10 Things Nerver SayWe’re more than a decade into the 21st century. I’d hoped– in vain– that some basic understandings of how non-Black people should interact with Black people could be something I could take for granted. But no. Somehow there are “those people” who remain entirely clueless, so much so that they will call a 9-year old the c-word, or paint a white model bronze-Black, or not even, as so-called, journalists, bother to learn the pronunciation of an Oscar nominee’s name. This is unacceptable.

Recently, I read the comments section of a post on Clutch where a male reader was baffled as how to initiate a conversation with Black women and asked for some rules. Several helpful women obliged. In the same spirit of combating ignorance, I offer rules for non-Black people to  engage Black women without causing offense. If you can manage NOT to do the following, you can probably come across as a decent human being.

Humbly, I submit a basic list, my Rules of Engagement, and ask you NOT to do the following (and encourage Black women to add to the list in the comments):

1. Talk Bad About (Black) Kids
It seems ridiculous that this has to be said, much less lead the list. I’d assumed everyone knew better, but apparently not. (And you know what “they say” about assuming.) Look here, dissing kids – all kids, of all races, creeds, and color is UNACCEPTABLE. You want to talk greasy about your own kids? Eh… still unacceptable. Kids are off-limits. Period.

2. Touch Our Hair
I know our hair– braided, permed, natural, whatever– is pretty great. We treat it like art because we can and well, it is.  However, it is never, ever, EVER okay to touch the hair of a random Black woman you’ve just encountered or even the familiar Black woman who you share the cubicle with. The world is not your personal petting zoo. Black people are, well, people. DO NOT TOUCH US (without permission).

3. Mispronounce Our Names/ Rename Us
Look, all Black folk don’t have multi-hypenate names. We have Janes, Marys and Beths too. And somehow our single syllabic sisters learn how to pronounce names like La’Taquisha, Marquaysa, Taiwanas, etc. You know what our secret is? Lean closer.

WE ASK.

I’m a four syllable girl with an uncommon name (in the States.) I know it’s a challenge to pronounce and I am never offended by anyone asking, “how do I pronounce your name?” However, I am offended when you, a stranger, butchers it without care or tries to nickname me like we’re friends. Take the time to learn my name and maybe, I’ll offer my nickname to help you out.

4. Paint Yourselves  Black/ Bronze
I know it’s Halloween or for my Jewish folk, Purim. I get you’re dressing up, but Black skin is not a costume. If you want to try out “ghetto” for Halloween, go right ahead. There are plenty of so-called “ghetto” white people. Wanna be a rapper? Great! Bubba Sparxxx’s, wherever he is, wants you to remember him.  A basketball player? How creative of you! Just be a white one, or if you just have to go Black, get a jersey with the Black guy’s name and number so everyone knows who you are. (This means you NY Assemblyman Dov Hikind.) There’s no need to go all bronze or Blackface for that. Oh, and while we’re at it, leave off the afro/dread wigs. (I know, I know, some  Black people wear other people’s hair so that seems hypocritical, but just trust me, no, the wigs just come across offensive— unless of course it’s a Jew ‘fro, which we totally give a pass to.)

5. Paint Others Black/Bronze
Do you know how hard it is for a working Black model? Of course not, because you would have to hire one to interact with her and learn what it’s like. Let me fill you in: it’s hard. And you, editor, are not making it any easier on Black models or your make-up artists by hiring white women and spraying them bronze/brown/Black. Leave the white person white or just hire a Black model already, and make it easier on everyone.

6. Try to Hook Up A SBW With the One Other Black Person You Know
Hook ups are always tricky, and I know your heart is in the right place here, but um, stop it. Just like, just how you wouldn’t introduce White Rebecca to a guy just because he too is also White, you shouldn’t try to hook up Black Regina with a guy just because he’s Black. If Regina is single and looking, introduce her to someone who she shares an interest with and you have a reasonable expectation she might click with. If he’s Black, great. If he’s not, that’s still great.

7. Drop the N-Word
Celebrities keep doing this sh** like it’s okay. Because “they”– that means you, Lisa Lampanelli – think it’s okay, you need to know that there’s no trickle down theory on this one. It doesn’t matter if it ends in “-er” or “a”, or you hear your Black friends or even your favorite rapper say it. It’s just not for you. When the lyrics in a song get to the n-word, go silent. When you’re retelling a story where someone dropped an n-bomb, just say “n-bomb” to be safe. Understand that by actually using the n-word, you not only are likely to offend every Black person in hearing distance, you will also be perceived as a racist and you may get confronted and/or physically harmed. The N-word is a fighting word. And while I, like many Black people, don’t condone violence, this is an instance where I understand.

8. Diss Michelle Obama
You got Jackie O and Princess Diana. We get the First Lady (and Oprah). You don’t like her? Think her arms are too bare? Her bum too large? She shouldn’t be dancing on Jimmy Fallon or presenting at the Oscars? Great. You’re entitled to your opinion… but tell someone else.

9. Change to the Local Hip-Hop Station When A Black Person Gets in the Car
My white friends never did this, which is how I ended up with the Oasis, Green Day, Jewel, Alanis Morissette obsession. This one is really for my cab drivers who are usually not white. I actually don’t mind AM news, and I like oldies, and rock, and jazz, and even some country.  What I actually don’t like is most commercial hip-hop. I’ll take talk radio, lyric-less music or a plucked guitar over shout outs to “hos” at Spelman, wanting “hos” as birthday presents, or a “man” lamenting his inability to avoid “ratchet p****”.

10. Auto-Assume the Other Black Woman Shopping Must Work There
Every woman is not a salesgirl. Every Black woman is not a salesgirl. Say it with me: EVERY BLACK WOMAN IS NOT A SALESGIRL. More often than not, salesgirls or salespersons or whatever PC term is  used now, are not wearing purses and coats on the sales floor. Salesgirls often have a name tag  or a uniform and often they come right up and ask “Can I help you?” Those are salesgirls. The Black girl/woman with the coat and big-ass purse, who’s holding up the dress in front of herself in the mirror or searching the rack for her size? She’s a shopper just like you and is in no way is obligated to tell you where the [whatever you're looking for] department is. If you ask her and you get a curt, “I don’t work here” as a response? Yes, she’s being rude because you’ve been ignorant.

