hiding moneyI saw it all the time growing up, my grandmother squirreling away five dollars here, fifty dollars there, so that my grandfather wouldn’t find it. I even caught her slipping bills out of grandpa’s jeans pocket before church a few times and when I called her out on breaking one of the Commandments, I was met with an icy stare and a warning to mind my business.

As I got older, and bolder, I started to ask about all the secrecy going on. I mean, they were a couple, couples are supposed to share everything including money, right? Granny would shake her head and tell me that I had so much to learn about life, love and marriage.

You see according to Grams, a woman always needed to keep a “f*&k you” stash just in case her man, as granny would say “want to make his eyes pass me.” Oh island logic, gotta love it. Hiding the money just ensured that if need be she could take care of things, or herself, without needing my grandpa or any other man around. The secret stash wasn’t lying, it was more of a security blanket.

Now I’m no dumb broad so I completely understand that no matter how much you love someone, sometimes ish just goes left and that worse than things going left, is things going left with you having no plan on how to get it right again. So having your own savings independent of the relationship isn’t that bad of an idea. My issue with it is the secrecy behind it.

Relationships are about trust, point blank period. The leap of faith it takes to even begin a new relationship takes an enormous amount of trust. Now, having your own savings account is fine, but having one that is secret from your partner is not.

To me, that undermines the trust. It says that you don’t trust this person enough to provide for you, to be responsible with financial decisions, to not break your heart and leave you needing money to make a clean getaway. Having to hide money from your partner doesn’t mean you’re being smart, it simply means you don’t trust them. And if you don’t trust them, why the hell are you with them?

No one is saying to live and love blindly when you’re in a relationship, if you want to have your own savings, have it, and tell your partner about it. You don’t have to disclose how much you’re saving exactly, but you should disclose the fact that it does exist. In my opinion, if you’re going to take the leap of faith, take it whole heartedly and honestly, lying no matter the form, has no place in a relationship.

Do you think it’s okay to hide money from your partner?

  • bawizee

    Crystal,
    Just because someone is indifferent doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still respect them. Ask yourself if he really will be indifferent if he knew the total value of your jewelry. Also, if the tables were turned, how will you feel.

    Just my thoughts :)

  • CanV

    @The Ravens shall…

    You really don’t need to be married. You have some MAJOR trust issues. When you pick someone to marry hopefully most people have enough sense to marry thieves or someone who would forge a check.

  • Mademoiselle

    I agree with your parents’ method, too. I believe being a little transparent with kids about the family finances prepares them for how to manage their finances as adults. The big difference is marriage and having access as a member of the nuclear family. Visibility to finances are marital privileges IMO, so a boyfriend wouldn’t be entitled.

  • EST. 1986 (GO RAVENS)

    I did not suggest that one would need to be married for someone to forge a check in his or her name. Likewise, one can marry a person who is not a thief or forges checks, but one can also marry one who does and this information not come out until later.

  • http://aol Greta Shelton

    I trusted my husband and marriage too much. After 21 years he wanted a younger model and left my honest self broke and without any income of my own. I wish I had done what this grandmother did. I would have been much better off. High 5 to G’ma.

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