Two years into our relationship, Rick* received a verbal offer that would send him 2,500 miles away.

I couldn’t fathom how we could possibly have a successful relationship living such a great distance apart — even though I was the woman who’d urged him to apply for the job. He had asked me months before the job was even a possibility how I would feel about him splitting his time between San Francisco and Brooklyn. I uttered something along the lines, “I’m okay with that — as long as I don’t have to move.” But, once becoming long-distance became a reality, I suddenly felt abandoned. Instead of, “I’m happy for you,” our talks generally ended with me stating, “I don’t see this relationship lasting beyond December.”

I said it more than once.

The stable relationship that I had with Rick looked more like quicksand than the rock I thought it was. Just days before the job offer, the ever-responsible Rick signed his name on the dotted line as a committed homeowner, which to me means establishing roots near me. But then came the news that he wanted to move thousands of miles away for a job.

I began to question his decision-making abilities, which, in retrospect, may have been unfair of me. Yet from there, it wasn’t too far to wonder how I could trust this man with my heart.

During his first visit to see me after moving to San Francisco, I was working on Rick’s laptop while he was in deep slumber on my left-side. While doing my nightly searches on Google Chrome, I noticed a folder titled “Ellen” on Gmail, of which he failed to sign out. Ellen* happened to be the name of his ex.

My natural curiosity got the best of me. I opened the folder and discovered a few attempts at communication over the last few weeks. In the last three or four years, I’d say the total emails added up to be around 10. But in recent weeks, there were two.

Ellen was his first love. She moved to Texas for law school. He requested a break. When he was ready to pursue their relationship again, she declined.

Time waits for no one. Or, so I heard.

Knowing what I knew, I thought it was curious that he decided to send her an email to tell her he got a new job and purchased a house. I guess it was like a man and his new Ferrari: “Look at me. Look what I got. Don’t you want me now?”

The morning after my email indiscretion, I confessed without prodding because I make a bad liar. I started out with a hypothetical situation — which I guess some could say was entrapment — to learn if he was in touch with his ex.

He denied it before I could even confess to reading his email.

A common phrase from Rick was “I keep it 100,” which means “I’m completely and totally honest with you. I can and will tell you the truth.” It’s four words that means a lot.

Unfortunately, they were not true: the ex-girlfriend communication was the first time I caught Rick in a blatant lie. He urgently attempted to smooth things over asking, “If Ellen and I hang out, do you want to come along?”

Um, no,” I said in my haughty tone. I had one request, though. “If you meet with her, Rick, please let me know,” I told him. He agreed.

A month ago, I learned Rick met up with his ex after receiving an early morning email he sent my way while I was offline. He said they’d met up for “a much needed closure talk” and he didn’t tell me beforehand as promised because he “wasn’t sure” how I’d respond.

That right there rocked my world. It changed everything. A promise was made and less than a year later it could not be kept. And, for what? Closure may truly have been what took place between them, but my anger was really about us. We’d been having a rocky time over the last few months. Quelle surprise that when the opportunity came to meet up with his ex, Rick would jump at the chance.  But he did all this without telling me first — and telling me over email after I had agreeed just one week prior to move to San Francisco.

Yes, a week after I agreed to move to San Francisco. A mere days after I begun to tell my friends, my landlord and my roommates I was uprooting my life to move to SF, I received a note that he met up with his ex-girlfriend.

He claims they talked about closure between them, but also that they talked about us. He was sharing the troubles we were having in our relationship, problems with communication and trust that become more extensive when there are thousands of miles apart. The fact that a stranger knew more about how he felt about our relationship than I did nearly induced an aneurysm of anger. I imagined her listening and attempting to offer up advice on our relationship. In what world does an ex you might not have closure with offer good advice on a woman you’re currently dating?

I imagine his idea of closure included the end of the idealization of their relationship. He was likely nervous about the direction of our relationship and feeling the anger that I was holding inside from him uprooting to San Francisco and made the decision to meet her without telling me first to avoid angering me. But “I didn’t tell you because didn’t know how you would respond”? That’s a cop out.

I didn’t ask any questions when I picked up the call he made to my phone after the email about meeting up with Ellen. I raged and I broke up with him. I told him to meet up with his ex and live happily ever after because I was taking my hat out of the ring. He pleaded with me to read the bottom of the email, which actually suggested we go to couples therapy and build a stronger relationship. He felt neglected. I didn’t hear him out.

You can’t repair trust from a distance and I certainly was not moving to California after that shadiness he pulled. I couldn’t handle the broken trust and a partner acting out at any sign of trouble.

The sad thing is, in the back of my mind, I knew he would make plans to see her. I was curious if he would live by his truth and “keep it 100″ and actually inform me.

But he kept it zero.

This post originally appeared on The Frisky. Republished with permission.

