Evette Holyfield

Evette Holyfield, daughter of boxing legend Evander Holyfield, is speaking out about her quest to remain a virgin until she’s married. Holyfield, now 27, spoke with Essence.com about her conviction and why she decided to keep such a promise.

When asked why she decided to remain abstinent, Holyfield explains:

We grew up in a Christian home. When I was around six years old, my dad said to me, “You don’t need to have sex outside of marriage.” He went through the whole spiel with me. So as I grew up, I thought, okay dad, if you don’t want me to do it, I’m not gonna do it. Then I started to really understand church – the words in the Bible and what the pastor is really saying. At that point, I wasn’t just doing it because my dad said don’t, but rather, I now believe that by waiting, God will bless me and bring me a great husband. I want to meet somebody amazing, and I know that if I do this, I’m doing this for him and I. That’s what I want.

According to her Twitter page, Holyfield is a “stylist, model, motivational speaker, and designer,” and she often speaks to young girls about saving themselves until marriage, a pledge she has devoutly practiced.

Unlike some who say their abstinence is a struggle, Holyfield told Essence, she doesn’t even think about sex.

It’s easy for me. I was in a three-year relationship, and I never had those desires for him in that way. He never pressured me. In my mind, I already have it set that I’m not gonna do it, so if someone were to pressure me, it wouldn’t even phase me. I just don’t have those desires.

Holyfield says she doesn’t feel pressured by those in her circle to have sex because her sister and some of her friends are also virgins. But for those who question her commitment, she makes it plain.

Some women have said to me, “Why would anyone want to date you if you haven’t had sex?” I ask them, “Why would anyone want to date someone who has slept with the whole world?” Having sex with a man is not what’s going to set you apart. What’s going to set you apart is what’s in your head. Show a guy something different — something that will stimulate his mind, not something they see or get all the time.

Holyfield isn’t the only one who has come forward to discuss their virginity. Track star Lolo Jones and American Idol star Jordin Sparks have also spoken openly about delaying sex until marriage.

While some will look at Holyfield and wonder why she’s sharing her private life with the world, I think her point of view offers a valuable counterpoint to the over-sexualized images our young people see in the media every day.

  • http://N/a Patrice

    She sounds as though she is asexual. Even when abstaining most people with a healthy sex drive, desire sex. I wonder if her daddy saved himself for marriage.

  • Sasha

    “While some will look at Holyfield and wonder why she’s sharing her private life with the world, I think her point of view offers a valuable counterpoint to the over-sexualized images our young people see in the media every day.”

    It is so very refreshing to read about people who choose this lifestyle. I myself am not abstinent or celibate but I really respect people who are and the reasons they choose to be that way. One can be sexually liberated and not go around sleeping with a whole slew of people, or even a single person. A part of me thinks its funny/ cute her father told her that at such a young age, given he has several children by several different women and is on his third marraige but at the same time thats on him and not her. Maybe his message started off as a warning to her that or his desire for her not to grow up to be like the kind of women who likely threw themselves at him but its nice that when she grew up, she explored his words on her own and the decision was hers to make. On an unrelated note she looks just like her father!

  • Angel

    Your daddy sure got in his rounds. 11 kids by 7 different women… Hmmmmmm

  • http://gravatar.com/jamesfrmphilly jamesfrmphilly

    oh hell no!

  • M.

    I know she has a brother, Evander Jr. and I wonder whether he received the same talk as a child like she did….

  • Rue

    wait, so if u are not a virgen and don’t save yourself, you have slept with the whole world? It annoys me when fathers tell their children this crap, yet go around and and have sex with any and every. Why? Some form of sexism, maybe?

  • Purple Rain

    I’ve read stories of women selling their virginity. I bet she could pull in a good six figures. I’m just saying….

  • Kristi

    Good for her. Staying true to herself and her own personal standards. While it may not be right for everybody, its right for her and I applaud it. It takes courage to stick by your values when it comes to sex in this day and age. We do live in an over-sexualized culture and sex is expected do early in relationships (even before you can actually call it a relationship).

    Now let the virgin bashing begin, b/c I know its coming…..from other articles I’ve read on clutch, there’s always those chosen few who get knocked all out of sorts when a woman says she’s abstaining from sex until marriage. Like its some kind if personal attack….