Demetria L. Lucas is the author of “A Belle in Brooklyn: The Go-to Girl for Advice on Living Your Best Single Life”. Follow her on Twitter @abelleinbk.

  • Ange B

    #10 got me LMAO..wow I can’t believe some people experience that. The only time I mistake someone for working is if it is winter time and they are not wearing a jacket or a purse and they just happen to match the known uniform . @The Bay the workers seem to always wear black top and bottoms (skirt or pants). This list seems good to me and can be applied to others as well, most especially with the renaming of people because you struggle to pronounce the name. I never understood that! I would rather ask how to pronounce and struggle until I got it than decide oh by the way I’m calling you “Jean” or something else.

  • Orange Starr Happy Hunting

    LOL my name is three syllables and 2520′s are forever condensing my name into two syllables very few have actually asked me how to pronounce my name, but when they do I have to give them a cool point.

  • Black, bold, beautiful & proud

    Great list! In the same vein of #10, I’d add, for non-black salespeople, to not automatically assume every Black customer is going to steal something. I had a pretty interesting Shopping While Black experience last weekend and that high-pitched “can I help you with something?” every two seconds worked my last nerve, followed by the inevitable uncomfortable silence at the register when I actually purchased several things with real money. Go figure!

  • Jean

    Yes! Yes! Thank you so much for this post. I co-sign on each and every point made here.

  • The Moon in the Sky

    Numbers 1,2,3,7 and 10 are all things Black people do to me. My name is only four letters and two syllables.

  • AnnT

    6. Try to Hook Up A SBW With the One Other Black Person You Know

    Bless my well-meaning, but obvious co-workers…at one pint, I was the only young Black Woman on my entire floor for a few years
    Whenever some of them would see any “suitable” Black man in the hallway, they would run to me with the details.
    One of my other co-workers took notice and asked me if they thought I was into some sort of animal husbandry/mating game they were playing.

  • http://gabandgraffiti.wordpress.com marloweovershakespeare

    I’d like to add to #9. Don’t even DARE be SHOCKED that I like music, tv, films, art, etc that isn’t made by Black people. You wouldn’t believe the responses I from some people when I say, “Oh yeah I love that [insert].” Next time someone says, “I didn’t think YOU would like that,” I’m calling the individual straight out and putting serious FIRE to the ignorance. #annoyingish

  • Jean

    This happens to me all the time, especially when I go shopping at high-end stores or WholeFoods. They don’t bother to look closely at the details. They just see brown skin and assume you’re there to serve them.

  • http://www.urbanexpressive.com J. Nicole

    I would add trying to “talk Black” or say “You remind me of (enter random Black celebrity name)” instead of starting a conversation like they’d do to everyone else.

    This only happens when I come in contact with the PWT-types (poor white trash). A few years ago, there was an unsightly creature who thought befriending me would get her cool points with the other women of color (little did she know, less than half even liked me) and one day she forced a conversation on me and said “You know what I mean gurrll”…. I just looked at her and said “Actually, no I have no idea what you mean”, and walked away.

    They also need to stop with the “You look like…”. I’ve encountered a few white people who told me I look like Lisa Bonet, Cree Summers, or “that girl from Coming To America”. I look nothing like them, yet they’re showing they have no reference to any person of color other than what is on tv.

    Oh, and one more (thanks for getting me to RANT this am) when a white person tells me they like my hair and “not to change a thing”, as if I was waiting on white approval to be chemical free.

  • shay

    Numbers 2,3,7, and 9 YES YES YES JESUS!!!!!!!! I gotta share this on facebook!

  • http://creativegirlinacorporateworld.wordpress.com Esta Fiesta

    You know how many times I’ve gotten “you wouldn’t know the music I listen to” or some similar statement only to coerce them to reveal that their favorite band is Green Day. Umm… u think I haven’t heard of a top-selling rock band with multiple Grammys?

  • http://creativegirlinacorporateworld.wordpress.com Esta Fiesta

    11. Auto-assume our children are born out of wedlock and/or if our children don’t live with their father he abandoned the family. Do you know how many times I’ve had to explain that I had a live-in father who raised me alongside his WIFE, my mother, up until his death? My mother is not a single mother, she’s a widow. My father is dead, not a deadbeat. Thank you!

  • DownSouth Transplant

    i always help out at wholefoods when asked, “sure I can help you, I think it is located next door under the #$%^& aisle”, the look of shock is always priceless!!, i am done cutting everybody slack about that, now it is all out disrespectful and I return the dish served!!

  • Kacey

    LOL @ No. 10!

    I was in a Zara in mid-town Manhattan, perusing the racks while wearing a coat, my handbag and with my iPod’s ear plugs in (though the music was turned off). This white woman approached me and asked me REPEATEDLY if I worked there! I pretended like I didn’t even hear her (didn’t even turn my head in her direction) until she eventually stormed off (probably to go complain to a manager about how rude the black salesgirl was to her – LOL). I mean, nothing about my attire and behavior would suggest that I was anything other a customer, just like her, yet she couldn’t seem to comprehend my being in the store for any other reason than I worked there!

  • dee

    Yes, I hate that. They need to back off.

    If this happens to my mom she’ll start asking for help every 10 sec and asking for help when trying on clothes, then she’ll leave w/o buying anything.

  • Sasha

    I’m guilty of number 10 except it’s the reverse: I automatically approach whatever person looks like they work at the store and 9 times outta 10 I’m approaching a White woman, with the exception of a few times when I’ve approached non-Black women. In my defense I don’t do it out of ignorance, I just walk around without my contacts in/ glasses on 95% of the time haha my bad.

