Natural hair guru and virtual comedian Franchesca Ramsey recently shared her personal experience with date rape in response to a video that blames sluts for greasy one-night stands.

She shares how she lost her virginity at the age of 18 after she was date raped on her birthday. After blacking-out, her friend ending up sharing her date rape story against her will with fellow co-workers, who taunted Ramsey at work. The women constantly called her a “slut” and blamed the incident on her.

Ramsey painfully calls for society to stop putting the blame on the victim and for men to take heed of women’s pain.

“Can we stop telling girls that they shouldn’t get raped and instead tell men to stop f—ing raping women and taking advantage of women?” she asks in the video.

The ideology of victim blaming and slut shaming is one that appears to be propagated in modern media. The New York Times recently published a piece that focused on a young woman’s appearance as a cause to why she was gang-raped by 20 men. The girl in the speculative story was only 11 years old.

“It shouldn’t just be a women’s responsibility to look out for other women,” Ramsey said. “There is no reason why a guy can’t step in at a bar.”

Ramsey has received both positive and negative reviews from sharing her poignant story. She says that the responses, good or bad, highlight how big of a topic slut shaming is.

“I appreciate everyone’s words of encouragement and support,” a note on the video reads. “I even appreciate those of you leaving shitty comments and proving how necessary this conversation is.”

  • Medusa

    Holy shit.

    There is so much to say about this that I honestly don’t know where to begin, so I will begin with thank you to Francesca for making this video, for speaking so candidly, for sharing something so intensely personal and scarring. I am so sorry that you went through that experience, or that more accurately, someone put you through this experience.

    This is the first I’d heard about this particular discussion (I mean responding to this Jenna person), but I agree. Men, women, will always blame the victims of sexual assault until the rape culture in which we live is eradicated. I think it’s disgusting that your “friend” told the rest of Francesca’s coworkers and boss about this (in what situation would this be appropriate??) and that the situation immediately became about what a “slut” Francesca is.

    Until men are required to take responsibility for their actions (and honestly, even though I am fighting for this and will until I die, I am wondering if it will ever happen), women will always be blamed for what happened to them. Yeah, getting so drunk you can’t walk isn’t a great idea. But deciding to rape someone is so much worse that they’re not even the same ballpark of not great ideas. There is a discussion going on at Feministe about a guy who has made the conscious decision to keep drinking even though he’s raped women “under six” times in the past, and knows that he will probably continue raping because it’s an inevitable part of being partying lifestyle, which he’s not willing to give up. For this guy (and I’m sure for millions more) wanting to party takes a higher priority than not putting yourself in a situation in which you will assault women. So, until enough people say that this is not enough, and like Francesca pointed out, many of these people have to be men, this kind of ugly shit will never stop.

  • http://www.sexyfocusedambitious.com Lauryn Doll

    I’m glad she stood up and spoke out about her experiences. I think nearly every woman has had an issue with being coerced or taken advantage of – or worse – and never had the support they had.

    I believe in personal responsibility. No, maybe “I” (being any woman) shouldn’t have gone home with him. Yes, maybe I should have thought better than to wear something so revealing/tight or that sends a different message than most believe is acceptable.

    But regardless, it doesn’t mean that motherf*cker should have ever thought it was okay to push past my boundary levels when I clearly didn’t want things to go so far – or spike my drinks so that he can take advantage of me.

  • Drunk Sex

    Sorry, but what sure described is not rape. She was not unconscious (her friend who was obviously in the same room told her “you totally had sex with him. hehe You were so bad” winkwink).

    Has it crossed this woman mind that they were all probably drunk? Doesn’t sound to me that anyone was forced or taken advantage of. She might have been the aggressor. Sorry, she had to loose her virginity drunk, but…..it happens.

  • Sasha

    You articulated what I wanted to say but couldn’t quite find the words for. I think victim blaming and slut shaming have became buzzwords for a society that increasingly refuses to acknowledge the effects of their actions or take personal responsibility when things go wrong. Now does any man have the right to take advantage of a woman, hell no! No means no HOWEVER we as women should really really take stock in the men we choose to have around us or become romatically involved with. “Should I be leaving with this guy, are there any red flags I may be missing, am I too drunk/ high/ both to trust myself alone with this person” are questions we should really be asking ourselves. I am aware not all sexual assaults occur in this vaccuum but it happens too much to just be a coincidence. At 25 years old, I have never ever been sexually assaulted or raped, thank God for that, but I also think it has something to do with how I avoid certain situations at all costs. Some of my friends tease and call me hypervigilant but I value my life, health and safety too much to not be.

  • http://n/a CC

    You are an idiot. If she was unconscious,how could she have given any indication that she wanted to have sex?

  • Drunk Sex

    She WAS NOT unconscious. She says she “blacked out”. ie just doesn’t remember what happened. Her girlfriend told her exactly what happened.

  • Chrissy

    That woman was clearly not her friend. What makes you think her “friend” was not lying and just wanted to make Franchesca look bad? Some people take pleasure in another persons misery.

    To women: Be extremely careful what “friends” you have around you, because some people are waiting for the opportunity to stab you in the back

  • Sasha

    It was unclear whether she meant “blacked out” as in “passed out/ alseep” or “couldn’t remember anything” because there’s a difference. There are times where I’ve drank myself into oblivion and I’ll say I blacked out but that means I couldn’t remember what happened but I was still awake/ walking/ drinking/ dancing and my friends will fill me in on how I got bruise in question or how many shots I took. I’ve never used the phrase “black out” to mean that I passed out/ fell asleep but I know thats how some people use it. If its the former, not remembering what happened then yes at the time they did whatever she could have been like yeah lets have sex but not remember consenting the next morning and feel completely violated, which is a grayish line when it comes to rape HOWEVER if she was knocked out, dead asleep and he went ahead and had sex with her then that indefinitely is rape.

  • xta28

    You are clearly misinformed. When you black out, you are not consciously or cognitively aware of what is going on around you or your actions. Meaning you are mentally unconscious. This is a scientific and biological event. It is RAPE if the person does not give consent or is in a compromised state where the “consent given” is null.

    So @Drunk Sex, go have a seat!!! This happens more often than not. Yes it is drunk sex, but it does not at all mean that it was not rape. The trauma is 100% real!! The physical and mental pain is real!!! The rape is real!!

    Not only do we need to stop slut shaming, but we also need to educate people better about intoxication and consent. Legally and mentally, an intoxicated person cannot give consent. END STORY

  • Orange Starr Happy Hunting

    Thank you, being in a compromised state, not consenting to sex and then to have someone take advantage of this situation is rape.

  • Miss B.C.

    “It’s important to help victims, but it’s also important to prevent victims from happening.”

    Not in these exact words, but this is one of the lessons I was raised by and I think my mother did a wonderful job of communicating that to me clearly and with compassion. The victim doesn’t ask to be attacked and it is important that justice is served when a person has done wrong against another. No matter if an individual is an 11 year old girl wearing makeup or a grown woman who dresses modestly: a monster will be a monster and will attack regardless. But it’s important to make smart decisions to try and keep one out of bad situations that can be the breeding ground for attacks. Like Franchesca said, it maybe wasn’t the wisest decision to get that drunk. If she wasn’t that drunk she could have driven herself home, she wouldn’t have blacked out, would have been more aware of what was happening, been more prepared to defend herself, and if she couldn’t fight him off, then at least would have been able to clearly tell the details and her side. Now, the person who she thought was her friend took the story, I’m sure twisted the details, and publicly humiliated her. And, because she was inebriated she couldn’t remember anything and her boss and coworkers failed to sympathize with her. Some people will take any little seed they can to blame you.

