I can’t recall my mother ever telling me I was pretty when I was a kid.

I know she thought so, but I don’t remember her saying full out, “Helena, you are beautiful.” She wasn’t like Viola Davis’ character in “The Help.” Instead of paying lip service to those characteristics she wanted written on my heart, my mother showed me she meant them with a living mantra.

She let me make decisions. To this day, I remember the pride I felt at five being allowed to pick exactly what went into our basket every single time we went to the grocery store. It made me feel appreciated and as though my opinion actually mattered.

My mother clapped hardest at every dance recital and agreed loudly when other people praised me, but she rarely handed out her own gold stars. When someone else said I’d be a heart breaker when I grew up, she’d joke about me not being allowed to date ever, but she never initiated that sort of praise.

It was an outward thing that I just took as a given but never internalized as important to my self-confidence, which by definition comes from self. I don’t know if she was trying that weird reverse psychology that says if you tell a kid they’re smart too often they won’t work as hard, but it worked.

So when I read the gorgeous letter writer Emma Johnson wrote to her daughter – who also happens to be named Helena — I was pleasantly surprised by how straightforward it was. In it, Johnson tells her little girl straight up that she is beautiful — not because of her physical characteristics, but because of something intangible, which is something I’m positive little girls need to hear. But what I found most interesting about Johnson’s letter was the advice she gave her Helena about men:

“And when some man lets you know that, no, sorry, you’re really great and all, but you are not beautiful, you need to know that has nothing at all to do with you. Not one thing. It has something to do with that man because he cannot see. And because you are beautiful you will be kind to him — because in all your beauty you will have that kindness and love to share.

And then you will go.”

Johnson recounts the tale of a man she once dated who didn’t find her beautiful and how she in turn began internalizing his lack of praise and felt ugly. She then lets her child know that a man who ever does this to her isn’t worth keeping and, obviously, I totally agree.

Still, it got me to thinking about the intersections of young women, self-confidence, outward praise and stable relationships.

Before any man told me I was beautiful, I thought I was. I know this isn’t the case for most girls or even grown ass women. I actually can’t remember the first time a boy said I was pretty. In high school, a senior told me I looked like the star of Spike Lee’s “Girl 6,” a movie about a phone sex operator.

In college, someone once referred to me as “the pretty one.” A few years ago, I went on a date with this one guy who kept saying, “You’re so fucking beautiful,” in the most aggressive all-the-better-to-wear-your-skin-like-a-bathing-suit type way. But aside from random strangers on street corners, not many men had told me to my face that I was pretty.



 I took this picture for a local DC paper and Ike was cheering me on from the sidelines the whole time.

That is until I met Ike, the ink to my pen, who breathes out compliments like carbon dioxide. His nickname for me is “fancy” or “pretty” and when he says those words, I know he’s taking to me and only me.

Thing is, I never thought that was important before I was getting it on the regs. I mean I’ve been in relationships with men who I know for a fact thought my lip gloss was popping but when a man (or woman) sincerely thinks you’re “beautiful because of that thing –- that perfect thing inside of you” as Johnson perfectly puts it, it does feel very different. And terrifying.

Because if I’ve built my own Lego castle of self-esteem complete with a moat for all the dum dums who didn’t realize how bomb I was and then some compliment conquistador comes ’round to plant the flag, is the place still mine? Of course it is, but damn if it ain’t a little scary to let someone in.

Do you remember the first time someone you actually gave a crap about called you beautiful and really meant it? How’d it make you feel? Good butterflies or bad butterflies?


This post originally appeared on XOJane. Republished with permission. Click here for more  on XOJane! 

  • MY

    I love this and, more importantly, NEEDED this. Thank you.


    I think men fell women they are beautiful all the time, but because men & women communicate differently, women oftentimes fail to receive it. I I think women want the whole “poetic moment” when it comes to being told they are beautiful, otherwise they don’t see it as valid. If a man isn’t writing sonnets to her beauty & singing them on bended knee, like something out of Romeo & Juliet, then he is not sincere.