  • Rue

    Can the church say Amen!

  • Smilez_920

    When will we see more young ( 21-35) male celebrities who practice or abstinence or celibacy ?

    I mean virginity is always preached to women , but not as much to men. I wonder if her father has any sons, did he encourage them to wait until marriage like he did his daughters .

    I like how she pointed out that a lot of women think no one will ” date them ” if the cookies aren’t on the table right then and there . I think that mentality is part of the reason why some women won’t date more than one man at a time, they equate sex with dating when they are actually two seperate things, one doesn’t always equal the other .

    Sexing or not sexing I just like seeing a grown woman doing what makes her comfortable and happy.

  • apple

    We grew up in a Christian home. When I was around six years old, my dad said to me, “You don’t need to have sex outside of marriage.”

    too bad he couldn’t take his own advice

  • Smilez_920

    Same thing I was thinking. I wonder what the world would be like if we encouraged our sons too keep it in their pants until marriage .

  • Sasha

    Definitely thought the same thing. An article about a woman’s choice to go against the norm, especially when it comes to virginity/ celibacy/ abstinence, is always accompanied by hordes of naysayers and Negative Nancy’s who offer NOTHING to the dialogue. I think people who respond that way take it so personally because they’re insecure about the particular topic or it’s a source of some past hurt. Already other commenters have called her father’s sexual life into question or the advice he may/ may not have given her brother but this is not about either of those things- its about her and her decision.

  • Lady P

    For our youth constantly being overly saturated with sexual images and the message that “it’s ok” to engage in carefree sex before learning what sex is, I think this is a beautiful message. Our youth need to know there is more than just one-side to having sex. An option does exist to wait for someone special or until marriage. Bravo to Ms. Holyfield for standing by her beliefs and encouraging our youth.

    Once yu start, it is an absolutely beast to stop. A very refreshing message…

  • Smilez_920

    I agree. I like seeing a woman stick to her guns.

    I don’t think ppl try to virgin bash. I think it just that when you start talking about virginity , celibacy abstinence , some ppl make it seem if your not on one of those paths then your automatically a whore. Just because your sexually active doesn’t mean your sleeping with the whole football team.

  • http://twitter.com/gennatay Gennatay (@gennatay)

    “It’s easy for me. I was in a three-year relationship, and I never had those desires for him in that way.”

    I was OK with this until I read that. To me, it seems like she wasn’t that interested in him if she didn’t think about him in “that way”. I sure there were other things between then that kept them together. but even if you are sexually active and want to wait until the relationship matures until you have sex, don’t you still have “desires” for that person?

  • http://ladyngo.blogspot.com Lady Ngo

    PREACH!

  • Starla

    It doesn’t matter at the end of the day. A man will treat a former prostitute like gold if that is who he loves. On the other hand, there are women who were virgins on their wedding night who got the crap beat out of them, killed, set on fire and acid attacks. Plus they are always shocked when they get cheated on, as though them being a virgin on their wedidng night would prevent certain treatment. Just live the life that makes you feel most at peace and ease. But always remember nothing is guaranteed.

    I truly wish her the best and hope she finds a man who will love and respect her in marriage.

  • http://differentnorm.wordpress.com differentnorm

    I don’t usually post comments, but I have to applaud Clutch on this article! It’s refreshing to see examples of young WOC who are bold enough to go against the norm and stand for their beliefs. As a fellow member of the V club for the past 29 years, it is definitely encouraging to hear of other women who have made the same commitment – because trust & believe…it ain’t easy, lol! I wish her all the best, and hope that her proclamation doesn’t result in her being put into a “virgin” box, as if that is her only redeeming quality. I hate to see women (virgin & non) reduced to other’s limited perspectives of them, and not appreciated for the entirety of who they are. Any man who would be interested in the Evettes of the world solely because of their virginal status can kick rocks with no socks on.

  • Mr. Man

    Although true Starla I don’t think your point is the topic being argued, bad things happen to good people everyday, fact. The point here is this, we have a strong beautiful women who is currently holding tightly to her moral standard in a very self-centered-flesh-driven-as-long-as-I-get-mine world. These people do exist and they are to be commended.

