The Cheating Double Standard
There’s no civil war around the pain of infidelity. When your partner is dishonest and steps outside the relationship, the hurt is real whether you’re a woman or man. It’s the public’s reaction that often tells the tale of a gender double standard.
In the span of two weeks, two celebrities faced their sins of infidelity under the glare of the public eye. Nas, who opened up about the demise of his marriage on his now #1 album, Life is Good, told VH1 his one regret was cheating on his wife:
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He experienced an outpouring of support for admitting his infidelity, which had long been rumored. People went as far to say that Kelis should forgive him and welcome him back with open arms as he’s clearly still in love with her. And he only had one transgression.
Kristen Stewart made the front page of Us Weekly for cheating on her boyfriend Rob Pattinson with her married Snow White and the Huntsman director Rupert Sanders. She released this apology shortly after the news hit:
I’m deeply sorry for the hurt and embarrassment I’ve caused to those close to me and everyone this has affected. This momentary indiscretion has jeopardized the most important thing in my life, the person I love and respect the most, Rob. I love him, I love him, I’m so sorry.
The resulting onslaught was immediate. Kristen’s character and her love for her boyfriend were all called into question by the public, which generally decided she didn’t deserve a second chance with him.
Their cases are different. Stewart cheated on boyfriend Pattinson with a married man; Nas was married to Kelis. And the way they were regarded by the public before their transgressions has an impact on people’s reactions.
But too often, it happens that a cheating man is seen as a good person who made a mistake and is given a pass. And just as frequently, a cheating woman is judged harshly and dismissed as a bad person beyond redemption.
Do you think there’s a double standard? If so, how do you account for it?
–Jaclyn Marshall
I think the difference here is the fan base. Nas has a strong black male fan base. They’re much more likely to forgive one of their own. Whereas Kristen Stewart’s fan base is by and large teenage girls. Not exactly the most logical, forgiving population.
Also, not all men escape censure for their infidelity. Women were mad at Brad Pitt for YEARS.
Wouldn’t the teen girls be more logical for being mad at a Cheater than Nas fans who give him a pass? Think about it
Lol I was speaking more to her receiving death threats. But you’re right. Congratulating a grown man for admitting he f*cked around is pretty ridiculous too.
Yea, I kinda agree.
Kstew already has a bad rep. with a lot of the public who have labeled her a bad actress, snob, rude,etc. Robert Pattinson is considered a hearthob and women/girls go crazy over male celebs gfs, wifes,etc. their fanbases are quite tough on them. So her cheating probably just added more fuel to the fire. Both Kristen and the director were wrong for cheating on their partners even moreso the director because he’s older, married with kids, and in a position of power over Stewart. There is a DS for women who cheat when honestly the men deserve more flack if their in a relationship. I think society has it engrained that “men can cheat because they need to have sex with different women,etc.” like women don’t have desires or don’t get tired of sex with the same person.
The real difference has to do with the virgin/whore complex. Women are supposed to be virginal and loyal, show restraint, while men are just doing what men do right?(insert sarcasm). When women don’t express their sexuality the way men and society say they should, heads will roll,the females that is. She’s not a homewrecker, that married director is. He was the one that said the vows, and hell, he knew better just off the strength that he’s 20 years older! Eh, they made mistakes and hopefully have learned from it all.
I don’t really think this situation is a good example of the double standard. Nas came out and told everyone that he regretted cheating on his wife. He confirmed rumors, while with Kristen it was confirmed by other sources. So her coming out and apologizing came off as a response to being caught.
I do believe a double standard does exist because women are held to a higher standard when it comes to self-control. A man is giving the excuse that because he is a man he is more susceptible to the physical, whereas a woman is expected to think about the overall impact of their actions.
there is no double standard , both are wrong , if there was a true double standard every guy that cheated would get a pass for being a man , and that does not happen , and the few that do get a pass because they were men have women that dont want to let them go thats looking for an excuse to keep them.