I’ve dated my fair share of ladies’ men.

One in particular was a self-proclaimed male model who seemed to be allergic to shirts. “Ricky” was the type of guy that any sighted woman would find physically attractive and therefore the type of guy I should have stayed as far away from as humanly possible. Instead, I made a solemn vow to not develop feelings for him. Because that almost always works sometimes.

One night, after casually dating for over a year, we somehow stumbled onto the topic of each other’s “number.” Yes, that one.

“What’s yours?” he asked.

Was he crazy? “You first.” I actually had no problem telling him how many men I had slept with but there was principle involved. I wasn’t giving him that bit of information unless there was some reciprocity.

“Guess,” he said.

Ugh. Knowing Ricky I’d need NASA’s help to accurately tabulate that figure. I remembered reading somewhere before that the average man slept with about 20 women in his lifetime. But Ricky was not the average man. Ricky loved the ladies and the ladies loved him. I mean he was a model, for Christmas’ sake. Ricky had probably slept with dozens of women. Maybe even *gasp* scores.

So instead of just throwing random numbers at him, I tried to develop some reasonable equation. His age minus the age he lost his virginity times the square root of the number of Saturday nights each summer, carry the 2, and I estimated that he could have slept with approximately 70 women. Give or take a dozen or two.

“I dunno. 50?” I asked. I undershot the figure that I’d come up with because I didn’t want to overtly accuse him of being a manwhore. I would hate to offend the guy, with him being so pec-tacular and all.

“Higher.”

“Uh, 75?”

My lover winced and squinted at me through one eye. “236.”

Right now, I want you to imagine the sound you’d make if you’d just gotten air after being trapped underwater for two solid minutes. Now imagine that that water was filled with herpes. That’s how loud I gasped.

“Eww, eww, eww, eww, eww,” were my first five words after sucking in all that shocked air. I remember them distinctly. I shrieked them and I rubbed my skin and hair hard enough to start a fire. It felt like worms were slivering over my entire body, but mostly inside of my vagina.

“Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.” I wasn’t sure if I was being dramatic, but I didn’t care.

Scrambling to find my clothes seemed like a legitimate response, especially since he reserved this subject for a post-sex conversation. Freaking the fuck out was a visceral reaction and happened without me even thinking. So you can only imagine how I acted once I started thinking.

“Dude. That’s like–” 236 divided by the total number of years he’s been having sex minus… Jesus, I don’t have time for this! I’m a writer damn it. We don’t do maff. Where the hell is a Texas Instrument when you need one? Or at least an abacus…  “That’s at least one new woman a month.”

Ricky collapsed all his perfectly symmetrical features into his “my bad” face.  And then he flexed.  And then I forgot where I was going with this. What the hell was I saying? Something about long division? Oh right.

“Dude that is a lot of women.”

I didn’t mean to slut shame the guy. I really didn’t. It’s in violation of my own constitution when it comes to sex and sexuality. I am completely of the belief that if you’re a consenting adult, then what or who you do with your own genitalia is entirely your business and no one else’s.

Ironically, hearing gossip about other women’s “high numbers” has yielded a complete different response from me.

“So? That’s a grown ass lady you’re talking ‘bout. Mind your Goddamn business.” But from someone whose penis had been inside me only moments before? Whoa. It made me uneasy knowing that the only thing that separated me from the residuals of 235 other lady parts was a thin, albeit magnum-sized piece of latex. I’m just not that evolved yet.

But the intercourse was only a tiny part of the problem. The biggest issue was that the accumulation of 236 partners had womanizer splattered all over it to me. Over 200 and the man was still able to keep count? He wasn’t just sleeping with women, he was collecting them.

And while I truly believe that’s completely okay for anyone else, male or female, him being that “seasoned” just wasn’t okay with me. If that makes me a hypocrite, I’m kind of okay with it.

So even though Ricky was sweet, and honest, and fun to be with, and scorching freaking hot, I gathered my things, kissed him goodbye, and left his bed for the last time.