    This is why it is important to make wise decisions: so you can look out for yourself when no one else will. Things like not getting wasted and knowing your limits, not putting your drink down, not being out late alone, being in well-lit areas, being in public areas, surrounding yourself with ppl who you know have your best interested at heart, etc. When I was younger I made stupid decisions that could have ended badly. Thankfully the person I was with took “no” for an answer. It wasn’t until afterwards that I realized the gravity of the situation and realized what could’ve happen if that person didn’t accept “no”. I wish the people Franchesca were with would’ve been more trustworthy individuals.

  • Melinda

    I am so happy that she’s sharing this story with the world.
    I am apalled that her co worker did her like that.She was no friend.
    People just can’t be trusted.

  • Treece

    Wow, I am borderline speechless. I am so sorry that she went through that horrible experience. I can’t even imagine the confusion and guilt she probably experienced. And I mean this in all sincerity.

    But, here is what I have to say in regards to Jenna’s video. I absolutely believe that it is not a woman’s fault if she is raped. I believe that men should take full responsibility for it and be punished to the FULL extent of the law. However, there are precautionary measures we can take as women to POSSIBLY prevent these heinous acts from occurring. Just like we take precautions to prevent stds when you wear condoms, or you take precautionary measures to prevent fires in your home by making sure you have smoke detectors that work. There is no foolproof way of completely stopping these things from happening 100%, but there are things you CAN do to protect yourself from the possibility….like not going out for a jog in a remote/deserted area. Or taking self defense classes. Or making sure you park your car in a well lit part of the lot at night, or making sure you stay sober on a first date/blind date. Yes, I know I may take a verbal beat down for that one, but I’m not saying it was her fault. I’m just saying that men have gotten ridiculous in feeling like they are entitled to get in a woman’s pants. Yes, they need help and better examples. Yes, they need to be punished and in some cases (i believe) castrated for the horrible things they do to women. But WE NEED TO BE ON GUARD LADIES. And take measures to try and keep us safe.

  • http://tontonmichel.tumblr.com Tonton Michel

    I am uncomfortable with the way she described the story. Was she or was she not awake? It does make a difference especially if her attaker was drunk as well.

  • Tony

    If all parties are in a “compromised” state and she didn’t object and was in fact a willing participant, how can you place all the blame on him to the point of calling it rape?

  • anon

    I was never raped, but I was molested (kind of the same, but a little different) as a child. I know what it’s like being blamed, because my mother, my only advocated because no other blood/legal relatives were around, blamed me. I was only 6.

    I tried to tell her, to have her acknowledge my trauma, up until the age of 17. She still blamed me. The last time I told her, she slapped me.

    It’s not just the thing of slut shaming. There is this thing in society where victims are blamed and shamed, even preyed upon; and even by those who are supposed to love them.

    I think it’s a form of mental illness that people react that way to someone who has been physically attacked or violated.

  • Anthony

    Much love and Respect to Franchesaca Ramsey for that powerful video! Awareness on just what rape is may be the most powerful improvement between men and women that has happened during my life. All of us men need to pledge for the New Year to work hard to reach young boys and impress upon them that “getting some” is not the single most important thing in life. That sort of attitude is the basis for the kind of date rape that Ms. Ramsay experienced.

  • Anthony

    Tony, in principle, I think you have a point, but practically, I think we have to encourage you men not to be so hellbent on sex that they are willing to put their penises in any (barely) breathing woman, whether she can yes or not.

    As a general rule, banging sloppy drunk women is just not a good idea.

  • Orange Starr Happy Hunting

    So sorry to hear that happened to you and how your mom blamed you.
    I think it is a deep form of denial, some type serious of mental block where some people cannot handle the truths and either they blame the victim and or they do nothing to help the victim get beyond the trauma, they act as if nothing ever happened which makes the whole ordeal that much more worse.

  • Anthony

    The ideal is to raise young men who are not so hung up on getting laid that they feel justified in putting their penis in anyone at any time. It’s not a catchy saying, but I always say that the difference between a man and a boy is that a boy will do anything for sex, and man realizes that every “opportunity” is not worth it.

  • Tony

    Yes, I agree but these women act as if a man can’t also be sloppy drunk. My point is if she wasn’t unconscious, and didn’t say no how can all the blame be placed on the man? Especially, if they were both drunk.

  • E.M.S.

    She’s incredibly brave for this, and I hope people are listening. It’s sickening how society always wants to point the finger at the person who was raped, not the rapist.

    As for Jenna, I’m a fan of hers, and I think I get what she was trying to do, but it came out very wrong. She’s very sarcastic in a lot of her videos, but this time it was just delivered poorly. I’m sure after all the response to this video and hers she’ll speak up and clarify.

  • http://gravatar.com/chescaleigh Chescaleigh

    hey Clutch, thanks for sharing my story. I’m not surprised, but still disappointed in how many comments are focused on debunking my story or pointing out what I did wrong. Although this happened a little over 10 years ago, it’s still very painful, so I chose to not go into certain details. All I ask is that people respect that and instead try to focus on the message of prevention and awareness. I hope we can continue to focus on preventing victims and encouraging those effected by sexual assault to have the courage to come forward. Thanks again.

  • Anthony

    Tony, I believe that young man probably could have gotten off if Franchesca had gone to the police, but if I had a son, I would strongly advise him not have sex with a woman under those circumstances. I know of no young man who wants to spend time being taken in and questioned by the police.

    In college, I knew a guy who took advantage of a girl under really circumstances, and he was cleared, but the experience with the cops scared the hell out of him. He darn near crapped in his pants when he came close to bumping into that girl one time because his lawyer had told him to stay away from her.

  • E.M.S.

    Thank you for demonstrating why we need education on rape.

    Just because a woman does not audibly say no does not mean it’s okay. Communication issues can lead to unwanted sex, which is still rape.

    Also, common sense should tell people NOT to have sex while drunk. You need clarity. But typically women become more drunk before men do and it’s likely he was more coherent than she. When he saw she was intoxicated he should NOT have done it.

  • E. Shani

    Uhm…I seriously hope you don’t believe this or worse act on this belief. If she can’t say “no” then by default she must be saying “yes”, right? You don’t have to be unconscious to be incapacitated. Surely you have lived long enough to know what that looks like. Anyone drunk or otherwise who thinks that is an open invitation is seriously f-ed up and 100% to blame for being the aggressor in the situation.

  • Miss B.C.

    Hello Franchesca,

    I’ve been following the comments to see what some think about this issue. In re-reading my comment I feel like it could come across poorly. If it is my comment you are referring to when saying, “pointing out what you did wrong” then I am sorry because that was not my intention. I was simply focusing on factors that can assist in deterrence. You are a strong woman and not many can overcome what you have and speak about it publicly.

