A Call to Action: Help Single Black Men Keep A Woman

by Demetria L. Lucas

I’m concerned about Black men. I saw a statistic that found a shocking number– 73.1 percent— between the ages of 25 and 29 had never been married. And as I read and thought of the emptiness in their single lives, I wondered, why there are so few stories addressing this startling epidemic. I mean, there are far fewer Black women that are unmarried, and selfishly, all the concern is about them.

Look, I get it. Black stories about Black women and the “tragedy” of being single are popular. Advertisers want numbers to spend dollars, so stories like “Why Black Women are So #$@%ed Up”, which do record numbers for page views, comments, ratings, etc., keep getting written.  Story after story highlights what Black women do wrong, how we could change this, stop that, blah, blah, blah. This is unfair to single Black men who need major help on keeping a woman.

Just last Friday, I read a story on BlackEnterprise.com entitled, “Why Many Successful Black Women Can’t Keep A Man”, the most recent in a long, long list of stories about why Black women are soo–oohhh single. I was troubled to find yet another article that continues to ignore these troubled men. How will Black men ever get and stay married, the only achievement in their lives ever worth celebrating or acknowledging, unless there is an active effort to also tell them how they are routinely failing at love and how they can someday become loveable?

Contrary to what is obviously popular belief, maintaining a relationship is not solely a woman’s domain. There’s no such thing as “keeping”  a man who doesn’t want to stick around. And there’s no sense in “keeping” one that doesn’t, won’t or can’t demonstrate some act right. And it seems like no one man, not never any one man out of all of those who are so quick to criticize Black women for being single, realizes that Black women at-large could become every contradictory thing that “they” say we should be and still, still broken relationships would persist because it takes two to build one relationship.

Men have been overlooked too long!! I would like to advocate a movement that addresses their sour single lives and encourages them to be fruitful and multiply within the confines of marriage, instead of continuing the cycle of absentee fatherhood. I encourage every breathing Black woman to join me in this new crusade.

Here’s an incomplete half of the equation on why some Black men are unable to keep a woman, the part guys really need to hear.

You Can’t Keep A Woman Because…

01. You’re Entitled

Great. You might have a degree, a good job, maybe even a tailored suit. It doesn’t give you the right to treat anyone like they’re disposable or to be treated like God’s gift to womankind. You did what you were supposed to do. You don’t get kudos for that.

02. You’re a Misogynist

You’re such a raging sexist that you don’t get why a woman is offended by your continued use of “female” as a derogatory euphemism for “bitch”.  Adult humans are called women. Refer to them as such.

03. You Don’t Know How to Communicate

Texting is not talking. Pick up the phone. Also, while women empathize with your issues and mood swings, giving the silent treatment while you get in your feelings or when you argue with your partner is dysfunctional communication.

04. You Have A Substance Abuse Problem

It wasn’t cute to be high all day or drunk all weekend in college, but you were young and school is stressful and really, everyone thought you would grow out it. Now? It doesn’t matter that it’s high grade weed or it’s top shelf liquor, the fact is you’re a grown man who can’t unwind without a blunt or a bottle.

05. You’re Not Honest

You say you’re here, when you’re actually there. You say she’s just a friend, but she’s actually your ex or at least a woman you used to date. You get caught in these poorly thought out tales and even when your woman wants to give you the benefit of the doubt, you can’t keep your story straight. If you kept it one hundred, maybe someone could work with your shortcomings.

06. You Have Baggage

It’s terrible that your ex broke your heart. Most women have experienced this as well. Somehow many of them manage to get thru it. This whole, “she lied to me and now I trust no one ever” is not your next woman’s problem to solve, endure or put up with.

07. Your Past is Sloppy

All the women you’ve “dated” would be easier to deal with if you and your lady didn’t run into them every time she’s with you. Or if your “friends” didn’t still call/text your phone, especially not all day and at inappropriate hours. I know you had a past before you met your lady, but it’s not really the past, when wherever you and your woman are together, one of your “exes” is also present.

08. You Got “Comfortable”

You started off great. You totally got that a date wasn’t sitting on your sofa, and you had to take a woman out—somewhere, anywhere—for it to count. In the beginning, you put in time and gave attention. But then you and your lady claimed each other, and you decided all the basics were actually extras. Unacceptable.

09. You Don’t Make An Effort

Every relationship has its problems. That’s totally normal. But it is not a woman’s sole job to fix/address/solve the problems with “us.” It’s on US, that means YOU need to get involved and try to make things work just like she does.

10. You Want to Date Forever

Marriage is a big commitment that should not be taken lightly. But you desire the privileges of a husband and for an eternity without taking any vows. No woman in her right mind will put up with this once she catches on.

  • Ask_ME

    I guess it hasn’t occurred to the author that those in the 25-29 age range may not WANT to get married and most in that age group cannot carry a wife/responsibility of a family (though many…I would say most…have kids at this point….which is another reason why they may not be married…everybody is NOT up for dating a man with kid(s) by other women).

    Smart women need to reject this call to action. Instead they need to make sure they aren’t amongst the women who find themselves single mothers to this group of men. They need to make sure they aren’t amongst the pack of women these men may be juggling given their age range.

    If he isn’t ready for marriage or doesn’t see it happening sometime in the future LEAVE him and keep it moving. If he treats commitment like the plague LEAVE him. If he already comes with a ready-made family by other women (both singular and plural) LEAVE him.

    The world is FULL of men. Find one that isn’t a stereotype or a statistic.

  • Stanley

    You don’t wanna preach to an empty church, do you?
    If you really wanna give dating advice to man, you need a pick up artist to help you do that. There’s a really big audience on “HOW TO GET THE PANTIES DROP” our there. As for relationship, for whatever reason, men are not buying those lines that you write up there.
    The hunter is not hunting for relationship. You might not like it, but the reality is; WE ARE HUNTING FOR HOTTER AND HOTTER WOMEN until one of them convince us to stay.

  • E

    Ha! This definitely made me chuckle on a Monday morning. I love the tone!

  • AM

    Can we please get an article that focuses on black love! Maybe you can get readers to submit their own love stories or something. These kind of stat articles, do nothing but keep the comment section nasty and bittter. Let’s flip the script for Christmas. Let’s celebrate love. It does exist, and it is not that elusive, as the media makes it out to be. Peace ma pippoz.

  • Treece

    Yes, yes, and yes to all this. Threw me off at first until I realized the sarcasm……but I have firmly argued these exact points with friends and this article echoes them all! I am so exhausted of all the “Black woman why can’t you act right and get a man” articles/blogs/movies/books that I want to scream. Thank you for outlining some of the ways that men can change thier attitudes and become more appealing to us. Kudos to you Ms. Lucas

  • Chanel_12

    I suppose you have no idea what sarcasm is. This article is funny.

    It’s everything stupid advice articles for Black women say in the same mock concern and condescending tone.

    I can’t believe Black Enterprise published that article. The comment section is sad.

  • Orange Starr Happy Hunting

    Thank you Chanel!

  • http://gravatar.com/rastaman1967 rastaman

    LOL!
    Demetria I echo an earlier commenter by noting that this call to arms can only be possible if your target demo was the least bit alarmed at the stat you noted. Eons ago when I was part of that demo, I don’t recall marriage or a permanent GF being on the list of my top 5 priorities. While I may not have been typical of most BM that age, I also only knew 3 men out of about 20 who were married or had children. Of the 3, 2 were teen fathers. I was focused of course on my career, establishing my own life sans parents and sowing my proverbial wild oats. So to quote the late B.I.G. there was also a lot of “party and bullsht”.

    I understand the attempt at satire and point taken unfortunately it falls flat because men that age are not going to read that stat and think they need to change their ways to avert the crisis of the unmarried. We do live in a sexist society and women are often most valued as partners in the prime child bearing years and its women who are socialized to view marriage as a “must have”. I don’t think they should of course but hey, that’s how it was when I showed up.

    Interestingly around that time I dated 2 different women who had been married early, within 3 years of high school and were later divorced and both tied their desire to marry early as a way to get away from their parents’ control. They also ended up unhappily married. Of course this was eons ago so thinks may have changed dramatically since then.

  • AM

    Oh my, I too missed the sarcasm!! Thanks for pointing it out.

  • http://gravatar.com/missinformation7 Ms. Information

    It’s the paradox of choice…someone has so many choices, that they make no choice…and it is killing black male/female relationships…but like AM said, let’s focus on love…let’s try to anyway….

  • SAMURAI36

    LMAO at this article. It never occurs to people, that men & women don’t always want the same things, at least not always at the same time.

    It sickens me, to hear the notion that men are “lonely” because they are unmarried. As if marriage is somehow a cure for loneliness. That may very well be the case for many women, but that’s not how most men are wired.

    But as one commenter stated, it’s half past time to start focusing on Black Love, & not Need-Growth (my coined terms for Negro) hatred.

  • http://www.welivestyle.com Maven

    YES to it all. I am personally OVER all, of the articles, shows, etc that put all of the responsibility on us. It’s so ridiculous. I exclaimed “preach” on number 1. And it should have been number 1- Entitlement. My friends and I just had this conversation. I love my brothers, but let them have a few things going for them and they think their THE GIFT. Lucas you could not have said it better.

  • Chillyroad

    Women create a market for that type of rubbish. Men don’t really care either way. That us why this satire doesn’t work.

  • Overseas_Honeybee

    @Rastaman. You make a really good point. The majority of brothas in this age group are NOT concerned about landing a wife. When a man is ready … he will settle down. Not before or not because “we” come along and try to convince him to do otherwise. #Fail. There are also those men who will probably just never get married or remarry (i.e. George Clooney) Clooney looks like the type that will tell a chick straight up what time it is. Gotta know the rules of the game before you play. Good article.

  • SLM

    Loving the satire for a Monday morning. LOVING!

  • SAMURAI36

    Oh please, as if women don’t suffer from this as well. Don’t let her have a cute face, & an abundant amount of T&A… She thinks she is God’s Gift to men everywhere.

    Men have been dealing with women’s entitlement since the Victorian age.

    The reality is, the tables are turning, & women don’t like it.

    Why shouldn’t men celebrate our worth, in a society that constantly tells us that we have none?

    You can be a “Phenomenal Woman” (why, simply because you have breasts & a vagina??), but we can’t be Phenomenal Men?

  • http://www.facebook.com/leanda.davis BabyLeeGurl86

    Loved this! I’m shocked that 73% had never been married though… I wonder if that statistic changes once that group hits their 30′s. Either way, I think that they’re single by choice, not circumstance. So, I really can’t feel sorry for them lol

  • kiesh

    I think your post further speaks to D’s point – all these articles lamenting black women’s marriage rates are pointless. A woman doesn’t get married until a man proposes. If the men are not concerned about marriage, then why berate the women for not “keeping a man?!” Not saying that you do that. Just saying.

