Dear Evelyn: You’re Going To Ride This Headbutt Until The Wheels Fall Off, HUH?
Dear Evelyn:
I’m glad to see you’re recovering nicely from the altercation with Chad. It would be a shame for those stitches not to have healed up fast enough for your media blitz. I’m sure no woman wants to do a paid interview while having a bruised forehead. Yes, I understand that you were abused. But did you also know that every 15 seconds a woman somewhere in America is battered by her partner? Also, do you realize that the wheels of your media blitz are bound to fall off eventually?
Lets talk about warning signs. You said in your recent People magazine interview that you “knew that look in his eyes,” and you knew when to back down. If you’ve seen that look before, why didn’t you leave, maybe after the first or second look. Plenty of women don’t get to have those warning signs. Even before that warning sign, you knew of his past domestic violence charge. Let me guess, you were the type of woman who probably thought the woman provoked that incident? Why? Because Chad told you so?
Your face is everywhere. People know your story. People also know that you’re a batterer as well. It doesn’t matter if it’s a man or woman. You’ve battered people. If only those people took to the airwaves just as you did. Woman on woman violence. You’re the queen of it. I’m sure by now you’ve promised that you’ve changed. Just like most men promise that they’ll change as well.
I would hope as much time you’ve spent doing paid interviews, you’ve also volunteered at a few battered women shelters. Wait. What’s that you say? They don’t pay for appearances? Oh. My bad. In any event, personally, I’m tired of hearing your story. As a woman who has volunteered at battered women shelters for about the past 6 years, I’ve learned the real strong type move in silence, but of course these women aren’t being vetted for tv and magazine interviews. The women I’ve worked with don’t get paid for media appearances. They don’t get fitted for high-priced dresses, and have their makeup done before they step into a photo shoot. These women typically put in hard work to support others like them because they realize the common connection they all share.
Therapy. Get you some. It may prove worthwhile for you. I hope the amount of time you’ve spent going back and forth doing these media appearances, there’s been some counseling sessions in between. Being a battered woman isn’t easy to deal with. No matter how much makeup you put on, no matter how much you spend on your shoes, you’re now a statistic.
No, I’m not letting Chad off the hook if that’s what you’re thinking. See, he showed the type of person he was when he was charged with domestic violence in college. It’s safe to say, Chad has some issues as well. I mean, you did say he gave you that “look.” I’ll just call it that “I’ll headbutt you” look. I wonder if it’s the same look that a dog gives a person right before they take a plunge to bite them. Usually when people see that look, their first instinct is to run. Unfortunately, Chad played up to your insecurities — we all know you have them because no woman would attack another woman the way you have if they didn’t — and he knew how not to make you run. That’s what abusers do.
Please, no more interviews. Use your time wisely to educate other women about domestic violence, off-screen. Fix yourself. Fix your life. Bravo for extending your 15 minutes of fame, but as you’re extending it, remember, every 15 seconds a woman is battered. Do your part in helping those who need it.
This open letter was everything!!!!
“You said in your recent People magazine interview that you “knew that look in his eyes,” and you knew when to back down. If you’ve seen that look before, why didn’t you leave,..”
That passage makes me uncomfortable, despite having seen “that look” in the past she isn’t a mind reader. A Woman cannot be expected to know when a man is going to hit her and then be blamed after the fact because she didn’t read his mind or body language.
This sends a bad message. I understand from the tone of this post that you don’t like Evelyn but, remember that it’s not Evelyn that’s reading this, it’s your readers that are and many are very young women, some teens. So you need to be very careful not to send the wrong message about domestic abuse and not to blame women for being abused, even Evelyn.
I absolutely agree. Let us not blame the victim, even if she did hit him as well. We have to be careful of the message we put out when we critizice someone who is in an abusive relationship. regardless of her role in “provoking” it. She should be encouraged to seek help and stop the press rounds.
@Caro
“I absolutely agree. Let us not blame the victim, even if she did hit him as well.”
If she hit him as well, its called ‘mutual combat.’ There are no victims.
Your comment is childish, simple minded and immature and the main reason we will continue to have violence in relationship because some people want take responsibility for there action then cry the victim.
It’s called an opinion editorial for a reason.
It’s the writer’s opinion & hers alone.
Good point but to be fair I don’t think the author is saying that she or any woman has to be a mind reader, but that she should have noted the RED FLAGS. I took it as Evelyn was already uncomfortable and uncertain around him and his temper. Let’s be honest, you can yell and argue with someone until you are blue in the face, cussing like a sailor, and the both of you are on edge but there is still a level of trust there of nobody resorting to violence and it seems like Evelyn didn’t have that with Chad. Clearly it seems like she was unsure before in this relationship or knew he had those tendencies when he gets at his worse so in the back of her mind she (knowingly or unknowingly) kept tabs with herself of not pushing him to far or when to fall back in the hopes of nothing popping off completely between them…despite her image I’ am trying to give her some credit. If she had to walk a tightrope around him out of fear then she should have left a long time ago like the author stated. I don’t see that so much as faulting her or any other victims but telling people to be aware of the signs which unfortunately a lot of people either dismiss or deny through no fault on their own because they still want to think the best of their significant other. Honestly, it does seem like Evelyn is milking the press with this, yes she is a victim but with her past antics and behavior it is hard to see her as such. And sadly, a lot of people are indifferent to her story, so I don’t know who she is milking it up for but it seems like people just don’t care about her and Chad’s situation.
I don’t think the author is blaming Evelyn for her being abused. What I got from this post (which I agree with and I think was very said) is that Evelyn is now doing all these interviews letting tthe world know what happened to her. In these interviews not only is paid but she gets to be glamed up before stepping in front of the camera. An “average-regular” woman does not get to be glamed up with makeup and fancy clothes before sharing their abuse story. Also, if you watch Basketballl Wives, Evelyn is THE MAIN ONE BEATING AND HITTING PEOPLE. It makes it a lot harder for her to win the sympathy card. What Chad did was wrong but what Evelyn does to women on that show is equally as wrong. I’m waiting for someone to interview her and ask her about the times she’s beaten people.
So we’re policing people now? I feel like despite what we may get tired of people have a right to talk about something as much as she wants. Let her heal her way and if you don’t like it change the channel.t
Amen! Get off the TV and magazine covers already. Better yet, let Jen swap places with Evelyn and speak on the abuse Evelyn dished out
not sure i agree w/everything but i will say amen to this letter, i had this exact same thought when i read on another blog today that she did a People Mag interview…its like everyday or at least every other day since the incident she has done some type of media tour. no woman should get abused but im tired of it already. i mean hell Rihanna didnt even do all this and she far worse for the wear after that incident