Republished From Racialicious – So, as I am wont to do, I found myself doing chores and catching up on reality TV.

I had heard about Nicole Murphy/Andrea Kelly’s new show, but I also set myself up for disappointment by reading the title as “Hollywood Execs” not “Hollywood Exes.” Here I was excited to hear all about these new women-fronted development projects, and the show is actually about moving on from your famous spouse. Oh well. I decided to give it another chance. During a routine conversation about vaginal lasering and rejuvenation, this exchange happens:

Sheree Fletcher: Wait a minute, let me ask you this. It’s my understanding that men really don’t care what it looks like -

Jessica Canseco: Well, that’s ’cause you datin’ a black guy, honey!

*record scratch*

Sheree Fletcher: Now wait a minute…

Other women: What do you mean, what do you mean?

Jessica Canseco: From what I hear, black guys don’t go [down.]

*gasps*

Nicole Murphy: (in confessional mode) That’s garbage. That’s not true. At all.

Jessica Canseco: Black guys are like “eep eep eep” (makes chicken fingers). They do, I swear to God. They talk about black girl’s vaginas. It’s true.

Sheree Fletcher: (swoons) Our vaginas?

Jessica Canseco: You want me to get into all of this?

Sheree Fletcher: They complain about our vaginas to white girls?

Jessica Canseco: The guys I’ve talked to complain – that’s why they don’t want to go down.

Nicole Murphy: They had an infection then.

Jessica Canseco: I agree. It’s not everyone. It’s not everybody’s, but you know…. Now let me tell you something. I’ve experienced that and I don’t agree.

Sheree Fletcher: Experienced what?

Jessica Canseco: A woman!

Sheree Fletcher: You went down on a black woman?

Jessica Canseco: Yeah.

Friend: Can I get another drink please?

Sheree Fletcher: (in confessional) Jessica needs Jesus.

The conversation quickly moves on, and this did not turn into any kind of racial moment on television; it was quickly chalked up to Jessica’s “say anything/do anything” personality. But there was definitely some palpable tension when the conversation turned to breaking down sexual experiences through a racial lens. It’s also worth noting that in a later episode, Andrea Kelly came out as a vocal fan of “the swirl,” noting that she was generally more interested in experiences with white men post-divorce. But this revelation didn’t cause the same awkwardness as Andrea was specifically talking about a personal choice, not generalizing.

Tia Williams wrote about a similar situation on her blog Shake Your Beauty:

Years ago, I had a black man-loving white girlfriend of mine say the following:

“It sounds so bad to say, but no wonder black guys don’t like sleeping with black girls. Yuck, all that scratchy, fake hair. No one wants to run their hands through that!”

She was that particular strain of non-black girl who felt she could make racial comments to me, because I’m “different” somehow. You know the type. The comment was so extravagantly dumb, I didn’t waste my breath saying, “You developed a philosophy on race and sexuality based on a drunken makeout sesh with a synthetic weave-wearing Jamaican chick at a BBQ? Vamoose, you square-hipped slut!”

What makes so-called “friends” comfortable enough to drop in racist generalizations when the topic turns to dating or sex?

  • African Mami

    What was racist about what that chick said?! If anything, it was stereotypical! *rolls eyes*

    Tired of some of these racial talks that have absolutely NO merit! Shoot me!

  • Ms. Information

    This is why I will never. Never. coma, period. NEVER, befriend a white girl….the dumb shit that they let come of their mouths….and evidently what they put in it too….I can’t.

  • CurlySue

    Tia should seek out more genuine friends. A true friend wouldn’t even think to say some sh*t like that, regardless of color. That’s pure ignorance.

  • Ms. Information

    Hey girlie!!!!! I can’t, I just can’t…ignorance is too rampant for me….I can’t!!!

  • Trose0001

    Maybe we should be concentrating not on the dumb “ish” that white girls say but the garbage that black men tell these white girls. It is not as if she just picked it out of the air. Some black dude told her that load of bull because he was/is fixated by the white pum pum.

  • African Mami

    Hey hun!!!! C’mon girrrrl, you needs you a white sisterrrr, they kray and kool!!

  • Ms. Information

    Uh uh girl………co workers are good enough for me….I am GOOD!

  • YB

    Some white women are really facisnated (obsessed) with black women’s sexuality. 0_o Weird.