  • SS25

    You’ve completely missed the point of this whole article. Anyways, Happy Monday!!

  • SAMURAI36

    Nope, not at all. I just think the article misses its own point.

  • LadyP

    The majority of the time she is God’s Gift to men everywhere especially with men within the age group of 25-29. They are within their prime and have a hard time dealing with self-control. I think men within this age group prefer singleness. Men who are 30 plus may settle down, but when it comes to big T&A; they struggle just the same. It is the flesh and people like what they like. It takes growth. Men within that age group sure aren’t ready physically or mentally.

  • __A

    Ugh! Is this comment section going to turn into the same gender war type comments?

    “Men have been overlooked too long!! I would like to advocate a movement that addresses their sour single lives and encourages them to be fruitful and multiply within the confines of marriage, instead of continuing the cycle of absentee fatherhood. I encourage every breathing Black woman to join me in this new crusade.”

    This article was funny. Stop trying to get all serious. Surely you could tell that it was not meant to be taken that seriously.

  • Erica

    This makes me sad that y’all aren’t getting this is a joke response to all the Steve Harvey ‘Think Like a Man, Don’t Think for Yourself’(or whatever he said) and all these other relationship ‘strategists’. It’s satire people! Get into it.

  • Tyece

    So glad you addressed the entitlement issue! Too many men use their resumes as their primary conversation pieces. That’s great but apply that knowledge to an interesting, witty and substantial conversation.
    Great work on this.

  • LadyP

    This is a great article with a different perspective. Truly, the dissecting of why a black woman is single and can’t find a man is so tiring. While true black love [still] exists, I believe if more articles are published, we will accept it more as well as desire it. Maybe it depends on location, but there are several beautiful black couples –younger and older- where I reside. Sometimes it seems as if the media/society work against us to embrace it. Too much power in it if they would work out..

  • victoria

    I agree with the commentors who stated that most men in this group probably arent ready to marry. I know some people refuse to admit it, but women and men are wired differently.

    What’s crazy is that when the men give their reasons why they arent ready to marry they get thumbs down. But the truth is, many are just looking for the hot chick to have on their arm not to marry.

    Also, I dont think many men in this group are financially able to carry a family.

  • SAMURAI36

    Its my opinion that neither men nor women are emotionally, mentally, socially or economically prepared for mriage at that age. Women are no more prepared for it, than everyone is saying men are.

    IMO, it should be the furthest thing from everyone’s minds, during that time.

    To merely point this out in mind demonstrates a continued bias.

    At that age range, both parties should be focusing on personal development. But society tells women that marriage is a major goal, because of their “biological clocks”, which are always ticking, that’s supposedly the best time to bear children. And after all, who wants to be a single parent, right?

  • apple

    my body ready for this comment section

  • SAMURAI36

    Clearly this isn’t a funny issue, on either side of the table.

    Notice how it’s mostly women laughing here? If this were yet another “Angry Black woman” article, most of the women here would be all up in arms.

    None of this is constructive.

  • AD

    This article is brilliant. Funny, but most of all, in many cases, TRUE! I’d love to read some studies and watch some TV coverage on why so few black men are married. What’s really going on here? Good piece.

  • LadyP

    @SAMURAI36

    You are correct. Since the article was focusing on men within that age group, I just focused on them. All these areas in which you’ve mentioned emotionally, mentally, socially or economically comes with a maturity level and time. So marriage should actually rate last on the list. If not, you may end up as a single parent. And if you do it the “correct” way, maturity comes much sooner than later.

  • Chillyroad

    Your body is always ready for something.

  • Pseudonym

    [standing applause]

  • Chillyroad

    I don’t think there is anything nefarious going on. Women, all women, like to talk about relationship stuff. Follow the money. It’s a medium for advertising stuff. That’s all. Just apply Occam’s Razor. Talk about stuff women like to talk about, insert ads, sell products, make money. It’s simple.

  • EST. 1986

    “A woman doesn’t get married until a man proposes.”

    A heterosexual woman may not get married until a man proposes. And even then, it’s because of gender roles, which need to go away.

  • cece marie

    i dont see the sarcasm. the points she listed were legit.

  • EST. 1986

    I can understand why some may have missed this as being satire when the same kind of content is not satire when it is focused on women.

  • Smilez_920

    + 1. But unfortunately when it comes to love and relationships , books , blogs and movies are gearded towards women. I guess markets go by the notion that women ” love .. LovE”.

    Number one ” entailment ” issues rang bells man. I mean some of these guys think someone should kiss their feet because their doing what an adult is suppose to do. Going to school, planning your future , working , paying bills, being respectful etc..

  • paul

    I’m afraid I have to agree with those who say “why are so many black men unmarried” doesn’t work as moral panic or as satire.

    Black men haven’t made an issue out of being unmarried in the same way black women have and I think black women only have themselves to blame for letting this particular genie out the bottle and only themselves to blame that they can’t put it back.

    For years the media has subjected us to an endless barrage of women complaining that they can’t find a good man, that they’ve scaled the heights of academic and career success but that success is spoiled by their inability to find a man on their level.

    But I don’t recall hearing many objections to media “exposés” on the reasons so many black are unmarried in the days when people like Oprah controlled these kinds of debates. The answer was always predictable – namely that men were intimidated by women’s success or that men couldn’t handle a strong woman. As long the discussion followed that format nobody complained.

    The internet changed that. :-)

    We begun to hear the Other Side of the story, which painted a less flattering picture of women who can’t find a man on their level – and needless to say that’s when the complaint became – “why the obsessive interest in black women’s love lives”.

    A too late attempt to put the genie back in the bottle because the floor had now been opened up to every whacko with a questionable axe to grind, to come in and advance their distorted worldview on the back of what is mostly a media invented non-issue.

    Now we have all an all out black man vs black woman war being fought on the internet over absolutely nothing at all. Because the truth is as many black men as black women are unmarried and while many of them may aspire to marriage at some time in their lives being married is not the most urgent issue for most black men and black women.

    So what’s the lesson?

    dunno but have at it

    well just have to wait for em to punch themselves out.

  • http://cupofjo-jo.blogspot.com bk chick

    Lol love this! Satire was on point…I’m not surprised it went over some people’s heads. That is exactly the way all those “black women you’re screwed” advice columns/books/personalities sound…RIDICULOUS!

  • http://gravatar.com/ravsmith78 Ravi

    LOL, looking at the comment section it seems this article when over most people’s head. funny stuff.

  • Duh

    It’s pretty obvious why.

  • http://gravatar.com/rastaman1967 rastaman

    Then a better satire would be one where women took control of their own destinies and chose to propose to teh men they wanted to marry. That would be hilarious!!

  • Stanley

    Women don’t want to believe that their the customers of this sh*t.

  • http://deemyselfandi.wordpress.com DeeMyselfAndI

    Fantastic article! It certainly takes two to tango and in the mean time I’m perfectly happy dancing with myself. I’ve been in contact with each and every one of the problem areas mentioned and it is not worth the irritation. I’m not shying away from my beautiful black men, but I am offering some advice to them about getting their butts in gear if they want a Michelle Obama.

  • http://deemyselfandi.wordpress.com DeeMyselfAndI

    You must be in the wrong environments or putting too much stock in reality TV. I could be wrong about you though. I mean, you here on Clutch. I’m willing to bet that at least 90% of the single writers and commenters on this site do not fall in to the category of women you mentioned.

  • Barbara

    I appreciate the satiric tone to this article but I must begrudgingly agree with this black woman hater above :-(

    Let’s face it, men marry for love/starting a family so on and so forth but also due to societal pressure/expectations and the latter is pretty much gone in the black community and most men are getting the farmer without committing. I say all that to say, if the majority of women were to put an end to the free ride these stats would slowly but surely go away.

  • Dave

    I think the majority of people want to get married because of some false notion of “achievement” it gives them. No, you do not have to get married to be happy. No, being unmarried and single aren’t exactly the same thing. And no, marriage and maturity are most certainly not bed mates. I hope my generation can eventually reject the notion that the decision to refuse or delay marriage somehow represents a “crisis.” Why not just consider it a shift in values?

  • danyeezi

    But I hear men perpetuate this “type of rubbish” all the time. My male friends believe that “black woman who are single are sad ” and believe all those articles that talk about why black women are so messed up. I disagree that men don’t really care. Men use the ideas as an excuse as to why their own relationships don’t work out.

    Similarly, I have men in my circles who actually do believe their entitled and have said such. They believe it’s a result of supply and demand. Black men with degrees/ no kids/ good jobs are far and few- so the demand is high. I’ve also heard them say…they wish they could just date forever…. So points in this article are relevant.

    It is hilarious though…. I’m surprised people don’t pick up on humor

  • hmmmmm

    Black men of that age group somehow find themselves not ready to make that commitment but that isn’t the case for any other group of men.

  • http://gravatar.com/ravsmith78 Ravi

    Actually, it’s a general trend.

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/14/marriage-rates-in-america_n_1147290.html

    It’s impossible to generalize this as a black and white thing. There are black men that get married in this age range and men from other races that get married later in life because they are not ready for that commitment. There are definite trends, but this isn’t something that is characterizing races of men.

  • http://gabandgraffiti.wordpress.com marloweovershakespeare

    http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com

    check it out and take several breaths of fresh air;-) I do.

  • leelah

    I’m going to disagree. I have brothers, cousins, and three male friends who I’m very close to. Once men let their walls down with you, they’re worse than women. All I hear about is how much they want a solid relationship, they’re lonely, do I think they’re marriage material.

  • http://airindanyell.tumblr.com Erin

    Whew! That list is extremely accurate!

  • hmmmmm

    “Also, I dont think many men in this group are financially able to carry a family.”

    How many of that 73% 25-29 unmarried do you think have multiple children OOW though?

  • p

    I know this is satire but *Why do Black women act as if Black men are the only men on earth*? This is the reason the conditions on this list and ones not on the list is so prevalent.Please get a clue.

  • SAMURAI36

    Ah yes, I’ve been waiting for this response…. When all else fails, get you a white man, gurl. He’s the magic cure-all for all yo problems.

    As if other men don’t have the same issues black men have.

    Or didn’t Halle & Mauvais learn that the the hard way?

  • P

    Yes, it’s always about the money (and women love to talk). Money does conquer, the same reason why we don’t have tons of black love movies being produced…. Once a few are released, they are so impactful. Women and men are still talking about Love and Basketball as example. Everybody wanted to have a Martin and Gina’ relationship – it seems as if her portrayal coined the term “ride or die chick”. Publications and movies may not cater to black love bc of the big bucks, but I do believe they must be aware of its positive impact even if their intentions aren’t completely nefarious.