    However, when a total stranger stops what he is doing, & gapingly stares at you as you walk by, to the point of stumbling over or blocking traffic, that’s the clearest message any man can send, that he thinks you are beautiful.

    But also, men don’t always verbally tell women they are pretty, because of the fear that it will be perceived disingenuously, or with an agenda.

    Subsequently, it’s not like women are going around telling men they are handsome, either. Just like the author stated, I cannot recall the first time a girl/woman (outside of my mother) told me I was handsome as a young boy/man.

    We live in a society that is overly romanticized on one hand, & overly cynical on the other. Both polar opposites are what prevent men & women from effectively communicating their feelings about each other.

  • AM

    Yes, I remember it well. I had shockwaves reverberating through my system. LAWD.

  • EST. 1986

    Ehmmmm, no. I don’t need or even want a man to tell me that I am beautiful. I don’t want anyone to tell me I am beautiful. I prefer compliments about my personality.

  • LoveTide

    I’ve always been cute. Realized it pretty early mostly because that became the “exception” to my fatness. You know, ” Man, you’re so pretty/ beautiful.. If only you were skinny.” Now that I’ve lost some weight not a whole bunch but enough to present a hefty coke bottle shape, we’ve moved on to the “sexy” compliment. So, what I’m getting at is- Being called pretty or cute or beautiful ( or sexy now) has started to be meaningless to me because what I’m most proud of is how intelligent I am, or how resourceful I am or how loyal and honest I tend to be. Outward beauty is nice, of course, but it can’t sustain anything.

  • http://trueletterson.wordpress.com trueletterson

    Come on beautiful black women cut the crap, stop the stupidity, come back into reality, Ike is just an illusion we all need compliments from the opposite sex besides we male and female were put on this earth to “complement” each other, it’s simple not complicated, males need compliments from females and females need compliments from males just like we need “fresh air”, when black women learn to stay in their lane they will not need Ike [gas], they will become much more beautiful on the inside as well as the outside.

  • Chillyroad

    I don’t think a man has to tell me I am beautiful but my man surely. It feels good. It’s nice.

    I would however like to take the conversation in another direction. I can say that I’m more flattered when women tell me I am beautiful. I met a wonderful young woman at a bar once when she came up to me and told me I was beautiful. I’m friends with her till this day. I’ve been told by men I’m beautiful but I remember quite fondly when a strange young, now my good friend, said that I was beautiful.

    It’s the same when I see men open the door for other men. I’m more impressed when a man can show humanity and humility to another man by holding a door open for him than when he does it for a woman. It demonstrates courage.

  • OH

    Careful, you’l be called a show off. Black women shouldn’t be confident around these parts.

  • http://trueletterson.wordpress.com Trueletterson

    See Chillyroad you are here for the sole purpose of perverting and destroying black people, that’s your agenda, you are the cunning wise wicket and you know some of these weak black people on this site will fall for your tricks however I can peep your hole card and call you out, I recognize who you are, you are the devil that seductive devil who come to pervert and destroy good people!

  • PleaseBeSensible

    How is she destroying good people? Please explain to me how what she said was evil. All I got out of it is that people of the same gender need to be just as nice to each other as people of the opposite gender. There is nothing wrong with becoming friends with people who are nice to you. Would you be angry if a man held the door open for you? Does it scare you when women are nice to other women? I am very confused by your comment.

  • What?

    You contradicted yourself in your own comment. First you say that men and women both need compliments from the opposite sex, then you say that Ike is just “gas” and that the woman in the article doesn’t need compliments from her man. And what did you mean by black women staying “in their lane”? By your statement about women needing compliments from the opposite sex, she was staying in her “lane” as you put it by being flattered by Ike’s support. Your comment doesn’t make any sense.

  • simplyme

    Good and bad butterflies. On one hand it feels great(obviously…) but on the other hand theres a pressure to keep living up to something…even if its just yourself…to be the best you you can be. I feel like thats something everyone should strive to do for themselves regardless, but knowing that someone else has become invested in that can be scary. I imagine this is why marriage is so terrifying to some.