  • NY’s Finest

    Why would her father be telling her to abstain from sex at six years old? That sounds a little weird to me, what six year old is even worried about having sex outside of marriage?

  • Mike

    18 and a virgin is commendable. 27 and a virgin is suspect and just plain weird.

    In the old days when all women were expected to remain virgins, women got married in their teens or at the very latest early twenties. The truth is in the old days at 27 she’d also be considered weird and a spinster doomed to live a life alone.

  • binks

    Right! I gave her the side eye right there. Trust me, I am a virgin too and been in some relationships and I felt amorous and desire for my then guy at the time. Just because you are virginal doesn’t mean those feelings doesn’t existence or only happens when you are sexually active…so yeah But congrats on her convictions and her sticking to her gun. Great for her and hopefully she finds what she is looking for. Furthermore, I find her last statement interesting it seems like both groups of women having misconceptions about each other and what “men” want.

  • http://twitter.com/KiaJD Nakia (@KiaJD)

    Ok. Good for her. People should choose their own path in life and sexuality is not excluded. I just don’t see the need for value judgements from either side – people who remained virgins for a long time and those who did not. Like just do you and that’s it. The tossing in of little bits like having sex before marriage is akin to “sex with everybody” is just extra. It’s as though people on both sides need to lift up their own choices by denigrating those of the other. Not necessary. Hope she’s happy with her choices and the rest of you as well. *shrug*

  • http://gravatar.com/latinlover Pseudonym

    I totally respect her decision to remain a virgin until she’s married- especially from a religious standpoint. However- as someone else mentioned- just b/c you are not a virgin,that does not mean you are a whore. Also, as far as men caring, honestly the outcomes between virgins and non-virgins are more or less the same and, in recent times, it’s been more often said that “Hoes stay winning.”

    I can talk about having sex without slamming virginity, so it’d be nice if virgins could talk about not having sex without slamming those that do and perpetuating the sexist myth that women who do not wait until marriage to have sex deserve to be portrayed as undatable whores. She should especially respect the fact that there is no magic formula for a guaranteed happy marriage (such as a virginity prerequisite) considering the fact that she’s 27 and just as unmarried as a number of her 27 year-old non-virgin peers.

  • Mike

    A virgin at 18 is commendable. A virgin at 27 is weird and had some other issues going on… interpersonal, sexual or both.

  • Kacey

    Sex is normal, natural and healthy. As an adult woman, she should feel free to enjoy her sexuality without fear that she’s committing some type of sin. When God “blesses” her with a “great husband” will she also demand that he be as sexually repressed as she is?

  • Starla

    @Mr. Man I actually see nothing to be commended about in being a virgin, it is just a physical state of being. I commend good character, achievement in the face of destitution, a giving spirit, and living a noble life. Being a virgin does not mean you possess any of those qualities. I understand that she is honouring her belief system to remain a virgin until marriage, that is actually commendable(sticking to your beliefs) because so many people do not live authentically and honour their belief systems. I find it equally commendable for a woman who has had many lovers in her lifetime. Because she too honoured her own belief system to enjoy her physical being and did not listen to religion or society to dictate how she should use her body in the world. At the end of the day, it’s all the same.

  • Smilez_920

    Just because she’s not currently using her vagina , doesn’t mean she will not have or is interested in having a healthy sex life once her other needs are met ( marriage) .

    Sexuality and spiritually go hand and hand with some ppl. Who knows, just because she’s not sexually active, doesn’t mean she isn’t an advocate for self love ” she’s has two hands, or some cash to buy a sex toy” just like any sexually active women, she’ll use those resources to express herself. ( I know she doesn’t mention masturbation I the article , but she might just be meeing that part to herself which is fine).

    But I agree with your last statement . I wonder is she looking for a man who is a Virgin / celibate , or is she just dating men who won’t pressure her to have sex, but maybe fulfil their sexual needs else where until he’s ready to commit to her fully?

  • Ms. Information

    How ironic, a male whore created such a chaste young lady….the funny thing is that 9 times out of 10 she will not find someone as chaste as herself…and as the saying goes you sleep with all of the people that he slept with…so..