  • http://gravatar.com/niajolie JJ

    Best article ever on this site

  • Chillyroad

    Girl you didn’t know the white man’s penis is the new black? Lol. I kid…

  • Not at all .

    I can’t go white because I can’t go pink. Darn, you have to have sex with them, too. I know that sounds racist, but my hairs stand up on the back of my neck when I see them looking at me. I’m thankful my husband is black. I don’t know what I would do if we divorce especially since I’ve been hearing for the past couple of years, “black women should date white man” and no available black men. Beginning to think something is wrong with me.

  • http://www.askheartbeat.com/ahb2010/top-12-reasons-black-men-are-single/ Deborrah Cooper

    Girl! You think like me. I did a little ditty I called The Top 12 Reasons Black Men Are Still Single and a BlogTalk Radio show on the subject. These dudes really are on their own jock

  • kiesh

    Rasta – you missed the point. Women can propose all they want but if men are not thinking about marriage – as you stated – then what? Beat them over the head?

  • http://www.facebook.com/marcus.g.taylor.1 Marcus Greg Taylor

    okay, not to go back and forth on this subject but when black women that are in the age range of 25-30 (something) like black men are, they don’t know how to handle a good black man; maybe it could be the type of women i attract or attracted to (which is totally different subject) but i personally find that most of those women don’t want a gentlemen that is husband potential or after date three are ready to walk the aisle, in any case, not given the relationship time to grow; i read this article on “why men need to get married” which is written by a man by the way, and its true, men need to get married, not that marriage is a burden we need to carry, but its something to get us to think beyond ourselves; but the fact is, either by choice or if society and social media have shaped black women to think like men which is not good and to some degree black men have been acting like women; so for a man to keep a woman and for a woman to stay with a man, lets get back to the basics and let the men be men (responsible and protecting) and let the women be women (wise and nurturing)

  • Therapist

    You seem obsessed with white penis =/ You are always bringing it up in some manner. Let’s talk,

    Did a white peen hurt you?
    Does a white peen threaten your black peen?
    Are you stock piling on white peen and don’t want anyone else to get some?

    Go ahead, I’m listening.

  • EST. 1986

    Quite frankly, men of other races don’t have the same issues as Black men.

  • EST. 1986

    No, you aren’t kidding.

  • ?

    Because growing up, their mothers coddled their brothers to death.

    Because they are desperate for male attention they didn’t get as a little girl.

    Because their community says without a “black king” she’s nothing but a bitch/hoe/female

  • Chillyroad

    @therapist
    The only people obsessed are those who treat it as if its a magic wand. Bare in mind I was responding to a comment I didn’t bring them up at all. Living in a rather large English village in the UK where it is 98% white I’m quite frankly bored of all white people. They’re banal at this point. No “Something New” meh…

  • Pseudonym

    Some people want to have families and children of their own and like the companionship and support of a romantic, monogamous relationship.

  • http://gravatar.com/nolakiss16 binks

    CHURCH! On this article, can we pass this article around the blog circuit, social media, put it in magazines, on the radio shows, etc. Because as I and many other started before if you want to fix this so called gap between black women and men BOTH parties have to be present to the table and be objective in how they view themselves and too often all the blame was directed at women.

  • PAT

    @notatall

    I wonder about Black women? like you who makes these statements. Do you all think these men care?They seem to be doing ok.I wonder because when *others* make derogatory statements about Black women you all are crying(except if its a black man)ready to call the NAACP, write editorials in the NYTIMES…but seem to have no concept of other peoples feelings…..especially if its white men.They listen, read and have feelings too…AND THEY CONTROL MOST OF THW WORLD! Kinda like Eve and her idiotic comments on that article….If her man had said *I cant believe Im with a Black girl*…you all would be calling for his head.In short….Nobody gives a f…..so STFU!

  • Chillyroad

    @paul

    Couldn’t agree more. Black women hopped right into bed with the media.

  • Dave

    Marriage isn’t necessary for children, family, romance, or monogamy. Nor does it provide any more “stability” to these things as evidenced by our divorce rates. If one wants to be married, fine, so long as it is understood that marriage is by no means necessary.

  • Chillyroad

    If any of them could have an abortion I’m sure very few of them would have kids out of wedlock.

  • The Whole Truth

    Young black women don’t have a problem getting a husband and successful black men don’t have a problem getting a wife. Black women PREFERENCE for a man is in his mid 30′s and established. The problem is that that guy’s PREFERENCE is not a 35 or older black woman. All things equal he’d prefer you around 25 just getting old of college and starting your career.

  • D

    Bruh, you handled your business with this comment. I was about to type the same response. Black women in years past would run to ABC, NBC or whatever channel to share their “woe is me” stories. Beautiful, successful but still single, what could ever be the problem? They would gladly join in the black men-media bashing of “this percent is gay, this percent are high school dropouts, this percent have multiple baby mommas, this percent are convicts,” etc., etc. I would literally be stunned at the caricatures that were routinely painted of black men and the panels of black women that would participate in that nonsense over and over. For a long period of time, and probably still, black women being unable to find a “good black man” was big business for magazines and TV.

    When the mirror is turned around, now the wails of “why focus on us” start. lol

    I understand this article’s satire. It made me chuckle. But the satire of the satire would be sisters are now complaining about a situation they helped create, all the articles you see now and find so insulting. The media is a fickle partner.

  • D

    I always love how people of one race think people of another race have it sooooooo easy. White men, Asian men, whatever are so great, they don’t have the issues of black men, etc., etc.

    Here’s a test: talk to the women of those other races and see what they think about their men….LOL. I do not see white women, Hispanic women and Asian women crowing about the greatness of their men….LOL. I pretty much see them bitching about pretty much the same issues, or different and equally serious issues, as black women.

    It’s as silly as a black man thinking white or Asian women will be more docile and submissive based on some circumspect understanding of their culture. LOL…yeah right.

  • Married Black Woman

    Read this:

    http://www.amazon.com/The-Secret-Lives-Wives-Married/dp/1592406807

    If you are smart, don’t bother getting married. And if you do, realize that marriage will suck after the kids are born, and until they leave again.

    Everything is a lie. We’re all screwed.

  • victoria

    And too many of those men cant afford the oow children they have. OOW children is played, old news. What single, childless person in 2013 wants to start off a marriage paying child support for kids that arent yours?

  • victoria

    Have to agree with Est 1986

    Many non black men dont have the same issues as many black men.

  • EST. 1986

    I am a 26-year-old Black woman and I do not prefer a man who is in his mid 30s.

  • Pamela

    So how did Black women help create this problem? Please tell me.

  • http://www.facebook.com/pwilhoite Pamela Wilhoite

    This was an excellent article. Quite rankly I was becoming upset with all of the books, movies, and You tube videos on what Black women were doing wrong in her relationships, and the pages of things we need to do to keep them happy. This article pointed out some things most Black men does not want to hear, but it’s the straight truth. I’ve listened to Steve Harvey and everyone else, now it’s our men time to listen. I love Black men but Black men need to do their part also and not think someone is going to put up with certain behaviors just to stay with you.Black mothers stop babying your boys and raise him to be a strong respectable man. We as Black people need to stop paying the Blame Game. And us as Black women should try to help a man that have these issues by communicating this problem to him, and if he doesn’t change then cut it off. Ihave met soooo many Black men (especially urban men) that have some of these issues, and those are the ones I immediatelly cut off after I told you twice. It seems like a lot Black men these days want a woman to take care of them. Idk but for the last couple of years I’ve been dating African men.

  • James

    Life is an odd thing. So the numbers say 73% of black men are not married. Not sure if they asked, “married but now divorced”. This kind of analysis is like the whole black men in prison v black men in college.  Little did most people know they were counting the guy who in 1975 committed triple murder and is still serving his 60-80 yr term. They count him right now with the new crop of black college enrollment.  Again numbers don’t lie but they don’t tell the entire story.

    I’ll answer this in the way I told it to my moms. I have no idea why these men act this why-I can and will speculate (I’m a film maker) but like I told my mother, they are winning. So even though the right thing for these guys to do is come clean. They won’t, basically out of fear on one hand and on the other let’s just say they don’t expect women to stop accepting their schtick. Where I actually live within my means (again ask anyone you know in film about our finances) these guys lie, run game and come off as winners.  True indeed these guys should stop the games. But what’s their incentive to do so? Because it’s the right thing to do? 

    To that I got two names both are men: Rollo Tomassi and Noah Cross.( watch the movies in which the names come from to get my drift,  LA Confidential and Chinatown).

    If they can get away with it with no tangible repercussions they will. The more they lie, act like gods gift et al, the more action they get. They aren’t in it for anything other than the chase. 

    Perhaps if this behavior is re categorized to be looked at the way we look at bullying or cigarette smoking, maybe men will change otherwise these men have no incentive to stop this behavior.

  • beks

    shouldn’t their incentive be that this way of thinking and being hurts them and their community?

  • Pseudonym

    hahaha!

    Awwww…I don’t think we’re all screwed. Just don’t expect marriage to be a highway to happiness or fulfillment. Be happy and fulfilled before you get married, that way, your husband/wife just has to help MAINTAIN that happiness (or add to it) as opposed to help you overcome your insecurity, family issues, relationship baggage, general life dissatisfaction, etc. Yes, marriage will have its down times (I met a woman who said she didn’t like her husband for an entire year! But she likes and loves him again now.), but doesn’t everything?

    The people I know who are most satisfied with their marriages aren’t the one in perfect relationships, but rather they’re the ones who have a lot of other stuff going on (family, friends, careers, hobbies, etc.) and at least some of those things are going well at most times, so that they can share the focus of their energies with those other happy things instead of putting all of their “happiness” eggs in their “marriage” basket. (Same goes for why people shouldn’t put all their worth in their career or financial success- that just leads to recession suicides.) Also, they have realistic expectations, so bad times don’t equal “marriage sucks” but rather is just treated as an intrinsic disadvantage to the marital arrangement. And, eventually, they get over it. I’m no relationship expert, but this is just an observation that I would like to share. People I know who were miserable and unfulfilled before marriage continued to be miserable and unfulfilled after marriage. Those who expect marriage to be “okay,” are just that.

