Weight on the Watch
Black women,
If you can only see yourselves as we see you.
I took a trip to Los Angeles over a year ago for the first time in my life. Like any half aware person, I went to L.A. with a certain perception of glitz and glamour of the Hollywood life. The biggest notables of my trip were, in no particular order:
1) The division of classes (there are some grimy areas in L.A…not too far from the pretty ones)
2) The bustle of the acting scene (everybody is trying to make something happen out there)
3) The skinny women
For the last point, there were some exceptions. But that was the rule. The Hollywood culture infiltrates the female psyche in an obvious and damaging way: thin is in, thick is disgusting. Females were doing whatever they can to stay in that desirable mode, so that they can land a role and become that next star. Being a lifelong Atlantan, I couldn’t – and still can’t – fathom the notion of thinning yourself out to make your self more appealing. That is counterintuitive. However, there in La La land, it was going to happen. Damn whether her body type is fit for a size 2, she is going to get to that size.
Over a year later, it hit me: That nonsense isn’t just on the West Coast; it is pervading women everywhere. With an ever scrutinizing eye on the obesity rate here in America, there is an inordinate amount 130 pound women wanting to be 120 pound women. And 145 pounds? Please, depression central.
This is not only neurotic, it’s psychologically dangerous.
Different people, families, races all have specific body types. If your family, for generations, has been chomping on seasoned ribs, collard greens and potato salads at the frequency rate of a CNN political debate, then chances are that you will be a little thicker than a family that pinches its seasoning and settles for more turkey and cheese sandwiches. More straight to the point, black people generally are thicker than white people. It’s a law of life. So why can’t you realize that? Why let another sect – who secretly envies your body type and aging mechanisms – establish your sense of beauty?
The reason I have been pushed over the edge to vent to you my thoughts on this is because I am constantly hearing you agonize over your pounds. While I was at the gym recently, there were a group of women huddling around the scale like meth addicts jonesing for a fix. It was a sickening sight.
Much of this damage is done on the subconscious level. There are scores of women who can’t even pinpoint why they want to be smaller or why curves are viewed as anathema or why some of you ogle over women in magazines as much as men do (don’t even try to deny…I’ve seen it many times). This has a subtle trickle out effect as well. Imagine that you go into work to see that co-worker who just makes you feel bad about yourself (you know that I’m talking about; the one who is the “perfect size”, who reminds you of what you want to be and where you’re not physically.). Your mood has become inexplicably sour for the next hour or so, and if you see her again, maybe even the whole day. Work productivity goes down, attitudes towards others sour a bit and behold, you have a lost day because of some false sense of vanity.
Imagine this effect over a relationship. Personal insecurity in a relationship is about as helpful as chapped thighs. It doesn’t lead to relationship bliss. Beautiful women, I don’t know if you ever heard this before, but I have to have to let you in on a well-known secret:
Men like women with meat on them.
I understand that that may be presumptuous of me. Many women beautify themselves for themselves, not for men. So where does this concept of beauty come from? Environment? Parents? Media?
All of which brings me back to my West Coast trip; the place where the distortion of beauty has its home. It was amazing to me to navigate through the place where the most popular sitcoms are shot, where the Hollywood Walk-of-Fame lies, where Robin Williams and Neve Campbell (who, ironically, looked as if she had been eating salads for dinner for the last 365 days) walked right pass me and of course, and more petite girls.
Understand that there is nothing wrong with endeavoring to lose weight. But lose weight because it is healthily expedient, not because of some societal stigma. The more time you spend fretting over your kilograms, the more time that your man will spend sliding away. There’s nothing more frustrating to a man than to be with a thick woman that wants to lose weight (if you gain 50 pounds after he gets with you and a baby is not involved, then that is a different story).
Going from 140 to 130 is overrated, unless your cholesterol level demands it. Otherwise, relax and rejoice in the curves that you’ve been blessed with. Because I guarantee you that your man will.
Sincerely,
Z.C. IV
Yeah, coming from a family with a history of bad diet isn’t genetics, first of all. And black people are “thicker” than black people? What the everloving fuck? Also, 130 pounds might not be healthy for some people while 120 is. 160 might be healthy for others. Also, having curves has nothing to do with how fat you are or aren’t, that’s a body type. You can’t starve yourself into an hourglass figure if you’re not an hourglass figure. This article is a patronizing mess.
“Different people, families, races all have specific body types.” I think because of this statement,some families will pigeonhole each other at a certain weight or perhaps deny the truth. The normalcy for my family’s body type is not of a slender build. Knowing this, some family members need to lose that extra 10-15 pounds for health reasons. I think they may not work at their weight lost goals as rigid because being larger is more accepted rather than being smaller. This is the fine line between (for the women) being “thick” or “fat”. In my family, if you don’t have a lil’ meat on your bones – (hips, butt) you are considered skinny. While we don’t crossover into La La land, it is difficult to convey the message of obtaining a healthier size for your body type because the curves are so appreciated.
My husband truly had reservations when I started losing weight. Nevertheless, I had to do it for me. I felt better being smaller (my original size) and besides the hips and thighs were not going anywhere. I’m done and he’s ok now.
While I appreciate this gentleman’s words about his love for a thicker woman, I must say that weight loss should not be about what anyone else thinks about you. Weight loss is a personal journey you take in order to get healthy. Point blank, period. There is no reason a woman should be trying to loose weight to appease a man, or the media’s ideals of beauty (Black or White media). So for the man that wrote this article, I understand where your’e coming from. But, let’s not make this about women not loosing weight because “men like women with meat on them”. Instead, we need to enter into a conversation where women are respected no matter what their size. There is an attractive body type for everyone. Some men like large women (I mean over 200 lbs.). Some prefer petite women, less than 120. Some like them somewhere in between. To each his own.
I am paraphrasing this quote but, here goes: you might be the sweetest juiciest peach on the tree, but there is always somebody out there that don’t like peaches. I mention it to say that just because you think you are (or will be) pretty hot stuff at a certain size, doesn’t mean that you will be attractive to everyone. Weight loss should only be about improving your health (or in rare cases, a job requirement). If you are doing it b/c you think your are unattractive or for a man, then you have other issues that need to be addressed.
I love your comment.
I stopped reading when I got to the “Females will do whatever they can…” line.
I stop reading after…”females were doing….” THIS! I thought I was the only one that stop reading that line killed not only the article but his argument. FYI to the author…um if you are going to write on a women’s site learn to address us. And thank god I don’t let man dictate how my body should look…
I was born and raised in LA. My husband’s family is from Atlanta. We live in between LA, Atlanta and D.C. I have a few comments about this article:
In some places like LA and Atlanta weight perception is determined by culture. In LA if you’re fat/thick/overweight/whatever you want to call it, you’re going to catch hell trying to get a decent date. Fat culture is NOT promoted or glamorized here. Men, regardless of race, are not checking for fat women in LA.
In Atlanta, the opposite is true. A chick can walk around overweight and still think of herself as a “dime.” This is because the MEN of that city have embraced overweight women as the norm.
And it’s not just Atlanta, it’s the south in general. The body image of the women I’ve seen in the south is completely different from women in LA.
Women in general should get healthy for themselves…for their self-esteem and personal well-being.