Tyrese & His So-Called Relationship Advice

by Yesha Callahan

Some people need to stick with the gifts they were given. By some, I mean Tyrese Gibson. Most people know him as a singer and actor, I’ll call those his gifts. But he has this gift that keeps on giving, sort of like herpes, that no one wants. Over the past couple of years, Tyrese’s Twitter account has become a cesspool of horrible grammar and interesting relationship advice.

Case in point. This morning I logged into my account, and I noticed people retweeting Tyreseisms:

 

 

So according to Tyrese, fuck your independence. All of you independent women are just lonely. He also used Beyonce as an example. You know that song where she spoke about being independent? Well, in Tyrese’s world, she threw all that away, and found her “king.” So now she’s much happier.

Oh, but it gets better:

You ladies out there, that aren’t lonely, but in crappy relationships. Don’t end them, but fight till the death to keep them intact, no matter how bad they are, because it’s better to be in a crappy relationship, instead of being lonely. But of course there were the usual Tyrese cheerleaders, cheering on his Tyreseisms:

 

Oh Shenika, Shenika … you’ve drunk the Tyrese-Aid. And apparently you like it. Tell me how does that bullshit flavor Kool-Aid taste?

When will people stop taking relationship advice from Tyrese and other clowns like him? Unfortunately, his advice isn’t something you can easily turn a blind eye to, because most of his retweets come from people asking, “What the fuck?”. I just wish he’d stick to using the gifts he’s good at, singing and acting. I’m just going to go and blame Coca-Cola, he should have stayed on the back of that bus singing.

  • http://writeitout.wordpress.com Natsai

    He is so fine in that picture too. SMH why did twitter have to be invented?

  • http://twitter.com/gennatay Gennatay (@gennatay)

    I haven’t read any of Tyrese’s tweets, but from going from what you wrote…

    There are some universal truths about relationships (and life in general) . One is you should never take relationship advice from someone because each relationship and situation is different. Another is what you put out there will be what you receive. So if a women is consistently saying that “she doesn’t need a man (or a companion) for X,Y,Z, then she won’t have one.

    I also think you read way too much into that last tweet. We all know there are women (and some men) out there that will only go for people who are married trying to break up a “happy home”. Also, it takes a lot to be in a relationship, they are not easy.

    But that’s just my interpretation of his tweets.

  • http://www.wisdomswork.etsy.com Donielle

    I don’t see it that way. It is true, alot of women have that “I don’t need a man” attitude. For one reason or another that is how they feel. Now I am not saying that you have to be with someone to be “good.” No, not at all. What is so wrong about being co dependent. Nobody on this earth is truly INDEPENDENT. We ALL depend on someone for something. So why do we get all up in arms when it comes to wanting or needing a man for something? It’s really not a bad thing if you 1.KNOW YOUR WORTH! Don’t accept garbage off the street and try and dress it up as your man. 2. Be comfortable with being alone but stop screaming “MISS INDEPENDENT” “I don’t NEED a man!” That’s so ridiculous and it’s OLD!!!

  • http://gravatar.com/s2aebelt AJonsey

    I’m just waiting for the day when these faux relationship experts start addressing some of their “concerns” to black males … yeah … I’ll wait … *taps finger on desk* *blank stare*

  • Kristi

    Thumbs up x 10000!

  • D

    I agree that a woman shouldn’t NEED a man. But it’s perfectly normal and good to want one.

  • Kristi

    I think that men gave taken the whole “i don’t need a man” statement way too far in terms of meaning. The word “need” indicates that I can’t go on without a man. My life will substantially be worse if I don’t have a man. “I’ll die without you” type stuff. Yes, many women have risen above this type of thinking, as well they should. But that doesn’t mean we don’t want or love men. That doesn’t mean we don’t want husbands and families. A woman who is financially independent and has career goals Does not equal cold, heartless bitch. Besides, where are men getting these caracatures of Black women from? Who are these women of which you speak Tyrese (steve Harvey, or any other black male relationship “expert”)? I have some career goals of my own and consider myself financially independent, but I also have been described as a very nice, thoughtful person. So are my friends and just about most Black women I’ve met. Don’t let movies and garbage television pull the wool over your eyes about what black women really are….