  • my_reply

    Some black men who date white women love to tell white women about all these problems they think black women have that white women don’t. Part of their flirting is to make white women feel superior by tearing black women down.

  • my_reply

    I think it’s like them asking does the bathwater turn black when we bathe. They think that we are so different and “other.”

  • Charle

    It isn’t all white women who are this problematic, though–only the ones who feel ‘comfortable’ enough with their black friends to ask ridiculously insensitive questions pertaining to stereotypes, sans filter. But sadly, there are far too many who fall into this category.

  • SS25

    Are you that dumb? Yes, it was a racist statement, I bet if the white girl said something about Africa you would’ve lost it and yeah I went there.

  • http://deliciouslygirli.blogspot.com/ Lisa Lisa

    Honestly.. I have friends of all races and YES they make comments sometimes that raise my brow. But instead of assuming them racist I correct them. I mean its not like we have never had an off comment about another race. I think I peppered my Korean friends with questions and things I wanted to know and now we have an enviroment where race isnt an awkward moment… we are respctful but at least i can ask questions in a safe zone. I think black people jump to offensive… try just having the conversation. Its ok.

  • S.

    *vomits*

    That white chick is straight up yck! What a disgusting conversation.

  • MimiLuvs

    I have friends, co-workers, acquaintances and best friends who are from different race/culture than I am from. When it comes to asking one of them a question, I think before I speak. I don’t care how much of a homie they are, to avoid offending any of them by asking a certain question, I think about it before I do. And another thing: Are white people that dang-on dense?! I have heard the “the only black people that I saw were on TV, when I was growing up” excuse so many times… And I hear this from people who are “intelligent”, like from doctors and professors.

  • Jenae

    Very well said, I couldn’t agree more…

  • African Mami

    @ SS25,

    Instead of name calling, why don’t you tell me what exactly was racist about it.

    I do not engage in MADNESS!

  • indigo

    Is it me or did the example you provide ‘Jamaican synthetic weave wearing’ equally offensive.
    Need I point out the irony in your assertion?

  • Rochelle

    My sis has a jewish white friend who is kinda on the heavy side. She says the most racist things, but my sis doesn’t correct her because most of what she says is true. Like she says if she wanted to, she could have a black guy in a heart beat. many come up to her when my sister and her hang out, and she is a plain jane heavy white girl. Yet she constantly struggles to secure a white guy. She just broke up with a white dude she dated for 2 years. She cried and got depressed. But she was mostly depressed because she lost a WHITE guy. She says she is heavier and most white guys don’t like heavy women, so when she lost him, she lost a gold mine. She said ” he was great, he wasn’t indian or hispanic or anything (apparently a lot of indians approach her). She says she would never date a black guy, (not that that is racist), and said “everyone knows blk men don’t take care of their children.” Girl is a trip. Can’t say she is lying. lol.

  • Suburban Soulgirl

    Wow. That was way more of Jessica Canceco’s sex life than I needed/wanted to know…Can see why the friend ordered the drank lol…

  • Suburban Soulgirl

    Yeah although the white girls should think for themselves and wonder if they’re being fed garbage, the main problem is that with the black men they’re dating. If these little boys want to date interracially, that’s their biz…but it’s totally unnecessary to bash black women to justify their choices.

  • Mel

    I don’t know. Jessica just seems… Ignorant for lack of a better word. I hate gross generalizations. I also hate when people think they get some sort of pass because they have friends of different races. How about asking questions before making blanket statements or reporting what other people told you? Everyone is NOT the same.

  • Jenn

    Idiot friends say racist dumb things cause they believe you know “their intentions” are harmless. They divorce what they’re saying from negative consequence, because you like them. I know it sucks and it’s not your job, but those moments of idiocy are really good teaching moments. Even if you feel (as one commenter did) like they’re true you can still explain that generalizations/stereotypes/lies-some-ass-told-her are hurtful, both personally, and socially. If she’s really your friend she’ll make an effort to shift her language. If she doesn’t then you shouldn’t have any guilt walking away.

  • http://gravatar.com/thequietvoice152 thequietvoice

    THIS!!!! That’s that post traumatic slave syndrome

  • http://gravatar.com/thequietvoice152 thequietvoice

    I agree. I think the problem lies with Black men who make generalizations about Black women based on one bad experience, the media’s representation of women and what other Black men are saying. Some might not even have had any bad experiences with Black women but, create these skewed perceptions to fit in with these so called alpha Black men or just what they perceive to be the popular view.