  • http://AirInDanYell.tumblr.com Erin

    She was with a man for three years and never had any sexual desires for him? O_o. I could see not doing anything with him, but not even getting the urge? I swear when women close to 30 announce their virginity, it’s a ploy for them to try to finally get some. Your own personal sexual beliefs are just that, personal… I don’t understand the point of announcing them.

  • AP

    “Having sex with a man is not what’s going to set you apart. What’s going to set you apart is what’s in your head. ”

    In this statement she’s assuming that virgins are somehow more brilliant/intellectual/deep than non-virgins. I think its silly that she equated virginal status with thought patterns….the two have nothing to do with each other. A woman who has had sex is not any less capable of being set apart.

    While I find it commendable that she has decided to wait until marriage to have sex (I have made the same decision) I find her reasoning for such a decision lacking. She claims that its because she was raised in a Christian home as a reason but I think (based on the quote above) its because she deems virginal women as more valuable than non-virginal women but assuming that one category of women is less valuable, doesn’t make the other category more valuable. Such a sentiment reeks of sexism and patriarchy. We women (especially black women) need to get it together…with thinking like this no one comes out on top…we just drag each other through the mud of shaming instead.

  • Rosey

    I’m sorry but I think talking about your virginity to the press is as tacky as talking about who you slept with.

  • http://gravatar.com/geekandglamour geekandglamour

    I am a 26 year old virgin. And although I can understand some of her points, I come from a different place when it comes to virginity. I’m not a virgin based on spiritual merit, I’m a virgin because I plain out haven’t found anybody I trust enough to go that far with. I can say I don’t understand how a woman can date a man for three years and not have any sexual desires for him. Hell, I’m a virgin and that makes no sense at all to me. I agree that just because you are a virgin, doesn’t mean you have a higher sense of self. You’re just a virgin, not a unicorn.

  • BoutDatLove

    I was taught at about the same age to wait till marriage, it is better to get through to the child while they are young. I think talking about virgins and virginity is a little weird because we always hear about sex this and sex that, and it has become somewhat normal to us. Her not having sexual desires while in a relationship, I’m not in one and I have sexual desires and for no apparent reason…. but everyone is different.

    When she does get married, she’s going to be all like @1:22 *There is nude*

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OamWXqLP6U4

    lol It’s a joke.

  • paul

    There’s nothing praiseworthy in being a virgin and abstaining from sex until marriage.

    A woman’s virginity was important to some in the past because it was the only way a politically powerful (for example) man could be sure that his bride wasn’t already pregnant at the time of marriage. People wanted to be sure their heirs were theirs.

    That practice was coded into the one-god religions. However outside of one-god religion, virginity has no special merit for it has no value in and of itself. It certainly doesn’t confer any admirable qualities on those who say they are virgins. On the contrary, 30 y/o virgins are an oddity who throw up a big red flag that wise men shouldn’t ignore.

    Publicity seeking “virgins” are a tedious, self righteous bore, whose claim to fame rests on the specious “merits” of not having sex.

    Nothing more useless than people who want recognition for what they don’t do.

    That’s the red flag.

  • Echo

    Interesting…the assertion, or suggestion, she makes that if one is not a virgin, one has “slept with the whole world.” I know it’s hyperbole and not meant to be taken literally, but I think it points to a perspective that assumes that if you’ve chosen to wait–for whatever reason(s)–you’re somehow superior to those who haven’t. As someone who used have a similar mindset, I am glad to be freed from it and no longer concerned with what everyone else is or isn’t doing.

  • ShuShuMama

    Some women have said to me, “Why would anyone want to date you if you haven’t had sex?” I ask them, “Why would anyone want to date someone who has slept with the whole world?”

    So…you’re either a virgin or a whore? Oh.

  • Anthony

    Evette Holyfield must be some sort of karmic balance for her Dad, who apparently hated his penis so much that he perpetually kept it hidden in every warm hole he could find!

  • http://twitter.com/stephseen steph seen (@stephseen)

    This chick sounds boring as hell Ughhh she’s probably such a prude. Let me guess, she doesn’t tongue kiss either and only watches Meet The Browns and other Tyler Perry movies? Yall ladies can comment on how she’s such a “strong woman” all you want but I swear I wouldn’t come within’ 10 feet of this one. She sounds like a nut.