  • omfg

    11. assume we’re all hoodrats
    12. assume we’re uneducated
    13. assume were are not sophisticated
    14. assume we are not modern
    15. assume we’re desperate to be with anybody or should want to be with anybody
    16. assume we have tons of children

  • Ange B

    Too true on your last point! I have gotten that too when it comes to my hair. I like my hair in all the forms I wear it. I don’t tell them you know I love when you don’t dye your hair x,y,z colour leave it at this one. I never felt the need to tell other people my preference for their hair texture/colour choices unless of course they asked me directly.

  • channelinggemima

    Hmm! there’s goes that obsession with white people again. The fact that whites are described as non-blacks doesn’t hide that fact since all the dos and don’ts mentioned pertain to insensitivity ‘blunders’? committed mostly by whites.

    Items 6 & 9 tell what this is really all about = cultural and reproductive integration.

    6 = we like you, especially your men folk
    9 = we’re just like you, we hate n**gers and that n**ger stuff too.

    Beggin for whitey’s love, and then trying to dictate how he should love yoos.

    Only a complete idiot doesn’t know that when YOU’RE doing the chasing it’s YOU who’s supposed to compromise. LMAO!

    This story gets more pathetic with each page turn.

  • MeShun

    or who’s your baby daddy (to “single” mothers)….I’m not a baby momma; I’m an ex-WIFE

  • P

    #1 Talk Bad About (Black) Kids .

    #3. Mispronounce Our Names/ Rename Us
    My name is not LaTrisha. My name is Patricia. Also, don’t assume I like the name Patty because the Patricia’s you know are referred to as Patty. #Hateit!

    #2. Please don’t touch my Hair — unless you’re my mom, my man, or my hairstylist.

    The other assumptions I dislike from non-whites in which weren’t mentioned:
    #1. I am NOT a credit-worthy customer. [my credit is better than yours, now what?]
    #2. NOt leaving a tip or either not tipping well.

  • http://clutchmagazine blcknnblvuu

    17.assume we are all religious

  • Chillyroad

    I hate when anyone doesn’t pronounce my name properly but everyone does that. It’s rude.

    I also hate when non- blacks think I’m unlike those other black people.

  • Chillyroad

    I’m going to be fair and say my name is a handful.

  • P

    I just wanted to elaborate further about credit. It’s sad, but all black people initially and especially black women are assumed that our credit is in shambles. My last experience was when I was going through the approval process for an automobile – 2 years ago. Since the automobile industry was experiencing low car sales, I assumed the car salesmen would run up to me. But, I had to ask for assistance. The salesmen who assisted me first wasn’t friendly (you’re paid by commission, right?)—so he eventually lied and claimed he had a previous appointment prior to running my credit. As I was eventually assisted by another salesman and [approved], the other salesman demeanor changed completely. Seriously, by the time I left the car dealership, that same salesman offered to make coffee.

    I just really hate that assumption especially since so many black women are successful. I guess they assume we spend all our hard earned money on hair, clothes, and shoes with lack of concern for our finances. It is such a crazy world out here for us. :(

  • Kacey

    I actually get this one from black people waaaay more than any other group. You should see some of the scandalized looks I get from older black women when I tell them that I don’t go to church!

  • CommonSense

    It’s really quite pathetic when people get lazy about pronouncing names they aren’t familiar with. News flash, there are about 7 billion people on earth from more than a 1000 cultures with very different names… so people need to stop pretending that there is a list of universal names somewhere (mostly W. European/biblical)…there isn’t!

  • omfg

    i don’t go to church either.

  • Daijana

    i dont mean to be rude but there are no pages so unless you printed it I think you’ll be fine. Also what are you talking about?! “We like you, especially your men folk” “Beggin for whitey’s love”? Its like Ive been transported to some alternate universe called your mind. I get it your a little intimidated by the idea of black women actually talking about real life conflicts such as the ones above, but you do realize its not just white people who make those mistakes right?(I mean for christ sakes you are not the only non-black people)

  • Monique

    Once I went to a country club with my parents & my dad’s boss. A customer from my bank saw me & was like, “I didn’t know you worked here, too…” AWKWARD.

  • Aimz

    OMG! Yes. I can’t count how many times in my adult life I’ve verified that I have parents, they are together, and yes gotdammit they are married!

  • Aimz

    a reply to Esta Fiesta’s suggested #11 rule :-)

  • Adiya

    “I mean for christ sakes you are not the only non-black people)”

    THANK YOU!!!!!

    Dear Channelinggemima,

    Your privilege is showing.

  • mEE

    ahhh! I thought my friends and I were the only ones that used “2520″ LOL

  • Orange Starr Happy Hunting

    Going to church ya’ll and believing in GOD are two different things.

  • KGA25

    Never EVER try to eat food off my plate!!!

  • http://gravatar.com/nolakiss16 binks

    This! And don’t assume that just because I am the opposite of all these things then I must be the special magical black woman that exist apart from all others.

  • Bosslady

    The list is OK…I thought it would be slightly more pertinent, but OK. FYI – I am black and I love PRINCESS DI!!! As does all my fam and friends, more so than Michelle. You can’t really compare the two…But Jackie-O is justifiably comparable.

  • apple

    “Mispronounce Our Names”

    that goes to everyone because no one takes the time to remember or pronounce a difficult name , white or black
    i don’t even bother telling anyone my real name anymore because everyone fucks it up
    i won’t make the same mistake with my kids with this made up name!

  • Missam

    You are an intelligent lady . Find out what your real purpose in life is and stop venting. Life is too short to take time and “twitter ” such stuff.

  • http://Www.allaboutcocoa.net Nekia

    Or if you happen to go to the beach and get sun kissed don’t say “hey I’m as dark as you” hmmm no. This happened in real life at my job. Only black woman in dept. good times.

  • http://creativegirlinacorporateworld.wordpress.com Esta Fiesta

    I mean, black people get divorced and die just like everyone else.

  • E.M.S.

