How to Date a ‘Blerd’
2012 saw the rise of the black nerd in mainstream media. Don’t believe us? Check with CNN. Or The Washington Post. Or NPR.
Though the concept of segregating nerddom along racial lines is a bit suspect and certainly has its detractors, the newfound attention black nerds are attracting doesn’t seem to be abating.
If you’ve ever dated a brother whose a Trekkie, a Civil War buff, a Nate Silveresque statistician, a robotics crafter, a fantasy enthusiast, or a comic book/gaming hobbyist, you already know that black nerds — also known by their corny portmanteau, ‘blerds’ — very rarely resemble Steve Urkel in fashion sense or in carriage. And the most interesting ones don’t often refer to themselves as “nerds” unironically. You may also know that what mainstream media identifies as nerddom may also be geekdom. (Apparently the two are distinguishable, but for the purposes of this piece, we’re going to use ‘blerd’ to refer to both).
In any event, there’s a bit of an art form to making a relationship thrive with a nerdy guy.
If you’re new to the game, here are a few tips to ease your tension:
1. Embrace, don’t efface.
Listen, if a dude’s a Trekkie or Star Wars buff when you meet him, and he has an annual date with a Con that involves cosplay, accept that. In fact, affirm that. If he’s not embarrassed that he dresses up like a Stormtrooper or Vulcan once or twice a year, you probably shouldn’t be either.
2. Allow for idiosyncratic conversation.
If you’re out to dinner and the conversation veers off into obscure territory, go with it. We’re not saying you should have to learn Klingon or bone up on quantum-controlled mobile robots to talk to your date. He should be able to balance discussion of his interests with discussion of yours. But understand that dating a blerd sometimes means listening to the various plot progressions of Golden, Silver, Bronze, and Modern Age Batmans. If you like him enough, this might be a turn-on.
3. Don’t feign great interest.
It’s best to be upfront about just how little you know (or care) about your date’s nerdy niches. He’ll respect you for that. And you don’t have to pretend to be into touring civil war battlegrounds in your free time (which is a win).
4. Develop *some* interest.
You’d be surprised at how much insight you can gain about a significant other by making just a small amount of effort to infiltrate a very specific culture/field in which he’s deeply interested. Even if you never become a lover of small-scale model-building, trying to build a replica just once could help you appreciate how much patience and serenity that exercise can cultivate.
5. There’s no formula.
Take all these tips with a grain of salt. This advice applies to most personality types, not just nerds, geeks, and gamers. In any new relationship, don’t go in looking to change your partner or yourself. Honor who you both are, as you both are. Figure out how much idiosyncrasy you can tolerate, and above all, enjoy the process of learning how someone else thinks. That’s almost always worth the ride.
Nerds tend to date other nerds. You know that whole, “birds of a feather flock together” thing.
I wish my blerd boo would hurry up and find me, then!
How many nerdy things of your interest do you go to? For instance I meet just tons of people buying games. Not every time I walk in there, but a lot. Especially on new release days. Of course there’s cons and this may be odd, but being vocal about your interest. Me and a friend a few yrs. ago said warcraft a little loud once and two geeky women walked up and we all started talking about it. Don’t….don’t go around screaming Warcraft though lol
You try looking for places where geeks who share your interest congregate? I know on new release days I strike up conversation with a lot of people at Gamestop, at Cons when gathered around an artist, and even speaking too loudly lol. One time I mentioned something about Warcraft with a friend a few years ago in college and a couple girls heard and we all ended up talking about it for awhile outside class. Though in none of these situations have I met somebody black, but I guess it can always depend on your area
I was about to say the same thing!
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And this right here is why a lot of “Blerds” (of the male gender) are NOT likeable.
Your personalities are off-putting and annoying. If more of you could see it perhaps you wouldn’t go around spewing the lie of “black women only like bad boys.”
UGH!
“black women only like bad boys.
But bad boys never have shortage of women, and it gives that impression. The only thing that nerds need to work on is “social skills”, one thing nerds dont do is pander to a womans will. Nerds are not sex-beggers or put much value in how much sex he can or cannot get.
@mr.vicious
The reality is those “bad boys” are with THEIR female counterparts….not all black women…not those of us with good sense.