  • Downsouth Transplant

    when I read fight to stay in your Marriage/relationship, it came to my mind wasn’t this the dude who punched his pregnant girlfriend, is that the kind of fighting his talking about?

  • http://fromthoughtsintowords.blogspot.com/ rkahendi

    Lol. Is this really an issue? When it comes to relationships and life decisions, everyone is entitled to an opinion, however misguided or erroneous. The issue is not really what Tyrese is tweeting, but the public’s choice to engage with his tweets.

    I’m also going to play devil’s advocate here and point out that there is more than one perspective of every issue. So it would be dishonest to state that “Independence,” can only have one meaning. Independence (financial/ emotional) is certainly necessary to leave an abusive relationship. But it is also true that some people claim “Independence” when they don’t want to be held accountable for their relationship missteps.

  • http://gravatar.com/clnmike Tonton Michel

    Why would that happen? Black men are not the ones saying to anyone who will listen “I dont need a woman” and than being mad that they dont have one.

  • Ange B

    I find this funny…I understand that no body can truly exist alone…you need fellow people. And wanting a Man and needing a Man are two different things, but mix in desperation and both can be an unhealthy venture. That said, I would love for Tyrese to address his fellow artist who do songs that seem to support this notion of independent woman. Lil Boosie and Lil Phat’s I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T track & of course Neyo’s Miss Independent. I know those are only two songs but they were both in the last 10 years and there are countless others that speak to this newer ideal woman? I don’t know…or maybe those songs are in line with the thinking on this comment page about not Needing a Man but simply Wanting one?

  • http://halloftheblackdragon.com Greg Dragon

    He never said he was a relationship expert… what was the point of this “article” outside of letting the world know that you hate Tyrese?

  • Amber

    I stopped following Tyrese on Twitter looooong ago because there was just way too much soapboxing going on. I don’t need to say what Ajonsey (above) already articulate perfectly. I guess he’s trying to say don’t front on your loneliness by calling it independence. That’s fine. But please….that’s like ALL he does. Go away…

  • http://www.clutchmagoline.com Yesha

    Please point out the instance where I said “I hate Tyrese”…

    I’ll wait.

  • Overseas_Honeybee

    @Downsouth Transplant.
    You know you wrong for that one :) *smiles* But he was involved in some :”domestic issues” a while back. Not sure if he ever caught a case or not. Anywho … “Jodie” can miss me with all his so-called “advice”.

  • Ms. Information

    This comes of a little bitter female to me….Although he is inarticulate…I can gauge what Tyrese is saying….there ARE women who are out here who are saying, “I don’t need a man, I am independent” because they have high paying jobs and are fairing much better than some black men…In his own inarticulate way, he is encouraging black love…some women are so bitter that they take it the wrong way…in other news…he could address black male patterns in relationships to be fair.

  • victoria

    My ex use to say that all the time.

    ”Black men are not the ones saying to anyone who will listen ‘I dont need a woman’ and than being mad that they dont have one.”

  • http://www.clutchmagoline.com Yesha

    Theres a difference between satire/sarcasm & bitterness. :)

  • Ms. Information

    I get that…my MA in English taught me that much…but it reads bitter and jaded…not smart and satirical.

  • http://gravatar.com/nolakiss16 binks

    That sounds to much like right for them to do they rather point the blame. But LMAO…I am sorry I couldn’t finish the article because I am crying in laughter at those tweets. I swear independent became the new curse word. I do agree that some women use independence as a crutch to mask deeper issues but men do get put off when they discover you are good with or without them. So it is a two way street.

  • keke

    say it again girl!

  • Smilez_920

    Agreed. But men like Tyress wont go out of business until women stop feeding into their ” o I am the all knowing relationship expert ways”.

    This whole phenomenon kind of started by women magazines like Cosmo having male commentators giving a ” mans point of view on relationships etc…” While there’s nothing wrong with having commentary from both sides; I think because women are the majority of the audience buyin these ” relationship books ” and following ppl like Tyress on twitter , it’s only natural that the advice is going to focus on the action of women. ( because we do play a role in our own demise )

    yes It should also focus on the good and bad of men’s actions. But the men who want to do good usually will ( without the assistance of a thousand blog post) and the ones who don’t want to do good simply wont. That leaves no real ( big male audience for these other men to talk to, if their trying to make the big bucks).