    It’s sickening and it makes me wonder why it never works the other way. Why is it that one bad experience with a white woman or woman of any other race does not ellicit the same generalizations or quick responses? The ignorance is quite disturbing.

    I think as long as Black women don’t feed into this and just date men(of any race) that are conscious, smart, aware and educated about life, it shouldn’t be a big deal. These men (and the women they feed this mess to) that perpetuate these stereotypes and aim to put Black women down are insecure and ignorant and are only doing themselves harm. It’s a mad mad world.

  • http://gravatar.com/thequietvoice152 thequietvoice

    I was extremely offended by that. I am Jamaican and that is a very pervasive stereotype about Jamaican women. I think it’s what Tia of Shakeyourbeauty said that was quoted in the article. Which sucks because I really like her :(

  • The Comment

    Wow!!!! Really? Black women don’t say anything stupid???? Your name should be Ms. Ignorant. But hey…it is your right.

  • The Comment

    I’d rather hear stupid shit from white chicks than listen to another black chick tell me why my hood pass has been revoked when I never applied for one to begin with. Like black women have ALL THEIR chit together and never offend anyone EVER….sure.

  • Kim

    You are truly a wounded person.

  • SS25

    You should tell your sister to stop hanging out with her. How can she tolerate hanging out with someone who thinks they’re better just because they’re white. If she says racists things in front of her than you can bet she says racist things behind her back. There is no way in hell I would friends with that pig.

  • SS25

    *be

  • SS25

    More like disgusting person

  • YB

    +1000 lol @ the bitterness in this comment.

  • Ms. Information

    If you read..which evidently you don’t….. you can see that I don’t cosign anyone’s ridiculous behavior, we happen to be commenting on this particular white womans comment….stop being stupid, bitter black broad.

  • Ms. Information

    Do you have friends at all? Why are you on a black womans site if you feel this way? Go to redbook.com or glamour.com, plenty of white women for you to listen to chick….peace!

  • http://gravatar.com/deechagirl Dee

    and i’m sure your dumb azz just accepted what they said because you’re somehow so ‘different than the others’.

    you’d make the best lawn jockey any whiter person can ever have. relish in that thought.

  • JC

    I think white people have been making up things about black people with black men’s help for a long time. For all you know, she is telling a lie. I don’t doubt that there are some black men slimy enough to tell lies about black women to white women. But I doubt it is happening in any significant numbers. White American has been making up racist non-sense long before black men were able to date white women.

  • JC

    Agreed. My college roommate was really ignorant about Haitians. Instead of cutting his throat (metaphorically), I corrected him. Guess what, I few weeks later, I over heard him correcting some of his white friends. Now I am not naive enough to believe that this will happen with everyone. But if you are patient you will either educate a potential ally or have proof that someone is not just ignorant but racist, then you would drop them from your circle.

  • MimiLuvs

    If I had the talent of writing and the time, I would love to write an article about my strong dislike for this type of bullshiggity. If another black person has a taste in something that is different from the popular belief, then there shouldn’t be this denigration from both sides of the spectrum.

  • YB

    Good point. +1

  • The Comment

    LMAO!!!!! You pulling a Romney on me? You said you will never befriend a white girl. Right….ok…… and when you call a woman a stupid bitter black broad……..you sound like a stupid bitter black broad.

  • 726

    Why is someone who disagrees or has a differing opinion always labeled as ‘insecure’ and/or ‘bitter’?

  • Kam

    Just because something is true doesn’t mean you have to say it out loud. Their is something called being polite. That Jewish white girl is not her friend.

  • The Comment

    Look little girl. You and your posse is the one hating on white women who say ignorant stuff simply cause they have no clue. Alll u have to do is smile and tell them what’s up. Ole girl just rehashed what she thought. Big effing deal. I thought Rick James braids was his real hair @ one time====blow me! The real problem is that you do not know how to debate w/o hurling imagined personal attacks. so because I strongly disagree with you….here come the attacks….not debates..but full on bitterness. And I see where it comes from; you feel that the world is attacking you 24/7 so it is natural for you to be mad @ the world. Mean muggin while you e-thuggin’. Fine….that is your right. But the Black police you are not dear.