  • What?

    If men and women were put on this earth to compliment each other, then surely you would agree that she was staying in her “lane” by being flattered by Ike’s support. You badly contradict yourself when you say that men and women need compliments from the opposite sex like “fresh air” then say that women shouldn’t expect compliments like Ike gives. Your comment makes absolutely no sense.

  • simplyme

    …I also wish people didn’t take the term “beautiful” in such a narrow sense. When someone compliments your outer beauty it doesn’t mean much because physical beauty fades eventually and people can get over physical beauty pretty quickly… I like the way it was put in the article…when someone connects with some intangibe imperfect-but-perfect-to-them thing inside of you. I never really understood that concept until I experienced it.

  • http://airindanyell.tumblr.com Erin

    My boo calls me beautiful every time he sees my face and compliments me any chance he can get and I love it. He calls me beautiful on days where I just feel like regular, plain ol’ me, on days where I don’t feel good, on days that I need to hear it the most. I don’t need a man to tell me I’m beautiful, but it damn sure feels great to hear it from the man that I love and I know he genuinely feels that way about me. And it’s not just physical beauty that he loves… it’s my spirit as well. This article is much appreciated.

  • http://airindanyell.tumblr.com Erin

    More women compliment my beauty than men… always have… It does feel nice and genuine from them.

  • mEE

    I love this article.

    my current man was the first person to call me beautiful and mean it. I mean first of all my boyfriends, my parents, family members, etc. I’m excluding guys on the street corner or in the club. I remember feeling…I’m not exactly sure how I felt.
    it was a really nice feeling (good butterflies). I felt all warm and mushy inside but it was weird because him calling me beautiful wasn’t something I thought I needed before he said it (bad butterflies). but now I feel like I need it from him when I never did before, which scares me and makes me worry that there’s been a shift and I’m relying on him too much for my self-esteem. I dunno it’s confusing and I’m probably over analyzing. but it’s exactly what Helena (btw I LOVE your book) said about it being a little scary to let someone in.

  • ASK_ME


    Try reading some of her other comments on this website. I’ll give Trueletterson’s comment a thumbs up just this once because of the individual he called out.

  • ASK_ME

    Do I need a man to tell me I’m beautiful? NO. However, I do love and appreciate when MY husband tells me I”m beautiful. He is the only man that matters.

    I don’t think most women, regardless of race, are looking to men to tell us we’re beautiful.

    I think most of us just expect OUR individual husband/boyfriend to say it.

    The only women I know that might expect outside validation are single women, who are looking for men to acknowledge them and ask them out.

  • Chillyroad

    @ask me

    When you realise Trueletterson is being sarcastic you’re going to feel a bit silly.

  • ASK_ME


    You obviously haven’t read any of Trueletterson’s comments on other sites (and this one). He is DEAD serious!

  • Marisa

    I meet a guy he says it once then thank you and continue on but, the incessant need to keep saying it over and over like stop it and just get to the freaking conversation lol. I don’t NEED for a guy to say it because to me my mother is the most beautiful woman ever and I look exactly like her, so I’m not going to look down on my looks if this or that guy doesn’t say it. Not every guy I’ve walked passed in life as said it but, guess what I still have a life. Anyways calling me smart trumps the looks because that’s showing me that a guy has observed me in a way where my intelligence is in play. Lets face it ladies any compliment could in fact he just dude running game, so take it with a grain of salt and not let it dictate your self esteem.

  • Anon

    I’ve never been called beautiful (i don’t count the skeevy i-look-like-i-just-crawled-out-of a-dumpster-to-talk-to-you old guys…), which is fine–it’s ok; i’m not.

    don’t get me wrong, i’m not the ugliest person in the whole, but if plastic surgery were free and error proof, I’d change a few things, for sure…

    That said, I make it a point to tell kids they are pretty/handsome all time, whether they are or not. I think it’s of upmost importance to help them to build up that self confidence for themselves (can you tell i didn’t have that?…).
    In high school, i remember a random stranger walking up to me to tell me i’m ugly; ten years later, it’s one of the main things i remember from high school. Without a single outside reference to think otherwise, why wouldn’t i believe them?….

