Any mention of a three month rule elicits snarls and groans from my crew of friends. Most of them are apprehensive about waiting for sex. They don’t see a need for it. The thinking goes we’re all adults so why play arbitrary, rudimentary games when it’s time to get physical.

In reality, there’s no guarantee that your mate will be more committed to you after months of waiting then he or she would be if you had sex on the first date. In fact, I’ve done both. I had a long-term fulfilling relationship with guy who I slept with on first date, and the man who I made wait three months later avoided commitment like the plague, and eventually we became all about sex.

For these reasons, I’m quick to dismiss the idea of waiting for sex. And yet I waited to sleep with my current boyfriend. I wanted to strengthen our connection outside of the physical before becoming intimate, especially when I saw how much chemistry we share.

The singer Brandy seems to agree with this approach, and a song off her upcoming album “Two Eleven,” called “No Such Thing as Too Late,” speaks about the value in waiting. She spoke about the song in an exclusive interview with Necole Bitchie:

N: One of my favorite records off of ‘Two Eleven’ so far is ‘No Such Thing As Too Late’ which is about waiting until the time is right to be intimate with someone. What made you choose that record?
B: Well the melody in itself, its just such a beautiful melody and then the lyrical content, it just really shows women their worth. A lot of us, we try to rush into things, we think being intimate with a person will make the relationship go faster or bring about the commitment but if it’s real love, you can take your time. If the person really loves you, he doesn’t mind waiting and being patient. The longer he has to wait; he respects that or cherishes what he has.

N: It’s really interesting nowadays that people put so much emphasis on sex and how ‘it better be good’ rather than focusing on connecting with a person on a deeper level.
B: I actually believe the connection in itself will bring beautiful intimacy, I definitely think that God created sex for people that have that connection first, being in love and that spiritual connection before you even go there. A lot of people can have great intimacy but don’t know how to connect with each other. They don’t know what to talk about and don’t share any communication with each other. I think it’s great to get to know a person before you even share the icing on the cake.

Do you agree, Clutchettes, that it’s better to forge a connection outside of the physical before sharing “the icing on the cake”? Do you think withholding sex impacts the relationship in any way?

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  • Robbie

    Pick someone that share the same view on sex, commitment, family values, dating and marriage as you do. Once you do that, you will save yourself so much trouble. A household/relationship that is divided will not stand the test of time. Better be by yourself than to be with someone that don’t see relationships the way that you do.

  • I think it’s better to wait till you have truly learned about the individual. Yes waiting doesn’t guarantee you a relationship, but neither does having it on the first date, and how much do you truly know about him/her in a day? Take your time, get to know them, what they like, don’t like, favorite color etc and when it’s right you’ll know.

  • James Buzniko

    I honestly doubt that having a relationship without sex is making it stronger in any way.