We’ve all heard that simplistic definition of insanity. That it’s “doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” And the lunacy is especially ridiculous when those repetitive results are damaging. So while we may use that rule at work or in the home, why don’t we apply that philosophy to the men that we date?
I had a co-worker who, every six months, would bring in a new boyfriend for an introduction and then immediately begin to complain about him when he left. It was pretty much all the same story. He was broke. He couldn’t hold down a job. He devoured all the food in the fridge while she was slaving away at work. This was basically the same assessment for about five different men. Except they weren’t really that different. They were all exactly the same, just wrapped up in five different sloppy tattooed packages. So by the time her sixth beau came around to give disinterested head nods and avoid eye contact, I knew exactly what her report would be once he schlepped out the door.
Yet she always seemed genuinely surprised when her latest relationship would end exactly like the last one did. But why? Why do we expect a different result from the men that we date when they’re nothing more than carbon copies of the ones who came before?
Insanity. And until you do something, or date someone different, you’ll repeat the same sorry results over and over again.
So here are a few tips you can use to try to break the cycle:
Identify Your Type
Most women end up with the same kind of guy over and over again because they refuse to deviate from the shallow characteristics that qualify their “type.” Tall, muscular, dark-skinned, we all know our physical stipulations, but what about the personality traits we’re attracted too? Nonchalant? Aggressive? Arrogant? Figure out if these are qualities that catch your attention. It may be a part of the problem.
Go For The Exact Opposite
Force yourself out of your comfort zone. Have you figured out you like the boisterous type? Go out with the quiet guy. Normally go for dark-skinned men, give the light-skinned guy a chance. No, you probably won’t be attracted right away, but you never know what could develop if you just give it a chance. It’s not like you have to marry the man.
Ask HIM out
Are you an old fashion girl who refuses to make the first move? Stop it. The reason that you end up with the same kind of guy could be that you unknowingly and unwillingly attract the same kind of guy. You’re somebody’s type in the same way that you have a type of your own. So single out that exact opposite guy and strike up a conversation. Besides, by always waiting for him to make a move, you’re giving strangers control over your destiny. If you initiate, you have the power.
Ever been curious about dating a white guy? Now’s the time.
Make It An Adventure
If you’re stuck in a dating rut, chances are there’s some monotony going on in other areas of your life too. Do you always go to the same hangout spots? The same clubs, bars, or restaurants? Try something new! Make it a point to go to a different venue once a month or even once a week. Take short trips to different areas or different parts of your city. You can even use Groupon or LivingSocial to take part in activities that you would never come up with on your own. Not only could it be fun and rejuvenating, but new experiences bring new people. You never know who you might meet.