  • OH

    Oh my,

    a troll fight, troll vs troll, which troll will come out on top? Never mind, non trolls are the ones who lose out :-(

  • Keepitreal

    Actually per yesterday’s article as long as it doesn’t relate to intellectualism, “showing off” is fine. Back on topic, I’ve always been complimented on my beauty even as a child so my attitude is “thanks but I’d rather be complimented on the really meaningful things.

  • yikes

    I’m more impressed when a man can show humanity and humility to another man by holding a door open for him than when he does it for a woman. It demonstrates courage.

    You really have some issues re women.

  • ?

    That said, I make it a point to tell kids they are pretty/handsome all time, whether they are or not.

    But that’s lying. Why the need to lie about something so trivial?

  • http://trueletterson.wordpress.com trueletterson

    Nope Chillyroad I am not being sarcastic, I am serious, I am pulling the covers from over your face and shinning the light on you!

  • neiX

    But it’s not trivial! It is important to feel appreciated – inside AND out! If a child asked you if you thought they were pretty, and you did not, would you tell them that they are not? What does it take away from you to increase someone else’s self-esteem? Oh, I’m sorry, maintaining your honesty is more important than boosting a child’s self-worth.

    Now people, don’t get me wrong, a person’s self-worth should not hinge solely on looks, but this is 2013 and we are bombarded by images of “beauty” all over the place! Our current entertainment industry has shifted from having singers that can sing to singers that look good singing. In all aspects of society people are passing judgement and commenting on how others look and dress. Even people who show their amazing skills on national fora are subject to criticisms of their outward appearance (e.g. Gabrielle Douglas). So yes, we should encourage predominantly other qualities and assets in our children (both boys and girls) but how can we show that they are worthy, loved, and appreciated if we ignore their exterior or voice our displeasure with it? We need to love, appreciate, and nurture the WHOLE being.

  • useless middle class

    Wanting to be beautiful and wanting to be called beautiful automatically disqualifies you as a beauty, as far as I’m concerned. Beauty is not a woman’s right and for me beauty is mostly not a woman.

    Beauty is random, something that can be found in a moment, an experience or in a thought.

    It just hits ya when it hits yer.

    No one should fell obligated to tell anyone that they’re beautiful and I for one have just about had enough of vain, narcissistic witches demanding that I bestow beauty on them.

    I decide what and WHOM i deem beautiful and that’s all there is to it really. I couldn’t give a flying fig if some idiot gets butt hurt because nobody called her beautiful. Tough, chalk it up to – they find other things and people beautiful.

    I’ve asked myself why women say beauty is important to them and I can’t come up with any altruistic motive that might make a person want to be or be seen as beautiful, which means it’s sheer vanity and I refuse to pander to it because it’s ugly.

  • Chillyroad


    The world doesn’t revolve around your vagina. I’m sorry you’d rather see men fight to the death than show eachother compassion. Because you know at the end of the day it’s all about making women happy.

  • Anon

    because it’s not trivial –in the formative years (in an increasingly superficial/airbrushed to death world) when they are trying to figure out they feel about themselves, a little self confidence boost can go a long way.

    it’s the definition a little white lie; what? are you suppose to tell the kid they are ugly?

  • Joy

    No we don’t need a man to tell us we’re beautiful; but it’s flattering. Who wouldn’t want their significant other to tell them they’re beautiful

  • EST. 1986

    What’s the problem with what I said?

  • Barbara

    Troll recognize troll.

  • Kema

    You can have both!

  • EST. 1986

    That is true, but I just don’t care for people to tell me what they think about the way I look. I just don’t.

  • AM

    @ ?

    -Did you not read the part where she said that a stranger made it a point to tell her she is ugly and she has carried it with her 10 years after. She may be “lying” to those kids that may not fit her standards of beauty, as it is SUBJECTIVE, BUT I think it is pretty obvious why she does it, and I fully understand where she is coming from.