  • Pseudonym

    I, personally, don’t want to have children with a man I’m not married to. I think it’s Holland (but I could be wrong. It’s one of those 3 countries up there w/ Denmark and Sweden.) where there are a lot of unmarried people who have children and raise them together, but from what I read they generally stay together and raise their children together. If they were in the States, they’d end up common law married. If I were in that type of culture, I could see not feeling the need to be married to have children. The black American community, however, does not have this culture, so agreeing to have children with a black man in the US would give me pause (not even pause, make me STOP) because the non-married births within the black community tend more often to lead to single parenting. I think it would be super naive and plain stupid for me to assume I got one of the “different” kind of black men who will remain in a family unit with me and our children since that is not the case more often.

    I don’t want to be a single parent and kids among boyfriend/girlfriends in the black American community leads to single parenting most of the time. Parenting as a couple is hard enough. So, I’ll go with marriage.

  • http://gravatar.com/benman1 benman1Tony

    A woman in her 30′s PREFERENCE is a man mid 30′s sucessful. She would take that over a man 25. The exact opposite is true for the sucessful man in his mid 30′s. He’d PREFER (the same woman) at 25 all things equal. You see a career, job, house and car is not going to impress a man who already has those thinkgs. He PREFER her back when her butt was tight, breast didn’t sagg and face didn’t show the signs of aging.

  • Barbara

    Well a whopping 70 percent of ALL black men is a baby daddy. Let that simmer for a minute.

  • Pseudonym

    Yes, he likes a tight butt, perky breasts, and an ageless face, but…a lot of black women in their 30s don’t have this problem. “Black don’t crack” is real and those that do crack usually do b/c of poor socioeconomic status in which unhealthy lifestyles are intrinsic. But as for upwardly mobile, successful black women in their 30s? and without any kids? I don’t see a bunch of loose butts, saggy breasts, and aged faces.

  • http://gravatar.com/jamesfrmphilly jamesfrmphilly

    “those that do crack usually do b/c of poor socioeconomic status in which unhealthy lifestyles are intrinsic”

    really?

  • Dave

    “I think it would be super naive and plain stupid for me to assume I got one of the ‘different’ kind of black men who will remain in a family unit with me and our children since that is not the case more often.”

    Are you serious? Why would you marry a man that you aren’t certain would be willing to raise his kids in the first place? More importantly, why do you think marriage would make him any more likely to stay with you or his children? You don’t need a ring to be a deadbeat and a ring doesn’t make you any less of one.

  • http://twitter.com/aprilinspired April D. Byrd (@aprilinspired)

    Kudos to you Demetria!

  • Pseudonym

    Yep. Poor diets, no access to preventative medical care (so sicknesses that could be easily combated not dealt with until in later stages after reversible damage has been done), working outside for some men (the sun is what causes leathery skin), stress, exposure to unhealthy chemicals, etc.

  • Pseudonym

    There are waaaaaaay more deadbeat boyfriends than husbands in the black community. You can argue all you want, but just look at all the black women raising black kids alone. You’re just talking in hypothetical. Yes, hypothetically, one shouldn’t need marriage to raise children together. However, The single mother and fatherless child rate in the black American community is REAL. In the REAL world, having babies with boyfriends is NOT working out for black women. or men. or children who grow up to be women and men who repeat the same tired cycle.

    I agree, marriage doesn’t necessarily say things will work out perfectly b/c people aren’t perfect. But a man who doesn’t want to get married before bringing a child into the world says something to me that I don’t like to hear and I believe it wise to take note of that HUGE red flag and walk away.

    If that’s what you want to do, go on ahead. I’m not arguing against you. But don’t you dare shame and challenge me for wanting to have a legit marriage situation before bringing a child into the world. That’s preposterous!

  • Dave

    ‘But a man who doesn’t want to get married before bringing a child into the world says something to me that I don’t like to hear and I believe it wise to take note of that HUGE red flag and walk away.’

    The only thing that a man who doesn’t want to get married is telling you is that, you got it, he doesn’t want to get married. Chances are he probably doesn’t want children yet and isn’t ready to have a family. That’s obvious. What isn’t quite so clear is why you believe that changing a boyfriend into a husband changes someone into a reliable father instead of said person’s…what’s the word?…character. If you don’t want a deadbeat, don’t date one. Marriage isn’t some kind of magic potion and its success (and yes, it’s legitimacy) is entirely dependent on the people who enter into it. Not the other way around.

  • EST. 1986

    Black men don’t complain about being unmarried because most of them don’t know what it means to have a full relationship with a woman.

  • EST. 1986

    Nigga, shut up.

  • Uncle James

    Really? It’s us? Wow. Stop blaming men for why you are single. It’s your fault. You have the vagina. You have what drives us. You have the power to make us do right or do wrong. Men only become what you screw. You say you want a good man, but your actions say otherwise. We don’t listen to what you say. We respond to what you do. You think we don’t see you giving thugs, dogs and all kinds of unworthy brothers 100% of yourselves? Those are brothers you f*ck early and often. They’re the ones who get you at your most beautiful, prime years (18-29). By the time you figure out what a good man is, you’re over thirty, overweight and most of the time you got kids and any good men that are left are taking full advantage of your numbers. But, it’s us, right?

  • Derek

    I agreed with you until you lied. True enuff there is little intensive for a man to get married nowadays beyond raw emotion sentiment “I love my woman”. But black men who DO end up getting married overwhelmingly marry black women. That needs to be said and understood

  • Derek

    Damn Bruh . . . . I AGREE!

  • Derek

    YOU LYIN

  • http://theuptownbrown.wordpress.com theuptownbrown

    I can specifically name a black man who is or has been all of these things and I’ll eat off of this menu…

    For an appetizer, I’ll start with a #1 – these men are cocky and often times fold if they WANT the woman in question. For the main course, I’ll have a #4 that drinks to unwind with two sides – #3 (we can work through communication challenges if we start addressing them early on) and #8 (Everyone gets comfortable…let’s just try not to be comfortable at the same time) plus #10 for dessert (one time divorce makes me a fan of the long courtship). Ah hell, let’s throw in a #6 for the drink, everyone has baggage right? #2 is a character flaw that I just can’t deal with and #s7 and 9 indicate he just doesn’t want to be with you. And #5 is a HTFN…I don’t do liars. Period.

    For some this a sattire and others a sad truth. Either way, it was a great 2 AM read. My general thoughts can be summed in two points: (1) There’s no such thing at THE good black man, just the one for you. (2) Black women talk too much, never shut up and don’t act enough. Hence this type of post has relevance as a satirical topic.

    However consider me a sitting duck on this call to action, real or fake. God nor single black men don’t need my help. Love, relationships and marriage are not easy. All is fair. We’re all crazy. Find your crazy and deal with it.

  • victoria

    @Barbara

    Nooooo, 70% of black kids are born oow. That doesnt mean 70% of black men are baby daddies. Now you let that simmer….

  • tone

    quit with the man v woman shit.. there are messed up people every where u look, both men and women..thats not an excuse,,, it’s just reality.. as far as black people are concerned,, many of us, both man and women grew up learning fucked up morals, from our own parents and peers, who taught us inconsiderate and selfish perspectives.. we see fathers lie and cheat on mothers, and vise verse.. black women who rather date white men , and vise verse, but its still. more of a character issue than it is race. as a man, i see women who are indepent yet wanna be taking care of at the same damm time.. whats up with that???? talk about having your cake and eating it 2??
    2???

  • Actually

    Actually citing the most recent numbers, at least a quarter of black men are marrying non black women and the trend is going upwards not down.

  • D

    I explained that in my post. When the media was on the “there are no good black men” bashing campaign, who was front and center on every show talking about how they can’t find a man, saying most black men are gay or in jail or uneducated or unemployed, etc.? Black women. When the media came calling for that nonsense they should not have expressed wholehearted agreement with such a ridiculous premise. That created the current problem by highlighting supposed dysfunction in black relationships and it was a natural progression for the media to go from examining the problems with black men to discussing the problems with black women. Not to say that we as couples don’t have issues. But it’s never just one side. Black men took our bashing. Now it’s women’s turn with these “condescending” articles about what’s wrong with black women.

  • Barbara

    @Victoria RMFE come again.

    “Shares of fathers with nonmarital births”

    72% BLACK
    59% hispanic
    37% white

    http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/files/2011/06/fathers-FINAL-report.pdf

    Denying what everyone with 2 working eyes can see will not make it go away.

  • Ravi

    But only about 400k black men have white wives and there are nearly 5 million married black men. The vast majority of them have black wives. Unless over a million black men decide to marry white women this year, 25% of black men won’t be married to white women.

  • Ravi

    @Barbara

    That’s 72% of black fathers, not 72% of all black men. All black men don’t have children.

  • Shane

    I’m not a nigger/nigga and I will speak my mind just like everyone else. Show some respect. If you lack debating skills just don’t say anything.

  • Barbara

    More fun facts.

    1 in 3 African American men had children with more than 1 woman.

    http://www.childtrends.org/Files/Child_Trends-2006_11_1_RB_MultiplePartners.pdf

  • Shane

    He meant 25% OF BLACK men in recent years have been marrying non-black women, not 25% of overall married blk men

  • Do better

    It’s a class issue. Per capita, there are more financially solvent, educated, emotionally intelligent men looking for genuine love outside the African American community within the U.S. That is not racism, it’s reality and the stats back it up. It’s not that being white inherently makes a better husband, that’s an idiotic manipulation of the argument. It’s that there are more white men within the United States who aren’t plagued with generational poverty, criminality, mental illness, a cultural attitude that promotes promiscuity and discourages marriage, and that insidious victim mentality. I do not believe a young black woman should go against her own personal interests in favor of staying “down” with the black man. If you can find a white/other race of man who loves you and takes care of you go for it!

    Oh, and Halle is with a fantastically rich and handsome Frenchman right now. So you were saying?

  • Do better

    Right? Gross

  • Do better

    Winning as defined by who, a naive, hormonal teenage boy desperate to sow his wild oats? There is only a narrow segment of the U.S. population that would view this characterization as “winning” in terms of being a healthy, successful person, and I would venture that the majority don’t have college degrees.

  • Do better

    It doesn’t really matter what a man in his mid-thirties prefers. With some exceptions, most women in their early twenties are NOT attracted to men in their mid-thirties. There’s no double standard here. Young women want young hot guys just like men do; however, mid-thirties men, due to the arrogance so eloquently described in this article, feel that because they own property or have established careers that makes them “attractive” to young women. Not so. Do not confuse low self-esteem, daddy issues, and perceived lack of options in certain women with attraction. The gorgeous young women in their early twenties who get with mid-thirties men due to the man’s status, financial or otherwise, are not doing it out of love or lust and most often these “relationships” fail. I’m tired of this propaganda that men get more attractive as they age and the reverse is true of women. A beautiful woman is a beautiful woman regardless of age, and money/experience doesn’t make a hideous man any less so.

  • http://twitter.com/nativenotes nativenotes (@nativenotes)

    I enjoyed this.