Men like you love to ignore the reality that the “pretty hoodrat” with the big behind with the bad boy is STILL a HOODRAT!!!!
Nerds like this Billy Paul individual are neither appealing nor attractive. Yet you cannot tell him that. His narcissism is unfounded because he is one of the MAIN individuals that come to this blog itching and complaining about being ignored by black women. So, where the hell did he get it in his head that he is some type of lady killer with the ability to attract top notch women??? LMAO
Personality wise MOST of the black MALE nerds I have run across are bitter, angry, anti-social, and awkward as hell.
“The only thing that nerds need to work on is “social skills”, one thing nerds dont do is pander to a womans will. Nerds are not sex-beggers or put much value in how much sex he can or cannot get.”
This is because WOMEN don’t give them the time of day…it’s not because of lack of trying on their part.
Again, their personalities are off-putting. I highly doubt the masses of BLACK FEMALE NERDS find people like Billy Paul attractive.
Mind you this is the group this blog attracts more so than not. These men think it’s there place to tell women what we SHOULD find attractive. Then when they realize it’s NOT them they go to the other end of the spectrum and say we all like THUGS. Forget the massive number of men (who I personally believe are the MAJORITY) who don’t fit into either of these stereotypes!
They don’t take a look in the mirror to see what it is about them that women of all races (not just black women) find unattractive. Truth be told, everything that is WRONG with SOME black male nerds can be found right there in Billy Paul’s comment.
Again, off-putting, annoying, unattractive, and overall unappealing.
@ Mr.Vicious Why are you blaming black women for some black men’s social awkwardness. Most people of all races prefer to interact with people who are sociable and charismatic. Most women would prefer a man who is confident enough to approach her. If men lack this confidence, they will have less women around them.
@Ask_Me
in all honesty, he didn’t see all of you are any way in particular. He said at least 51%. He wasn’t talking about currently; he said early in their lives. That’s likely based on what he has come across. Considering you are making similar generalizations based on what you have observed (” Forget the massive number of men (who I personally believe are the MAJORITY) who don’t fit into either of these stereotypes!”), it’s seems a bit wrong for you to criticize when he does it.
While I’m not willing to claim it is the majority of all women, the majority of educated women (of all races) that I know have or have had a thing for bad boys. The allure of the bad boy isn’t some strange counter-intuitive concept that he made up. Even if it doesn’t apply to you or the people you hang out with, doesn’t mean that doesn’t describe a great many women out there. I know a a lot of educated women that at some point in their lives were with some sort of bad boy — girls in college or high school that were with drop outs, drug dealers, outlaw bikers, players, etc.
Maybe it is just my personal experience and it’s not like that in the rest of the world, but I know many guys that have experienced the same thing. The irony is, the same girl that would reject me in high school or college, because of lack of swag or general badassedness, is the same girl that is very receptive to me now that we are in our 30s. These women are not hoodrats; they are educated, successful, attractive, professional women.
@ Ravi,
Listen, and listen good. I am here for YOUR blerdassness. YAZZ.
51% of colored women like the street pharmacist where the heck do you live in Detroit? Also how old are you because you keeping using the word colored?
I’ve dated a blerd, a thug-pimp wannabe womanizing blerd, the worst kind – hunty. High IQ, summa cum laude graduate and all. The conversations were interesting, though. But I felt like an idiot, in the end, in more ways than one.
Yep! Some people act like “nerds” are incapable of doing wrong because they’ve been the underdog for so long. It just means they’re smart enough to run the slickest game in a lot of cases. Nerd is not synonymous with good guy. That should’ve been tip #5.
Very true! Many ‘blerds’ tend to be ridiculous in that way…
I’ve also dated a “blerd” who was a jerk. A Magic the Gathering playing douchebag who pretended to be all nice. SMH
“thug-pimp wannabe womanizing blerd”
…Girl, yes! I keep running into these black smart dudes who are in the midst of some spiteful twisted “Revenge of the Nerds.” I’m not the girl who turned them down in high school, but I keep running into all these guys who want me to suffer their wrath b/c of the girl who passed them up for a more popular boy in 9th grade. I’ll pass. (And the kicker is that they get mad at women who turn down their whole “arrogant nerdy asshole” act.) Le sigh.
Not in the least interested.
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@ BP,
Me no care!! :) Carry on.