True Story: He’s Trying To Turn Me Into the ‘Come Over & Chill Girl’
I’m not quite sure when it happened, when dating devolved into dudes just asking women to “come over and chill” instead of out on a proper date, but as a grown woman tired of the game, I think getting to know someone should happen outside the confines of your home.
Recently, I talked about realizing I have a type of guy that I’m attracted to. Despite dating all sorts of men, I typically end up with “different” guys—brothas who are slightly quirky or of a different culture than my own. I’ve dated Jamaicans, Ghanaians, Southern gentlemen, Brooklyn dudes, and now a black Frenchmen. Although they were all vastly different, they had something in common: they tried to trick me into being the come over and chill girl.
You know how it goes. You meet a cute guy, exchange numbers, and instead of asking you to hit up the latest Romare Bearden exhibit, he suggests you come over and watch movies, which is guyspeak for “I’m cheap and I want some ass.”
I won’t lie. I’ve fallen for the “come chill” request a time or two in the past, but after last year’s chillin’ debacle when a guy eight years my senior tried to make me feel childish for wanting to actually go on a real date instead of being cooped up in his apartment watching reality TV and dodging his wandering hands, I knew my come over and chill days were officially over.
But brothas keep trying. “Come over and chill” must be underlined in the international man handbook, because no matter where the guy is from, he will still try to work that tricky little number on you. The Frenchman certainly gave it a shot, but I nixed that idea before it had a chance to really hit the ether. However, some women aren’t so forceful in knocking down the request to chill and end up caught in the no-date matrix.
I know the dating game can be hard and often times annoying, but failing to require a man to meet your expectations—thoughtful gestures, planned dates, good manners–is no way to operate either.
Falling into the very frustrating trap of being the come over and chill girl is a dead end. Trust me. One day you’ll get tired of watching him play Call of Duty 35 for the 127th time and you’ll want to knock him upside the head with the remote.
Before it gets that far, just tell the next man you meet you want to get to know him the old fashioned way—outside of his house—and if he blinks, well, then he wasn’t worth the time anyway.
Have you ever been the “come chill” girl? How did you break out of that pattern?
The “come over and chill” date is not always the same thing. I went on a “come over and chill” date where my date prepared dinner there was no talk of “lets watch tv”, we had great conversation, went through photo albums, listened to old school hip hop and had a dance off, also there were no wandering hands. This guy was a true gentleman not up for playing games and I had a realy good time.
Not all men are like this because I have also gone on a “come over and chill” date where the guy tossed me the remote leaving me to my own devices with the tv, fed me a bowl of grapes and bottled water and we literally watched tv the entire time. I left after about an hour because Stevie Wonder could see where that was so called date was going. I just want to be clear that there are different types of “come over and chill” dates just dont lower your standards as a woman for the possiblitiy of companionship.
This article doesn’t imply that all men are the same. What it does do is encourage women to expect more from a man. There is nothing wrong with going to the park, or a museum to get to know someone. Not everybody will have the same experience, and if your “come over and chill” date turned into a Dougie Fresh dance-off, cool. But the author is merely saying that going over to a man’s place will most likely lead to a sexual relationship. And if you are looking for something long-term, this may not be an ideal situation.
LOLOL Speaking as a guy this what playas and SMART men do, skip the B.S dating and try get a chick round your crib, and work your magic from there. This brings back memories LOL
This is how I got my current girlfriend, I never made it as bait to say “come round and chill” but I used an artistic edge in getting her round my house to do a portrait of her (which I didn’t do lol) and things progressed from there and the rest was history. ;-)
Dates now a days are to old fashioned, we live in a modern day hook up culture and the smart people will take advantage of that.
You are Laughing out laughing out loud?
No, that is what cheap brothas do who have no intention of settling down. I feel sorry for your “girlfriend.” But at least you are honest with yourself, I will give you that.
This is how accidental pregnancies and broken families begin….
*SOCIOPATH ALERT*
@girlformerlyknownasgrace – I have been with my girlfriend for 4 years, she’s definitely marriage material so I’ll get hitched soon, don’t feel sorry for her she’s doing great.
Matter of fact I started taking her out on dates AFTER I slept with her, and I have no problem paying. The “come round lets chill” for me personally (and I guess alot of other guys) eliminates a lot of the B.S mind games, golddiggers, dinner wh*res, tricking etc.
Its just a fast track tried, tested successful method to forming a relationship or friends with benefits etc instead of jumping through hoops, it works for me, dont know about you.
That’s what I do. I don’t know where women find men that are doing anything different than this. We all men are competing against each other, so we got to keep up with the new trend.
This particular thread was too funny..
Are you out of your damn mind????? Really?
Here is your quote:
“Dates now a days are to old fashioned, we live in a modern day hook up culture and the smart people will take advantage of that.”
So your now telling me that women and men are now reduce down to a instagram hook up?
GTFOH!!!!!
Step the hell up, if a man is interested in a woman, and wants to show her who he is in different environments and settings, be it a restaurant, a museum, a concert, a play,
a park, a damn swimming pool, a beach, whatever.
Take her out!!!!
Take me out to the freakin’ ball game for damn sake!
I’m not sayin you have to spend all your money just to show me a nice time but be creative, what is lacking is creativity, men don’t give a damn anymore.
Your lazy.
Stop it. Stop it. There is nothing wrong with a Netflix movie night but take the time make
dinner, have a nice bottle of wine, some damn fruit and cheese platter, come on.
Stop being cheap, get your ass up and make something happen, then maybe the courtship will progress to something further, but if you can’t do that, keep it movin.
I’m done.
@Dash: Let me get this straight. You got with her basically after a one-night stand, you claim she’s marriage material yet also claim to have been in this “relationship” for FOUR YEARS and haven’t married her yet!!!!!!!?????? Unless you guys are under the age of 30, you my dear, have no intention of marrying this girl and doing nothing but biding time until something better comes along. Poor girl. Do her a favor and send her this article. ‘LOLOL’!
@Elle – Men are not obligated to take you out on a date, just like theres no obligation a woman has to give a man sex after a date, its up to the individual to decide what they want to do. And btw …like they say dont hate the playa hate the game.
@Kacey – There isn’t a woman I would rather marry than my girlfriend, shes well taken care of and we will get hitched so you dont have to worry.
I think there is a right way to chill, and then there’s a way that’s just going to lead straight to sex. The guy I like, I’ve been to his crib a few times, but the last few times have been short and sweet because I don’t want it to lead to sex right now. Don’t get me wrong–we still try and chill every now and then, but it’s mostly out of the house. For example, we watched a soccer game together at a bar. We’ve also gone shopping together and to the movies. There are ways to chill outside of the house and get to know one another!
@girlformerlyknownasgrace – I have been with my girlfriend for 4 years, she’s definitely marriage material so I’ll get hitched soon, don’t feel sorry for her she’s doing great.
Matter of fact I started taking her out on dates AFTER I slept with her, and I have no problem paying. The “come round lets chill” for me personally and I guess alot of other guys eliminates a lot of the B.S mind games, golddiggers, dinner whores, tricking etc.
Its just a fast track tried, tested successful method to forming a relationship or friends with benefits etc instead of jumping through hoops, it works for me, dont know about you.
Dude you need to get off of this site and go get your girl a ring already, because from what you wrote ole’ girl has EARNED it.
(age 19)
Just learned my first “come over and chill” lesson. I knew what it was headed for but i was in denial about the whole situation.
Obviously I’m not meant to handle that kind of situation.
So NEVER EVA EVA AGAIN will I be a “come over and chill” girl.