  • Kim

    Why is it that people can not disagree without tearing down black folk? Are your lives so disfunctional and sad that you have never met black folk with character, integrity and decency? Only nonblack people are just and good? If that is the case, the people who think and feel that way are damaged and will bring nothing but pain into the lives of anyone they touch.

  • SS25

    What the F*ck does the second paragraph that have to do with anything? Why are you attacking the writers? If you have a problem with them than send an email, this not the time or place to vent about nonsense.

  • Rochelle

    I understan your feeling but is anything that she said untrue. She is not racist because she would never date a blk guy. She would never date an indian either. Is that racist? A lot of blk men don’t take care of their children. The girl aint lying. I mean really….

  • Rochelle

    no offense, but your post seems like nonsense. But where are you getting your stats from? 76% I find that hard to believe. So most if not almost ALL blk men who have a bach degree date outside their races. yeah right……

  • 726

    What?

  • http://www.clutchmagazine.com Clutch

    Anon – you are on our banned list. We were not the ones who begged you to come back to Clutch. Please feel free to offer your advice on other sites.

  • SS25

    @rochelle Maybe the black men you know don’t take care of their children. I refuse to group all black men together. I know too many hard-working black men who take care of their responsibilities. To me racism and ignorance go hand in hand.

  • Betts

    There are are many ignorant white people out there and there is a lack of social decorum among some of them because of their lack of experience around non-whites in their own lives or through what is shown through popular media that whites consume. It saddens me that there isn’t more sensitivity to the diversity in the training for those doctors and professors. I’m sorry for the ignorant comments that you recieved from them.

  • Apple

    Lol it’s Rochelle y’all . Trolling in the deep as usual

  • simplyme

    I have friends of all races, but I’ve actually never had this problem…maybe its because I’m picky… so the people I’m close enough to discuss lady parts etc. with tend not to be the ignorant idiot type. As for this case, its not so much that she questionably chose to repeat something she supposedly doesn’t agree with…. what I would really be wondering is “What kind of Black men are you sleeping with??” I’ve always felt like if you date crappy men there must something crappy about you. I just can’t imagine dating a White guy who would say something in that vein about White women… talk about repeating it to another White woman…

    But most importantly, who are these people? and why does America want to watch them? I’m thankful more and more each day that I don’t have cable.

  • 726

    Hmph! Anon’s comments were becoming more insulting and belligerent by the day. And the way she kept boasting about someone begging her to comment here was very egotistical.

  • Rochelle

    who is this directed to?

  • erica

    please i am not trying to be my friends educator if they said something like that to me i would check them then and there and distance myself from them afterwards.

  • Ms. Information

    Yes you remain on a site specifically for black women…and I am bitter? I am not going to even go in on your bad grammar…you are not worth a debate. You attacked black women psycho.,,and no thanks…would not like to blow you.

  • Liv&LetLiv

    That chunky little girl is TOXIC and undermining her friend’s self-esteem and pride in her local culture because chunky is filled with insecurity and self-loathing. Spewing out generic racist insults like she even has a clue. Betcha 5 dollahs her man left her b/c she’s a clingy nut-job! As for the rest of y’all actually conversating on skin tone having ANY kinda influence on personality, you are just perpetuating the stereotype of the “shiftless african american male” It’s so nasty! What if your young son read this? Do you want him to grow up hating himself like Miss Chunky? Last thing: people is people; folks is folks — when someone asks you a dumbass question, put on your best BigMamma voice and tell them the truth! DON’T APOLOGISE, DON’T DODGE NO QUESTIONS, take they silly ignorant ass to the beauty shop, take ‘em to church, after-school programs, whatever. Get involved, knock down illusions, set an example for everyone you meet — that’s called global leadership, ceaseless compassion — be the vision and the visionary — ’cause the rest of the world thinks ALL Americans are loud, fat, morons, anyway.

  • ruggie

    Same here. I have very close friends of different races and I can’t imagine them coming out of their mouth with some BS like that.

  • df

    oh get over yourself…not all white women are like that. I bet there are some white girls out there saying “OMG I WOULD NEVER BE FRIENDS WITH A BLACK GIRL” based on what they see of us on TV….

  • df

    *some dumb white girls I might add.* I’ll say that the female white friends I’ve had were ones that had a racially diverse group of friends.

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