No Church In A While – Why I Choose Not To Attend
There’s a story that my grandmother constantly tells people about an incident that happened at church when I was about 8 or 9 years old. She tells it so proudly and with fervor, that if she ever found out the truth about the incident, it would probably break her heart. Thankfully she doesn’t have the Internet, so the chances of her learning the truth probably won’t happen any time soon. This is what happened. During an outdoor tent revival that my grandmother’s church was holding in Newark, NJ, people were becoming “overwhelmed” with the “holy spirit”. They would pass out on the wood chip covered ground and spoke in tongues. It looked fun, so I followed suit. I fell out and laid on the ground, and repeated, “Shamballa shamballa honda shamballa.” How was I supposed to know my grandmother really thought I was being touched by the holy ghost. But she did, and still does. After all of these years, and all of the times she’s told the story, I just let her bask in it.
Growing up, church was forced on my siblings and I. In our early years living in Rochester, NY, my father was a member of the church band and my mother was the dutiful Pentecostal wife. Every Sunday, we would make our way to church and sit there for hours. Apparently my father didn’t learn much in church, because eventually my parents separated because of his cheating. The church didn’t save their marriage, but it did get their tithes every Sunday.
Once we moved to New Jersey, we were thrusted into another church. This time it was my grandmother’s Pentecostal church in Newark, NJ. The church’s congregation consisted of mostly poor and elderly people. I would cringe when my grandmother would reach into her purse to give her last few dollars, knowing how hard she worked cleaning houses that week. I remember one time she gave me a dollar to place in the offering bucket and I didn’t. You see, I knew the size of the preacher’s house and the fancy cars he had, while we were living in a small house with about 7 people. My dollar was better off going towards candy and potato chips.
Eventually both my mother and grandmother grew tired of the Pentecostal church and started to attend a non-denominational mega-church by the time I was about 11. The church’s congregation was diverse, with all types of ethnicities and the pastor was Italian. There were activities and classes for kids and teens, so they wouldn’t have to sit in the main service with their parents, bored out of their minds. This was the first time I actually started to enjoy going to church, but it was short-lived. I eventually learned that the church was filled with sinners, and once they entered the church all of their sins were laid down at the altar, but once they left church, it was back to sinning. I can’t even begin to count the ‘scandals’ that went on at that church. From pastors leaving their wives for other women in the congregation, to teens getting pregnant during the summer away camp, it was a never-ending story of drama. By the time I was 14, my mother stopped forcing us to attend church. She wouldn’t bother waking us up on Sunday mornings, because she knew our disdain for it.
It’s been about 8 years since I stepped foot into a church. But in saying that, I’m also not saying that I’m not a ‘believer’. There’s always this misconception that people assume just because I don’t attend church that I’m an Atheist or Agnostic. I just don’t feel the need to believe in the concept of a church. I also don’t believe in funding the church as a business. My 10% isn’t going towards Jesus. It’s going to the pastor’s salary, his mortgage, his car payment and that fancy watch. Supporting the big business of the church isn’t helping me get into heaven any faster. While everyone wakes up to put on their Sunday’s best, I’m content with sleeping in and being spiritual in my own little way.
Well, I completely understand… You find your own way. Folks have so many opinions.
I feel you on that. I was raised a muslim and don’t really call myself a muslim anymore. I attended the mosque this past eid for the first time in over ten years. And yea, It’s be loooong before i go again. My mom’s keeps praying that Allah will ‘melt my heart’ so i can become a faithful servant of Islam *side eye*.She just doesn’t get that I believe in God, but not religion. The imams in our community are caught doing all kinds of shady shit….mistresses, kids out of wedlock etc…no ma’am! I’m good!
sorry for the typos….:)
Yep, I am for spirituality and not for religion…religion says to me you MUST do this or else…for me, having a spiritual relationship with God without all the rules and regulations works.
I’ve never understood this position. If you don’t believe in the “rules” or the Bible then where does your belief in god come from?
