She Didn’t Have to Die: Why Kasandra Michelle Perkins’ Death Was Totally Avoidable
Kasandra Michelle Perkins didn’t deserve to die. Described as full of life, smart, and dedicated by those who knew her, the 22-year-old new mother and aspiring educator was just starting live. Instead, she was murdered at the hands of her boyfriend, pro football player Jovan Belcher.
After the media painted Belcher as a good man who simply “snapped” and shot Kasandra and then himself, more details have begun to leak about their troubled relationship.
Reportedly, the pair’s union took a hit after the birth of their daughter. One of Perkins’ relatives said their relationship “wasn’t a healthy thing,” another friend admitted Belcher drank “a lot,” and others are hoping this heinous incident had to do with the pro athlete’s football career that could have resulted in a brain injury, rather than something more difficult to cope with: domestic violence.
While more details will surely come out in the coming weeks and months, the facts remain the same: Kasandra Perkins was killed at the hands of the one she loved.
Although tragic, sadly Perkins’ fate isn’t unique. According to the Domestic Violence Resource Center three women and one man are murdered every day by their partner, and if you’re a black woman like Perkins, your chances of being killed by your significant other dramatically increases. As a matter of fact, the number one killer of black women in Perkins’ age group (15 to 34) is homicide by a current or former intimate partner.
While the media continues to grapple with the hows and the whys of this tragic situation, I can’t help but wonder how we can prevent these types of crimes from taking place.
As evidenced by my previous article, I feel that if our society was less reliant on guns perhaps this, and other senseless tragedies, could have been avoided, but as many readers pointed out the problems are deeper than merely controlling guns.
Though it’s unclear if Belcher was in fact mentally ill, or simply “snapped,” or killed Perkins in a fit of jealousy, or rage, the fact remains that he didn’t have the tools to cope with his emotions and he hurt the one he vowed to protect. And unfortunately, Perkins was unable to get the live-saving help she needed to survive.
For many African Americans—and especially those under the glaring spotlight of the media—getting the mental health services necessary to cope with life’s stressors or past emotions is sometimes last on the list. We are taught to pray about it. Many of us find comfort in the bottle. And others take their dysfunctions out on others. But admitting that you need help is often seen as a sign of weakness, and for many young black men like Belcher, being weak is seen as the worst possible thing a man can be. And sadly, the way many men choose to express their manhood comes at the expense of the women closest to them.
It is unclear where Belcher fell on this spectrum, but Kasandra Perkins lost her life because he couldn’t cope with whatever was going on in his head, and that is beyond tragic because it could have been avoided.
As writer and activist Kevin Powell pointed out, men’s reliance on violence as a means to express their manhood can be combatted through intense therapy, surrounding themselves with supportive people, and a willingness to change.
Ironically, back in his college days Belcher, who held a degree in child development and family relations, joined the organization Male Athletes Against Violence and took a pledge to educate himself about domestic violence while upholding anti-violence views, be a positive role model for his community, and look “honestly at [his] actions in regard to violence and make changes if necessary.”
I wished he, and other men who have taken the lives of their loved ones, could have kept that pledge.
I’m sorry but I feel like this is a quick clean up article because of the previous article posted. The domestic violence portion of this horrible event should have been spoken about first. It almost seems like back peddling… too little, too late.
What is the saying? Hindsight is 20/20? While my thoughts in the previous article still stand, I mean that’s how I feel, I agree with you. Perhaps an article touching on DV or mental illness should have come first (even though we don’t know what role either of these played in this tragic incident). But again, I’m just one writer among many, any number of them could have touched on it & they didn’t.
I appreciate your thoughts & comments, though. I do read them and I do glean from them helpful info (well, the helpful criticisms anyway lol).
thanks!
I agree and appreciate that she tried to backpeddle, but even the cleanup could have been done with more thought. We need to be careful with these sensitive topics and think before we react and respond.
This is very sensitive topic. In my opinion, we should discuss this topic from every possible angle to curve/prevent domestic violence issues. Controlling gun control is a start and discussing what causes dysfunctional relationship is one as well. At the same time, no issue is resolvable without tackling the root of the problem. In this case, it was mental issues amongst several. Where did his mental issue arise from? Even with receiving counsel proved insufficient. Perhaps it just wasn’t enough or the counseling intervention was a little too late. We can always speculate, but I do believe discussing various issues surrounding domestic violence cannot hurt. If we can resolve this issue and save another life, the effort has been well worth it.
So many lives are unnecessarily lost prior to living a full life.
Geez, the people are brutal on this blog…”Too little, too late? Cleanup should have been done with more thought? Disappointed?” Smh…
That’s why it’s called an opinion article.The writer has right to pitch it any way she sees fit…
Just as commentators are allowed their opinions. Relax yourself!
This is just so sad. I think that too many young black people think dysfunctional relationships are normal. These two shouldn’t have been together. People especially black folks feel that no matter how dysfunctional a relationship is that somehow the two can work it out. Some relationships just can’t be worked out. I heard a statistic say that black women between the ages 25-29 or 11 times more like to be killed by their boyfriends/husbands than white women. I think a lot of that has to to with this mentality that we have.
You covered it all. I cringe when I hear people describe their relationship as “we fight hard, and love hard” . That’s just their coded way of saying they love dysfunction.
When it comes to blk love ( man woman relationships) we have normalized dysfunction. From our relationship blogs, magazines and other media , it’s like dysfunctional blk relationships are the only ones we are given witness too.
A lot of young blk women have normalized the dysfunction. Which allows mental , emotional and sometimes physical abuse to happen .
We have to teach out daughters and sons what a healthy relationship looks like. Because when women love especially young women they love hard and naively . And there hope that the relationship will work out could get them killed.
We also need to get our young men in check they need help, because their issues are killing our women.
To add to what you said, I think we should normalize the idea that’s it’s okay to not be in a relationship, to learn to enjoy the company of yourself. Also to have standards, about what you want a relationship to look/feel like, and if someone doesn’t/can’t meet those standards, then move on in confidence that you will find someone who can.
You should have way more like than what you do. That to me says that what you mentioned are issues we ladies don’t care to look at.
Or maybe some people didn’t feel the need to give it a thumbs up, CanV.