    It may be trivial to YOU, but-clearly, it is not that trivial an issue.


    Thanks for sharing. It really is important, especially for us, as parents to affirm in our sons and daughters their beauty-which translates to a better self esteem, as then they will be better equipped/positioned to handle unsolicited negative/possible self-esteem crashing opine, such as your encounter those many moons ago. Keep shining mama!! :)

  • AM

    Lol @ OH!

    Chillyroad got this one. Her comments have been ON POINT of late. Come to think of it, I actually do like her madness.

  • EST. 1986


  • Chillyroad


    Why do you feel so threatened by men treating other men with kindness?. Would you prefer they fight to the death for your viewing pleasure?

  • ChaCha1 (C)

    A 8-year old comes home and says “Mommy/Daddy, the kids at school always call me ugly. Is my face ugly?”

    Can you picture telling that child “*sigh*Yes, baby, your classmates are right. You are a beautiful person on the inside, but your face isn’t very cute”.

    The primary goal is to make sure a child knows that what is inside is most important, but many children will go through school years (maybe beyond) hearing how ugly they are, and carry that through life, so why not tell them they are beautifully created, inside and out?

    When people out there in the world tell you you are ugly on a regular basis, regardless of how your parents/uncles/aunts tell you you have a beautiful soul and mind, you tend to take the comments on your physical appearance more to heart.

  • SayWhat

    I’m going to be honest, I’d be worried if my man did not find me beautiful. Yes I’m intelligent and courageous and have a good heart, but I also want the person that i’m attracted to to see me as a 10…. his 10. Looks aren’t everything and yes they do fade, but it feels nice when your man in his best Martin voice goes ‘you go girl, that’s my baby’.

  • http://melodymoose.deviantart.com/ Catpopstar

    Reminds me of some kid from my old middle school. He once said I “had the face that made a booty go closed”. To this day I have no clue what that means.

  • Jena

    I live in NYC and a man telling that you a pretty/beautiful/cute is an everyday thing for me and my friends. I find these compliments to be meaningless now since they seem shallow.

    Only 2 random women( who were also attractive) in the supermarket and on the street called me pretty and that meant a lot to me. They could have been lesbians or not, but receiving a compliment by a woman that is not my friend or relative means a whole lot more to me.

  • http://trueletterson.wordpress.com trueletterson

    See SatWhat you are a women who is comfortable in her own skin and in her orbit, you are the type of women that a man will run thru hell with gasoline draws on just to get to you!

  • http://trueletterson.wordpress.com trueletterson

    Jena everything began with a thought it starts in our mind you are mentally slipping it is now epidemic among black women in the black community, women mentally seeking validation from other women above men next will come the physical, because to many black man has fail down on his job!

  • http://www.facebook.com/itzmeminnie Mahneerah Griffin

    I was never called beautiful either. I just walked around feeling like the ugliest person in the world, so when a man would tell me that I’m beautiful, I thought it was because he wanted something to me, it never seemed sincere to me. It wasn’t until I found the beauty within myself and kept reassuring myself and boosting my self esteem. Now when a man tells me I’m beautiful I just take the compliment and say a genuine “thank you”

  • EST. 1986

    Right. I don’t live in NYC, but I, too experience this kind of behavior from random men in public. Many times I have even had “Aye, sexy” and “How you doing, sexy” yelled at me from men in their cars or from across the street. I, too find these ‘compliments’ to be meaningless.

    Likewise, as an introvert, I just don’t care for or value external validation from other people.

  • EST. 1986

    Still no answer.

  • http://gravatar.com/nolakiss16 binks

    This article was all types of Truth! I would agree that it is definitely good butterflies and bad. When someone truly comments on your beauty BOTH inner and outer beauty (beautiful doesn’t always apply to the superficial) it is a game changer because I find that it is hard NOT to be transparent even if you want to hide within yourself and build up walls yet a part of you IS always exposed because that person just flat out penetrate all the protective walls/barriers you had within yourself for self-preservation. But at the same time it is good because you hope that you find a connection where someone sees YOU at your best even if you don’t think you are at your personal bes or don’t see the beauty in yout. So no I don’t need a man to tell me that I’ am beautiful if it is just a generic compliment to get my number, get in my pants or to butter me up but if a man calls me beautiful as a genuine and deeply well-meant compliment than I would take it and all the little things it comes with.