    You know the first thing I said when I lost my virginity at 18? “Why the heck did I let the church tell me THIS was wrong?”…You’re an adult lady do what you want and don’t let the “Chuch” guilt you into abstaining from something as wonderful as sex. geez, the boasting just kills me.

    No man has ever said “man I wish this chick was a virgin when we got together” and honestly I wouldn’t date a woman that old who is still a virgin, and I think MOST men wouldn’t either.

  • http://twitter.com/stephseen steph seen (@stephseen)

    She’s trying to appease someone other than herself. Its sad.

  • Sue

    Religious patriarchy is part of the reason virginity is preached to women and not men. From time immemorial, being a virgin has been recognised as a gift to the husband. In some cultures women are still subjected to virginity tests whilst being warned of bad consequences for sexual indiscretions from the almighty. Meanwhile, men rarely hear these messages.

    If abstinence and celibacy is to be encouraged it should be for both women AND men. It would be great to see young men saying they are choosing to treat their bodies with respect just as much as these young women already in the limelight. ( I should add that ultimately the decision should be left upto the individual, it is a personal choice.)

  • Nic

    Thank you…as I read the first few lines of this article I thought, her dad is a big effing hypocrite.
    I dislike men who whore around but want to act as if women need to remain pure; he had no problem having children without the benefit of marriage or commitment with a virtual army of women.
    And if there are 11 kids, he was probably sleeping with Wilt Chamberlain numbers of women.
    He’s disgusting and if she is going to promote abstinence she should not suggest that growing up in a Christian home was her motivation when her dad had a litter of illegitimate kids.

  • Nic

    Um, her dad was having kids all over the place. Why was anyone sleeping with him when he was clearing messing with women all over the place?
    I doubt he had that talk with the boy and seriously, how many of those kids ever lived with him since he didn’t marry their mothers.

  • Nic

    Exactly…he dad is gross.
    Why is virginity so important in women but apparently irrelevant in men? Why aren’t more men raised to keep it in their pants and stop having kids with every women in town?

  • Nic

    Bwahahahahaha!!!

  • chinaza

    It’s interesting that people get so riled up and caustic about this young lady’s virginity. So anxious to denounce and degrade her for that. She’s refreshing in an age of promiscuity and plain vulgarity.
    She has the courage to make a public statement that encourages other youth who are not fixated on sexsexsexsex like the wider society and who have the confidence to be themselves.
    Sex is a natural part of life but it’s not necessary for that individual who can abstain and it’s not an accomplishment.
    Nor is she glorifying virginity. It’s her choice and a good one that supports her values and ambitions for her life. Good for her.

  • Alle

    shit i just turn 24 and am a virgin.. am not wait for marriage am just wait for the right person.. been in love is more that sex .. some people believe that having sex with another person will make them love each other more . but the fact is if u love the person without been intimate and more true love because thats coming from deep within… waiting until marriage is old .. i believe when the time is right and you personally is ready for that journey that make magic. ps. am happy am my 20s and still virgin because its rare that we friend female that have self control.. yes its all about self control.

  • http://gravatar.com/solfresh solfresh

    I have no issues with women who choose to wait until marriage. I recently found that men don’t want to be with virgins though. I’ve actually heard it from a few different men. Now it could be because I am in the collegiate circuit (19-25), but the point of view is interesting nonetheless coming from several men.

    In the end I guess it all comes down to finding a mature man, who accepts every part of you, not someone who just wants something standard.

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  • http://gravatar.com/ravsmith78 Ravi

    A wise man is able to see outside their own perspective to a degree that enables them to see the validity in value systems that they don’t necessarily share. There is nothing objectionable about the Christian code of morality that would have people only having sex within the confines of marriage.

    Your assessment of the Christian mandate to have sex only within the confines of marriage is flawed in that it only pays attention to a woman’s virginity. If the rationale was to make sure that a potential wife wasn’t pregnant, then why did the rule have both men and women waiting until marriage? Didn’t men in the past check the hymen to see if a woman was pregnant? Couldn’t he have just waited a couple months to see? The truth is, no one knows the rationale for whomever penned these sexual rules — whether it was truly handed down from God or it was some group trying to codify sexual inhibition for their own nefarious purposes.

