There are all types of people in the world – blowhards, the timid, busybodies. In fact, having these traits isn’t necessarily a bad thing: a nosy Nettie might be a bomb investigative journalist, using her curiosity to get to the meat of a story, and the blustering blowhard from Brownsville probably has the cojones to be a phenomenal public figure. But some people just have extreme personalities, and lie so far out on the spectrum that they become hard to deal with. Inevitably there will come a point where you must check them. For those who are avoidant of confrontation this is no easy task, but nipping it in the bud early is key – bamas love to push buttons when they are given country for foolishness. Below are the top three personality types and solutions for dealing with them – with class.*
The Know It All – This person is probably insecure and using their wide breadth of unnecessary knowledge to make someone feel small. They live for the opportunity to bust somebody open for what they don’t know. Uncool.
Solution – Know more. Know-it-alls hate it when you know more than them, because they no longer feel in control. What you do is corner them into a situation where you KNOW they don’t know all the answers, and then suddenly become Alex Trebek. Instant flummoxification.
The Passive/Aggressive – This person is usually sickly sweet, and knows exactly how to get under your skin, all without even raising their voice. Combine this personality type with know-it-all tendencies and you’ll have trouble on your hands. The passive-aggressive type tries to play coy and nice but don’t be fooled – they’re on that bullsh*t. It’s a set up.
Solution – Subtle shade. You can’t ever give this person the satisfaction of knowing they have unnerved you, so you have to use their passive-aggressiveness against them. For example: Sallie says superciliously, “oh, I see you’ve gotten your hair done, how cute,” (knowing full well you look like homemade sin). Your response should be, calmly, “hair is easy to fix, but faces like yours are forever broken.” Then smile. The fact that you have clocked and deflected their shade effortlessly will throw them off-balance.
The Aggressive/Aggressive – This type of person is on 10, all the time, and doesn’t understand the concept of chill. Think Little Jon with an attitude. Typically they want attention or approval and will stop at nothing to get it.
Solution – Ignore, Ignore, Ignore. Subduing a loudmouth is a lot like putting out a fire – if you take away the oxygen (or attention, in this case), the flame ceases to exist. Executing this tactic may include using “oh, ok,” as a response to everything they say, walking away, or staring right through them and asking, “I’m sorry, did you say something?” They will be baffled that their antics have no impact. That is exactly what you want.
So what say you, Clutchettes and Gents? What types of people are missing from this list? How do you *tactfully* handle someone who works your nerves without blowing your own spot? Got any tips for first-time Gladiators?
*Ok, so maybe these methods aren’t super-classy or scientific, but they can be effective. Sometimes you have to flambé that ass to get the respect you deserve.