  • Actually

    It says the most ********recent********* numbers not all married black men so this seems to be something new and it’s not surprising considering the current culture.

  • Kay

    What about men? I don’t think women want to spend their lives working out constantly only to be with men with “loose butts, saggy pecs, and aged faces,” either. I see a lot more of that where I live where men have beautiful wives and girlfriends and men couldn’t care less how they look. Besides, aging is natural. Unless you’re some billionaire exec, you can’t spend the rest of your life chasing after young women.

  • Kay

    Um….I’m going to say….no. Just…no. No one can control anyone else’s actions. Either a person’s going to determine in their OWN mind that they are going to be a good person or they won’t. This article is aimed at the many publications that find fault with Black women as opposed to thinking deeper. Maybe it’s not all Black women. Or men either. Maybe it’s a messed up economy, and the prison industrial complex. It could be a host of reasons, but to lay it all at Black women’s feet is egregious. And perhaps Black women aren’t really complaining. Maybe it’s just that MSM feels that we SHOULD be complaining and should be ashamed of their single status versus Black women DECIDING they may not want to be married.

  • http://gravatar.com/ravsmith78 Ravi

    The “most recent numbers” doesn’t indicate what those numbers are. That is just a statement that they are the most recently gathered. “numbers” could be the percentage of new marriages or the percentage of total marriages.

  • SAMURAI36

    @ Do Better:

    I was “saying”, that the class debate is Smyth. People from all sides of the economic spectrum suffer from relationship issues.

    If you think rich white men don’t suffer from a culture that promotes mental illness (aren’t these the same Crackas that commit serial killings, mass murders, & all sorts of other heinous crimes?), promiscuity (you don’t think white men cheat on their wives, have orgies, screw their maids, as in the case of Arnold the Terminator, marrying several wives like Mitt Romney, etc), then you are truly delusional. Who do you think we as Black men learned all these”values” from in the first place??

    It’s really tragic to hear people (especially women) drinking the Cracka’s Kool Aid. Get your heads out of the white man’s butt for 5 seconds, & start seeing him for the vile monster that he truly is..

    As for Halle Berry, the last I checked, she hasn’t had a successful relationship a single day in her life, with neither a black or white man. And her “baby daddy” is a white man, who dumped her “fantastically rich” & CRAZY ass.

    Just goes to show, money does NOT buy happiness.

  • SAMURAI36

    I continue to be sickened & disheartened by the level of black self-hatred that I witness in these discussions about black relationships. It’s really sad to watch grown men & women continue to blame each other, instead of taking personal responsibility for their own actions, that lead to their own happiness, or lack thereof.

    After you become an adult, no one is responsible for your happiness & well being, certainly not a spouse or significant other.

  • http://tontonmichel.tumblr.com Tonton Michel

    I was assuming the writer was being funny, a bit satire and well done a that. But now I fear she maybe dead serious which makes this piece just sad.
    There is no mystery to men, he doesnt keep a woman cause he does not want to, he isnt married because he doesnt want to be, he wont marry you because you are not the ONE, your just the one right NOW. It aint science.

  • SAMURAI36

    There is nothing wrong with you, simply because you do not wish to be intimate with a white person.

    There is nothing attractive about white women, or people as a whole; their pale/pink skin, stringy hair, weirdly shaped bodies, & foul smell, put me in the mind of having sex with rodents, & I don’t “do” animals.

    The Divine created Black men for Black women, & vice versa. As a man, I am meant to be inside a Black Woman, just as I was destined to come out from one.

    Don’t let the media & Black self-haters convince you of otherwise.

  • Pseudonym

    Of course character is what’s considered! Now you’re just arguing for the sake of arguing b/c you want me to be wrong instead of just acknowledging that I may have a point.

    I’m not going to take someone of poor character and marry them and think that’s the solution- that’s insane and nothing I wrote suggested that. However, a man who expects and takes the work and dedication of a wife from a woman (down to having kids) without marrying her is a sign of a possibly whack character. I see it all the time- even in dating with friends who have a boyfriend, but their “boyfriend” doesn’t have a girlfriend. It’s so bizarre! She’s a woman who takes care of him, cooks for him, supports him, is monogamous with him, etc. but she’s just a “friend” (among other “friends” in some cases).

    That’s just whack.

    No one said marriage is a magic potion. But you say,

    “The only thing that a man who doesn’t want to get married is telling you is that, you got it, he doesn’t want to get married. Chances are he probably doesn’t want children yet and isn’t ready to have a family.”

    Which is EXACTLY my point! and completely shuts down your argument. You said it yourself, a man who doesn’t want to get married probably doesn’t want children and isn’t ready to have a family (Your words, not mine.). I am dating and want to get married for the purpose of having children and a family, so why would I waste time with the guy you just said doesn’t want those things? And- even worse- why would I have a child with a man who probably doesn’t want children and isn’t ready for a family (Again, your words, not mine.)? You’re contradicting yourself/shutting down your argument.

  • EST. 1986

    You are talking about something different. I am referring to how Black men seem to have a hard relating to women on a level beyond the superficial.

  • SAMURAI36

    As a man that is half Jamaican, half African American, it’s good to hear more American Blacks reaching out to Blacks from other areas.

    The fact that we pick whites over Caribbean and Africans, just shows more of the Black self hatred that we suffer from.

    Connecting with other Blacks from around the world can only expand & solidify our Black culture, by bringing in new ideas, better values, & increased chances of Love for all parties.

  • SAMURAI36

    This book was written by a white Jewish woman, which means it likely wasn’t written with Black people in mind.

    Try as you might, to apply white principles to our black situations, & you are only doomed for failure.

    Here is a far more superlative book:

    http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1877662070/ref=mp_s_a_1?qid=1355277479&sr=8-3&pi=SL75

    Oh, & it’s written by a Black man, & a married one at that. :-)

  • Dave

    Valid point pseudonym and I concede the argument. Though I do not like the idea that most men and women equate the desire for marriage as being prepared to raise a family or that society forces the concept of marriage down our throats but to each his own, live and let live, and all that good stuff.

  • Dave

    Clutch posted this earlier in our dialogue than I would have wished but nonetheless:

    Valid point pseudonym and I concede the argument. Though I do not like the idea that most men and women equate the desire for marriage as being prepared to raise a family or that society forces the concept of marriage down our throats but to each his own, live and let live, and all that good stuff.

  • http://twitter.com/karincoger karincoger (@karincoger)

    Thank you Ms. Lucas for posting this very comprehensive and inclusive list of reasons that Black men cannot keep a black woman. Black women have been under attack by the media for the past three to five years so if we are to blame for our high rate of “singleness.” Many love to point to women, especially successful career oriented black women, and blame us. However, many refuse to state they issues that we are up against. Many act like black women should stop having standards for the sake of having a man. However, you have clearly listed 10 hurdles that we contend with. Hopefully, in 2013, black people can focus on what will bring us together instead of what keeps us apart. Karin Y. Coger, Esq. of

  • EST. 1986

    *a hard time

  • mr.vicious

    Its no wonder as to why BM dont ask BW to marry them, just look at these comments on this page alone, and multiple that by the number of women in the U.S.

    Ive already stated, that the question is not why BM are single. Its more telling if you ask BM why they are not asking BW to marry them.

    IE Any woman that tells a man to shut up nigga, is not wife material, jump off yes, wife no…

  • Wiseman

    @Ravi. Count me into the 25% target index of black men who didn’t marry white women. I married my soul mate, my reason for being alive, and a beautiful and intelligent black woman. I point to the sky everyday for blessing me. I wish the same happiness for all here to meet their soul mate if that is their desired destiny.

  • Pingback: Is there really a Black Marriage Decline? | 93.9 WKYS

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  • http://gravatar.com/ravsmith78 Ravi

    @Wiseman

    not sure what your first sentence means. What 25% target index of black men who didn’t marry white men?

  • Billy Paul

    Define “trend”.

    What is the durational time period included in your test group?

  • Billy Paul

    I concur wholeheartedly; unfortunately, a brief analysis of the intellectual culture reflected in the average comment stream located herein may lead many to conclude that your request may fall on tin ears.

    Carry on, Family.

  • Billy Paul

    Sarcasm, indeed.

    Carry on, Family.

  • Billy Paul

    I concur with Brother Stanley, although his approach may be misconstrued by some women as being somewhat coarse. However, one need not feel ashamed to believe in the foregoing statement for the majority of women also desire to see an improvement in their current romantic relationship compared to those of the past.

    Carry on, Family.

  • Billy Paul

    “Thank you for outlining some of the ways that men can change thier attitudes and become more appealing to us.”

    Unfortunately, the current demographic data suggests that in light of the excess of marriageable women a knowledgeable man need not focus on “becom[ing] more appealing to [women]” because simple logic dictates that said gentlemen can find his desired mate without excess compromise.

    Further, the demographics are even more bleak for Colored professionals wherein women outnumber men by an even larger degree. Indeed, the current demographics data suggests that the Colored male professional is in large demand and that there are not enough to satisfy the demand. Be not mislead, this comment is not advocating that said gentlemen engage in odious behavior towards women, but is a call to all single Colored male professionals to henceforth remember their worth and act accordingly in their social relationships.

  • Billy Paul

    It may not be that Colored men that “have a few things going for them…think [that they are] THE GIFT”, but rather a reflection that this particular Colored male has standards that he rarely compromises on. Correct me if I’m wrong, but is that not similar to women telling other women to have standards and to stick with them?

    Carry on, Family.

  • Billy Paul

    Unfortunately, this is the reality that women in the past fought for. They wanted the have complete control of their bodies, so society gave it to them. Now that they are “giving the milk away for free” some women say “stop it”. However, I fear that such a request may fall on tin ears, which is a delight to Billy and his like-minded brethren.

  • EST. 1986

    Hahaha! That’s cute. I guess that would make most Black men non-marriage material since they tell each other “Nigga, shut up!” all the time.

  • Billy Paul

    Marriage is a business contract for one genes. One’s resume arguably is reflective of what one brings to the table.

  • Billy Paul

    Unfortunately, the lowly tax bracket implied by the cubicle in which you obtained your pic suggests that you are neither in a position to define what a “Michelle Obama” is, nor be one for a Colored male. In particular, my misguided and miseducated friend, I fear that it may be you that needs to “get[] their butt[] in gear” and take some advice on “getting your own Michelle Obama on.”

    The 21st century has thus far seen the last gasps of chivalry and the Western women is none too happy about it. Today, it will take women more to achieve a sound relationship than it did in the past. However, women need not feel discouraged by such reality and need only refine their approach to romantic relationships.

    Carry on, Family.

