This is a great article – I mean, really. Well written and makes all the right points. I especially agree with this gem:
“”The worst part of this is that it reinforces the belief that “men will be men,” and that the onus is on women to adjust, correct, or fix the bad behavior instead of society’s jerks taking some kind of personal responsibility for being horrible time wasters.”"
Yeah, a real man should be able to upgrade himself but this nonsense is especially foisted on black women who apparently are “uppity” when they expect men to be able to take care of themselves and be employed. It’s not up to you to pay a man’s debts, send him to school, pay off his baby mamma, or any other nonsense. If he cannot handle his own most basic needs you need to run in the other direction.
The only women who should be lending you money(and that should be in emergencies) is your mother, and if you are always going to her with your hand out, you need to work on that too.
Men don’t spend as much time fixing up women though. They search for perfection. They feel they deserve someone already put together even when they are lacking. Only dudes that spend time fixing up women are the ones that want someone they can control and be a captain save em with
I’m so appreciative of someone breaking this myth to peices. The idea of the fixer upper is a dangerous one. More times than not its a crapshoot. Codependency is real and its a very unhealthy relationship pattern. Accountability has to come into play eventually. You should be the same type of person you want to attract. Don’t let anyone convince you to lower your standard I’d you know what you deserve and what your willing to give. Me and woman should learn to know their worth and stop settling for less than they’re worth just so they can say they have somebody.
This is a great article – I mean, really. Well written and makes all the right points. I especially agree with this gem:
“”The worst part of this is that it reinforces the belief that “men will be men,” and that the onus is on women to adjust, correct, or fix the bad behavior instead of society’s jerks taking some kind of personal responsibility for being horrible time wasters.”"
So true!
Yeah, a real man should be able to upgrade himself but this nonsense is especially foisted on black women who apparently are “uppity” when they expect men to be able to take care of themselves and be employed. It’s not up to you to pay a man’s debts, send him to school, pay off his baby mamma, or any other nonsense. If he cannot handle his own most basic needs you need to run in the other direction.
The only women who should be lending you money(and that should be in emergencies) is your mother, and if you are always going to her with your hand out, you need to work on that too.
Men don’t spend as much time fixing up women though. They search for perfection. They feel they deserve someone already put together even when they are lacking. Only dudes that spend time fixing up women are the ones that want someone they can control and be a captain save em with
I’m so appreciative of someone breaking this myth to peices. The idea of the fixer upper is a dangerous one. More times than not its a crapshoot. Codependency is real and its a very unhealthy relationship pattern. Accountability has to come into play eventually. You should be the same type of person you want to attract. Don’t let anyone convince you to lower your standard I’d you know what you deserve and what your willing to give. Me and woman should learn to know their worth and stop settling for less than they’re worth just so they can say they have somebody.
Bravo Danielle bravo. Its’ about all compatility, being well matched and able to suffer one another’s less than desirable traits.