    Best wishes.

  • Natalie B.

    It is troubling that some of the men who have made comments seem to be looking for an out for this man’s actions. If you don’t get a confirmation in the affirmative to take any sexual activity further you might just want to go home, take a cold shower or jack off. Surely the desire to have sex doesn’t override the possible consequence of jail time or the label of rapist?

    If a woman doesn’t say yes, then take it as a no—period. What is so hard about establishing a clear understanding about whether or not you have the green light to have sex? I’ll tell you what, nothing. It’s not hard at all to ask if it’s okay to keep going, or if she wants you to stop. Afraid of looking simple, not being sexy or coming off as lacking confidence? Then you probably shouldn’t be dropping your pants in the first place, because you have the maturity and mentality of a seventy grader. The bottom line is that men with this entitlement and mindset aren’t going away anytime soon, so ladies we have to remain hyper-vigilant about who we associate with and the environments that we place ourselves in. I commend Ms. Ramsey for sharing this painful experience. I wish her health and healing.

  • Orange Starr Happy Hunting

    Amazing isn’t it? Questioning whether one was conscious at all despite being inebriated then questioning if the guy was inebriated also, what blackout means etc……..SMH
    survivors of date and or acquaintance rape have already questioned themselves probably a million times over the incident and beaten themselves up for even putting themselves in the position for something like that to happen. Although they never imagined that someone they “knew” for years and trusted, someone considered a friend, would ever violate them in such a manner to begin with, drunk or sober. Survivors learn that you never really know truly know people, the dark inner recesses of the heart and mind, that some people harbor feelings on borderline obsession, and just wait for an opportunity to catch you slippin’ and then they rape you because they know that having sober sex with you is not even an option because you do not view or desire them in that manner. Date and acquaintance rape is worse than stranger rape because of the violation of your trust and person.

  • Jointarms

    One word comes to mind; [duress].

    DuressUnlawful pressure exerted upon a person to coerce that person to perform an act that he or she ordinarily would not perform.

    Duress also exists where a person is coerced by the wrongful conduct or threat of another to enter into a contract under circumstances that deprive the individual of his or her volition.
    An intoxicated person or under the influence is under duress.

    If a person is under duress, do NOT engage them in a physical sexual act that can be misconstrued in the aftermath as non-consensual.

    Can you comprehend that?

  • anon

    There is a War on Sex, rather, sex is being used as a tool of war

  • ICH

    I would like to take this time to applaud Franchesca Ramsey for being so open about your ordeal.
    To many times, women are the ones who are blamed for violence against them. Not to long ago in early 2011, a Toronto Police Officer gave shocking insight into the Toronto Police Force’s view of sexual assault by stating: “women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized”. This comment ignited so much anger in Toronto that SlutWalk Toronto emerged in order to rally and bring awareness to victim blaming and slut shaming. This not just an American issue but a world wide issue.
    Regardless if you are drugged, had an allergic reaction to the alcohol or just had one too many, these is NOT reason or excuses for any man to take advantage of any women! It angers me that women are constantly the ones blamed whenever they are victims of a violence or sexual crimes. Being raped is NOT a joke or punch line!
    Thank you Franchesca for speaking out on this horrendous issue!

  • Anthony

    I’m sorry, my fingers are too fat! I meant to give you a thumbs up!

  • ….

    Since this is a touchy subject I wasnt going to comment But i noticed something. In the beginning of the video she says that we shouldn’t tell girls how to not get raped, but then at the end she talks about prevention. Like which is it? Should we try to make better decisions and atleast attempt to avoid these types of situations or no?

  • http://gravatar.com/chanela17 chanela17

    OMG!!! this was in response to jenna marbles?!?!?! are you serious? cause she sure as hell wasn’t!lol

    i just saw her video the other day and she was talking about women who WILLINGLY CHOOSE to have sex with 20,000 men. she wasn’t talking about “if you wear a skirt then you’ll get raped”.

    in fact she would be the LAST person to slut shame since people do that to her because she is a go go dancer.

    i’m confused….

  • D

    No means no. Silence means no. Laid out drunk/blacked out means no. Period. That’s the message I provide any young (or old) man I know. There is no middle ground.

    I understand the talk that says “What if they’re both drunk?” “What if he asks while they’re both drunk and she just smiles in a devilish sexy way before turning over?” Does that sorta kinda mean yes? “What if she drunkenly mumbles “OK” somewhat giving consent?

    No. No. No. To these and the 1,000 other “gray area” scenarios that can be dreamt up. Teach young men to err on the side of caution and not only that, but to respect women enough to think the goal is to slide inside of them as fast as possible in situations like that before she has a chance to say no.

    And being drunk is still no excuse. Sure there are people who completely lose control when they’re drunk but they can still be arrested for drunk driving, property damage, assault, robbery or whatever they do. Being drunk isn’t an excuse for crime. Err on the side of caution then, too. Hop in a cab and take your drunk ass home.

    But if we’re going to get really deep, what about situations where the girl is drunk off her ass but she’s the aggressor? She’s undressing herself and him, she’s going down, she’s climbing on top, she’s saying “have sex with me” in all types of colorful language giving consent. Then she wakes up in the middle of the night or morning remembering none of it and thinking she was raped/taken advantage of. What is a man’s/boy’s responsibility in a situation like that (assuming the woman isn’t his wife or girlfriend where he may have a better idea of her real intentions and ability to consent)? I’d be lying if I said I never had a one-night stand with a drunk woman or drunk sex after a party or night out with a friend. That, to me, is a tougher call and it’s unrealistic to say drunk people can’t have sex. That would eliminate 3/4 of the sex in the world.

  • An answer

    I believe her point was that we shouldn’t HAVE TO tell girls how not to get raped, but enivetably we live in a society where we do.

  • GlowBelle

    I thank Franchesca so much for being brave to speak up and out about this. This is a conversation we should be having more often, because for far too long women get the finger wag when terrible situations like this rise up and the man is completely absolved from the situation, sometimes even looked at as the hero. So disgusting. No means no — not ‘oh pursue me further because I’m playing hard to get’. Any male that doesn’t get the “no means no” response is showing his entitlement and ego.

    It makes my skin crawl that there are men out there who think that the hateful acts they put upon women are acceptable because they are entitled and that they get away with it. It makes my skin crawl even more when women don’t help their fellow women with equally disgusting behavior and actually encourage it. How dare Franchesca’s “friend” gossip like that about a PERSONAL and private matter, and how dare those female co-workers cite her as a slut…they are pretty much siding with the rapist with that. I mean, what if that had happened to them? Like the quote says, I never trust women who don’t help other women.

    No woman should have to be punished for standing up for themselves or for walking away from terrible situations that they had no damn control over. Though I have never been raped (thank God for that), I have been harassed (what woman hasn’t?) and one time stalked, and I was pretty much blamed for all that was going on because I was “acting a certain way”, “wearing certain clothes”, even some so-called girl friends of mine thought the stalking was “cute” because he was buying me presents, and that I brought it on myself cause I was nice and friendly to the individual in the beginning. Nothing is “cute” about being taken advantage of and when you’re trust and personal self is violated. I see some commentors talking about noting red flags and avoiding those men at all costs, yes, I agree, but sometimes you just don’t SEE red flags till your knee deep in the moment. It happened with the guy who stalked me, he WAS a friend…till I turned down his romantic advances, that’s when he turned on me and I couldn’t prevent that. That’s the tricky thing, you just don’t KNOW and it’s not your fault. Sometimes I get tired of always having the walls up when I’m around males, as my trust has been shattered in the past and for the reasons I stated, but at least I’m more aware now and try to go on with my life because not all men out there are out to harm women. Still we shouldn’t belittle this conversation.

