You’re Dead to Me – What Happens When Friends Break Up?
Breaking up is hard to do, but when you’re parting ways with your friend things are even more heart wrenching.
A few years ago, one of my best friends and I had a falling out. At the time I was head-over-heels in love with a guy who—in retrospect—wasn’t the best for me, and my friend just couldn’t stand to see me mistreated. So she cut me loose.
Losing my friend, my ace, the other half of the “Killer Bs” was a serious blow. For so long it was she and I. When you saw one of us, you saw the other, and if one of us showed up to an event, you’d think we were both there. But after months of trying to convince me to drop my dude and choose my own well-being, she decided to let me go.
I understood her decision to dip out on me, but I always hoped that one day we’d reconnect. Thankfully we were able to piece our relationship back together, but many former friends aren’t so lucky.
Last week, a Facebook pal posed a question about breaking up wit her friend. Apparently, she’d had it with her girl’s foolishness and wanted to put an end to their long and often one-sided friendship. But what she didn’t want to do was have that uncomfortable break-up talk. She just planned to let their interactions fade until they extinguished completely. Although this approach is less prone to angry blow outs, it leaves room for way too many loose ends and hurt feelings. The abandoned friend might end up feeling, well, abandoned and wondering why they’ve been cut loose.
While some friendships do indeed flame out over time, others come crashing to a dramatic halt. Case in point, Jay-Z and Dame Dash.
Jay and Dame were boys for years, building a rap empire and allowing each other to shine in their respective arenas. But while Dame seemed to take every one of Jigga’s moves personally, working hard to make his boy a musical success, Mr. Carter seemed to keep his eye on the long game: ruling the business world.
As they were grinding, Jay was cool with Dame ruling the boardroom like a madman, so long as his immense hustle propelled the duo to the top. But when Jigga realized he could do it all on his own, Dame’s trademark outbursts became a liability and he had to go.
While I don’t know exactly why the pair fell out, watching their demise was a bit painful. Two very close friends, who overnight seemed to be dead to one another, is not an easy thing to watch. But unfortunately, it happens all the time.
From Evelyn and Jen to Jay and Dame…what happens when best friends break up? Is it better to move on without looking back, or sometimes can the relationship be saved?
Have you ever broken up with a friend? Speak on it folks!
I’m going through what I believe is a break up with a very close, long-time friend (16 years to be exact). I feel like she tried to pit me and my husband against each other (long story), and they also had a huge argument. We tried calling one another, but lately it has been less and less. I was trying to forgive/forget, but last week, she decided to drudge up the past and now I am starting to feel like it is time to just let the relationship slowly fade. I don’t know how to completely break it off, and maybe I don’t want to. Since we have been friends for so long, maybe I just want to let it go from close friends (well it hasn’t been that way in a few months) to “friends” who just call each other on holidays/birthdays.
I’ve had some friendships end its part of life not every relationship we have will stand the test of time. What I dont have is that Jen/Evilyn mess when I fall out thats it your deleted number,email,home address and thats it I cut it off at the knees. There will be no reshashing whose fault hitting and bottle tossing and table jumping. When I’m finished I’m finished, that person is erased I dont see you and you dont see me I go about my business and you go about yours. Yeah its sad and unfortunate but those are the breaks called life
I count the demise of my greatest and dearest childhood friendships as one of the toughest things I ever had to endure. After a season of trying to mend fences, I realized people do outgrow each other and things can sometimes fall apart all on their own. But my heart healed, my brain adjusted and I moved on; it’s the circle of life. I often think of her and smile and wish her the very best, even from a distance.
Yes.
I ended a friendship with a woman who I was friends with for seven years after she started ignoring me on Facebook. At the time, I had just lost my job and I wanted to tell her about it. I texted her to see if I could come over and she said that she was going through something. I left it at that and never asked her what she was going through. Within a few months time period, I sent her general messages on Facebook and she never responded but I could see her writing on other people’s Facebook wall. I don’t know why she ignored me, but she did and eventually I just said, “Fuck it, I have no time for this foolishness” so I eventually ended up deleting her from Facebook and never talking to her ever again. It has been over a year since that happened. Oh well.
You know, she DID tell you that she was going through some things. She was upfront about her issues. And within a few months you tried to contact her? Over Facebook? She didn’t lose someone that real.
That is not correct. I didn’t mean within a few months I contacted her. I meant that over a few months time period I sent her different messages. She stated she was going through something that day I texted her. I never asked her what because I know how she can be about revealing certain things. Most times, we conversed through messages on Facebook because I don’t like talking on the phone. I sent her a message on Facebook, but she never responded BUT I could see her writing on other people’s Facebook walls or commenting on pictures. I sent her two other messages, just general conversation, but she never responded to those either.
It is very presumptuous for you to believe that she ‘didn’t lose someone that real’.
Yes.
I ended a friendship with a woman who I was friends with for seven years after she started ignoring me on Facebook. At the time, I had just lost my job and I wanted to tell her about it. I texted her to see if I could come over and she said that she was going through something. I left it at that and never asked her what she was going through. Within a few months time period, I sent her general messages on Facebook and she never responded but I could see her writing on other people’s Facebook wall. I don’t know why she ignored me, but she did and eventually I just said, “Fluck it, I have no time for this foolishness” so I eventually ended up deleting her from Facebook and never talking to her ever again. It has been over a year since that happened. Oh well.