    Publicity seeking virgins are simply giving support to a lifestyle that many ironically (given many profess to be Christians themselves) judge as being aberrant or improper. It’s funny that there doesn’t seem to be the same outrage when celebrities put the sex lives out for public consumption. It’s also funny that you talk about being self-righteous while simultaneously judging someone else for their choice to talk about their lifestyle. Perhaps the real red flag is men that judge a woman based on her decision to have or not have sex in the past.

  • Ms. Write

    This! Thank you Steph. Let’s just be real..

  • Ms. Write

    “Never had those desires?” C’mon, son! I’m not buying it. I’m so tired of this angel/whore dichotomy society is obsessed with. Absolutely nothing wrong with waiting until marriage if that’s your decision and makes sense especially if you are worried about pregnancy and STDS. But staying a virgin doesn’t make you any better or more or less worthy of love than anyone else. And just because you are not a virgin does not mean you have “slept with the whole world”. Stop trying to shove this religious patriarchy down our throats. Let women make wise decisions about their bodies on their OWN terms. When more men come out and say they are virgins waiting until marriage maybe I will believe it. Until then, you need more people…

  • Ms. Write

    Exactly! She can really miss me with that “I never had any sexual desires.” I would have beilieved her if she said I have those desires but I work through them and keep my goal in mind. And that would be a more relevant message to young women trying to follow her path.

  • AM

    That dichotomy IS, the problem in terms of how this issue is broached. Lovely comment.

  • Brn

    She is commendable. If more people though like her the rate of std, unwanted pregnancies and infidelity might be less. Why buy the cows when you can get the milk for free? Keep pressing on Evette! You have a supporter!

  • Tallulah Belle

    Does it ever occur to these women who make these extreme chastity vows that many women never find a man who will marry them or find a man they want to marry? It is extremely difficult to find a suitable mate that loves you and vice versa. I know multitudes of women who remain single well into their forties and even more who never ever marry. It is not your God given right to find Mr. Right. Does it ever occur to these women that by the time they find someone to marry they will be in perimenopause, menopause or suffer from vaginal dryness or a lack of libido or many of the other sexual problems that coincide with the aging process, not to mention just plain old age- related infertility. Chastity is a pipe dream. Good luck with it…

  • http://gravatar.com/missmilani Mimi

    I know that’s right Mr. Man!!

  • Tun Up

    If I had waited till I was married to have sex, I would’ nt be so good at it and my husband would not be happy as he now!! Lmao Real talk…

  • http://www.skyemediagroup.com Toni P.

    Everyone has desires. I don’t believe that. Now acting on it is another thing because self-control in extreme situations is doable, but never thinking, daydreaming, fantasizing…? No, don’t buy it.

  • politicallyincorrect

    Thats perhaps the biggest reason for her decision actually, although she doesn’t say that in the interview

  • Marisa

    That statement alone should disqualify her father I’m just saying lol. Nice to see the is trying not to make the same mistakes as her father dude preaching bible verses, with 50-11 kids

  • http://www.geekmommarants GeekMommaRants

    Some can wait forever to engage in an intimate relationship, as their libido is very low or not existent.

  • paul

    A wise man is able to see outside their own perspective to a degree that enables them to see the validity in value systems that they don’t necessarily share.

    really?

    well who said I couldn’t see outside my own perspective? I was raised in the church, like everybody else, and had absorbed christian perspectives up until I was able to appreciate that there were other perspectives as to how one can have a spiritual life.

    My guess is that you were also raised in the church – however, you’ve chosen to stay with the christian perspectives you were raised on.

    Which makes me wonder which of us . . . .

    Now

    first of all, I said ONE-GOD religions (monotheism) – christianity isn’t the only one-god religion – ever heard of islam and judaism?

    Secondly, if male virginity is also mandated, then how do you square that with the polygamy practiced in many one-god religions, including among christian sects like the mormoms?

    I think you’ll find that prohibitions against sex are found mostly, if not exclusively, in one-god religions whose doctrines are controlling, authoritarian, puritanical and punitive – basically anti-woman anti-human anti-nature.

    Whereas In polytheistic religions you find far healthier attitudes to sex, which come from a close relationship with the forces of Nature and the Cycles of Life.