    The name thing is probably the MOST annoying for me, and my name’s not even that difficult to say. However, it’s not common, and every time someone looks at my name with a baffled face I am PRAYING they’ll have enough sense to simply ask me how to say it rather than try to be a hero.

  • ArabellaMichaela

    @Orange Starr HH; @mEE
    What’s 2520?

    Re: the article: A pet peeve of mine at work is don’t paraphrase or outright steal our ideas, in meetings, etc., and then pretend like you don’t what you did.

    Also, the article is great. The “angry Black woman” depiction in the caption, not so much.

  • Anonin

    But why would she take time to listen to you telling her how to live?

  • Per

    What? I’m sorry I*m laughing right now but that’s really fucked up. Hope things get better

    /Per from Sweden

  • la

    I once worked at a hospital in Atlanta as an administrative assistant. I’m walking through the halls in a business suit and this white woman stops me and asks if I work in housekeeping because the toilet is stopped up. I almost lost it. I just gave her the dirtiest look you can ever give a person and kept walking. There is nothing wrong with working in housekeeping, but come on. Was she deliberately being racist? I grew up in a lily white neighborhood. It’s a miracle that I don’t hate white people because of this and other types of racist behavior.

  • Gina Wild

    I agree with some of you’re saying.
    As for point 7 (Drop the N-Word) I kind of disagree, more precisely with «When the lyrics in a song get to the n-word, go silent.». I don’t see that happening. EVER. It’s WISHFUL THINKING more than anything.

    As long as black rappers keep saying niggers in their songs non-Black people will sing along the infamous word, especially in the hook part. To keep non-Negroes from pronoucing the “N-Word” in songs rappers have to refrain from using the it in the first place. We’ll all know that rappers aren’t going to.

    IMHO nobody should be allowed to use it. I think it’s a cop-out and rather hypocritical to give Negroes a pass and get angry when White people say Niggers in a non-racist context. Can’t have your cake and eat it too.

    This whole Nigger thing gets irrational at times. Many black americans were upset when Jennifer Lopez(a Latina singer/actress) use it in a song written by Ja Rule (a Black American). Now, Fat Joe (a Latino rapper) and French Montana (a North African/Arab rapper, and definitely not Black) are somehow allowed to use Nigga in their songs. What the fuck!??

    Point 7 isn’t happening. Oh, White Canadian comedian Louis CK uses it. I watched a show of his on YouTube where he’s saying Nigger several times.

    So, Black folks “Nigga” is gonna be around, and even more non-Negroes will use it. You gotta get used to it.

  • Gina Wild

    Same here, @blcknnblvuu!

    Black people always assume I’m Christian and are surprised when I tell them that I don’t go to church. And they are beyond shocked when I tell them I’m actually an ATHEIST. I don’t get that reaction from White folks.

  • YeahRight2011

    A few more.
    Don’t Assume that:

    I can braid.
    I like children on GP
    I want to take that nasty a** potluck food home with me
    I want to compare butt size with you (I’ll win anyway)
    I see Blackness as a burden

  • Gina Wild

    what’s a 2520?

  • Paulina

    What you should do it make them work for you and at the last minute change your mind, so they have to put all that crap back.

  • Kaeli

    ugh , I understand this post is suppose to be funny (I hope) but the whole “all black women think like this” meme is getting old and tired. We get offended when white people and other groups stereotype us and treat us like XYZ because their other black friend was cool with XYZ but we do it to ourselves all the time. It’s tired and the joke is old

  • Beth

    You should have said “OMG it is honey boo boo child, can I take a picture with you {insert you better redneckognize, honey boo boo child)

  • http://gravatar.com/solomamadrama solomamadrama

    Whitey (YT) Y= 25th letter & T = 20th letter

  • Chaveevah Ferguson

    Gina Wild, sorry, I beg to differ–I do NOT have to get used to it. what I have to do is ‘school’ fools–non-black or otherwise–and let them know the use of that word is disrespectful. I’m not looking for a fight, but nigger IS a fighting word, at least in my generation; I have no taste for disrespect in the name of “music” or “cultural familiarity” that says it’s okay to say that word TO or AROUND me. Furthermore, there IS no “non-racist context” in which a white person can call a black person a nigger. I could care less what Black/Latino/North African/ whatever rapper is saying it or how often they’re saying it–and I know I’m not the only Black person [not Negro--get it straight] who feels that way.

  • Ash

    Really? One came from a working class family, worked hard to get into the best schools in the country, had a successful career and supported her husband back when he was a nobody…the other was a socialite married off by her already filthy rich family for prestige…ijs!

  • Kay

    I think this whole article can be summed up in one sentence: Treat any Black woman you meet like a fellow HUMAN BEING. By not “othering,” any person of color, a White individual will not run the risk of being insensitive. They will be able to see another’s experiences through the perspective of the human condition and not as “special,” cases that should be treated differently. However, there are just some idiots out there who treat everyone just as disdainfully and disrespectfully as any other. For those guys, you just shrug them off and don’t take their insensitive crap personally.

  • Adiya

    You’re right. Black women are not monolithic. Other than melanin, there are few traits they even have in common. There are so many who think it’s okay to speak horribly about children, who enjoy strangers touching their hair, like having their names butchered, who celebrate other races wearing black face or discrimination against black models, love hearing white people say “ni**er” and being mistaken for the “help”. You should write an essay so that large swath is represented fully and Black women are not just lumped together.

  • http://twitter.com/Cognorati001 Colette Marcheline (@Cognorati001)

    I never buy if I’m being followed. I also ask them if they are following me. They always get extremely ashamed and will usually storm from the humiliation.

    We don’t have to take it.

  • Gina Wild

    I personally listen to Hip-Hop music but don’t say Nigga. Anytime it’s available I always try and get the edited or clean version. I wish they didn’t have to use it. The whole term of endearment argument is bullcrap to me. Black entertainers shouldn’t use it, period.