  • http://gravatar.com/chanela17 chanela17

    RIGHT! we need more men speaking out about it! too many times men are bragging to their friends about what they did and nobody “rapist shames” them! men never say “leave her alone” or “that’s not cool!” i dont hear about men preventing their friends from taking advantage of women. all i ever hear guys say is “well she shouldn’t have been drunk” smh

    these dudes are acting like they have the RIGHT to do this crap and it’s because of other men not saying anything and thinking it’s okay to do since she is drunk and “let herself” get raped, that this mess continues.

  • Nakia

    I agree with orange star but would take it a bit further and say that in your case, your mother probably blames herself, and cannot face the type of guilt that would come along with not adequately protecting one’s child. I have witnessed this, though I have not gone through it myself.

  • Nikster

    Why is it okay though that women who sleep around are seen in a negative light? Jenna talks about in her video that women who are sleeping around are opening the door to possibility of being assaulted, raped, or killed. I get that she is doing it in a joking fashion but what she is saying is indicative of a bigger problem. The problem with this reasoning, which a lot of people do other than Jenna, is that it makes it seem like the woman put her self in a danger and does not focus on the behavior of the male that decided to take advantage of her. She should have known better…she should have behaved better…she should have protected herself better. Why isn’t the immediate response “who cares how many partners she has…if someone takes advantage or assaults her then we need to focus on the attacker?” By shaming women who are promiscuous it makes it seem like they irresponsible and look what could happened. It also makes it seem like somehow your sexual history has something to do with why you were assaulted when it absolutely does not. I don’t think Jenna is meant to imply that a woman is asking to be assaulted but with the mentality she presented in the video, and that many other people believe, it is the responsibility of women to avoid situations where they can get hurt by not sleeping around. Why isn’t the conversation…rape/assault is never appropriate no matter the sexual history of the woman?

  • Anthony

    That goes back to my idea that part of manhood is knowing that every situation is not worth it. If she is the aggressor, tell her hell no and get out from around her! If she is that drunk, she is not going to be following you. If she accuses you, and you have not done anything, tell her to go get the rape kit and give the police your DNA after you get a lawyer!

    That said. The best thing is to avoid drunk, horny women, you don’t want to do!

  • Anthony

    You are really a man.

  • Anthony

    Unfortunately that is the nature of crime. We should not have to lock our cars or homes either. The reality of life is that there will always be people, in this case men, who simply will not do the right and honorable thing.

  • http://www.gallimaufry.ws T.

    How can a mentally unconscious person be a willing participant in anything? She didn’t consent, and non-consensual sex is rape. If the person you’re planning on having sex with is in a compromised state, the smart/safe/considerate thing to do is to assume that their answer to “Do you want to have sex with me?” is no, and leave them the fuck alone.

  • CurlGurl

    What always amazes me is that there are so many guys who don’t understand that what they’re doing is rape and sexual assault. I always try to explain to my guy friends that if the words “you know you want it” ever comes out of their mouth, they can be damn sure that they have or are about to violate somebody. If a guy feels the need to say that, chances are the woman has indicated that she, in fact, doesn’t” want it”. Whenever I say that to guys they’re shocked because so many of them have done that.

    You are so brave, Franchesca and I thank you for saying this because I never had that message told to me either. I also lost my virginity through rape and have recently opened up to my friends and family about the experience. Thank you.

  • The Mighty Quinn

    You are a jerk! Have you ever heard of Rohypnol, the date rape drug? That is exactly how it works. You did not even express not a smidgen of empathy, what a sad human being you are. No words.

  • Nikster

    Based on Franchesca’s views in her video I am pretty sure she would say that women that claim rape who weren’t raped make it just as difficult for people like herself who have been raped to get justice. Your comment clearly exemplifies the point. Franchesca WAS raped. She is not the women that you are referring too. Women vilifying promiscuity amongst other women or claiming rape when it didn’t happen are all making it problematic for the issue to be truly addressed. The women you have mentioned clearly doesn’t understand the ramifications of her actions b/c many women will not be able to get any justice against their attackers b/c people are going to think they are lying. Rape happens! It is real! It is not just a bunch of women lying so that they can cash in.

  • Kay

    Men who rape do it because they know that we live in a culture that will not blame them for it. Furthermore, in many countries where women are not allowed to go out at night, have escorts, and are covered up from head to toe, the rape statistics are still often off the charts. You know why? Because rapists know they have a good shot of getting away with it, because the focus is on the culpability of the victim and never the perpetrator.

    And it’s sometimes impossible to “take stock,” of everyone you come in contact with because that’s called being psychic. Sometimes people are just douches who know how throw everyone off their trail. Some people are really good at hiding who they are. You’re blessed to never have been raped. I wouldn’t want that for anyone. However, I’ve counseled too many women who have been “hyper-vigilant,” and still get raped. They spend most of their time trying to understand why they got raped when they were so “careful.” So telling women to be careful does two things 1) tells women who are raped that it’s their fault 2) lulls many women who do the “right” things into a false sense of “it could never happen to me,” rather than educate them on the rape culture that exists in society.

  • Alicia S.

    I once read an article about rapists where they talked about their particular fetishes. One liked women in really loose clothing, easy to grab. One rapist had a particular fetish for women in overalls. He would even carry a knife or scissors just so he always had a way to cut through the straps. Interestingly enough they didn’t go for the confident woman in tight clothing because people would notice. My point is what is seen as arousing to one person and is seen as an invitation to sex is not the same for another. So please stuff it about her possibly wanting it. She was young she was inexperienced and she was trusting. She trusted the wrong people. That’s the only thing she did wrong & even that wasn’t wrong.

  • BoutDatLove

    @Nikster

    You mentioned that Jenna was saying that if a woman sleeps around that she is opening the door for possible rape, murder etc. How is this not true though. Just because you trust someone that doesn’t mean that they are trust worthy. Usually when someone is raped it is by someone that the victim trust, yes or no? To me, she isn’t saying ”Oh because she is sleeping around she deserves to be raped, killed etc.” It sounds like she is imply the importance of consequences, that us woman do not have to really think about because we are trying to create a society based on feminism, when referring to topics like these. For example, can I advocate for woman if I make the choice to have a one night stand and end up pregnant? Can I be mad at that man because I wanted to be promiscuous. Did he force me to have a one night stand, or is it because I chose to sleep with him (promiscuity)

    Don’t misunderstand what I am saying, no man or woman should ever be raped. Once again, I’m only speaking about thinking about consequences.