Okay, okay it was the fourth to last time. But you catch my drift.

This post originally appeared on XOJane. Republished with permission. Click here for more Shayla on XOJane! 

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66 Comments

  1. SAMURAI36

    This is why I ALWAYS ask what the number is of any woman I am considering getting involved with. I know a woman that told me roughly that same number, & regardless of how attractive she was, & how sexually compatible I felt we might be, I just couldn’t do it. It says alot about a person, male or female, who is willing to sleep with that many people. I personally want no parts of it.

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  2. MimiLuvs

    I know that this comment is going to receive a lot of ‘down votes’….
    Am I the only woman is slightly annoyed by the “oooh, you’re sl@t-shaming, you’re a terrible person’ thing? Recently, I have been accused of sl@t-shaming another woman, by an aquaintance of mine who likes to play the role of Sister Solidarity. It was after I told a mutual friend of ours that she is a ‘gardening tool’ because having an affair with her pregnant sister’s husband. (fyi, the gardening tool asked for my opinion about her, after I just visited her sister.) I wasn’t hip to the term, so I googled the term and read the definition. So, yeah, I “sl@t-slamed” another ‘woman’. I don’t feel any less like a good person. ::shrugs shoulders::

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    • Ooh La La

      Sleeping with your pregnant sister’s husband… I think just about anyone would consider that triflin’ slut-worthy behavior.

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    • sleeping with your pregnant sister’s husband makes you a hoe and a lot of other things. That’s not slut shaming.

      Slut shaming is being preoccupied with what I do with my vagina and thinking you have the right to judge me for it.

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    • We gotta use these words correctly, you’re not a hoe unless you’re selling yourself, and you have a pimp

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  3. Smilez_920

    If your not comfortable with his number. Don’t date him. only the individual has to be comfortable with their body count. Plus 236 that’s a male prostitue or sex addict ( Just playin )

    While you don’t have the right to shame him/her . You have the right to express that his or her choices don’t sit we’ll with you and that you don’t want to be with them. That’s your choice .

    For me I don’t really look at body count as much as I look at clean HIV/StD results . But to each it’s own. ( but I can’t front 236 would have made me side eye him too).

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  4. Britt

    I agree with the comment above. To me, being against slut-shaming is contradictory to what we teach young girls in society. Girls are told to respect themselves and not to develop a reputation especially in their high school and college years. However, if a girl does develop a reputation and she’s called out for it, it’s slut-shaming and not right. Society doesn’t mind calling out mistresses and side chicks for sleeping around with men who may be in relationships, but isn’t that slut-shaming?

    There are double standards when it comes to sexuality between men and women, but if slut-shaming is going to be deemed as bad, why not just tell young girls at an early age that they have a right to be sexually free?

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    • I think we absolutely should tell girls at early ages that they have the right to be sexually free. I tell my daughter that her body is her own and only she gets to decide who touches it. I also tell her that sex is not bad, but a very beautiful, great thing. She should be able to sleep with as many people as she pleases as long as she protects herself and its consensual. She shouldn’t have to fear being slut shamed. Just my two cents…

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    • Yes, shaming them and calling them names is the right thing to do. That will keep them from opening their legs.

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    • I think people rather lie to them to get them to do what society wants, it’s safer/easier than letting them be free.

      I don’t have a child, but when I do, I’m not going to teach them to bend to w/e b.s. social rules, I’m going to teach them to make responsible decisions.

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  5. Britt

    To me, being against slut-shaming is contradictory to what we teach young girls in society. Girls are told to respect themselves and not to develop a reputation especially in their high school and college years. However, if a girl does develop a reputation and she’s called out for it, it’s slut-shaming and not right. Society doesn’t mind calling out mistresses and side chicks for sleeping around with men who may be in relationships, so why is slut-shaming deemed so bad?

    There are double standards when it comes to sexuality between men and women, but if slut-shaming is going to be seen as such a bad thing, why not tell young girls to be sexually free?

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