While watching a repeat of the show “Girls” on HBO Tuesday night, the episode where the character Shoshanna was abruptly turned down mid-sex scene because she confessed that she was a virgin was on. The male in the scene “gently” let her down by saying, “I don’t do virgins. Virgins get attached. Virgins bleed. They get attached when they bleed.” After I laughed like a crazy person, I began to wonder if women felt the same way about men who are virgins. Are they an instant turn-off or a turn-on?
I must say that things have indeed changed from my high school and college days, in terms of what turns men on and off. I remember when taking a girl’s virginity was something young men prided themselves on. It was some sort of an “accomplishment” to say you “popped a girl’s cherry.” Now, in my adult years, men talk about dealing with virgins with an air of dismay. They want someone who is experienced, knows what they like and knows how to receive pleasure as well as give it.
From conversations with my eclectic group of girlfriends, I have heard pros and cons when it comes to dating a man who is a virgin. The majority of the pros came from my Christian friends who were either virgins themselves or made the decision to remain celibate until they got married. They argued that it is beneficial to be with someone who shares your same values, and that it would be special for the two of them to give to each other something so sacred. Then one of my girlfriend’s, who is sexually active, said it would be fun to date a virgin because she said it would be a thrill to teach him how to get down. She would be able to mold him into the exact kind of lover she wanted, and it would be a great feeling to know that the guy would never forget about her if the relationship didn’t work out.
Of course there were the ones who were completely against dating a man who was a virgin and viewed it as a major turn-off. Their arguments ranged from not wanting to be with someone who they had to teach about how to do everything sexually, that the idea of taking a man’s virginity just wasn’t appealing and that they wouldn’t want the man to have an unhealthy attachment in case the relationship went to hell.
I wonder if much of the opposition stems from the idea that a man should be the one to take control and handle his business in the bedroom? Let’s be honest, even the most independent and self-assured women have admitted to wanting a man who knows how to take over in the bedroom. Dare I even go as far as saying there is a double standard, possibly sexist notion, that women who are virgins are prized and men who are virgins past a certain age are corny or not considered “real men.”
Ladies, we want to hear from you. At this point in your life (whatever point that may be), if you met a man who was a virgin would you be turned-on or instantly turned-off?