    I look at the topic of promiscuity as being contradicting to the other articles posted and the opinions of both black men and woman in the black community. How is promiscuity not being irresponsible though? One minute it is, we have an epidemic of disease running through our community. Oh but woe is he who slut shames. So many children do not know their daddies or mommas. But woe is he who slut shames. I got pregnant from a one night stand & I can’t remember who I slept with. But woe is he who slut shames.

    I’m only speaking about consequences and every action has them. We have a responsibility as black people to do better by learning from our mistakes, instead of promoting promiscuity and adding onto the existing problems within the black community. To promote promiscuity is irresponsible, dangerous and immature.

  • Pseudonym

    [*sigh*]…You’re bastardizing the concept of gender equality. It is fact that the average man is bigger and stronger than the average woman and, often, this physical difference is used to intimidate, hold down, and rape women. THAT is why it is ethical to step in at a bar.

    The proper interpretation of gender equality is not to pretend that men and women are exactly alike, but rather to appreciate their differences and value what each gender brings to the table EQUALLY. It is not supposed to be an excuse for men to become lazy, not pay for dates, or turn the other way when a man is cohering a smaller and completely drunken woman out of a bar.

  • BoutDatLove

    I’m sorry to hear about your story, no one should ever be taken advantaged of. Especially no woman being taken advantaged of by the opposite sex who is supposed to protect her. Which is why I believe the topic of slut shaming is deeper than what it appears to be. Some use slut shaming as a way to push men and women even further apart, why some use it to raise awareness.

    Let me first start out and say, let us not be biased against one another, men can be raped too. We can’t only advocate for woman voices and not the voices of men either.

    I’m sincerely trying to understand this slut shaming movement, because I don’t get it.

    Wow… I think that two are somewhat separate issues. Someone being raped (rather male or female) is different from someone being ”slut shamed.” I hate that word, i think it is overused and used wrong. I think it is because of my definition of a slut: Someone who is promiscuous or shows promiscuous behaviors.

    Moving on, topics like these make me uneasy. Just because I think about woman, boys, children & teens who have been raped or molested without being drunk, wearing revealing clothing etc. but then there is the movement of slut shaming where rape is incorporated into the topic. I’m not imply that woman who get drunk or dress revealing deserve rape, it just seems weird that rape and slut shaming now go hand and hand. I think they should be separate for the sensitivity of other victims who may have been raped & do not appreciate the label of slut shaming.

    This topic reminds me of this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2OBPaenkxdg

    Like i said before, I do not know much about men, but they process things differently than woman. I can wear a push up bra with my boobs touching my chin and my cheeks hanging out of my dress, no that doesn’t give any man the right to rape me, but let us be honest it sends a signal to the other person about who you are and your intentions. For example, If you see a woman walking down the street with a hijab, you would say, she is a Muslim woman. I can’t walk outside nude and get mad that someone called me a nudist. I can’t wear a diamond ring on my wedding finger and get mad if a man assumed that I was married. Then run a campaign about how it is unfair that woman can’t wear rings on their wedding finger because guys are no longer approaching them, because they assume that they are married.

    @ Tonton, you are correct. If two people are not able to make a clear judgement because of drunkenness, then one can’t say they were raped by the other and set themselves up to be the victim while the other one is made to look like a monster. Because bother were drunk. Which will mean that both were raped, right. It is wrong to have sympathy for only the woman, as a man is also a human being too, which makes him capable of being drunk and raped as well.

    At the end of the day, a rapist is a rapist. A slut is a slut. No matter what she puts on, if the intent is rape, that is what it will be. Drunk or not, if the intent is rape, that is what it will be. She can cover up her body all she wants to, she can still be a hoe.

    If you read up on some of the history for ancient civilizations, you will find that it is by attire, hair styles etc that people were able to identify who a person was. This attitude is still around today (slut shaming) rather anyone agree’s with it or not, sometimes it is the way we will be identified.

  • Pseudonym

    I agree with chanela. Seems like this is a deep-seeded personal issue that led to an over-exaggerated response. She wasn’t blaming women for being raped; she was commenting on how she couldn’t understand women who can meet a man out and go home with him within a couple hours given the crazy world we live in. I agree with her. I’ve found it daring and a bit irresponsible when friends of mine will meet a man once for a few hours out of town and then invite him to visit and stay at their home for a few days. That just seems so risky to me.

    An analogy: when I was in college, we’d get these crime alerts about students who were walking along through a dark alley at 3 o’clock in the morning while listening to their iPod when they got mugged. My initial thought on those were always, “Why was this kid walking home through an alley at 3 a.m. with headphones on?!!!” I’m not blaming the victim for being robbed in saying that, but rather I am wondering why preventative measures weren’t taken.

    There are two factors: the opportunity and the opportunist. We hope to do our best to decrease the incidence of an opportunity for disaster (though it can never be guaranteed if the opportunist is determined enough).

    If someone you knew had sex without a condom with a complete stranger and contracted HIV, wouldn’t one of your questions be “Why didn’t you use a condom?” It’s the same reasoning. Yes, the person they contracted HIV from should have been tested regularly and disclosed their status; however, that doesn’t always happen. and people have been warned to use condoms just as women are warned not to go home with strange men, just as college students are warned not to walk down dark alleys at 3 a.m.

  • BoutDatLove

    Naw, I can’t bring myself to agree with this. It sucks because in a way I feel like feminism has made many men more angry and in most cases I can understand why. But I also see the reasons why a woman would feel like she needs feminism, because she feels unprotected by the one who should be protecting her.

    I feel like feminism has given woman like myself who don’t agree with it, a voice that I am against. So men automatically feel like woman such as myself want to be independent of them (you know, feeling like I don’t need a man type) when that isn’t the case. So you in turn feel no need to protect me, even without knowing me. That is sad. You can’t expect a woman to not feel a certain way, when you pretty much just said that it is not your job to protect her, when it is your job. Regardless of the attitude of some woman, never stop doing what is a natural part of your make up, to protect.

    I am a woman who doesn’t hang out in bars. However, no one will ever get drunk in my presence, because I feel the need to naturally want to look out for the other person. This is something that is missing from men, that woman are obviously trying to get across to you. I do not believe that every woman wants to be without a man or his protection. The ”I am me & you are you, so you are on your own” thought pattern is why we black people are in a lot of the situations that we are in, because we don’t care enough about each others well being. This is also the reason why ish is backwards in the black community, especially regarding gender roles.

  • BoutDatLove
  • Wiseman

    There is no positive value in slut-shaming a person. People need to be better educated about the risks/outcome(s) involved in there decision(s).

    The issue is not slut shaming. 

    The issue is whether people establish clarity in there assessment of risk when considering a mating partner?

    1. The road to moment of clarity is fraught with competing ideas. Risk analysis should always be your guide.

    2. Establish the advantages and disadvantages of your action/conduct when coupled with a promiscuous idea. Often, there is an outcome.

    3. If you have not considered the disadvantages of your action/conduct if and when coupled with a promiscuous idea, the results could be catastrophic.

    People sometimes turn-off item # 3 when dating or seeking to be-friend an interesting personality.

    Why?

    It is no different than the investors who gave their life savings to Bernard L. Madoff. He made off with most of his shareholders wealth. 

    If you establish a reasonable risk assessment, you can mitigate the opportunity a would be sexual perpetrator could attack.

    Don’t enable an individual you did not give consent make off with; you fill in the blanks.