    For example, you’ll find fertility gods – usually female deities who are worshipped as the equal of any male deity.
    There are none of the fears of female sexuality that one-god religions try to overcome with strictures against fornication, female circumcision, veils and burqas and “witch” burning.

    So yeh – I totally and emphatically reject perspectives that have those kinds of roots.

    But have at it – I don’t care enough about one-god faiths or “virginity” to debate you any further about it, all I know is I don’t like or trust people who want to make a cause out of what are merely personal choices that serve no greater good.or purpose.

    You haven’t given me persuasive enough reason to change my perspective.

  • Niqi

    Does she expect the same from her potential husband?Otherwise its ridiculous,a most women with these views dont seem to expect the same from men.

  • Ms. Information

    If you don’t have a sex drive, it would be very easy to remain virginal, j/s.

  • cabugs

    Wow, Ravi. I am constantly having mind sex with your words. My brain lost its virginity to you. Like some of the other ladies on here who comment to you, I stay crushing on you big time ;) Let’s get married! And have internet sex…my physical body wants to stay a virgin for now :P

  • Gell0h0h

    I had to stop doing my homework and laugh for a good two minutes! Thank you! “You’re a virgin and not a unicorn.” THIS!!!

  • yumm

    Not really its just jumping from one extreme to another. Virgin or Slut. There IS a middle round; where you can do as your body was designed to do within the confines of emotional and physical safety. It would be very lovely for THAT for once be celebrated, not all this ‘either or’ nonsense. And I think the reason why the public celebration of a woman’s virginity pushes the buttons of so many other women is because deliberately, undeliberately -what ever- it feeds into the oppressive patriarchal belief of women being chaste objects that shouldn’t ‘ruin’…

    Public proclaiming virginity/celibacy publicly is still being fixated on sexsexsexsex… only difference is that your not having it. Just on the complete other side of the spectrum. That said if she happy that it cool..i guess.

  • yumm

    I find it worrying that you would liken a woman to a cow. Women are not objects or produce, so this analogy just falls to pieces. Unlike a car/cow/flower, whatever ‘thing’ (key point non human) you want to use, women can think for themselves and have the same desires,wants, thoughts, goals… (you see where im going here) as the milk drinker/car tester, the man.

  • Niqi

    And i have to ad just because someone is not a virgin,doesn’t mean theyve”slept with the whole world”i find that statement very ignorant.

  • CoolBeans

    Ha! I thought I was the only person to use the term “V Club.” Good stuff! Ima come out and say Im also a member :-)
    *Post 25 Club Gold Member*

  • CoolBeans

    3 reasons for no sexual desires…
    1. Asexual 2. She wasn’t attracted to him in the 1st place
    3. She could be gay (which is All Good)

    *Just saying that because even though Im a virgin & a lady I still have my urges. Its just apart of life…but everyone’s different…**shrugs**

  • The-motive

    You women are not getting it, this is not about being a hypocrite, its about how he may of learned from his mistakes and don’t wants his little girl to be like the women who many have thrown their selves on him. What he did was great, he taught is daughter to RESPECT herself in away many woman aren’t doing in todays society. I applauded him for teaching his daughter the way God had created sex in the first place, and not the way of the world. That is something to think about, the world says its ok to have sex with whom ever but then you follow that and end up with heartbreak.

  • Rosey

    Actually tho, there are plenty of men willing to date someone who has “slept with the whole world”. Ask Kim K, lol

  • Afrostyling

    She gave that response to a stupid ass question. Why is it ok to ask her who will marry a virgin?

  • Christine

    Some people are asexual. So maybe that’s what she’s getting at? I

  • http://gravatar.com/geekandglamour geekandglamour

    I agree with you Christine. I am pissed off the most at the fact she makes it seems like because you don’t use your vagina, it magically stops working. GIRL BYE!

  • http://gravatar.com/geekandglamour geekandglamour

    You are very welcome honey! I was serious when I wrote it too.

  • http://melodygordon.wordpress.com melodygordon

    People questioning her statements and beliefs does not mean that they are virgin bashing. I’m a virgin and I disagree with what she’s saying, not because I’m offended by it or see it as a personal attack on my “lifestyle” or whatever; because it’s this type of “you’re either a virgin or a slut, no in between” thinking that grates my nerves.