  • justanotheropinion

    I’ve been around the block a few times, and I’ve NEVER met a woman that doesn’t appreciate being told she is beautiful. But there are some caveats:

    - Hearing “you are beautiful” by random people won’t mean a damn thing unless you feel it within.
    - Hearing “you are beautiful” by some random stranger may make you smile for minute, but it does nothing to warm your soul.
    - Hearing “you are beautiful” by a significant other, on a regular basis, reinforces that you are beautiful from the inside out. Who else but your significant other knows all your warts, flaws, issues and shortcomings, and can still find you beautiful? Don’t sell that short. Embrace it.
    - We must teach our children that ‘beauty is only skin deep’. We all know some folks that are gorgeous on the outside and hideous on the inside. Both my kids know they are ‘beautiful people’ and that it is more than just their looks. It’s the WHOLE PACKAGE.

    The next time a man pays you the compliment that you are beautiful, say thank you (and mean it), but recognize that his compliment is based on what he sees. Ask yourself if you are beautiful on the inside too. If not, make some changes so you’ll never bat an eye the next time the compliment comes your way.

  • Tara

    As a single woman, I dont need a man to tell me that I am beautiful because I already know that I am beautiful. What I need is for a man to see the inner beauty with me because that is what is going to sustain a relationship. Because I am physically attractive, it is not going to keep my husband from cheating, as most married men do.

  • cabugs

    “Because if I’ve built my own Lego castle of self-esteem complete with a moat for all the dum dums who didn’t realize how bomb I was and then some compliment conquistador comes ’round to plant the flag, is the place still mine? Of course it is, but damn if it ain’t a little scary to let someone in”

    Hahaha. Again, story of my life. You’re a beautiful writer. Love it!

  • Chelley5483

    I had a man tell me he loved the way I think, the way I see the world… Totally set me off my rocker. Lol. Trumped being called beautiful by a looong shot.

    I’m one to just walk past a stranger, man or woman, and call them beautiful. That word I think means something different for me though. It’s the woman with the loud, crazy laugh that made me laugh and I don’t know what’s funny. It’s the guy with the imperfect face but knows how to strike up a conversation with anyone. The person who is not cute by society’s standards but they’re so comfortable being them.

    There are a lot of physically attractive people that are just not beautiful.. That word gets thrown around way too much.

  • http://theindividualeleven.tumblr.com/ BriA

    I’m the same way…..my mom hardly told me I was pretty but I knew she felt it. She would always praise me for being smart and intelligent which I appreciated. It wasn’t until highschool/college that I completely knew. I’m happy she raised me like this, because now when a man says I’m pretty or beautiful…..I know so they’re going to have to come to me with something else to get my attention…..my knees won’t get weak and I don’t tell my friends automatically or at all – oh he thinks I’m beautiful….- I know I am and I don’t need anyone’s “approval” ^^

  • http://be-quoted.com Andrea

    This is very well written. I love the content. Like your mother, my mom rarely complimented me. My husband also keeps the compliments to a minimum. The flip side to that is I don’t need to be validated because I’m well aware of who I am. Love the article & your pic.

  • http://trueletterson.wordpress.com trueletterson

    Thank you Chelley5483!

  • Nakia

    This topic is really timely for me and I can relate to your response. I’ve always been told I’m pretty/beautiful and I can’t say it means a whole lot to me. From certain people, it feels nice. I went to a memorial service yesterday and saw many people I had not seen in quite some time. 9/10 people who greeted me made a comment about my looks (you’re so pretty, you’re beautiful, to my parents – “she’s beautiful”). After we left, I told my mother that it makes me uncomfortable and that I don’t like the way people find it necessary to constantly comment on my looks. She helped me to understand that, amongst other things, we are socialized to compliment women’s looks and not their other attributes but that it does not mean that people don’t recognize them. She then reminded me of a cousin, about 10 years older than I, saying “I’ve always been proud of you and your sister” when I told him what I’ve been doing with my life. It made me happier than when he said “it’s good to see you, with your pretty self.”

