I’m Single, Not Desperate – I Still Have Preferences
God bless my grandmother’s heart. She has the best intentions in the world, but sometimes I look at her and shake my head. This weekend was one of those times. During a visit she actually thought it would be a good idea to offer her 70+year-old friend as an option for me, since she was interested in dating him. I looked at my sister and looked back at my grandmother and couldn’t help but to laugh. I couldn’t believe she was saying this, especially since she was the woman who always told me, “Old men will give you worms,” and I’m still not sure what she meant by that. A simple thanks, but no thanks, was all I could tell her.
“Hey, I have a friend, he’s nice, but he doesn’t have any arms.”
“There’s this guy I know, he’s really cool, but he has this drinking problem..would you like to meet him?”
“You know my cousin is single. If you can look past the fact that he’s 5’6 and 300 lbs, he’s great.”
Unfortunately I wish I could say those examples above are exaggerations, but they’re not. I’m not sure why, but when you’re single, for some reason, people always assume that you’re willing to accept anyone who happens to come along. Well that’s a whole lot of not happening.
One of the glorious things about being single is having choices and options. I know for a fact that I’m not everyone’s cup of tea and a lot of men aren’t mine either. I’m not going to go around sipping on some Lipton, when I know I really want a cup of Earl Grey. I’ve learned over the years, that although I have preferences, sometimes I do need to show flexibility, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to bend over backwards, just for anyone.
I’m single, not desperate.
If I was desperate, sure, I’d probably go out with the 5’6 300 lb dude, and stare at him endlessly while he’s chewing his food, and end up thinking to myself, “What the fuck am I doing here?” I’m also not the most superficial person any more either. I’ve come to realize that I’ll never get a chance at Ryan Gosling (damn, you Eva Mendes), and have ‘slightly’ lowered my standards. Not a lot, but slightly. It’s a process. Baby steps and a 12 step program. By standards, I mean, that where I wouldn’t see myself dating someone who is slightly overweight, I have. The guy that isn’t quite 6’0 (I’m 6’1 in heels) may still have a chance. Other things I’ve learned to look past usually have to do with their financial stability, education and career. But that doesn’t mean I plan on giving the fry cook at McDonald’s a chance either.
Being single doesn’t mean that a person has to totally get rid of their preferences, but allowing for a little flexibility doesn’t hurt. Flexibility also doesn’t mean you have to just throw everything out of the window and become a desperate dater either. I’m going to keep my preferences, but not become totally close minded because there are always deal breakers, that I don’t plan on budging on. For the record, Ryan Gosling, if you’re reading this. I’m available, email me.
Yes! This article raises a very good point. People often ridicule singles. Honestly, though, there is a scenario that singles find themselves in that I feel like is seldom addressed. Let’s say a singleton is only mildly attractive–let’s say about 20% of the population in your peer group would find out acceptable attractiveness speaking. But let’s say you are only attracted to 60% of your peer group, and there is either no overlap or very little overlap between the group that’s interested in you and the group that you are interested in. Basically, you either have to get with someone that you’re not attracted to (which seems like a waste of time for both concerned) or stay single. Thus, a lot of singles are single not because they have super-high standards, but because they haven’t found someone that they are interested in that is also interested in them. Both are important.
Heres what I do now at 35 being single and folks wanna #1 psychoanalyze
me as if there Dr Phil or #feel the need like you said to take it upon themselves to “fix the issue” as if its a problem. I say up front that I’m single and thats it no one deserves explanations on my,its not their life and I didnt sign up for Love Connection. So no dont need nobody nephews,uncles baby cousins. I was volunteering for a Social Service agency for seniors and we did a gospel concert/dinner for them. I got hit on by one of the fellas in the gospel group we hired,dude was a 55 year old funeral home director,the game he was spitting was hilarious lol.
The last paragraph was everything.
Lol! I love this article, had me in stitches hahaha!
I feel like dating in your 20s is like going to the best house party ever. Everyone is your age, a wider selection of people heading your same direction. Dating in your 30s is like someone flipped a switch, turned the lights on and you are now waking up on the floor of that party surrounded by empty beer bottles and trash. You’re looking around like, who else is still here, why am I still here? Some people start grabbing for anything left, while I head to another party. One with people in a similar state in life — adults looking for adult relationships. Everyone good isn’t taken, and no one should have to settle for left overs. Change your surroundings. You won’t see different things until you see things differently.