Yesha, I respect your honesty and candor. The holy ghost story was too funny lol. We promise not to tell your grandma *crosses fingers*. I too haven’t been to church in a long time, about 2 years. Several points though…
“The church didn’t save their marriage, but it did get their tithes every Sunday.”
It’s not up to the church to save your parent’s marriage. The church provides guidance and direction, but only your parents can save their marriage by following the will of God (if you’re a believer)
“I eventually learned that the church was filled with sinners”
Well, duh lol! Just because you’re saved doesn’t mean you’re magically a perfect person- even Christians sin.
I do agree with your point though about some churches being “big businesses.” I believe that pastors should be compensated, but question if it’s necessary to pay them SO much. A lot of that money could be going towards helping needy members of the congregation or community.
Yvette: I loved all of the points you made. I just wanted to add that tithing is in the bible. If you are a believer then you tithe not because of the church or it being a big business but because God ask that of you in His word. Just trust that if you give it because you respect what the word says then God will appropriate properly and make sure that you are rewarded for the seed that you sowed.
Kisa, you’re absolutely right, tithing is in the Bible. I’ll be honest though, I don’t know much about tithing beyond that. Can you please elaborate further about what the Bible says about *how* it should be appropriated? Does the Bible says something about how church leaders should be spending the money? i.e. – to help the needy, paying the pastor, etc.
At my church, we definitely give back to the community. We even do missionary work all over the world. That’s what’s being done with our tithes. On the envelope, there is an option to give to “tithing” or give to the pastor. Whatever is given to the pastor-he lives off of. If it’s for tithing, it goes back into the church (paying teachers, etc) and the community.
If your church isn’t doing ANYTHING for the community, find another church that does.
Y’all do know that tithing is an Old Testament commandment that was actually 23 1/3 of the fruits of the labor and not 10%, and that even Jews consider it antiquated, unfair to the poor, and have a progressive dues system based on income, right?
Aboaultely. The church is full of sinners. Like my pastor says, you don’t go to the emergency room expecting to see a room full of healthy people!
I went to a church though that was all about the money. And they made me feel bad as a college student living on $100-$200 a month because I couldn’t always put something in the offering basket. Where I go now, is a bible church and we’re taught and shown tithing is in the bible. We give back to the community and the church in so many ways. Without having no one single fish fry or car wash my church gave out $150 THOUSAND dollars in college scholarships. And that’s just one avenue. I understand the struggle, I grew up Muslim and now I’m AME and I know no ones perfect. That 10% isn’t going to break me. If I have it to give I do.
Man, tell me about it. I hate that the church is so corrupt, but what I hate more is when people make excuses for it! We’re only human- yes, but if the church isn’t doing the work of changing those human hearts it might as well not be in business. I can understand one mistake, or even a few, but if a man is repeatedly abusive, an adulterer, or cheating the congregation out of money I don’t believe that a.) he was called to preach, b.) that he was ever sincere, c.) that Christianity is real ( how could the Christian God let his servants be raped, abused, and otherwise harmed in GOD’S name).
I was raised a Christian and to me it’s all a big show. And the people at the top are the worse. I breaks my heart b/c the ppl I know are very sincere but the leadership is almost always corrupt. I’m from Miami and I can’t think of one major black church without a sex or financial scandal.
“If the church isn’t doing the work of changing those human hearts it might as well not be in business.”
I have to disagree. It is not the Church’s responsibility to do anything but spread the Good News that is the Gospel. THAT is what pierces the hearts of many and changes lives. Salvation is a choice of the individual. The church cannot make that choice for them. We can encourage uplift and inspire, but the choice is yours. Also, you cannot turn your back on God because of the shortcomings of others. He has nothing to do with that and He Himself gave us a free will. If you don’t want to go to church fine. But letting the actions of others affect your relationship with God makes me wonder who were you really serving. Them? or Him…?
Story of my life basically. Glad I am not the only person who feels the same way.