    The non-racist context I was referring to is when a white or a non-black is singing the song exactly the way it was created, especially the chorus.

    In a perfect world nigga would be eradicated but it’s not going to. Rappers and black American comedians are keeping it alive, promoting it thus contributing in making it popular. And that’s sad!

    No offence, to me Black, African-American, and Negro are synonyms. I’m not offended by Negro. I makes me smirk a little bit. After all, there’s still an organization called The United Negro College Fund. They haven’t changed their name. Maybe they should. Same thing for the NAACP.

  • Gina Wild

    Thank you Solomamadrama for explaining the meaning of 2520. I learned something new today! Wow, how do people come up with stuff like that? Wondering what white people think about it. Anyway, it’s sure won’t be in my vocabulary but hey to each his/her own I guess.

  • Tara

    You should have asked her if she was on drugs.

  • Tara

    Actually, Michael Baisden started that whole Jlo shouldnt have said it. Black people were not even worrying about it until he brought it up.

  • SouthernDarling

    I agree with the message of your post….But no one likes strangers petting their hair. Im not a dog. And I put time into my hair. Unless you are my man or my stylist, keep your hands on your side. Please and Thank you.

  • SouthernDarling

    However, I realize the humor in your post.

  • Tara

    I had a boss who I could tell had more respect for me when he found out that I was from a two parent home and that my family background was the same as his. Not to mention the successful people in the family.

  • Tara

    I dont either but I grew up in the church and my mother goes every week. My dad did not even go every week when he was alive.

    I guess we are all Heathens ….lol

  • Tara

    It’s funny. My father died when I was in high school and it never crossed my mind that people would assume that I was from a baby mama home. My father had just died before HS graduation so people who had just met me afterwhich knew because the grief was still raw. But there are probably so many people who think I grew up in a single parent home when my father was in the house up until he collapsed and was rushed to the hospital.

    Now because it is discussed so much I tell people my mom was a widow

  • Pseudonym

    “Try to Hook Up A SBW With the One Other Black Person You Know”

    THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    My friends will know NOTHING about this man except for the fact that he’s black. He can describe the type of woman he wants and I can fail to meet ALL of his preferences, but all they’ll hear him say is “I’m black” and then try to hook us up. I can tell them all the things I don’t like and he can be ALL of them, but all they heard me say is “I’m black.” Drives me MAD!!!!

    And they’d never think to hook me up with their non-black friends with whom I am ACTUALLY compatible- even after we meet and the guy follows up afterward asking about my dating status and showering me with compliments and expressing interest (I always discover that this happened when it’s too late). But all they hear him say is “I’m not black” so that makes him not a candidate.

    SO ANNOYING!!!!!! Either they need to start hanging out with black men who are my type (and I theirs) or realize that I can be compatible with someone who’s not also black.

  • http://gravatar.com/ravsmith78 Ravi

    yeah, they aren’t comparable. Michelle actually did something noteworthy besides marry rich.

  • P

    THANK YOU!!! I am so glad someone else said this. We stereotype and pidgeonhole ourselves with these types of articles. We are not all the same in our thoughts — for instance, i am not offended if someone wants to touch my hair. It is just hair, dead cells, not a big deal. I love for a man to rub his hands through my hair in a moment of intimacy or to wash my hair, but because of sweeping stereotypes men think none of us black women want our hair touched. The only thing I really wholeheartedly agree with is point 1 — don’t play with the kids. Please stop making these types of old played out articles already.

  • http://www.clutchmagonline.com jenn dunn

    just treat me like a human being

  • Orange Starr Happy Hunting

    Urban Dictionary: 2520
    Means white dude or white people. The 25th letter is Y The 20th letter is T put them together you get YT= white(y).

  • CP1908

    Your post has brightened my morning. THANK YOU LMAO.

  • esther

    Hello, I’m a 52 yr old woman from the burbs of NY. I didn’t grow-up hearing racial or ethnic slurs in my home. In 1944 my Jewish father was ‘prom king’ n took n AfricanAmerican to his prom bcuz she was ‘the prettiest girl in the school’. It wasn’t until I went to PA for Obama in 04′ that it hit me. I’ve been thinking…perhaps…all the ‘ugly’ that’s happening now: voter suppression, gerrymandering, the foul offensive treatment of the Obama’s, perhaps it is our generations call to safe to protect to secure the rights of the next generation. I don’t like my hair being touched either, but I don’t give a damn about my hair…what I care about, what touches me is your soul…and it has no color, no sex, no religion, it is open and it is love…

  • SouthernDarling

    A man playing in your hair in a moment of intimacy is different from a random stranger touching your hair which is what was stated in the article. I personally have never had my man afraid to play in my hair…probably because we have a close relationship and ITS MY HAIR. I think it’s the weaves that are scaring the guys away lol.

    I believe that the article was done in a serious humor. And I don’t believe that all black women are the same. But I do believe that every point she made can be agreed upon by the majority. Even outside of the Aftican American community. We should stop trying so hard to seperate ourselves that we can’t be honest with ourselves! Sheesh.

  • http://www.mybooksmyvoice.yolasite.com ejoycem

    Black people are not monolithic. We are diverse in thought, interests, perspectives, skin hues, backgrounds. Yes,we do need to give our children names that have meaning (one of my pet peeves), but you need to learn how to pronounce them and NO, do not give me or mine your nicknames; we don’t need you renaming us. If you accidentally bump into me, a sincere excuse me is sufficient; profuse apologies aren’t necessary because you think all black folks will explode into violence and attack you – 99.97% of us will never do that. My intelligence and ability to speak well is not an anomaly, stop commenting on it. Don’t tell me your racial inferences are just a joke and not to be so sensitive; that you do it at all says everything about you and I have the right to make it a teachable moment..for you, Understand that you will not define me, no matter how many labels you attempt to attach to who I am.

  • chnyere

    Is this meant to be satirical ? cause some of this is ridiculous

  • Hope

    *One LOUD Snap*

  • Biz

    Here’s another rule:

    Don’t remove race or color from the conversation just to make a feel-good comment about yourself and your experience as a white person.