  • Billy Paul

    Touche, my brother.

  • SAMURAI36

    Your continued displays of hatred of Black men is appalling. You’ve had nothing positive to say about Black men in this entire discussion (which is also the case for most of the other women here as well, but you have been the worse by far).

    What Black men say to each other has no bearing on this discussion (unless they are planning to marry each other, in which case is another matter entirely).

    The fact is, no man period (but especially a black man) wants to be told “shut up”. And in case you haven’t noticed, usually when a grown Black man tells another grown Black man “nigga shut up” as you have so brilliantly said, it usually ends in violence, so I don’t know what the point was of your mentioning this was, exactly.

    One of the points of this article was that we as men are silent or shut down. Well, when we try to speak out & communicate, what do we get? “Nigga shut up”.

    You can’t have it both ways.

    BTW, I’m beginning to believe that you are not Black at all, & perhaps mot even a woman. The way you’ve come on here & disrespected Black men, & staunchly defended white men, I’m beginning to suspect that you are one yourself. I’ve seen that sort of thing all the time on-line…

    Don’t be fooled, family.

  • http://www.facebook.com/hakeem.ethridge Hakeem Ethridge

    BWAhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahha fricken hilarious!

  • Jointarms

    Treat comments written by trolls like “mr. vicious” with extreme skeptic and disapproval. White supremacists are out in full force marketing misinformation to sow divide.

    During the 2012 Presidential elections, minorities demonstrated a united front to achieve a common interest. Historically, the Western American mass media has disseminated myths that minorities are dis-organized and cannot come together to resolve their differences. After the 2012 Presidential elections, the base of the white supremacy groups and its leaderships in the political, mass media, and private sectors realize their myth has been debunked. They are very, very insecure they might lose their hegemony on all minorities. Next, psychological media blitz in full force repeated over and over and over. Infiltrate minority interest by marketing misinformation over, and over and over. It is called (>(>(>(>(>MIND CONTROL<)<)<)<)<).

    Whenever you read comments like "mr. vicious, Ive already stated, that the question is not why BM are single. Its more telling if you ask BM why they are not asking BW to marry them," you know the devil is in the detail.

    I love black women. Black women are our mothers, grandmothers, great grandmothers, wives, sisters, friends, colleagues, politicians, small business owners, teachers, nurses, financial brokers, attorneys, public sector employees, employers, motivators, and nurturing partners. I am a black man who married a black woman. As a black man, I don’t buy into the notion that black women are our enemy. Black women believe in black men.

    Black women are brilliant. Black women are beautiful. Black women are supportive. Black women are nurturing. Black women are our equal. Black women are our strongest advocates. Black women are our leaders. Black women give birth to black men.
    Now, ask yourself, why would your own hate you so much that she wants you to marry her? Does that even make any sense?

    Black men, aspire to be leaders of your own independent thought.

  • pat

    @derek

    Little incentive for a man to get married? Maybe Black men because(hint hint Black women) other groups of men stay getting married.

    People who are married have a better quality of life
    Married people are wealthier or their is a greater possibility to acquire and keep more wealth
    Children do better in two parent families
    Neighborhoods and cultures are stronger when its people are married……etc, etc, etc…..Little incentive? No wonder Blacks most everywhere you go are on the bottom if the MEN feel this way……Black women, you have the power to change this for the next generation of Black people.Some Black men are telling you how they see you and what they feel you deserve….Funny, but whenever I see them with non Black women those non Black women are usually sporting A RING.

  • Positive Bob

    Geez Louise. So both black men and black women are mutually screwed up? If that’s the case, it’s no wonder most of us are single. This article is pretty much worthless babble placing blame on an entire group. One (of many) reasons black men aren’t marrying black women en masse is because 80% of black women are overweight and 40% are obese, per the CDC. Oh, and a lot of black men are pretty much losers so… The author is another fat (I verified via Google images) and angry colored woman ranting about why she hates men, in this case black men. It reads like a list of her failed relationships–absolutely ridiculous article. I’m black, a male, pretty educated, nice salary as are most of my chums–honestly, few of us want to be married, at least not now. Married between 25-29 is pretty much a divorce waiting to happen. I try to date colored women, especially in Feb, but they’re mostly a bore. Too many races prefer black men for us to focus solely on black women. Drop the weight and weave and then maybe we can talk.

  • http://http//theinfamousl.wordpress.com theinfamousl

    While I agree that there are SOME men who fall under these categories, I don’t understand how it is shocking that 73% of men ages 25-29 aren’t married. 35-39 maybe but the mid-late twenties is usually a phase when most men are figuring themselves out and trying to get established. Crazy how society puts an age requirement on marriage. If more people focused on themselves during these ages instead of being so thirsty to be married, maybe the divorce rates wouldn’t be as high. Food for thought.

  • simplyme

    In response to the comments from a couple of the men above:

    IR marriages of all kinds have increased in recent years because of closing gaps in socioeconomic status especially between Blacks and Whites. But it seems some want to use the recent stats to imply that Black men are leaving Black women for White women…. So what does it mean that the rate of marriages between Black women and White men are the fastest growing…? Although less Black women do it currently (since we’re using “trends”) eventually more Black women may marry inter-racially than Black men do…or the numbers will level out to be about the same…or not. Either way, given the “trend” would you also claim that Black women are now leaving Black men for White men en masse….? Also, Black men and White women have the highest divorce rates of any marriage combo…how would you interpret that statistic? I mean the goal is to get and stay married right? Not just to have a wedding?

    Those are all rhetorical questions… I don’t actually want an answer. I say all that because statistics is interesting…. people like to pick and choose what they like…only looking at a part of the picture to further their agenda. Only foolish people fall for that. Which was the exact point of the article. The article was a joke with a hint of truth. That hint of truth is that for a marriage between anyone at all to work both parties should be capable of introspection and self improvement. Its not a one sided issue. Its not rocket science.

  • Wiseman

    Let’s apply the numbers provided by the article of 73.1 percent— between the ages of 25 and 29 had never been married. Based on what you wrote, “nearly 400k black men have white wives and 5 million black men are married.” In essence, the arithmetic equals 12.5% (5M/4k = 12.5) of black men (BM) are married to white women (WW).

    So, what about the remaining 87.5 married BM? Presume hypothetically, 50% (87.5 / 2 = 43.75) of those married BM are individuals not between the ages of 25 and 29; we are left with 43.75%. Now, multiply .25 by 43.75%, that leaves you with 10.93%. Shall we quantify that 10.93% as other (Black men married to all other races independent of black women and white women)?

    So you can see how I could easily fit into the 25% index. Although, this is a satire, I am not still convinced that 73.1 percent of black men between the ages of 25 and 29 had never been married.

  • simplyme

    ….of course my comment would somehow end up posted before the ones I’m referring to. -_-

  • Chelle

    “Maybe we can talk”…
    Eww, gross. You sound dry and negative as hell. You call black women a bore, I don’t think you’re far from it. Trust me. No one wants to talk to you colored man.

  • http://www.facebook.com/1manrevolution Jason Miller

    I was almost offended by this post but then I remembered it isn’t talking about me, I HAVE been married once, for a few days in Vegas so I’m not part of the statistic HAHA! I’m still going to run through this point by point.
    1. I have TWO good jobs, going for my second degree in communications, 5 tailored suits and I don’t even own a t-shirt or pair of underwear under $100, I’m not dating someone that’s poor/has kids/no education. That’s a ridiculous assertion
    2. Some females are bitches and were too refined/mature to say it.
    3. Texting IS talking, when I tell my phone to send a message I am talking to my phone using it’s voice function which goes to your phone and is read out loud to you, Siri/S-voice is faster, and more convenient for everyone and leads to less car accidents than talking while driving.
    4. I have a medical license for it, it is medicine, deal with it. Drinking once a day is good for you as well.
    5. Am too,I dare you to prove every man that reads this article has ever been dishonest in a relationship I’m waiting.
    7. Detroit is a small town and you never know where you’ll end up bumping into someone you know. Sometimes it’s good to just keep up with old friends.

  • Chelle

    Jointarms, love your last statement here. Your wife is blessed.

  • SAMURAI36

    If marriage is such the bee’s knees, then why are couples of various races vet divorced at such high numbers?

    I believe this “marriage is great” stuff is pure propaganda. This society wants people to get married, because there is money to be made in it, just like there is in people being sick. “Married people are wealthier….” I guess sick people are wealthier too, since they are the ones spending the most money on healthcare?

    With “Bride-Zilla” TV shows, weddings costing hundreds of thousands, fairytales, movies, romance novels, not to mention social and religious pressure, all geared towards women, it’s no wonder people think marriage is so great, even though reality clearly tells us it’s not.

  • http://www.facebook.com/1manrevolution Jason Miller

    What’s also worth bringing up, and I understand this is anecdotal is when I was young most black women were going for the “thugs”, basketball “players”, wanna be rappers and gangbangers. I wasn’t that, I was learning how to engineer and sell technology that would enrich my and other peoples lives, I learned arts and life skills that are paying off now, all the time dating white girls with black people telling me I “acted white”. Now that they are all knocked up collecting child support/their baby daddy is in jail/their life career is at a dead end(and I see them just like this) while mines is growing they want to get in MY Lexus?! Then have the audacity to get mad because I’m going out for the night with a woman that likes the same things I do and holds the same values because of the colour of her skin and key MY car?!

    Get the fuck out of here. My single life is NOT sour. I’m basically Tony Motherfucking Stark. I jetset all over the place, build and design new stuff, drive sales like crazy. I’m new to this site, got linked from Reddit and liked the articles I read except this one.

  • http://gravatar.com/ravsmith78 Ravi

    @ Wiseman

    your math is a bit off:

    you divided the wrong way. The percent of BM married to white women is equal to the number of black men married to white women divided by the total number of black men that are married. 400k/5M = 8%

    Additionally, most married black men are not between the ages of 25 and 29. A quick google search will yield you those exact numbers. Most men marry after age 29.

    Finally, the number of black men married to non-black, non-white women is already known. No need to calculate it in the first place. It’s a little over 100k or about 2% of married black men. Nearly 90% of married black men are married to black women.

  • Thomas

    24% of black men who married in 2010 married non black women. Fact

  • http://gravatar.com/ravsmith78 Ravi

    useless fact.

    the number of black men that married in 2010 alone is a very small percentage of the total black men out there. You are talking about less than 10% of the total married black men, of which 24% married non black women. so this is about 2% of the total married black men.

    Fact: over 4 million black men with black wives in the U.S.

  • Wiseman

    @ rAVI. I agree with you.

  • mr.vicious

    Which is why women who talk like sailors give men headaches vs knowing how to get rid of one.