  • Bre

    What an absolutely beautiful reply! I have cut and pasted it into a file for future reference and to share with others. You sound like you yourself are beautiful on the inside and out. God bless you for those wonderful words of encouragement. So uplifting.

  • http://gravatar.com/tp72 LA Red

    A stranger can’t sincerely give you a compliment about your personality. Someone passing you by only sees your appearance. An outfit, your smile, cute shoes etc. Nothing wrong with a passing compliment.

  • tee

    I can relate to that. But unlike many, I actually don’t feel beautiful. Which is why I don’t get the fuss from strangers. A cousin of mine I hadn’t seen in years told me he changed his outlook on life and his lifestyle because he was inspired by the way I carried my self when I was 16, now that was the best compliment I have ever.

  • tee

    LOL! That’s funny, I hope it’s a compliment.

  • EntertainMeh

    Shady ass comments from both of you.

  • EntertainMeh

    You sound ugly as f***. Inside and out.

  • justanotheropinion

    Thank you Bre – at 46, I’m still a work in progress. But I’ve learned that beauty comes in so many forms….

  • justanotheropinion

    Clearly, you are beautiful – you just haven’t recognized it yet. However, your cousin saw it. Beauty just isn’t on the outside.

  • http://trueletterson.wordpress.com trueletterson

    Wow powerful Tee keep on keeping on, let your light shine!

  • useless middle class

    I’m ugly because inside and out, mind lol, just because I refuse to treat beauty as a women’s issue, women’s right or women’s property.

    You just proved my point.

    unbitter yourself luv.

  • AnnT

    Your comment pretty must sums up how I feel when I hear random people call other persons they don’t know “beautiful”.

    A person have a beautiful heart, a beautiful spirit, a beautiful soul, and a beautiful mind.
    If anyone is assessing their “beauty” based solely on their looks, you’re just gorgeous or handsome, nothing more.

  • http://gravatar.com/arlette81 arlette

    I feel like you need to believe you are beautiful in order to truly appreciate it when someone else says it.

  • Blue

    I appreciate it. I get told that by strangers. But beauty doesn’t keep a man hanging around.

  • Deb

    “If anyone is assessing their “beauty” based solely on their looks, you’re just gorgeous or handsome, nothing more.”

    yes, this is why i’m not really swayed by handsome guys anymore. I mean, I will admire your looks but that’s about it. Unless there’s some real mutual spark, there’s no special treatment. I honestly try to go out of my way to treat people that others would deem beautiful/very attractive just like anyone else while others fawn over them, treat them more favorably and as research found, probably think of them as being better people in general. I also go out of my way to treat people who others have deemed ugly/unattractive even nicer because I know how shallow people can be.

  • What?

    Chillyroad has a point. Theres nothing wrong with men being polite to other men just like there is nothing wrong with women being polite to other women. I believe there is something terribly wrong in our communities regarding the way women relate to other women and the way men relate to other men.

    With women it seems to be more along the lines of the “mean girl” mentality and with men it seems to be along the lines of homophobic issues. This stops us from truly developing a sense of brotherhood and sisterhood. This has to end. I do agree that it demonstrates courage when a man holds the door open for another man given the current beliefs about what it means to be masculine in our communities.

    It shows progress and I hope to see more men supporting other men and women supporting other women. It is just as important for people of the same gender to support each other as it is for people of the opposite gender to support each other. Support means reassurance when the person is right and CONSTRUCTIVE criticism when the person is wrong. These are the only ways people will truly help others into developing into their best selves.

    Please take a moment to consider what I’m saying. I am by no means putting people down here.

  • http://gravatar.com/chanela17 chanela17

    number 3 took my breath away! i posted it on my facebok if you don’t mind.

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