  • Biz

    Why does what white folks think about it matter?

  • Pingback: THAT’S SHIT I DONT LIKE x Clutch Magazine | @iamkingcarla (est. 1983)

  • Anonymous

    This should be #1

  • bev

    I don’t care to be near children who do not know how to behave in stores or restaurants. Those that drag on clothes, play hide and seek, or loud & annoying running around, while their parents ignore them or being busy checking email/texting, whatever. I realize the parents are inconsiderate, and these misbehaving children do not know better.

  • P

    I regret reacting to this article so harshly, because i don’t like to put down someone else’s hard work. So I apologize for insulting the article itself. However I still believe these types of sweeping generalizations about who we are as black women do more harm than good. Another blogger wrote a similar article to white people on xojane. We say things like “don’t touch my hair” or “don’t get my hair wet” but then get mad when men make jokes about black women’s hair. Even in relationships it’s sad that I have to reaassure my man that he CAN touch (or even pull!) my hair.

    I have never had a stranger randomly walk up to me and ask to touch my hair but I have let acquaintances touch it while out in public. It didn’t bother me one bit; it is just hair and it is nice to touch. My overall point is that black bloggers should not claim to speak for all black women because in many cases you’re just perpetuating stereotypes.

  • nycest

    too much hypocrisy in this article.
    half the numbers are things black people need to address not vice versa

  • Brandon

    Hi. I’m white.
    This happens to me all the time, from people of many a different skin color, and in many different types of shops.

    Perhaps its not that white folks think you look servile because of your skin color, perhaps its that you look competent and confident and people associate that with what they expect out of people who work at the location.

  • MissC

    Idk about number one…in certain situations, like that one specifically, sure…don’t call a kid a word like that when they aren’t…
    However…I’m a teacher…in a middle school…pretty sure I’m supposed to talk about how kids behave…and try to work something out with them…I wouldn’t have to if parents would put a little more effort into raising their own kids properly…
    Cause if my kids were acting up or doing something they obviously shouldn’t, I think I’d be more offended if everyone just walked around like it was okay…
    Discipline your kids, and if you won’t, I do feel like somebody needs to step in and at least say something about how the kid’s behaving…
    If this isn’t what you meant by “dissing kids” please be a little more specific…granted, it’s not right to call them bad words, but a kid needs to know when they’re acting rude, insensitive, vindictive, and just hateful…

  • Gina Wild

    @Biz. «Why does what white folks think about it matter?»
    Because it COULD be perceived as being racist.

    What if white people refer to Blacks/AA as Blackie?

  • Didi

    Thank you for posting rule #10. I don’t understand how you can mistake someone for being the salesperson when they are browsing through the racks with a purse on her shoulder. I’ve just started asking random white women (with jackets and purses) if they worked in the store. You should see the looks I get. Maybe a light will go off. And if they are not the ones perpetrating the ignorance, they will enlighten their mothers, sisters, etc.

    Demetria – I do have one more rule: If you see paraphernalia of a predominantly white college in my office, don’t ask me if I’m just a fan. And don’t turn red when you are told that the school started admitting blacks in the 1950s.

  • Anon

    Girl that’s not on accident!!! LOL. They’re trying to get at that man themselves, especially if he has it together. Non-black women do.not.play. when it comes to their men trying to marry/date out if he’s a good catch.

  • Trina

    As a white, Jewish woman, I was appalled to read this list. The reason being that I couldn’t believe anyone with half a brain cell would do any of these things. Then again, I could write my own list for things never to do when meeting a Jewish person.

    In my case, when someone does something offensive that would violate my list, I do try to give them the benefit of the doubt if they are from an area that doesn’t have a large or existent population of Jewish people and use it as a way to politely educate them.

    That being said, if I experience any child misbehaving at a laundromat, grocery store, or other public area I am trapped in until my job there is through my disparaging comments will be more frequently aimed at the parents not the children. As for the N-word, I asked my mother what it meant when I was five and was told it was a mean word used toward black people and if she ever heard me use it for any reason at any time I would be turned over her knee and my mouth washed out with soap. It’s been offensive to me ever since even when I hear back people use it.

    Thanks for the article. The list seemed a no brainer to me but it did open my eyes that people do some ignorant things.

  • Misty

    As a black woman may I ask you to stop trying to speak for me? Much of what you note as unacceptable is basic human stuff. I mean what is next?

    1. Don’t sneeze in my face and hit me with your boogers. I’m a black woman and I don’t like that.
    2. Don’t pee on my leg. Oh and if you do don’t tell me it’s raining.
    3. Oh yeah, cause some of that pee might splash on my hair, and get it wet. Then I’ll be really mad!
    4. Don’t sit your grocery bag down on my car in the Walmart parking lot. Cause DUH, the car is mine. And you shouldn’t mess with it.
    5. Don’t give me orange juice and vodka when I asked for straight scotch. Black women don’t like there drinks made wrong.

    All black women are not Black Woman Looking for Something To Be Mad About. Geez! You note these as rules so as not to cause black women to take “offense”. Are we so easily offended?

  • Michelle

    This response wasn’t even witty. Fail.

  • sbee3

    Or asked if she was lost and looking for the mental health ward.

  • Misty

    BINGO! My point exactly.

  • Mandy

    This is a great article, but just for what it’s worth – Purim ISN’T the Jewish equivalent of Halloween, and it’s kind of insulting to claim that.

  • http://gravatar.com/greendoondoon greendoondoon

    Assume we are Christian, AME or Baptist type Christian or believe in God at all. The amount of times I’ve heard “I love Gospel music! I know that it’s part of your culture!” Umm, no. I am an ex-Catholic. I preferred the Latin hymns to Kirk Franklin.

