The relationship is over. You’ve argued, shed tears and maybe even cut up a picture or twenty and now that things have settled you’re single and ready to mingle. Maybe the relationship ended well and you two remain friends or maybe it was like War of the Roses with you two trying to kill each other. Either way, you’re ready to move on! You land yourself a hot date and over dinner things seem to be going well and then your date asks “So, what would your ex say about you?”
*Screech* Huh? I thought we weren’t supposed to talk about exes on first dates and besides, who cares what my ex thinks?
I’ve definitely had moments like these and at first I used to agree that the opinions of my exes didn’t matter, but as my dating life evolved I realized that to some degree it did. Life is all about growing and changing, and often in relationships we’re so busy trying to be in (or out) of love that we don’t really see or understand how we appear to our partners. Getting the opinion of an ex is not to give them some kind of elevated importance in your life, it’s to learn more about yourself.
Now that the relationship is over your ex can honestly tell you all those things about yourself that you might have never realized. That annoying habit you have, or maybe it’s the fact that during arguments you’re a right fighter and don’t listen. If your ex had any real feelings for you at all the feedback will be genuine and not meant to hurt you. You should walk away from the conversation with a bit more insight into yourself and the things that you need to improve upon for your next relationship.
I’ve had these conversations with an ex or two and while most of their comments were positive, I would be lying if I didn’t say that some of their comments were like taking a punch in the gut from Ali in his prime. Ouch doesn’t begin to cover it. But, it was the truth and I was able to take their comments and do some introspection that hopefully will help me evolve in future relationships. Naturally, the opinions of an ex should be taken with a grain of salt, I mean they are exes, but even behind the most subtle shade is a drop of truth so just use your filter to get to the heart of the message.