    Definition of ‘Risk Analysis’ in Institutional Investment:

    The study of the underlying uncertainty of a given course of action. Risk analysis refers to the uncertainty of forecasted future cash flows streams, variance of portfolio/stock returns, statistical analysis to determine the probability of a project’s success or failure, and possible future economic states. Risk analysts often work in tandem with forecasting professionals to minimize future negative unforseen effects.

    Almost all sorts of large businesses require a minimum sort of risk analysis. For example, commercial banks need to properly hedge foreign exchange exposure of oversees loans while large department stores must factor in the possibility of reduced revenues due to a global recession. Risk analysis allows professionals to identify and mitigate risks, but not avoid them completely. Proper risk analysis often includes mathematical and statistical software programs.

    Definition of ‘Technical Analysis’
    A method of evaluating securities by analyzing statistics generated by market activity, such as past prices and volume. Technical analysts do not attempt to measure a security’s intrinsic value, but instead use charts and other tools to identify patterns that can suggest future activity.

    Explanation of ‘Technical Analysis’ 

    Technical analysts believe that the historical performance of stocks and markets are indications of future performance. 

    In a shopping mall, a fundamental analyst would go to each store, study the product that was being sold, and then decide whether to buy it or not. By contrast, a technical analyst would sit on a bench in the mall and watch people go into the stores. Disregarding the intrinsic value of the products in the store, the technical analyst’s decision would be based on the patterns or activity of people going into each store.

    Definition of Fundamental Analysis:

    A method of evaluating a security that entails attempting to measure its intrinsic value by examining related economic, financial and other qualitative and quantitative factors. Fundamental analysts attempt to study everything that can affect the security’s value, including macroeconomic factors (like the overall economy and industry conditions) and company-specific factors (like financial condition and management). 

    The end goal of performing fundamental analysis is to produce a value that an investor can compare with the security’s current price, with the aim of figuring out what sort of position to take with that security (underpriced = buy, overpriced = sell or short).

    This method of security analysis is considered to be the opposite of technical analysis. 

    Explanation of ‘Fundamental Analysis’

    Fundamental analysis is about using real data to evaluate a security’s value. Although most analysts use fundamental analysis to value stocks, this method of valuation can be used for just about any type of security. 

    For example, an investor can perform fundamental analysis on a bond’s value by looking at economic factors, such as interest rates and the overall state of the economy, and information about the bond issuer, such as potential changes in credit ratings. For assessing stocks, this method uses revenues, earnings, future growth, return on equity, profit margins and other data to determine a company’s underlying value and potential for future growth. In terms of stocks,  fundamental analysis focuses on the financial statements of the company being evaluated.

    One of the most famous and successful fundamental analysts is the Oracle of Omaha, Warren Buffett, who is well known for successfully employing fundamental analysis to pick securities. His abilities have turned him into a billionaire.

  • Nikster

    Wow…and you sir still don’t get it. Are you comparing loosing money through the stock exchange or with shareholders as being raped? Is that really where you are going with this. There is no amount of risk assessment that a woman can make that can keep her from getting raped. Period. She can do everything right and still get raped. Why is that the case, most women are raped by friends or acquiantances. Most women have some familiarity with the person that assaults them. This isn’t about risk assessment b/c you can be with people around you that any reasonable person can trust and still be raped. The problem is not the woman not assessing her risk correctly, the issue is that even in your little “risk assessment” statement you at no time turn and ask “why did someone think it was okay to pray on a woman when she is vulnerable?” Saying that a woman did not assess her risk well is victim blaming. She didn’t loose money to shareholders…HER BODY WAS VIOLATED!!!!

  • Nikster

    Being raped has nothing to do with what your wearing! Period. The slut shamming is that sexual promiscuity of a female is frequently used to embarrass and subjugate women. You sleep around you are a a slut. Men sleep around they are guys being guys. Why is a women seen differently?! How many partners does a woman need to have to be slut? How many partners does a man need to have to be a slut? There is no such thing as sluts!!!! Societies made it up to oppress women!!!! Using this term in to describe sexually promiscuous women makes it difficult for women when they have raped or assaulted. Instead of investigating the behavior of the assailant her sexual history is up for debate. It doesn’t matter if she has had zero partners or 200 if in one of those cases she was raped it is rape. The idea that a woman can bring this on herself is a joke b/c it has nothing to do with that. Dressing in a way that sexually suggestive is not an invitation for rape. The decision to rape is made by the rapist…not the victim The idea that her sexual history can be used against it is a joke. The attitude of viewing women in this light is just that…an attitude. Not some unchangeable biological fact. We were taught to believe this…which means we can begin a discussion where we teach people not to have this attitude.

    Additionally, of course men and boys can be raped, assaulted, or molested. I don’t think anyone is trying to deny that. I would note though that when people often discuss things like male on male assault for instance it is fraught with dialogue about homosexuals and the gay community. Keep gay men out of the boy scouts because they may molest little boys. Sandusky must be gay if he likes to go after little boys. WTF. Male victims are frequently seen as gay especially if they have been repeatedly assaulted. Why didn’t they stop it? Oh you must have liked it? Attempting to shame them by associating the act with something homosexual or making it seem like something that emasculates you is just as bad as slut shamming.

  • Fantastico

    @Nikster +100

  • Fantastico

    I find it truly strange when women and men claim they are are not feminist.

    Feminism is simply the belief that women are human beings and should be treated as such.

    It does not mean that traditional gender roles are banned.

    It simply means that women should not be penalized for being women.

    It asserts simple things that American Women now take for granted.

    Feminism redefined the definition of rape as a crime against a woman:

    The marital rape exemption in law, which survived in the U.S. into the 1990′s, is clearly a remnant of this approach, assuming as it does that no crime is committed when a man forces intercourse upon his wife, since she is his own property; the property status of enslaved African-American women was also thought to entitle their owners to the women’s unrestricted sexual use. A further corollary of this view was that women who were not the private property of any individual man—for instance, prostitutes—were unrapeable, or at least that no one important was harmed by their rape (Dworkin 1997, 196–202, Burgess-Jackson 1996, 46-47, 69).

    Given this entrenched historical and cultural legacy, feminists’ redefinition of ‘rape’ as a crime against the woman herself is nothing short of revolutionary.

    http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/feminism-rape/

  • Perspective

    Sluts exist!

    Jenna Marbles video had NOTHING to do with RAPE!

    Men say slut – and women say – the woman is a slut because a man raped her or took advantage of her.

    Sluts exist.

  • Perspective

    “You sleep around you are a a slut. Men sleep around they are guys being guys”

    Because since men are more open to sleeping with whomever IN GENERAL – a woman sleeping with men is NOT AN ACCOMPLISHMENT.

    A man COULD potentially take on more than one wife. A woman could take on more than one husband – but guess what she only has 1 womb.

    Some people just need to accept the fact that men and women are built differently. The HISTORICAL problem women sleeping with multiple men was

    WHO’S THE FATHER!?

    as we see with Morey.

    “Using this term in to describe sexually promiscuous women makes it difficult for women when they have raped or assaulted”

    No what makes rape difficult for women are women WHO FALSELY ACCUSE MEN OF RAPE – BECAUSE – they are afraid of the slut label – so it hurts men as well.