    Please don’t assume I know anything about how to cook soul food. I made gumbo once and quite a few people liked it. I was asked if this was an old Southern recipe handed down by my grandmother. (I am black American based in the UK). One of my grandmothers couldn’t cook and the other one hated gumbo. I got the recipe off the internet. Another colleague was throwing a soul food night and asked me how to cook whatever it is he made. I told him to Google Sylvia’s. My mother is a gourmet chef– I didn’t grow up eating soul food. I love it, and I love the fact that black people took the worst of everything and created some of the most wonderful food and cuisine that influenced America. I can’t dance either so don’t ask me about the Dougie.

  • Lj Boogie

    Why even mention “ho’s” and Spelman in the same breath. Show some respect for an HBUC educating high caliber women (of multiple races and multidimensional) who give back to their communities.

  • tish

    don’t refer to me as “girlfriend”

    don’t seem shocked that i’m married (to a black man, who’s actually employed, wears a belt, can speak in complete sentences, and can go 10 minutes without holding his dick)

    don’t seem even more shocked that my kids at 4 and 7 are actually capable of multi-syllabic words, can eat with chopsticks, seem awkward eating fried chicken, and prefer mango over watermelon.

    don’t fetishize my “natural” hair. it’s mine. it grows from my scalp. its curly, fluffy and somedays a bit ornery. nothing special.

    don’t called my “look”, “afrocentric” or some other cockamamie BS. i wear a headwrap because either my wig is jacked, i am overdue on my henna or it’s cold as hell and standard headgear is not culturally sensitive.

    don’t modulate your voice, jack up your grammar, or change your affect to sound more “down.” it just makes you–to quote isa rae, “sound like a contemporary slave.”

    don’t assume i like tyler perry. i actually really. do. not. really….

    don’t assume i can twerk.

    don’t assume you can “amen” me, of “WWJD” me. there are actually some of us who are agnostic/wiccan/muslim/buddhist, et al. we all don’t sit up in a megachurch.

    don’t assume i know the “housewives of ATL” because i have a” 404 ” area code.

    while i’m happy you’ve done your obligatory february, black history month reading, there’s no need to school me on shit i’ve known since i was a fetus (eg. sarah bartman, henrietta lacks, tuskeegee, jim crow, et al.). instead, try to educate your white friends on the importance of not repeating trifling ratcheness….

    i’ll think of more….

  • Sequoia

    #3 #3 #3!!!! I am a shy and quiet girl who is very polite and kind. But I will put you in your place in a heartbeat if you try to give me some ratchet nickname that is far from my actual name. I am a black college student who is in a relationship with a white man. Whenever we go out to meet his friends there is that ONE ignorant person who has to make a comment about my name. When I introduce myself to other MATURE adults I proudly say my name. If they can’t pronounce my name correctly they ask again. I am more than happy to help them out in the pronunciation of my name but in one specific situation I got the “Can I just call you Sha-ki-ki” or “Sha-na-na?” from a hispanic man. Uh excuse me!? I wonder how he would feel if I called him Jose? If I wanted another name I would’ve said it in the first place. Not only did he try to give me that horrible name I got the comment about my hair. I am a proud natural who has big, tight, coily hair. Everyone else loves my hair, but that idiot (excuse me. The thought of this guy made me angry all over again.) decided to further his ignorance by constantly referring to my hair as weave. People (meaning everyone from every walk of life) need to stop assuming all black women wear weave.Big no-no. Thankfully I had my boyfriend and the rest of the party correct him before I had to.

  • memphis

    I’m a white man who grew up in an evenly mixed community and think that this article is an example of someone perpetuating racial prejudice by implying they should be treated differently. i can’t understand how you got so many downvotes.

  • memphis

    And as much as I hate to say it, I can see that your negative ten votes is just from this being a website geared toward black women. Maybe the black lady who wrote this article, still has a few things to learn.

  • Gina Wild

    @Trina. There’s something I’ve been trying to understand but nobody could give me a satisfying answer.

    Is Jew(ish) a race (with distince physical features), a religion or both? And why is it that some people who are believed to be Jews bear German-sounding names such as Goldberg, Rosenthal, Rothstein.

    I’d really appreciate if you could explain to me, please. Thanks!

  • memphis

    gee, i wonder who downvoted you 8 times?

  • Pseudonym

    Both. but the answer that questions varies from Jewish person to Jewish person.

  • Yvette

    Great additions!

  • simplyme

    “perpetuating racial prejudice by implying they should be treated differently”

    Umm…If anything the article is saying Black women SHOULDN’T be treated differently… the article was partially in jest, you both may want to get your panties out of a bunch and grab a sense of humor.

  • hannah

    because obviously, the best way to fix issues of race is to be “colorblind” and pretend race doesn’t exist, right?

  • KristenFromMMPHS

    The author was referencing a line in Trinidad James’ song “All Gold Everything”

  • Maiya

    Women of African descent have such a deep and tumultuous history with the U.S.. I know that at times it can be hard to deal with. I think that there is a sexually, emotionally & spiritually frustrating dynamic when it comes to men of different cultures and their attraction to black women. Many White Americans have long considered ethnic women as being “exotic” so they do not always know how to deal with that feeling. I personally find it just a tad sad, funny and ridiculous all within the same breath.

    I do not like answering questions that begin with “why do black women…..” Black women are not all the same, we don’t use the same hair products, we don’t like the same types of men, we don’t listen to the same types of music or watch the same types of TV shows.

    But not all non-black individuals behave inappropriately. Not all non-black individuals mispronounce names or pass ignorant racial judgments. There are awesome people of all ethnicities.

    But most importantly, there is soo much beauty in the world, much too precious to be wasted on things that are negative, ugly, dark. We have been blessed to witness so much diversity in our world and we learn from each other everyday.

    Do not allow the negative energy of others to make you question or second guess who you are or who GOD made you to be. At the end of the day, some people get it and some people won’t but regardless of that fact, you have to love who you see everyday:YOURSELF.

  • Misty

    I kid you not, as I was reading this I thought these were things that black people did to annoy you.

