I wouldn’t ask anything I would be unwilling to do. Then again, without some sort of dating precedent, how do I really know whats reasonable or not?
Any other Clutchettes out there who have yet to go on a “real” date? What’s your game plan for how to conduct yourself when it does happen?
WHAT…ok, i hate to admit it, but Steve Harvey’s logic does apply here. You don’t get dates because you don’t expect them. At least you realize it, though. Hopefully your next dude raises the bar!
Sweety, first and foremost you have to believe that you are worthy of being wooed. It is not an unrealistic expectation to expect a man to court you, to romance and pursue you. Even in the animal kingdom, there are specific rituals, behaviors and ceremonies depicted by the male animals in hopes of winning the favor of the eligible females. Surely, you believe that you warrant at least as much pomp and circumstance as a female peacock?? Dates are great for their intended purpose–getting to know the character and personality of a person before committing to a relationship. Hell, that beginning phase is often the best and most magical part, don’t sell yourself short. Make him work for it.
“first and foremost you have to believe that you are worthy of being wooed” – I don’t think enough women believe this sentiment wholeheartedly. My last relationship was almost 3 years and when we met woo went “whoosh” in like a month. The woo is one of the best parts of dating someone new and should never be rushed. I regretted that I didn’t put more effort into appreciating it more or having higher standards of what I would accept. Now, I’m all about the woo. Can a girl get some woo – hell yeah.
hmm.. I’m 23 and all I pretty much do is date. I haven’t been in a real relationship since I was 18 and in high school. And even back then, I still had dates with several guys. I can only think of a couple reasons why a person would never have been asked on a date by their mid-20s: not attractive (and even then, ugly girls still get asked out, maybe not by Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome, but SOMEBODY will ask them out.. or be in chase of the goodies at least) or awkwardness. I have a friend who’s my age who’s never been on a date, kissed, a guy, no nothing and that’s because she’s awkward.
I actually think your growth is being stunted by not dating. Dating helps you figure out what you want and don’t want; understand male motives, thoughts, and actions; help you figure out how to interact with men. Dating is essential to self-development.
V
Wow, I’m sure that comment made her feel good about her situation. [sarcasm off]
I’d have to agree with previous posters who have stated that men will only treat you the way you allow them to. If you don’t set those standards for yourself and demand that a man treat you right, then don’t be surprised when he doesn’t. If all a man needs to do is send you a text to get with you, why should he bother attemting anything else?
@ Jae Bee
But am I wrong though?
I don’t think it has to do with being ugly or awakard. o.0 We don’t really know what her situation is/was..Maybe she never had a father? Maybe it had to do with self-esteem. Who knows.
I think people need to stop focusing on it so much; someone will come when you’re good and ready, but in the mean time focus on “you”.
My father was never a huge part of my life, but I don’t go looking for male attention, so…?
Is that what people wear on dates now? (See article picture)
Wow! I feel old and overdressed and I’m not even 40.
I think I was 23 when I’d FINALLY gone on my first real date. Things are just..different now.you definitely have to make your wants and needs known because today’s 20 something (and sometimes even older) young men will try to do everything they can to avoid actual dates and implement “house dates” where you guys “hang out” and “chill” and someone’s place “watching” a movie.