Years ago, a friend of mine said to me: “If you’re not engaged, you’re just dating.” She, of course, was engaged as she made this declaration (a few months later she married her man, and they are now separated), but at the time, I thought she was preeeaaacchhin’.

My girlfriend was basically saying that, until you’re engaged to someone, game on. Don’t play games, but date whomever you like, and date more than one guy at a time. She was not endorsing promiscuity or anything of that nature, but saying women should date and meet different guys until you meet a man worthy enough of your love who is ready (and you are ready, too, of course) to make that commitment.

Her point, as I understood, was that women shouldn’t shut off from society and our options—as we tend to do—once we find a guy who we like well enough and have been on a few dates with.

How many times have you—or say one of your girlfriends, wink, wink—been so strung out on a guy you (or they) met a month ago that you’re planning your life with him (where you’ll live, how many kids, fifth anniversary vacation) before you’ve even been to the movies together?

Granted, some women never want to get married, and for other women dating a few guys at once can get old. But if you’re the marrying kind of lady, are you throwing away time by playing house with a man who you may not end up ever reaching the pop-the-question zone?

Recently, a friend of mine was talking to her dad about this very subject, and his advice to her: Date until you get engaged. You get married to be with one person forever, so after age 30, no “boyfriends.”

This all seems kind of extreme, especially with how dating goes these days. It’s hard enough to get a man to take you on a real date! (We’ll talk more about this very important subject next week, Clutchettes)

Do you think serious boyfriends are a waste of time, or do you see committed relationships as a natural, obvious door to marriage?

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  • paris

    Here’s the thing. People tend to confuse dating and being in a relationship. You can be in a relationship and not be engaged, obviously. You can date and not consider yourself to be in a relationship. It seems like this article is arguing for being in an op[en relationship which is more than dating, but less mo\ monogamous than being in a “regular” relationship. If you and your partner are on the same page then, any of these options should work. just be honest with yourself. Maybe now the conversation can start/

  • Reecie

    the problem with some of these comments is that Some people act life if you never get married you have something wrong with you- well loads of married people have something wrong with them.. people act like marriage is the end all to life. as for the article i say if the man you are dating is taking forever -dont put your life on hold

  • McLovin

    Perhaps this opinion is part of the problem:

    “She was not endorsing promiscuity or anything of that nature, but saying women should date and meet different guys until you meet a man worthy enough of your love who is ready (and you are ready, too, of course) to make that commitment.”

    Who, exactly, do you women think you are? No self-respecting man would ever attempt to prove himself ‘worthy’ of ANY woman, much less a self-interested hosebag who has GROSSLY overstated her own value in the equation.

    Once your beauty fades (it does) and the old puppy clock starts ticking louder and louder (it will) you will find that you’ve flat run out of options.

    I hope you like cats.