It’s Never Ok To Hit A Woman
The Internet was in an uproar yesterday over the shocking video showing a Ohio bus-driving uppercutting a young woman after an altercation broke out on his bus. The woman in question, 25-year-old Shi’dea Lane and the 59-year-old bus driver, Artis Hughes have decided not to press charges against each other, but Hughes has been suspended from his job of 22 years. To say that opinions ran rampant in regards to who was right and who was wrong in this situation is an understatement. It also provided a sad commentary on what people condone. I must have been busy the day the “It’s Ok To Hit A Woman” memo went out. Maybe it was sent as an email that was immediately marked as spam, because apparently other people were on the receiving end of it.
When my son was 5 years old, he came home from school to talk about a girl who hit him because she wanted a box of crayons he was using. Before I could even ask what he did in return, he told me he didn’t hit her because she’s a girl, but he walked away and got another box. Now that he’s in 8th grade, he still recognizes the fact that there are girls that will try to provoke people, regardless of gender. He’s been provoked, but he’s walked away. He’s had a girl hit him, but he didn’t dare raise his hand to defend himself. My son is 13 and from the looks of it, the common sense that so many adults lack, he has an abundance of it.
I was appalled to read that so many men and women condoned the use of violence by a man against a woman. “Oh, well if she can act like a man, she can get treated like a man”. The logic in that statement is severely flawed. First, you’ve established the fact that acting like a man, automatically means being violent. So is it safe to assume, that all men are violent? Sorry, I’m not buying that. Secondly, “get treated like a man”, once again, more flawed logic. To be treated like a man implies that violence has to come into play. I’ve never preached this sort of rhetoric to my son, and never will.
Women, if you throw the first punch, you’re dead wrong. Lets just put that out there. Just as if a man was to throw the first punch. But apparently many people feel that it’s “sexist” not to treat a woman the way she treats a man when it comes to physical violence. Wait. What? Maybe I missed something, but violence against any gender is uncalled for, but now it’s sexist for a man not to hit back? This is not “equal pay for equal work”. I guess people feel because of feminism and women fighting for equality, they should be equally “manhandled”. “They have a warped sense of reality. Men and women are not on equal footing when it comes to physical combat”, says psychologist Carla Rhodes. “Men have a responsibility to keep their biological advantage in check. They have the advantage of being stronger and larger and potentially doing more damage. Men also have a responsibility to recognize when they are in danger of hitting a woman and to gain control of their composure in the situation.”
Even from my own guy friends, I heard comments such as, “Well, my mother always told me (insert random comment about it being ok for a man to defend himself by hitting a woman if she hits him)”. This is where their mothers have failed them. I think if a man hears this rationale early on as a child, it sticks with them, and of course they know no other recourse to follow. I hope one-day people will come to their senses and realize diffusing a situation doesn’t have to involve violence. It’s never ok for a man to hit a woman. Or for a woman to hit a man.
You point out a lot of supposed fallacies in the argument that this woman should be treated like a man if she acts like one, but fail to use non fallible logic to support your own argument against the argument. You argue that violence isn’t a main characteristic of males and that it’s therefore not gender specific. A logical point, but you then put a gender on it by saying that men shouldn’t use it against women. It’s not gender specific. Not saying that it’s the right thing to do, but you shouldn’t argue it one way and turn around and use your basis the other way.
You used your son in your piece, but you never answered if it was okay for him to defend himself from males? If yes, and violence is not gender specific then why allow him to defend himself against males but not females? If your is because of the physicality of men as opposed to women, it’s not guaranteed that every aggressive female will be smaller or weaker than your son. How does he proceed then? Using that argument is a fallacy in and of itself. Navy Seals are generally 5’6″-5’10″ and considered some of the most dangerous men in the world, but not because of their size. I say that to say that people of all sizes, men and women, can be dangerous.
I don’t condone men hitting women, but I don’t condone women hitting men either. I also question articles that focus on the man’s actions more so than that of the woman’s actions. You do point out that she was wrong for her actions, but you fail to question her acts as less than that of a woman. She tried to ride without fare, didn’t leave when asked, instigated the confrontation, assaulted the man by both hitting and spitting on him, and all this after being warned not to by the person she did it against.
When are we going to stop making when in these types of situations where they are the aggressors, instigators, and assaulter the victims? This is clearly not abuse. This is a provocation that was met with over the top retaliation. When are we going to question the womanhood or ladylike qualities of women who act like this in a one page write up while also addressing the man’s behavior? I sometimes think that this is one of the sayings that has become old and useless because at the time it became a saying, a woman rarely dared to strike a man. These days it’s becoming more and more prevalent. Women were taught not to strike a man or be prepared for the result as well as the men being taught to never strike a woman. Now it is pretty unbalanced in all aspects. Women used to cut men with words not try to strike them with their fists.
I have witnessed a lot of these take place, and I have to say that unlike most situations in which involve two men, it’s harder to walk away these days from the women. Men will jaw at each other and if one walks away then it’s usually over. Women will chase after men these days making it impossible to even walk away. So what’s next? No one’s going to defend a man against a woman, women have no fear whatsoever of any repercussions, it’s harder than ever to walk away, women aggressors are rising at alarming rates, women aren’t being taught not to hit men with the same meaning as vice versa, and men can’t defend themselves because of the rule.
I don’t think its fair for a woman or a man to walk up to my face and disrespect it without me being able to let them know how it feels. At this point its no longer physical pain that should cause that kind of reaction but rather an emotional one. If someone keeps slapping and spitting in my face that hurts me more on a deeper level than if I were to get a bloody nose or lip. We live in a world with consequences and thus it should apply to all people. I’m not saying just “women” but anybody who dares to cross the line of personal space in this kind of manner should have their reality check. I am not being gender specific here but people specific. A disrespectful person should get a dose of reality whether they are a male or a female. Don’t start something then there won’t be something (in the context of this issue of course). That’s life.