    While some male relationship bloggers give a equal amount of tough love to both sexes . Others are just simply jack@sses with computers.

  • SL

    Your education doesn’t automatically make you correct about topics that are subjective in nature…it just makes you sound pretentious.

  • paul

    Well Tyrese’ advice is no worse and no more inarticulate and nonsensical than you’d get from any other peddler of bizarre relationship advice.

    oh say

    like Oprah with her proteges eg John Grey in men are from mars women are from venus.

    er no

    men and women are both from planet earth,

    What about the cloven hoofed Dr Philth – sorry Dr Phil? If ever there was an demonic possessor of human souls that needed exorcising, it’s gotta be that creep.

  • ?!?

    Women are more likely to go looking for relationship advice. Steve Harvey and Tyrese know that black women will go on Amazon and buy their books. If Steve Harvey wrote a book like Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man for men, it would probably flop. So they direct all of their attention at women. A lot of times, selling products to women involves hurting self esteem or telling women that they are crazy. Then these women will go buy a cream, a hair dye kit, or a book to feel more beautiful or fix their crazy.

    Other than books about game, I don’t know if men are buying relationship books like that.

  • Sweetles

    I agree with you @ Ms. Information

  • victoria

    @SL

    I dont think Ms. Info meant that her education made her a relationship expert, but an expert when identifying satire and sarcasm.

    I agree with Ms. Info.

  • http://twitter.com/0oIAMSHEo0 IAMSHE (@0oIAMSHEo0)

    Tyrese is a #nonfactor…He’s a celebricrat. He doesn’t live in the real world. #irrelevant

  • ?

    Female what?

  • Keepitreal

    WTF actually takes this inarticulate, woman beating (allegedly), skeletor looking behind seriously? Only in the backwards BC is the word independent horrible………………………..for women. Name one community where men routinely shirk their responsibilities and the women who are surviving regardless become the villain and the butt of jokes.

  • emme

    Is he STILL talking about this?

  • http://theblackgirloncampus.blogspot.com Peace

    I actually agree with what he’s saying although not the way he did. Call me (and Tyrese) old-fashioned, but I believe that ‘independence’ and being in a committed relationship is paradoxical. I also believe that when something is broken, you attempt to fix it before throwing it away.

  • Keepitreal

    ETA:
    This meme of the neck rolling, shit talking, “I don’t need no man” black woman is being spread around by enough black men and the self hating women who seek their approval that it routinely trends on twitter & not just so called “black twitter” but all of twitter. In fact, go ahead and do a tweet search for “independent black woman” and you’ll find nothing but sheer mockery across all racial lines.

    -SMFH but not in a neck rolling fashion. *Sigh*

  • http://www.twitter.com/ThisIsMissRae MissRae

    I use to love him and his music. Now he is starting get on my nerves with his
    “relationship advice” Also, he needs to stay off of twitter.

  • The Patient One

    More patriarchal BS.

  • The Patient One
  • Amber

    Nobody’s bitter. If you followed him on Twitter, this is all he ever talks about. And then you’ll start to wonder “what makes him an expert to tell me what to do all day?” It just gets a little (a lot) redundant.

  • YiaYia

    I can’t stand Tyrese and plus his ‘advice’ doesn’t mask the fact that he’s been a bitter angry black man ever since his marriage broke up.

    If anything, he’s the LAST person to be giving advice.

  • YiaYia

    “In his own inarticulate way, he is encouraging black love”

    …the hayell he is…he’s on the bandwagon like the rest of these bitter men out here….

  • http://twitter.com/gennatay Gennatay (@gennatay)

    uhm..did you read what you wrote? There was all types of shade in that article.

  • http://twitter.com/gennatay Gennatay (@gennatay)

    I agree Ms Info..

  • The Comment

    How this milk-dud no acting dummy got a shot at stardom…I’ll never understand.

