E-Maintained, Are You A Victim?

I loved everything about growing up in the early nineties and not just because I got to watch television shows like Ghostwriter, Clarissa Explains It All and TGIF on ABC, but because it really was amazing. It was a carefree life and probably the last real era in our 24/7-technology world where we weren’t all tied down to cell phones, social networks, e-mail and text messages. Gone are the days of passing notes with your crush and staying up to talk to him/her until the wee hours of the morning or until one of your parents caught you on the phone. Even as adult’s things seem to get less personal as we can all be guilty of having serious conversations over text and email instead of picking up the phone or meeting in person.

Where has the personal connection gone?

It’s a question I find myself asking all to often, especially when it comes to dating in this day and age. I dread dating any man who’d rather text than pick up the phone and talk to me. How can we possibly get to know each other if I can’t hear your voice? I once went on a date with a guy who I had only met one time in person through a mutual friend, but we never actually talked on the phone. He only texted me and for some reason I thought this was ok, but after a month (thankfully) my friend called me out on it.

“You’re being e-maintained honey…” she told me casually. “I’m being what?” I asked incredibly confused, never hearing of the term before.

“E-MAINTAINED. It’s the lowest amount of effort with a higher amount of return.”

I let it sink in that in fact this guy was in fact doing this to me. I would smile every time he casually sent a text because I said oh he must be “thinking” about me. This is his way of showing it right? Wrong. So wrong.

I debated this with my friend and thought of a thousand excuses why he didn’t call often, well ok not at all (it’s 2012 no one likes to use the phone, he’s busy like me, texting is a lot easier and less awkward, maybe he just really hates the phone). I realized none of these were valid excuses and after talking to a few of my guy friends I also came to the conclusion that this guy was keeping me at arm’s length. He was making me feel like he was on top of it with his casual text, when in reality he was probably sending the same kinds of “checking on you, hello” text messages out to all of his options.

Oh.

And not to say its just men, women are just as guilty of doing the same thing. However, in 2013 I will be picking up the phone and saying goodbye to anyone who doesn’t want to do the same. I’m worth the effort and so are you!