    The truth is – MEN LOVE SLUTS!

    They just don’t want to marry them. Just like women like LAMES WITH MONEY WHO ARE WILLING TO SPEND THEIR MONEY ON WOMEN – but are really sexually attracted to the more DANGEROUS GUY.

    Some of you women act like there’s no slut label for men – but how many women are lined up to sleep with a guy who has knowingly slept with 100 women?

    What’s too high for you all.

    The funny thing is many women ACCEPT men who sleep with multiple women. Who’s fault is that? The man’s?

    Same guy with all the swag and game – is the same guy who has GAME because he has LOTS OF PRACTICE hollering at women.

    It comes at a price. Its like guys who want a freak in the bed. Good girls tend to NOT BE FREAKS – unfortunately.

    I think the biggest issue that men have with female sluts are that the girls GO INTO IT – as if they can just do what guys do.

    Do it!

    No one wife’s it. Get upset – and then try to FRONT to new guys that her cookies are fresh!

    Forget the shaming – don’t do certain things if you can’t live with the label.

    Why is there a label? Because MEN – just like women – should have the ability to pick and choose who they want in their lives.

    No man REALLY wants to be with the woman that EVERY OTHER MAN has been with.

    What’s cool on a Friday Night – is not necessarily what you want for the rest of your life.

    Women on the other hand – that’s your fault for finding Mr. Swag and saying – OH I HEARD ABOUT YOU – UR NUMBER IS HIGH.

    Women bend over backwards for guys they want. Smart men don’t. They just say – she ain’t wifey – and commence with the fornication.

    Is it right?! No.

    Is it wrong? No.

    But women do need to be aware of the fact that THIS DOES GO ON.

    Is it right some women use men for money – NO

    But men should be aware of the fact that THAT does go on.

  • Shepherd

    *sigh* I don’t think any other crime causes us to second guess the victim so much. I can understand the call for women to be vigilant, however compare it to the situation you would have if your house got burgled. No one would interrogate you about whether you left your doors unlocked or berate you for not having an alarm. No one would demand to know how many guests you had in your house the past year or how many times you left your lights off. Sure maybe people would make suggestions, but they wouldn’t try to make excuses for the perpetrator (maybe the thief was drunk or on drugs!). All these safety measures make us feel more secure but I’m telling you THEY WILL NOT SAVE YOU. Sometimes your number just gets punched. If you just cross paths with a rapist, you are at risk evenif you wear a Burka and never go out at night. Thank God I’ve never been raped, but I’ve been close to that situation; when I was 13. On the way home from school. In a school uniform that passed my knees. Teach the men and stop blaming the victims

  • Wiseman

    @ Nikster. We are on the same side. Rape is a deplorable and dispicable act. To be raped is grotesque and de-humanizing. 

    I myself was molested by a woman when I was eight years of age. I lived with the shame all my life. 

    Do I hate the women? No. I love women and I moved on. I married a loving woman. If anything, that ugly experience made me an advocate for all people, especially women. 

    I hope you don’t think I am comparing a woman’s body to an investment model. I made an honest effort to highlight an avenue for reasonable objective standard. The unfortunate thing is that you are attacking someone who clearly is on the side of women. 

    No person should be taken advantage of sexually, especially women. If I have a daughter, I will try my best to explain to her that, you can never know the motive of any friend, colleague or stranger, but you can be prepared for any unforeseen risk.

  • http://gravatar.com/chanela17 chanela17

    @boutdatlove

    exactly! but for some reason people are actually advocating stupidity. why are people supporting unsafe behavior? i know their excuse is ” well you can get raped by a family member or friend too” but umm… how on earth does it make it okay to have sex with people you don’t know?

    people are seriously creating all these stupid terms to shame people who know better than to do mess like that, and they are completely throwing all sense of consequences out the window.

    yes we know that it’s that person;s body and choices and two consenting adults blah blah blah but that doesn’t mean that we should support it. people are taking this “don’t judge” mess too far. everybody effing judges!you can’t tell me that you feel that it’s perfectly fine for people to be on maury with 17 men on stage and not knowing who the father of their child is.

    people need to realize that this isn’t a utopia. there are crazy,dirty,disturbed,and evil people walking amongst us who can snap at any moment, so why on earth are people getting mad because somebody acknowledged that it’s not safe?

  • BoutDatLove

    @Fantastico
    It should read like this, ”Feminism is simply the belief that WHITE women are human beings and should be treated as such.” This society has never treated us as if we are human beings, feminism hasn’t changed this idea either.
    I truly find it strange that I can’t have my own opinion about things without it being called strange because others don’t agree with it. Some may find it strange that there are some people who do not support the war on terrorism, does it make it wrong that they do not support the war on terrorism. No, everyone has their own personal reasons.

    That maybe what feminism means to you, but I’m talking about the movement of feminism. Which was created by white women and for white women. What has the feminist movement done for black women and how has it helped the black community? We as black people have deeper issues than a man commenting on how huge my tits are because they are spilling out of my shirt, lets be real. Oh so feminism taught us that it was never okay for a man to rape a woman. Was it not okay because white women had a sick jealousy towards black women when their husbands were lying with them during slavery. Or is it because white women really cared about your spirit and your vagina or is it both?

    Feminism separated black men and black women when we needed each other the most. Smoke and mirrors, white women never cared a damn about black feminist and never will, that is why I don’t support feminism and never will. It hasn’t made the black community stronger and wasn’t intended to. IDK, maybe you are surrounded by a different example of feminist but the ones I hear only want to bash black men while putting themselves over black men, which is just as equally as bad as the idea of male chauvinism.

  • BoutDatLove

    @ Nikster

    I don’t even know what to say about your comment…. but my comment was obviously misunderstood. I do agree with your comment though. But I clearly said ”No matter what she puts on, if the intent is rape, that is what it will be.” This based on your comment has me puzzled. I was stating a true fact, it is true that attire (along with other things) in ancient times was used to identify people, it is even like that today rather we like it or not, hence the topic of slut shaming. I never once stated that this makes it okay for a woman to be raped etc. In my opinion a whore is a whore, rather they are male or female, i never once stated that only women are whores but I see how the idea that women are only whores maybe offensive/unfair to some women who are promiscuous. Promiscuous to me is really just a fancy way of calling someone a whore or slut, anyway.

    Like I previously wrote on another comment, I’m having trouble wrapping my mind around the fact that women want to have multiple partners ”because men do it too”, regardless of labels. Considering the state of the black community, both ideas (promiscuity amongst both men and women) are wrong in my opinion and not progressive for us at all. I don’t think what a women does with her vagina or what a men does with his penis is any of my business. However at the same time, I think that we should look at the whole picture instead of saying ”well this hurts my feelings,” when your actions are hurting and having a negative impact on a whole damn community of people because you want to be promiscuous without labels. Both men and women.

    Considering promiscuity and slut shaming as one, is petty to me. There are bigger issues in the black community that need to be addressed, than a woman opening her legs and being called a slut because of it, in my opinion. Maybe I’m being insensitive?