  • Joy

    Yia: I didn’t even know Tyreses has ever been married. Who was he married to? Quite frankly I’m very disappointed that a lot of brothers don’t want to get married. While I know some people in decent marriages; overall the black family is slowly falling apart because some men aren’t willing to take up the mantel of marriage. Sisters need to wake up as well, and stop having so many out of wedlock babies

  • crissy

    I think what he is saying is that some women feel they don’t need a man for anything. They don’t know how to treat one when they get one, let a lone how to let a man treat them. There wrong with being independent but there is something wrong with not allowing a man to be a man.

    I don’t think he was saying women should stay in a bad relationship. I personally think he is saying that sometimes you need to work out your relationships between you and your man; not you, your man, your home girl Kecia and Tracy. Who by the way don’t have men at all.There is someting to be said about keeping other people out of your business.

  • YiaYia

    ‘milk dud no-acting dummy’

    …i d@mn near flatlined….

  • http://twitter.com/TheLarryWilson The Larry Wilson (@TheLarryWilson)

    I believe everyone should be Independent until they find someone they can be Interdependent with. You don’t depend on another until there is mutual agreement to depend on one another.

  • Robert

    You don’t have to say you hate him, we can tell from your article

  • Kam

    I find it funny too, that they support artists who encourage the very behavior they want to denounce, like supporting a rapper who raps about being desirable to women because he has expensive cars, alcohol and wads of money then complains that women are goldiggers.

  • http://therapyiseffinexpensive.wordpress.com Zan

    Word!!!!

  • http://therapyiseffinexpensive.wordpress.com Zan

    “Name one community where men routinely shirk their responsibilities and the women who are surviving regardless become the villain and the butt of jokes.”

    Sad, but true.

  • http://twitter.com/0oIAMSHEo0 IAMSHE (@0oIAMSHEo0)

    You took me to church on this one. Preach!

  • Robin

    @the Larry Wilson

    Well said!

  • ?!?

    A lot of this hatred of the independent woman has to do with independent women being picky. Many women are hypergamous and picky. I think men think we have no right to be picky or have standards. You will see the most hatred for the independent woman from bitter men who can’t attract the women that they want.

  • African Mami

    Listen, I am here for Tyrese tweets! He is an inarticulate philosopher who ALWAYS manages to bring a smile to my face, with his what the phack is you on about madness!

  • The Patient One

    There probably wouldn’t be an audience for these books if women weren’t socialized as young girls to think that their most important goal in life should be to be with a man.

  • http://VerityReign.com Verity Reign

    I agree that he never makes sense but reading his tweets makes me laugh! I want him to keep it up for my personal entertainment. lol. I feel so bad for saying that, but hey… just being honest here!

  • http://ladyngo.blogspot.com Lady Ngo

    Seriously, Tyrese is really at it again with his anti-independent black woman rhetoric? After he had all these silly young girls wanting a Jody/Yvette relationship? He needs to grab several seats. Him and his nonsense have caused enough trouble as it is.

  • http://gravatar.com/clnmike Tonton Michel

    It was pretty obvious the writer has some hate for this dude. I will say hit dogs will hollar.

  • GeekMommaRants

    Wise Man, Wise Words.

  • Eric

    @KeepItReal

    #mansityoazzdown

    Name one community where men routinely shirk their responsibilities and the women who are surviving regardless become the villain and the butt of jokes.

    Sheeeiiiiit. Even in your fantasy scenario, women are still being taken care of by men. FOH

  • Eric

    @Tonton Michel LOL

  • Izal

    Hate, becuz a moron is giving relationship advice? you’re obviously an idiot and would probably take relationship advice from P.Diddy….

  • http://gravatar.com/ceecollegegal CeeCee

    There is a difference between “need” and “want”. You don’t “need” a man to survive! Every human being is equipped with a brain which helps them to navigate through the world and provide for themselves. A woman can “want” a man and “desire” to be in a relationship, but she doesn’t “need” a man like a leech needs blood. (Yes I know I am dramatic).

  • Liz

    Tyrese doesn’t know what he wants. A dependent woman… is usually synonymous with a gold digger. The same gold diggers Tyrese sang about in How Do You Want It and said shouldn’t be “acting like that” after “I bought your whip, I paid your rent, I gave you everything”

    Why are we paying him any mind again?

