After reading the numerous comments on blogs about the situation with Dwyane Wade’s ex-wife Siohvaughn Funches-Wade violating her visitation rights with their two sons, I truly see that black women need to be fairer when it comes to playing the blame game.

Funches-Wade was supposed to get her sons to Wade’s sister’s home at 12p.m. on Saturday in order for them to board a 3p.m. flight back to Miami to be with their father for Father’s Day, according to TMZ.com. Funches-Wade didn’t drop off her sons at the agreed upon time and didn’t answer her phone when Wade’s sister tried to reach out to her. The sheriff was called and Funches-Wade was attempting to leave with one of the boys when he arrived at her home. She was arrested and charged with misdemeanor charges — two counts of attempted child abduction, two counts of unlawful visitation interference, and one count of resisting arrest. Wade is now requesting her visitation rights be taken away.

This woman has been proved unstable numerous times by the courts. Wade fought for custody of his kids and won. Instead of being praised for stepping up to the plate, he is being demonized because many don’t like the fact that he left his wife for Gabrielle Union.  Honestly, who cares?! Because he left his wife, he doesn’t deserve to have custody of his children? His ex-wife is getting sympathy from women because she was left and they are making excuses for her wrongful actions. Many are still rooting for her to get full custody of their two sons despite the things she has done just because she is a woman. She is getting a pass for violating the law because she carried these boys for nine months each and therefore she should be granted full custody no matter how mentally unstable she is. When it comes to with whom children should live, all that should matter is that they are given to the parent who is better fit to care for them. Women are saying she deserves a break because she lost her family.

This kind of thing happens to men all the time, but no one is shedding a tear for them. We all know we live in a system that, more times than not, favors the mother in custody cases. Men are stripped of their families and have to fight even to see their children. No one says anything when women keep men from their children out of spite, but when a man wants to keep his children away from a mother who isn’t stable he is an asshole? If the roles were reversed Wade would get all the shade and people would say the courts made the right decision by taking his kids away from him.

It appears men just can’t win. The ones who don’t fight for custody are called deadbeats and creeps. The ones who do fight for custody and try to be in their children’s lives are called insensitive and just wrong for taking their kids away from the mother. Some may say Wade only received custody due to his high-profile status and income, but on the contrary there are many famous fathers whose unknown or less famous wives have custody of their child/ren. Royce Reed was granted custody of her son with Dwight Howard and this was before she came to mini fame through “Basketball Wives.” Other celebrities share custody of their children with their less known ex-counterparts. Mothers are almost always favored in this situation. If a mother was deemed unfit, I believe it was for a good reason.

If we are going to point the finger constantly at men when they are in the wrong, then we need to do the same with women. The way their marriage ended has nothing to do with who should receive custody of the children. A woman shouldn’t be given an out because she was left. Unfit is unfit … period. I am a mother and I love my son to death, but if I ever become unfit to care for him then let him be with someone who can until I can get myself together.

Sisterhood amongst black women is important, but the biggest part of being a sister is being able to admit when your sister is in the wrong. If a man violated his visitation rights and wouldn’t bring his children back to the mother, women would call for him to be put in a jail cell and the key be thrown away.

There are men out there who love their kids to death, but weren’t granted custody due to their financial status or other reasons. It hurts their hearts to be away from their children, but they still follow the law until they are able to get themselves together and fight for custody. We should be praying for Funches-Wade to get her life together instead of making excuses for her simply because she is a woman.

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  • SDL

    I’m a little tired of people commenting on Wade’s status and celebrity. Despite the crappy situation of divorce, he very much tried to work out an amicable situation with his ex. She couldn’t handle it. Instead, she let her need for revenge and spite consume her. She has acted out. She has violated terms of their agreements. She has been less than a parent to those children. While her acts may irritate her ex-husband, they are having lasting, negative effects on her sons. And don’t say it’s the media that’s making her look bad. They’re getting their information from police reports, not tabloid photogs. D. Wade isn’t getting preferential treatment. He is getting the opportunity to provide a loving, stable environment for his children. His ex-wife has done very little in comparison.

  • Just because U carry a child doesn’t mean he or she is ALL yours. It takes 2 and the one with the stable mine should step up and take over if it is problems regarding a child’s well being involved; NO matter who carried the child. I am a woman and a mother and I do believe its a 50/50 thing in producing a child. He has just as much rights as she does and it is NOTHING wrong with him being the custodial parent. Let her take some time to get what she needs then as parents and 2 adults could reconsider their arrangements. And besides… They are boys and can use this time learning to do things as men. Too many women are raising boys these days and we all see the results of that in our communities.