12 Comments

  1. Emma Russell

    I saw Nadezhda Vyacheslav testimony on how she got that guy to love her as she did him.Though i don’t know her, i believed her cos she said Mutton Osun a spell caster help her seen it happen. I didn’t believe her cos she used a spell i believed her cos she made mention of a mutual spell caster i know of that is mutton Osun. I have also see a lot of testimony about his work on the the internet on blog pages and so on. I literally took a lip of faith to contact him and it turn out that it paid off. In my own case i didn’t ask that him to make anyone fall in love with me or ask that my cheating wife comes back. This time i was at fault i messed up.Will really like to say it was an honest mistake or a few hours or days of weakness but then i will be insulting my wife and the love i feel for her. I was in full control of what i was doing i had the choice not to cheat but i still did. She didn’t find out by herself i told hoping if i told her how sorry i am and how much i still love and want to be with her despite my betray she will forgive completely. It was the biggest mistake of my life maybe i should not have told her, i guess she would have still found out if she didn’t catch me then i bet the other lady would have told her what was going on to destroy what me and my wife had. It was obvious my betray really hurt her i could she it in her eye and i was really sorry. That is why i wasn’t so surprise when she asked that we go our separate ways. There and then i realized that i was following the part that ruined my life and my family. I literally lead four month of my life in misery. I have never felt like i needed her like i had felt begging was not an option nothing was an option cos she was gone. It was right about that time Mutton Osun came into the picture or when i asked that he help me get my wife to love as she did before. I was able to provide the items he asked that i get for the spell and send then down to him. Like Nadezhda Vyacheslav said “the spell does become effective at once that ” she was right also cos just after i did what Mutton Osun asked me to do with what he sent me, it took 7 days before anything happened i even thought for a minute that i had met a fake spell caster but in the end i am happy with my wife again. We going to be renewing our vows on the 20th of September. I was on the edge of become a walking dead a woman with nothing to live for thank my star Mutton Osun helped. I will also leave his contact for those who thing he can help them { [email protected] }

  2. BRUNELDA NATO

    Probably all this testimony you read about spell casting online are spam right?And yeah some are spam some think all of them are spam which is totally not bad and i also know some believe spell casting really works but have not been able to find the right one. Well i think i found the right spell caster Metodo. I know he is real not cos he helped me but because i was there in his temple i Have seen him and his temple and i tell you it can’t get more really that what am writing now. I know you may want to know why and what lead me to contact a spell caster i am a south African woman here in south African as a matter of fact in Africa having a male child is like the most important thing in a marriage and it turned out that i am married to a very traditional man as in a he believes the male child carry the family name on and on but the females get married and change there name which is true. I were married for six years and i had no male child for him. Maybe friends and family filled his head with a lot of things like i don’t have a male child for him and as a result he need to get a divorce and get another wife that can bear him a male child. I always thought the people that filled his head with this ideas where is family and friends the people that i smile and dine with. The very people who ought to have advice him rightly. I never found out if they where involved in wanting to ruin life and my marriage. Not because i could not find out but cost i didn’t want to develop hatred for them cos i will always get to see them and it is not really healthy seeing the faces of people you hate. At that time, i mean before i knew my husband got himself a lover i was paranoid about him having a lover cos our lives changed a lot he starting coming home late he wouldn’t touch me any more and even he started avoiding me in our home making up excuses to stay all day in his study room doing nothing and telling me his need something off to clear his head. We had fights all the time i brought up the matter if he was see someone else. Maybe he got tired of lying i don’t know he finally asked for a divorce. A divorce my family saw him through his university and got him a got job i told myself and now he’s asking me for a divorce cos i don’t a male child yet for him. He was ready to let go of his three beautiful daughters he asked that i take them along. Maybe he was a real f**l and didn’t know what he had and maybe he didn’t deserve someone like me but one thing was crystal clear to me i was still in love with him and i wanted a complete family for my kid that and the fact that i raised him from the gutter i didn’t care about any of his problem when i married him and i forgot to say my father never approved our marriage but still i jumped into it thinking we are going to have each other forever. Though we are still together now but its cos of the spell i had metodo cast on him to make him see how much he needs me in this life. When i contacted metodo he asked that i get the materials for the spell which i did and delivered the materials to him in person that is to say i came in contact with him. I was to return in to his temple in 7 seven day and within those seven day he gave me a blessed a red candle asking that i command and say whatever i wanted every night within those seven days which i did on the seventh day when i returned to metodo temple he gave a harmless powerful substance with instruction on how to use it. This might seem like fiction or lie or what ever you lucky reads may think but deep down you know it true you just looking for a way not to get involved. I ve got my husband back and my family life couldn’t be better thanks to the spell though i don’t have a male child for him at least his them lover bore him one. contact him with his email if you want his help metodoacamufortress @ yahoo. com

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