“All black women are crazy,” he said, unsolicited, out of nowhere, in an email.

What prompted the statement didn’t really matter. But my friend Schwartzie (not his real name) still threw that out there, never expecting that it might be interpreted as offensive.

Schwartzie, a black man, said it as a joke to me. Not a good joke, mind you. But it fit his usual, kind of “Chris Rock-style” observational humor where he says the most stereotypical, shocking, odd thing. And depending on the delivery it’s either met with chuckles or out-right hostility.

Only, Schwartzie is a “professional guy,” not Chris Rock.

The lazy, unintentional sexist is always the most frustrating one because he often doesn’t make the connection between the words flying out of his mouth and his larger actions. He doesn’t see himself as a “sexist,” but simply “keeping it real.” He’s the sort of guy who will hire a woman, depend on women, work with women, fall in love with women, be an all-around gentleman and polite towards women, choose – over and over – to be around nothing but women, but then will say infuriatingly tone-deaf things like, “All black women are crazy.”

In Schwartzie’s case, his life is filled with black women who directly contribute to his happiness, as well as his personal and professional well-being, yet he likes to complain, constantly, about this hypothetical, crazy black woman of who is supposed to be the “norm,” and all of us – the non-crazies – are aberrations.

This is a man who is sad, and near impossible to deal with, when he can’t see his wife. Who primarily works with women. Whose best friend is a woman. Whose career is bolstered by the influence, support, and management of women. Who is a “Mama’s Boy.” And who respects and values me despite being born of permanent tan and temperamental va-jay-jay.

  • jillodelight

    “Talking to the Lovable, But Misguided Sexist in Your Life”
    LOL Sexist aren’t loveable or capable of real love. Their self esteem comes at your expense.