  • paul

    Satire

    1. A literary work in which human vice or folly is attacked through irony, derision, or wit.

    2. Irony, sarcasm, or caustic wit used to attack or expose folly, vice, or stupidity.

    So exactly whose folly is being “satirized” here?

    LOL!

    What “folly” did unmarried black men commit other than not having their unmarriedness made into entertainment fodder?

    and who’s the one complaining that their unmarriedness has been turned into entertainment fodder – so much so that in a massive fail attempt to take the heat off themselves, they wanna make “satire” out of black men not being married?

    How is it black men’s fault that the once black woman friendly media has turned against you, that we have to pay for YOUR folly?

    I’m sorry but I’m not seeing the satire in this “literary work”.

    LOL

    I’m just seeing two counts of BACKFIRE and a trainwreck that’s being blamed on the passengers instead of the -

    DRIVER.

    LMAO!

  • http://gravatar.com/ravsmith78 Ravi

    @Paul

    I think the folly is in the ill-conceived articles that tell black women what they need to do in order to keep a man. The irony is in giving comparably silly advice to men. I don’t the author actually believes that black men have an inability to keep women; she’s just pointing to the fact that the lack of black marriages seems to fuel advice for what black women need to be doing as opposed to what we all need to be doing.

  • http://entertainmeh.tumblr.com/ EntertainMeh

    Jesus, you sound like a nightmare.

  • http://entertainmeh.tumblr.com/ EntertainMeh

    You are very immature and still sound like a nightmare. You are clearly one of those negros that got played all the time by the cute black hoodrat chicks and all you could get was a white girl. Did you ever talk to black girl “nerds”? There are plenty of those in every community and school.But I bet YOU thought you deserved the hottie, right? GTFOH. You are so bitter that I can understand why you stayed married for a few drunken hours and are still single…Please stick to the white girls. Black women don’t need anymore fools like you that pretend that you are soooo different and nerdy and nice, but you are actually a immature, hurt, condescending, pretentious douchebag. Kick rocks.

  • Jackie Parsons

    Uh, the writer forgot one of the reasons: I don’t want a girlfriend.

    I happy with my life and I don’t want a girlfriend. I’ve had friends try to set me up as recently as last week and I had to tell them this flat out.

    I’m working on some seriously good projects and I understand that women take time, energy and money. Having a girlfriend would really mean that a target that will probably take me 18 months to hit could easily turn into four of five years and I really can’t afford to wait that long.

    This is one of the little talked about reasons as to why some women can’t find a good man. I hang with a small clique of guys, none of us have girlfriends and we’re all very focused on what we want to do. Good men will do this, just pull ourselves out of the game. We’re not ruled by our sex drives and can see the bigger picture.

    Interesting article, going back to work.

  • yumm

    THIS (!) is why the statistics are what they are. Who can really blame a woman for picking singleness over this – puuuuuurleeeese.

  • yumm

    You are truly pathetic.

  • yumm

    !!!!

  • yumm

    opps initially clicked the wrong button.

    Yeah I think many people underestimate how many young women have romanticized the idea of meeting you young husband ( and cash poor but potential rich) sticking through thick and thin and building your empire together

  • yumm

    Good luck to your wife.

  • p

    @Pamela Wilhoite and other delusional Black women

    African men,huh?…good luck with that…never have I seen jungle fever like Ive seen with African men….sooo

    Caribbean….well they are just as racist and sexist as Black American men towards Black women..hello…the UK anyone

    Face it Black women you all are cursed when it comes to your counterparts and unfortunately, most of you are too______ to realize it or DO ANYTHING about it….sooooo…sucks for you and your future children and the Black community as a whole.

  • paul

    @Ravi

    I hear you and I see what this “literary work” is trying to do.

    :-)

    I gave the reasons why I think this backfires as satire on page 3 (I think)

    MY point is that the original folly was a joint one involving black women and the media. Black women were all too willing collaborators with media interest in their unmarriedness until they realised that they themselves had become media bait.

    Now, rather than address their media partners whose “folly” is the source of their grievance they take it out on unmarried black men.

    if it’s about attacking media folly then why do to unmarried black men what you don’t like the media doing to you? .

    No – as usual we take our pain out on each other.

    :

  • http://gravatar.com/ravsmith78 Ravi

    I would agree if I thought the original article was taking it out on single black men. Many of those making comments are certainly on the attack, but they seem to have missed the point of the article. I don’t think the author was actually doing to black men what the media is doing to women. She was being ironic and that was why it was satirical.

    It seemed to me to be similar to arguments against racial profiling. In order to show how wrong it is to profile minorities, you suggest profiling white people. White people are very much against having themselves profiled, so it calls into question profiling in general. Similarly, the author has shown how articles blaming singleness on the perceived behaviors of individuals to be silly in general.

  • SAMURAI36

    @P:

    I don’t know if you are a man or woman, but your ignorance is appalling & offensive just the same.

    I don’t believe that you can point to 10 Africans and/or West Indian people by name. Meanwhile, I grew up around both groups, & know 100′s from both.

    Plenty of African & Caribbean men & women are checking for African American men & women.

    Fortunately, not all Black people are as ignorant & prejudiced & full of Black self-hatred as you are. If so, then I wouldn’t exist, since I am a product of such a union.

  • Tudor

    Your name is Jackie. Of course you don’t want a girlfriend! You want a BOYFRIEND. You know, like many, many, many of the down low black brothers. Prosper Jackie, prosper!

  • EST. 1986

    Ha! Jackie is a unisex name.

  • Sassy NOLa

    “while MINES is growing”… um, naw. You weren’t accused of talking white, sir. And the punctuation throughout… you weren’t training to be an engineer or learning life skills. AT ALL. HA!

  • __A

    @Ravi – Yes, but we are talking about a trend. It doesn’t matter about the total men married to black women. This trend of black men marrying outside their race is picking up. It doesn’t matter if the majority of black men are married to black women when I go out socializing. I’m not talking to these men. There’s a 1/4 chance of a black man marrying a non-black woman, and if the rate continues that way eventually the percentage of black men married to black women will start to decrease. I read somewhere that in the UK around 50% of married black men are married to non-black women. Half of them! The only reason it’s not as high here is because of our history in this country.

  • http://gravatar.com/ravsmith78 Ravi

    @A

    That’s just it, you aren’t talking about a trend. You are talking about what less than 100k of the millions of single black men out there have done. There isn’t a 1/4 chance of a black man marrying a non-black woman. There is no method of determining probabilities that will yield you such a number based on the actions of 100k men. Only looking at the marriages that happened over the last year, makes no mathematical or logical sense. Trend data is take over time, not based on one year’s worth of data.

    And if you are talking about what you see when you go out socializing, then none of the marriage data does you any good because all of those men are off of the market. You aren’t talking to the newly married black men either. You can’t randomly aggregate the data to what has happened in the last year of marriage to determine what single men are likely to do.

    The probability that a man will get married has to be calculated over some time frame — like the probability that a black man will be married before the age of 30.

    The amount of black men that have married non-black women is a relative drop in the bucket. There are far more gay black men and black men that have no desire to get married. The 400k or so black men with non-black wives represents around 2% of the total black men out there. Assuming that the rate of increase obeys a logarithmic increase, it would take another several decades before there was a significant percentage of black men out there with non-black wives.

  • Nakia

    Please site the source of that statistic.

  • Nakia

    Ravi, from ewhere did this number come? Are you talking about Black American men? By “white women” are you trying to imply “non-Black” women and is there a fundamental difference to you?

  • http://gravatar.com/rena215 rena215,a0215

    I REALLY hope you’re joking. :-/

  • http://gravatar.com/rena215 rena215rena0215

    @Jason Miller: I REALLY hope you’re joking. :-/ (My responses never end up under the comment I’m replying to)

  • http://gravatar.com/ravsmith78 Ravi

    @Nakia

    I got my numbers here:

    http://www.census.gov/population/www/socdemo/hh-fam/cps2010.html

    The census keeps marriage data. I’m talking about black men in this country as defined by the census (self identified nowadays). By white women I mean non-hispanic white women. I gave the numbers for non-black, non-white women in another post. You can find summaries of this information with a few google searches. The summaries are a little easier to navigate than the census data.

  • Nakia

    @Samurai Agreed, but they have to choose us as well. Black folks from outside the US have some serious stereotypes about Black Americans, as well as strong ties to their own cultures. That said, I’ve been dating West Indian men for the past few years myself, not because I’m avoiding my brothas, but because it’s who I’ve been connecting with. And with THAT said, Caribbean me are not without flaw.

  • PJ

    Great article. I’d say getting rid of the narcissistic mama’s boy attitude from a young age is priority #1 for “marriageable” single black men. Most don’t feel the sting of being single until they are 40+ and have to pay $$ for a woman to pay them attention — then THEY become bitter and angry (as you see online with “men” who spend all day posting anti-black woman rantings).

    Yes, we know your mama told you you were great, but that shouldn’t translate to no woman is “good enough” for you. Wake up.

  • http://www.facebook.com/pwilhoite Pamela Wilhoite

    Yep Samurai. And I agree with Nakia we all have to reach out to each other. We need to get to know people for who they show us they are not who the idiot box says they are. And as far as that stupid “P” person STFU! Who are you to be mad because I’m dating a man that shares the same lineage as some of my ancestors? You sound stupid as hell. I guess you had nothing better to say. Smh

  • Claudia

    @Jackie Parsons: i agree you should establish yourself before getting involved. One reason why i refused to let my son date in high school, women are distracting and prevents a man from doing what needs to be done. However on that same note, once in college allowing yourself to meet a lady that is on the same page as you should not hinder your progress. Good luck

  • Faye

    that awful feeling every time I cross paths with an ‘entitled’ black man and instantly am turned off. I can’t be the only one and happily look elsewhere, dodging that bullet. Killing attraction is cool boys? carry on

  • Lisa

    @Positive Bob it is indeed a shame we can’t confirm via Google images that you are even less attractive then your nasty comments about the author. Obviously the article contained a bit of truth for you. IMO you are doing us “colored women” a favor. Is your definition of “…pretty educated,” a degree obtained from a mail order fly by night institution? Your comments are ignorant to say the least. Black women are not the only women who are overweight and wear weaves. I would venture that you are the bore not the poor “colored” woman that had the misfortune of being stuck in a “conversation” with the likes of you. I am quite certain no one wants to talk to you under any circumstances.

  • Ava S.

    I dont think I get it. I havent heard a man yet bemoan tge fact that hes single. Honestly I think its a bit premature to expect that men want to get married in the first place. Especially with so many women out there who demand less. From what Ive heard from other men, they only marry a woman because they really love/want that woman and dont want her to be with someone else.

