Why Usher Shouldn’t Have ‘Confessed’ on OWN
I’d planned to stay up Sunday night and write about Usher’s interview on “Oprah’s Next Chapter” right after it aired. I went to bed instead because I knew — just knew — that his ex-wife, Tameka Raymond, was going to respond to Usher’s take on their marriage if not swiftly, then deftly, and there was no sense in writing about the same issue twice. But then Tuesday night rolled around and 48 hours later, Tameka was still mum. It was unlike her. Usher and his mother didn’t hesitate to shade Tameka throughout the Oprah interview, and she has always defended her name by any means necessary.
I admitted I was wrong, then rolled around reasons Tameka might be taking the high road this time. Maybe she had given up the good fight after a judge denied her appeal for custody of the two sons she shares with her ex-husband. Maybe she just doesn’t care anymore. My best answer, though? Maybe she realized there was nothing to defend herself against. For every time in the interview that Usher made her look bad under the guise of just being honest, he unintentionally made himself look worse.
In 60 minutes, Usher never did answer a direct question with a direct answer, which was frustrating as a viewer and would be doubly so in the context of a relationship. And he seemed to spin everything into a light that made it sound less screwy than it actually was instead of just taking accountability for his shortcomings. On the subject of whether he fired his mother as his manager, he told Oprah that he didn’t, he only “relieved her of duties.” Really? On his fidelity to his wife, Usher explained, “I was faithful in heart, but not all the way” before finally admitting he cheated, but with the qualifier that it was only after they were separated. Did he actually have sex with one of Tameka’s bridesmaids, as his ex scandalously alleged? The Usher spin: “It’s always been complicated and very difficult” and “I had exchanges with her.” All that to get to “yes” and confirm that Tameka wasn’t making up that ish.
The interview actually confirmed all my suspicions about his image as the victim of an evil cougar attack, which are loosely that he wasn’t a victim at all; he just has better PR. I don’t know Tameka to gauge whether the popular and unflattering perception of her has any truth to it, but I know after watching “Oprah’s Next Chapter” that if she were the one wilding out in the marriage, she wasn’t the only one. And after his confessions, it seemed that if any of the rumors about her behavior toward him were true, he had a lot of it coming. I don’t know many women who could carry on in a civil manner with her ex-husband knowing that of all the people in the world he could have sex with, he picked her girl, one so close she was in the wedding.
Perhaps Usher’s revelations shouldn’t be so surprising to me. He is the same fellow who, in the midst of divorce proceedings, added fuel to the fire by renaming his sixth album “Raymond v. Raymond.” He’s also the same type of man who, in equally bad taste, too soon after winning primary custody of his children, posted images for public consumption of the little ones with his new lady and her family. That wasn’t accidental, coincidental, or harmless. That was cold. I thought he would have come off better “in person.” Not so much.
It takes two to tango, so the old folks say. Tameka’s spoken often about what when down between her and Usher, with little of it pretty. For doing such, she’s been characterized as angry, bitter, and unlikable. Usher’s silence on the matter has often garnered him the benefit of the doubt. He would have been better off to remain silent. There’s an Abe Lincoln quote that the old folks like to trot out: “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” Unfortunately, Usher’s interview with Oprah proves it true.
Demetria L. Lucas is the author of A Belle in Brooklyn: The Go-to Girl for Advice on Living Your Best Single Life. ABIB is available for download and now in paperback. Follow her on Twitter at @abelleinbk.
It’s rare that only one person is to blame for destroying a relationship.
Now that right there is the truth!
this whole article was on point couldnt agree more..i would also add as Wendy said on her show the other day, what type of man continues with proceedings to take two children from his ex wife right after she lost one, now essentially she has lost three children, just sad all around.
She’s the one that wanted to continue with the custody proceedings, according to the interview. Usher claimed he asked the judge to delay the trial, and that Tameka wanted to continue with it despite the fact that she had just lost her son. From what I gathered, they’re both two screwy individuals that really didn’t need to be married or have children together at all. Because just because Usher was a nasty, freaky douche in this interview, it didn’t make me like Tameka’s side any more than I don’t already.
1) thats why i said it was sad all around (in reference to your “it didnt make me like Tamekas side anymore” i feel the same way)
2) for clarity, i heard she wanted to continue as well i meant drop the proceedings PERIOD, all together and continue to share custody (which is what I believe they do now)
:)
Agreed! They are both odd individuals with the same amount of triffling behavior so neither gets a pass or look better than the other in my book. They just didn’t need to be married because clearly Usher is still a little boy and Tameka couldn’t deal with that life. Oh, And maybe that picture was a respond for Tameka calling homegirl “barren and can’t make kids own…” rigt after her kid die on twitter. Both their hands was dirty and both look dumb and immature to me. They need to get it together and raise them babies.
That quote is actually from the book of proverbs…..The thing with this is I’m glad he told the truth. I’ve read some of the nastiest comments about Tameka R. coming from women. If u don’t live in that persons home, u can’t judge. Even if u did live there. What goes on between married people is our business. Also, I may add NEVER put your marriage business out in the street. I don’t know when people will get it.
+1
I agree “NEVER put your marriage business out in the street. I don’t know when people will get it.”
This is a crazie ongoing fight. All I can think about are those two precious boys.
I agree. He came across as unauthentic during that interview. I would love to hear Tameka’s side of the story and no offense but not a sit down with one of the urban blogs…talking a major network. I’m sure some of her actions were the result of a woman scorned. From the outside looking in, I’ve never been a huge Usher person. His arrogance coupled with what appears to be just a “sneakiness” about him…not a good look. He just appears to have some “bi**ha**ness” in him. Releasing those photos was in poor taste. Sorry to say this but I believe in the case of both he and D Wade they pursued primary custody more so due to the very public divorce, animosity towards the women and just not wanting to pay child support. In the end, glad to see black men taking steps to ensure they’re a part of their kids life but not a fan of how Usher went about this situation.
I just don’t think Tameka & Usher belonged together. Too many people were against their union from the very beginning & that’s always a red flag. I like Usher. I like Tameka. However, I thought that was so very wrong of him to have sex with her bridesmaid. I mean, out of all the women in the world that he can get because of his celebrity status, you mean he has to sex a friend? Now, that right there did me in.