True Life: I Have Never Been on a Date
I’ve never had the experience of a stranger asking for my phone number, and then meeting him at a restaurant for dinner and drinks. No attractive man has ever organized a flash mob to ask me out for coffee.
In fact, in my mid-20s, I have never been on a date.
I know other women who can say the same. They had a “boyfriend” in high school. Then a college boyfriend or two. Now, they’ve broken up and she’s ready to have some fun. At least, it looks fun in the rom-coms, but I’m sure if me and Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome were sitting across from each other at a candlelit table right now, I’d have no idea what to say!
Every notable relationship I’ve had began as a “situation.” You know how you think you’re friends, and then it just kind of eases over into something more? The texts went from, “What was the homework in chem class?” to “What you got on?” And for some reason … you answered.
Sooner or later everyone starts to ask, “What’s up with you and homeboy?” You say nothing, though you know it was up last night and the night before. And that’s fine until you watch “Think Like A Man,” and wonder why no one has ever embarked on an epic pursuit of your goodies. I want someone to string a million Christmas lights up on a rooftop and cook a gourmet dinner for me!
I can admit, watching those exaggerated depictions of what romance should look like has caused me to view my relationships as inferior. It frustrated me that my boos never planned anything special for me. But then I had to ask myself if that made his feelings for me any less real. And I had to check myself for setting such a low standard in the first place.
Going forward, I plan to not hold my date to an unreasonable expectation. I know I wouldn’t ask anything I would be unwilling to do. Then again, without some sort of dating precedent, how do I really know whats reasonable or not?
Any other Clutchettes out there who have yet to go on a “real” date? What’s your game plan for how to conduct yourself when it does happen?
I’ve never been on a date or had a boyfriend. It use to bother me a lot now not so much. I have a problem with intimacy.
welp. i’d suggest you do some soul searching to find out why you’ve never been on a date or asked out and dont blame the men in your life and their approach but take a hard look at what YOU are doing, then find women who get asked out or approached all the time and start to mimick them until things start to change.
Women are often socialized not to voice their concerns or “rock the boat” so to speak while men are socialized to speak up and go after what they want. And when women do speak up they’re often called nags, uppity, angry, argumentative, ball-busters, etc. What you have to ask yourself is whether or not clamming up about your standards and expectations is worth what you get in return. Who’s to say that any of your past beaus wouldn’t have taken you out on a real date had you just asked?
Omg!! I’m 24 years old and i have never been on a date. I’ve never been kissed. I’ve never had a boyfriend. I would really like to experience the whole dating experience. I want a boyfriend. I get rejected by every guy I like. Guys don’t come up to talk to me. In high school guys would talk to me as a dare from their friends or as a joke. It hurts!! Oh well. I have given up on finding love. I’m focused on other things.
Don’t give up.. you will find one eventually. Just do as your doing.. don’t focus on it so much.
Maybe it’s you “new breed” of girls. IDK I’m 47. I’m on husband #2 (we’ve been together 16 years!) and I was always dating before I got married. I don’t know the secret. But I think a lot of it is to take care of yourself (Look the best you can, because yes, it does matter. A man can’t see your smart brain until he has enough motivation to come and talk to you), have respect for yourself, and don’t be up in the club showing your azz (literally or figuratively).