    I dont think there is anything wrong with our men I just think its good sense. WE demand less if them, so they guve us kess. Keep your money/time get the milk for free.

  • Do better

    Preach Chelle!

  • Do better

    THIS! LOL

  • Do better

    I see this phenomenon all the time. The creepy little old man in the corner who SHOULD be looking to date women my mom’s and her friends’ ages, blatantly sizing me and other girls my age up as if we would EVER in a trillion billion years even make eye contact! It’s sickening, disgusting, and super offensive. Not our faults you should have married in your twenties and thirties like a normal man.

  • Do better

    Totally, my British friend tells me that in England the men want to get married more than the women and most are rushing to race down the aisle, lol. A lot of British men have a thing for black women as well, hint hint.

  • SAMURAI36

    @Do Better:

    “Hint hint”?? The only “hint I see here, is more black self-hatred, assuming you are Black to begin with.

    I can’t believe the flack I got, for suggesting non-American (Caribbean & African) men & women for African American men & women, but you have the audacity to try to push some funky little British men off on Black women???

    I’m sure they have a “thing” for Black women… It’s the typical racist hypocrisy: they have a “thing” for (aka willing to screw) Black women, but have a serious hatred for Black men, & the Black race as a whole.

    Why do people (men & women) try to present white folks as if they are our salvation? Like they will fix all our problems? Like they weren’t the cause of our problems in the first place?

    Here’s a “hint, hint” for you: running to white folks does not help promote & improve Black love. It only helps to further destroy it.

  • http://gravatar.com/bluntposter bluntposter

    Did you ever talk to black girl “nerds”?
    Probably NOT. Like the tons of other “black women’s haters out” he probably shunned- the nerdy girls-maybe even some genuinely interested in him- to try to get “cute hood chicks” who let him know in no uncertain terms they were not interest. I apologize if I am wrong about him per se, but even if I am, this applies to other guys. To be brief and blunt, for every “good guy” that laments women passing them over for aspiring rappers,professional athletes, criminal kingpins,pimps, and other assorted badboys, the same argument can be made in reverse for nerdy girls. Many of them were passed over for the beauty queen, the cheerleader, the aspiring model/music video vixen, the “hoe”, or the cute hoodchick. But you don’t hear them ramble on about this as much as you do the guys!

  • Mademoiselle

    @Ravi, sometimes your comments are a breath of fresh air on this site. I appreciate it. Carry on.

  • Mademoiselle

    Actually, the number is more like 15% according to the latest Census. P.S. black women are in the same boat: 11% of black women marry non black men. Either way, the overwhelming majority of black people are still marrying other black people.

  • http://gravatar.com/ravsmith78 Ravi

    I try :)

  • mr.vicious

    Thats the point i’m not trying to marry a man, of a woman with the mental disposition of a man..

  • Stanley

    Women like to thumb down the truth.

  • Stanley

    Basically women don’t want to believe that men have standards that they (women) have to meet, and that these standards get higher as men get FEW THINGS GOING THEM.

  • lol

    why would anybody botther to promote black love when the other half that is needed unashamedly praises and worships features that are foreign to those members of the opposite sex in their own race?

  • Stanley

    Do you think (we) black men have problems getting women to do what we want?
    It is (black) women who have problems getting (black) men to do what they (women) want.
    Men are not complaining for not getting enough sex. Women are complaining for not giving the sex in a relationship.

  • http://hustleon.wordpress.com hustleon

    Yes, Yes, Yes! I see at least 37 women already disagree… stop disliking comments and read. You just learn something. Thanks Billy for cleaning up that man’s post so it’s more digestible to the disillusioned

  • http://hustleon.wordpress.com hustleon

    HAHA – maybe not the best delivery @uncle James, but agree as a man. I see tons of women disliking posts because they are disillusioned, but the reality is – you are correct Uncle James. At the end of the day most men don’t care about this subject, nor this article, so it doesn’t really matter how much the women on this site disagree with the truth by disliking every honest comment posted by males on this site until they become hidden. Black Women do have more power than they exercise…But often times they exercise it in the places during a relationship where it’s not welcomed.. A good use of your strength would be to: Start by keeping “item #1″ more sacred and less accessible to any and every companionate encounter… and I mean across the board in a uniform way as all black women… I guarantee a unilateral change in behavior in your preferred suitors to become students of courtship and gentlemen who aren’t lazy to pick up the phone, spend money and simply just do what it take the right way… too funny. This article gets a D+

  • SAMURAI36

    @LOL:

    What are you even talking about???

    See, this is what I mean: the constant blaming of “the other half” (there is no other half; we are all in this together) instead of taking personal responsibility for the part we ALL play, is what keeps us in this predicament.

    But just to set the facts straight, I’m assuming you are trying to say that we as Black men somehow venerate European features over our African ones?

    If so, the last time I checked the true veneration is in actually WEARING those features. Black men are not the ones wearing long, straight weaves (often blonde), or straightening their hair, and wearing blue contact lenses. Black women are, & nobody is forcing them to do that.

    Black folks were getting along just fine, before Madame CJ Walker taught us to alter the texture of our hair.

    The reality is, gay white men set the fashion trends, & black women are some of the first to jump in line to follow it. We as Black men don’t even have a say in the matter, we just go along with it.

    And last I checked, the Black church is filled with mostly Black women, who are “praising” (I believe that was your word) a White Jesus.

    So yes, perhaps “half the race” is indeed promoting the praise of European features… Just not the half you were trying to insinuate.

  • SAMURAI36

    @Nakia:

    Of course African & Caribbean men are not without flaw. But the last time I checked, there was nobody on this planet without flaws.

    If anyone is looking for someone without flaws, them they are gonna be single for a LONG, LONG time.

  • SAMURAI36

    @Stanley:

    I have been noticing this as well, & I agree.

    As this is largely a women-dominated site, they are gonna thumbs-down any notion that rubs against their sensibilities, no matter how accurate it might be.

    This is reflective of what happens in the community as a whole. Women are quick to chant a man downloads if his views oppose hers.

    Case in point: the woman on here that said “Nigga shut up” to a Brotha on here, for voicing his opinion, as if that was even remotely an appropriate thing for one adult to say to another. She even tried to justify why she said it, which sounded equally as stupid. Even sadder, she got alot of thumbs-up’s for it, whichproves my point even more, that many Black women think this is the appropriate response to Black men, & that any statements coming from men about women that run contradictory to how women view themselves, no latter how truthful or accurste they might be, are automatically dismissed and/or unwelcomed.

    This is precisely the reason why many of us Black men do not stuck around. It’s not that we do not want to be leaders, it’s just extremely difficult to lead, when women are only interested in letting a man lead in the way *SHE* wants to be led. Which means, by default, that SHE is the leader. Many women have become great at backseat driving.

    Now pardon me, while I wait for all the thumbs-downs to come in, to the point where my comment becomes rated too low to view. :-\

  • blackphilo

    @ Ravi: You’re clearly not stupid, so surely you realize that your explanation of the “satire” doesn’t address the main criticism. What do Black men in general have to do with advice directed in the media toward Black women? Black men haven’t been driving that media narrative. Ironically, the narrative originated from longstanding public complaints about the lack of “good” Black men.

    Your profiling analogy doesn’t work. The writer’s “satire” would be more like suggesting that Asians be profiled–in order to illustrate why profiling Blacks is objectionable. But what would Asians have to do with a situation they aren’t largely responsible for? Why not use as a satirical example the group that is largely responsible for the situation? Actually, your analogy shows why the writer’s “satire” fails.

    I think you get my points. Of course, apologists for this article can always insist that critics are too stupid to understand satire, lack reading comprehension, are being defensive and ideological, etc. My points are simply here for the record–I won’t be debating them.

  • davemm

    Descent Black men from 18-23 are focused on finishing college or in the military and of course we are most likely going to keep to ourselves. From 23-26 black men are focused on their career and trying to establish there selves. 26-34 are the years most of us are trying to settle down. I’m sorry but most educated brothers are not trying to settle down before we start our careers. Don’t listen to these magazines and the media either that tries to say, we are all sleeping around taking advantage of this so called shortage of good black men, we are not. We’re working hard so one day we can afford to take care of a family,.

  • davemm

    I’m a black men and I would never date or marry a white women. I don’t like there hair it’s so flat and died and there skin is too pale, they are not attractive to me at all eww. I love the color of my skin and I want my son to look like me when I get married and have children. This trend of interracial dating is getting more and more popular with black women too, they are begging for non-black men on you-tube, craigslist and online dating sites look it up. If this keeps up we will never close the gap between white and black income or strengthen the black middle class,if we keep marrying out of our race.

  • http://gravatar.com/ravsmith78 Ravi

    @blackphilo

    my intelligence, or lack thereof, is in no way dependent upon whether or not I agree with your opinion of whether or not my explanation addressed the main criticism. Surely, you realize that I believe that to be the case, given I made the comment.

    My explanation of how the article was satire clearly addressed the criticism, given the original criticism that I was replying to was that the article wasn’t satire. The post that I addressed defined satire, then stated that the article failed as satire, because there was no folly on the part of black men to be satirized. I replied that it wasn’t the folly of black men that was being satirized. It fulfilled his definition of satire in pointing out the folly of those that author articles that similarly address black women.

    What you state as the main criticism is a non-issue. I never said black men had anything to do with media criticism directed towards black women and more to the point, whether or not this article is satire has nothing to do with that.

    My analogy works just fine. Neither situation is dependent upon using as a subject, the group that is responsible for the situation. White potential subjects of profiling are no more responsible for profiling than Asians. Law enforcement and the government are responsible for profiling. All that would be necessary to show the folly in profiling would be to show profiling done against a group that normally doesn’t receive such treatment. White people would be a perfect group to do this with given their relative advantage in this area (Asians could work too). Quite comparably, black men are in a position of relative advantage, given they are not the subject of articles blaming them for their own singleness and it would be counter-intuitive for them to be so.

    I appreciate your contributions to the discussion, but your points are largely misplaced. You aren’t exactly refuting anything that I argued. Much of what you have addressed is tangential and, ultimately, not the point. I’m not saying that anyone is too stupid to understand the satire, but I do think the provocative nature of what was written has caused people to miss the point. No need to apologize for the article. I just feel the criticism lodged against it is largely invalid.

  • yumm

    I love the way that you have appointed yourself to talk on the behalf of all men. Tis f*cking awesome aye aye captain!

    Isn’t taste in a partner is a subjective?

  • ariana

    i heard recently, somewhat to my surprise, that ‘black men dont eat p**sy’, so i think if the call to action is to help single black men keep a woman, they need to be sold on this concept and if possible get them some tips on how to do it right

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