  • http://twitter.com/kadietweets Kay Douglas (@kadietweets)

    Sigh .. I stopped following Tyrese for this very same reason. The whole sermon on the mount thing is such a turn off.

    I’ll let this lovely lady sum up my sentiments re the whole independence thing: http://youtu.be/c5IR_4nfCBo

  • Liz

    Thank you! I was starting to lose hope!!

  • Diana

    Dear Yesha Callahan and readers. I am not a fan of Tyrese nor his advices, but I think that I am (for the first time ever) actually understanding what he is trying to say here.

    Many women are so busy claiming their independence with a mentality stating ‘I don’t need you, dude; I got my own car, my own house, my own money’ that they many time make men feel useless and unwanted. It is wonderful for a woman to be independent. I am one of those. I have my dream job, great salary, I have two houses, including one in Brazil, I have my own car, and my job as well as my interests takes me to travels all over the world. AND I have the man of my dreams. He is my best friend (and he is sexsay), we are silly together, we laugh, we cry, we learn, we explore.

    I can be independent and in a stable and healthy relationship because I am humble. I make my man feel needed and wanted. Because he is. I do not tell him that I don’t need his ass when we fight; because I do. I do not mind buying him gifts or paying the restaurant bill; but I also allow him to feel like a man by letting him be THE MAN in the relationship. So with all of this said. I fully agree with Tyrese. Women should be independent, but they should be humble about it. If you make your man feel like the only thing he can bring to the table is a penis, then it is very likely that you will end up alone. It is important to feel needed, wanted and loved regardless if you are a man or a woman.

    Thank you for reading. That’s all.

  • Ms. Information

    Thank you for this…

  • ?!?

    I just don’t like that they make being independent sound bad. These women that they are complaining about have other character flaws. It’s not about them being independent. It’s because these women are arrogant. You stated it perfectly. You are humble. I think these men should start telling these “I don’t need a man” women to be humble rather than saying independent women suck.

    Honestly, a woman who feels the need to sink to insults and emasculating her boyfriend or husband needs to work on personal growth. I think when men like him start blaming independent women, folks get defensive and don’t listen to the message. There are independent women who are humble and don’t go around saying “I don’t need a man.” That’s because they have sense and know that men like to feel needed.

    But your comment is spot on. I think if people like him would just tell these women that humble women are more attractive, maybe women would change. I don’t know. I think by a certain point a woman should be able to make the connection between emasculating behavior and failed relationships. Some of them just don’t care. They gotta win that argument.

    Steve Harvey should write a new book with just one page of your comment lol.

  • http://None pw

    Spoken like a true control freak and potential abuser.

  • CoCo Brown

    To the writer of this article you are funny but obviously on the shallow end of the pool if that is all you can come up with from Tyrese’s tweets. You are on the surface of his tweets and not digging deeper into what he’s saying. He’s not saying ditch your Independence ladies, he’s saying don’t be so bull headed into thinking and having the ” I don’t need a man” Attitude til you miss out on a good man if they’re in your face. Then you’ll be sitting there lonely wishing you had a man or hating on your home girl when she got a good man. Every body got issues (and sometimes men have the brunt of them) but that doesn’t mean you leave him because of them. Most or some of them are workable. Men are more than a penis and women are more than a vagina. You can have balance in a relationship. Don’t be so shallow.

  • BlackManonFB

    Well unfortunately I see many of our women complaining about being single, I hear the I can’t find a good man this and that, men are intimidated by me and rah rah. I think what Tyrese is saying is don’t go overboard with the independence. The truth of the matter is we do need one another regardless of what many may say. Its good to be independant, have your own car, career etc.. But with two people bringing that to the table not needing each other for any material necessity, only because they want, need and love each other because of our natural desire for one another is a beautiful thing.

  • Jernero94

    I refuse to take relationship advice from a man who supposedly hit his pregnant ex wife in a stomach, and admittedly cheated on her. Does anyone see the stuff that he posts on Twitter? I had to unfollow him.

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