    The slut shaming topic is one that I am truly trying to understand, because I don’t. I have even seen women go overboard when using the term ”slut shaming” as a way to make men feel bad about their natural makeup & desires and a way to make certain behaviors acceptable (promiscuity). I just feel like sometimes when us women try to fight one double standard we create another and call it fair because ”men do it too.” And when we feel oppressed, like society is trying to make us not freely exercise our rights to be women”let us start a movement” but then we oppress the opposite sex by telling them not to be who they are, feel or think in a way that is natural to them. Both ideas are wrong to me and feminism isn’t common ground, just like male chauvinism isn’t. Both ideas have created more problems.

  • Jointarms

    Women are also rapist. Why isn’t this up for discussion? We should teach both men and women not commit the act of rape, pedophile, molestation and date rape. This post and comment tread is so biased towards women. It does not address women who enjoy sleeping with adolescent men.

  • Anon this time

    Feminism has given men something to be angry about? No, women had something to be angry about and created feminism. You’re entitled to your unfeminist beliefs, but don’t blame feminists for men not wanting to “protect” you. Jesus Christ.

  • BoutDatLove

    @Anon, no white woman created feminism and you went along with it. Black people as a whole have something to be angry about, I mean look at us. I did not only state that men have something to be angry about, I also said that black women feel unprotected which probably led to them joining the feminist movement, but you probably skipped over that. You obviously read with the intent to find fault with what I said. I was not blaming feminism for men not protecting women. I was saying the attitudes that come along with feminism may be possible contribution not that it was the whole reasoning, because clearly that is a lie. For example, there probably wouldn’t be any feminism if those women hadn’t felt as if men were being male chauvinist. My point is that everything creates a chain reaction and I was looking at feminism as a possible divider amongst black people, just like male chauvinism is a divider because it pins us against each other. Also, thank you for your permission in allowing me to have my own beliefs.

  • Pseudonym

    It’s obvious from your comment that you don’t know what the term “have your cake and eat it too” actually means (A lot of people do this.). To have one’s cake and eat it too is to destroy something while wanting it to survive. There’s one cake- you either eat it and it’s gone or you don’t eat it and you can have it. To value women equally does not require destruction of the fact that they are different than men, just as to value different cultures equally, the solution is not conformation.

    To value what each gender brings to the table equally is to not treat women as property and selling them off to a 45 year-old man for marriage the minute they hit the double digits. It’s giving women the choice as to whether or not they get married in the first place. Being valued equally is not paying a woman less than a man who holds the same exact position (b/c some women do decide to not get married and should not have to be limited financially b/c of that decision). Being valued equally is housewives having a say of how their house is run because- although they may not be contributing financially- it is by their power that the family eats nutritious home-cooked meals, has clean laundry, don’t have to run errands, etc. You get the point.

    Your perverse version of “gender equality” is why US society and the family structure has crumbled. Without the nepotism of male entitlement, boys and men were made to EARN their positions superior to women (in school, work, dating, etc.) and [way too many] men reacted like brats and now make bitter passive aggressive moves against women with the retort of “well, women want to be equal.” It’s so weak and basically the gender equivalent to all the white students not doing well enough to get into colleges and blaming the black students that are accepted. (Check your GPA, boo!) If you’re that great, then you should be able to get the job and the girl on your own without male privilege or having your parents buy her from her parents.

    Also, if I saw a really drunk man about to do something stupid (like step out in front of a moving vehicle or about to take a bad tumble), I would actually help them, so at this point, it’s not even a “gender” issue, it’s just a humanity issue and question of character.

    But you do you and see how that works out for you.

  • Pseudonym

    By the way, a friend posted the entire video to my wall and this woman totally took her comments out of context. Even at the end of the video, Jenna does a bit about how women should look out for other women at bars. Also, when she discussed the “slut” going home with the random guy, she actually concentrates more on the possibility of “homicide” than the possibility of “rape” so…yeah. Definitely projection.

  • BoutDatLove

    I’m going to let this topic go, but this is something that I noticed…

    Tony says, ”If all parties are in a “compromised” state…”

    Then T. says, ”If the person you’re planning on having sex with is in a compromised state, the smart/safe/considerate thing to do is to assume that their answer to “Do you want to have sex with me?” is no, and leave them the fuck alone.”

    The first problem I have with this, is that you have already assumed that he had it in his mind to have sex with her, how do you know this? You are already doing what you say men are guilty of, slut shaming. Instead of calling them both victims, ”Oh he must have already planned his actions,” you have already made him guilty. But he could have been just as drunk as she was and she couldn’t had known how drunk he was because she had been drunk herself, no one was there but them.

    Hmmm….. so, for someone to make the decision to not have sexual intercourse with someone because they are drunk only implies that the other person ”must not have been that drunk in the first place.” This is wrong thinking and makes you just as guilty as someone shaming a woman for being raped. Because you have already dismissed the fact that he could have also been out of his mind drunk. Does only the man have super powers to overcome his drunkenness and take responsibility, but the woman doesn’t. No one drunk is in their right state of mind, period. I don’t care if you have a penis or vagina.

    Let us put it this way: If there are two drunk drivers on the road and car A crashes into car B. The person in car A. dies, who is at fault and what do you think people would say. ”They should not have been drinking and driving,” This is a natural reaction, and no one can say, ‘your drunk shaming.” Just because one person lost their life, that doesn’t mean that only car B. is responsible. They both were drinking and unaware. Do we not believe that men can be raped if they are drunk too, or is it only women? It seems biased and unfair to me. That is why I have a problem with this thinking.

    No one is saying that being drunk is an excuse, but it alters you. When drunk, some people wouldn’t do half of the ish that they do if they were sober. Like my analogy above, it still applies. We aren’t talking about 1 person being drunk here, but 2 people.

  • Honest

    I live in the real world, although nobody deserves to be sexually assaulted, Ms. Ramsey made a poor choice & lost her virginity in the process.

    Until we can get men to stop raping, women are going to have to take reasonable precautions.

    As far as the getting assaulted by friends & family members, I have no idea how to combat that.

    Any suggestions?

    I just abhor feminazis with their agenda & hate for men who don’t stay in their lane.

  • Honest

    @perspective

    Thank you for acknowledging that Ms. Ramsey took the convo to a different place unnecessarily.

    Maybe she wanted to piggyback off of Jenna Marbles YT fame

  • Honest

    Women need to take reasonable precautions until we figure out how to get men to stop r@ping. Women go out of their way to not take responsibility for the bad things that happen to them. This also extends to choosing the wrong men to make babies with.

    And since we live in an egalitarian society, as a man, I am not required to look out for a random woman’s well being, she is on her own.

    Ms. Ramsey made a poor choice getting, and she ended up losing her V-Card in an unceremonious way.

    Do better.

  • http://gravatar.com/chanela17 chanela17

    i don’t agree with the very last statement, but the first? HECK YES! i knew i wasn’t the only one that had a big question mark on my face when i found out this video was about jenna marble’s video!!

Latest Stories

How I Wash My Hair While Wearing A Weave

by

She’s Born With It: Jourdan Dunn is the New Face of Maybelline

by

Over 100 Abducted Nigerian Girls Freed, 8 Still Missing

by

Community Game: Olivia Pope, Mary Jane or Mahogany

by