    When you believe in that line of thought, you’re reducing yourself to body parts. You’re putting your self worth into your sexual status. For me? I am not defined by my virginity. I don’t think it makes me any more or less interesting to a guy neither do I think it sets me apart, as Evette puts it. You’re not some special snowflake because you kept your panties up. This line of thinking also judges others who have not remained virgins (regardless of if it was their choice or not) and claims they’re somehow slutty or not as disciplined as you because they gave it up before marriage.

    Sometimes people who have sex before marriage STILL GET MARRIED. Shocking, I know. They didn’t tell me that in church. I know a sizable number of girls who got hitched *after* they hit it (many of whom were God-fearing Christian ladies. My friends told me about losing their virginity in one form or another long before they took that walk down the aisle). Likewise, you can commit yourself to virginity and there’s a chance God won’t send someone your way for whatever reason that likely won’t be revealed to you on this side of life. I believe if everyone just listened to their own body and took in consideration their own personal morals, their own relationship with God and stopped trying to label other women who don’t live exactly as they do we’d ALL be better off!

  • ahhhhc

    It is ver commendable that she is waiting for marriage to engage in sexual relations. Sex is notorious for fogging our vision, especially us as women since a large number of us tend to be more emotional than men. I do not believe there is a such thing as casual no strings attached sex for most women, we can get attached easily. And because the majority of our society has changed God’s original design and purpose of sex does not mean those who are choosing to wait are strange. They are actually doing what they are supposed to be doing. Like others have said most of us do have sexual desires. However,there are some who just do not have the drive at all (eunuchs did not have a sexual desire, it’s in the Bible). I think she has some skewed opinions on this, but it may have just been a sarcastic remark she makes to those who try to tell her what to do with her goodies. I definitely think people should wait, but the reality is that most do not. I wish I would have waited for sure! No one will get a badge of honor for being a virgin, but our society suffering form deep moral decay, and we all could stand up more for God and do what his will is for our lives. It is not in man to direct his own steps~~~

  • CenterLeft

    So, which baby mama # did she come from?

  • Ms. Information

    @ Cabugs….lol….too funny…hands off my internet man….lol,,j/k

  • http://differentnorm.wordpress.com differentnorm

    Love the term ‘Post 25 Gold Member’, sounds that should come along with extra benefits, like how Sam’s biz club members get to enter early *wink*, lol! But seriously, I feel like there needs to be a support group for those beyond the age of 25 who have decided to forgo the peen :) Reminds me of that epi of ‘The Game’ when Tasha Mack joined that celibacy group called ‘The Cupcakes’, where their motto was ‘Dessert Comes Last’. Maybe I’ll put one together someday. In the meantime I wish you all the best in your journey!

  • AM

    @ cabugs,

    He is already spoken for….thanks much for your concern doe!!

  • nnaattaayy

    Great post!! #waiting

  • mr.vicious

    Good for her, notice the blame a BM still could resist, if you cant blame her man, blame her dad…shm
    This is what happens when you keep you mouth and legs closed. She has no baby daddy issues, amazing how simple it is when one take accountability over their own body and not let any dude in the club/street, multiple times get them pregnant…

    Where is the its the mans fault crew on this womans view of sexuality, I respect her and honor her pureness.

  • mr.vicious

    Tell that to Le’Andria Johnson, she’s on team sistahood. Dont know why BW cant resist on bringing in BM on a topic about a BW.

    But if you want to bring a man into the issue, this is want happens when you have a daughter the loves her father and respects his leadership.
    I bet she is not a matriarch follower, women like her are every mans dream.

  • Lisss

    @Yumm I dont quite agree because when Tim Tebow revealed he was a virgin, no one was complaining that he was putting pressure on other men or demonizing those who sleep around. If anything, we need more men like Tebow who decide to keep it in their pants and show others that it is possible. (Sorry i didnt mean to make it about Tebow, i just wanted to show the other side of the coin).

  • Kween

    “On the other hand, there are women who were virgins on their wedding night who got the crap beat out of them, killed, set on fire and acid attacks.”

    What does that have to do with anything? Anyone, virgin or not, can have that happen to them.

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