    Just yesterday a black woman loudly and embarrassingly fetishized my hair with all kinds of personal questions and over-the-top commentary, in a public space. I could go on with all of your points but this is most recent. Many blacks assume I know what NeNe did last night, that I love fried chicken, that I like Tyler Perry…

    Just saying.

  • Justus

    My beautiful black women please refrain from the acceptance of a group of people who have thoroughly dominated our people worldwide. This list is a perfect example of our PTSD for those not familiar with term please Google. Really people think about our collective condition on the planet. Does this group of people u want to curb our change behavior eliminates our condition. I could be incorrect but I say with conviction hell naw. My funky two cents. Peace.

  • http://gravatar.com/beejcee beejcee

    JLo should not have said it! Yes, some of us were offended.

  • Gina Wild

    You’re right, she shouldn’t have. Neither should Black entertainers! The Nigga as term of endearment theory is a cop-out.

  • E

    If a word can be said by anyone, it can be said by everyone. Nigger. It’s a word, and nobody can claim a right to instigate violence in response to someone else saying a word. If the Wayans brothers can wear white face in their crap ass movie, either call them out on that or stfu.

  • twinkletoes

    I think it’s worth noting that the heart of these issues applies to all stereotyped groups in society, in one form or another. As a disabled woman, I regularly have people: pat my head condescendingly, touch my wheelchair or start pushing me somewhere without asking (would you ever PICK UP A STRANGER and carry them somewhere?? no), ask “what’s wrong with you?” before asking my name, tell me how great it is to “see me out,” or assume that I must have some sort of cognitive disability simply because I must use a wheelchair to get around. More people have stopped me on the street asking if they “can pray for me” that I can count. I struggle between not wanting to come across as a bitter person because of my circumstance, and not wanting people to pity me when I don’t believe I deserve it.

    The point here is that a large majority of the public is uninformed and ignorant, and instead of making an effort to learn things (like asking how to pronounce a name instead of assigning a nickname), they let their assumptions drive their actions. Unfortunately, negative responses to these actions just increase the “angry disabled girl” (in my case) stereotype, instead of helping to dissolve it. In my experience, the best way to help these people learn is not to be angry or insulting, but clear about your feelings and as informative as possible about why someone’s actions are not OK. I’m not speaking for any group of women other than myself, but that’s been my experience.

  • http://www.PartyDomme.com mistressdidi

    Good list. I must disagree with #1 because too many of these kids are ROTTEN because no one seems to be talking about their behaviors and their parents must be blind, deaf, and idiot-dumb – even with visible proof, they remain in denial that their little precious is a monster.

    I’d also like to add: Don’t think you can speak in ebonics AT ANY TIME in My presence.

  • http://thedramaticallife.wordpress.com Trina

    This article just got shouted out on The View…congrats!

  • Just_Joi

    I think #1 is referring to Don Imus and the Nappy Headed Hoes comment. Not a general, that child is bad type of comment.

  • Just_Joi

    At 23 y/o I went to the mall with three White friends to a mall in a more-than-normal White area. I go into Rampage wearing a top I had purchased there and jeans from there as well. My shoes were Steve Madden and matched my top exactly.

    No one offered to help me, so I found an item to try on and walked into the dressing room. I didn’t like it so I left it in the room after trying it on. I walked through the store in my top, jeans and shoes. I went to the counter located near the front of the store to purchase a pair of earrings and the Salesgirl is being spoken to by the manager in an earpiece. The salesgirl says embarrassed, “I’m sorry, my manager wants me to ask you if you were wearing that when you came in.” I pointed out my shoes and told her to tell her manager I said, “Go to hell.” The salesgirl smiled and told me to have a nice day. I was so embarrassed. When I rejoined my White friends, I dried my eyes before anyone could ask me what happened.

    From experience, I knew that it’s a waste of time telling your white friends when you have a racial experience. They usually just make excuses for why it happened to you- although it’s never happened to them!

  • DayStringz

    I especially cannot stand that do you work here mess–so brainless and automatically belittling. They sure enough better stop doing that shit find themselves slapped dizzy. I should think people who at least unconsciously think themselves superior in intelligence would be capable of looking for a uniform and a nametag or a hat SOMETHING. That kind of behavior evidences that they don’t see distinguishing characteristics–only pigment.

  • Toni

    I hate when caucasian people say I have one black friend. That makes me boil inside. Also when they try to deny that racism does not exist.

  • Lannie

    “Recently, I read the comments section of a post on Clutch where a male reader was baffled as how to initiate a conversation with Black women and asked for some rules.”

    A guy asks how to approach black women and this is the response he gets??

    A very passive agressive list?? Geez I don’t want to imagine the type of comments he got in response to that question.

    This is exactly WHY men don’t know how to approach black women. Black women “other” themselves by giving off unecessary ‘passive agressive’ vibes (like this GOOFY list for example) that other races of women do not do.

    2) I don’t throw a hissy fit when a strange someone touches my hair. That would only embarrass myself and no one else. I just simply walk away. If it’s someone I know ( i.e. co-worker) then I don’t care. If it’s a cute guy then I really don’t care. lol

    7) I don’t get mad when a nonblack person drops the N-bomb because I find it hypocritical and retarded to get upset over a white guy saying it when you have black men calling each other ‘nigga’ and shooting each other dead every day, all day.

    Black women using the N-word is unladylike. Also, black women calling each other “bitches” as a term of endearment is disgusting. How about we get black folks to stop using the N-word before we try to force the rest of the world. Let’s stop being backwards on this issue already.

    10) I agree with commentor, Brandon, regarding that petty point even though he got like 16 thumbs down. Quote: “Perhaps its not that white folks think you look servile because of your skin color, perhaps its that you look competent and confident and people associate that with what they expect out of people who work at the location.”

    Seriously stop searching for racism where there isn’t any. I asked a white woman a outdoor produce market if she worked there. You know what she said with a smile? She said, “no but I know I look like I do”. My fellow black chicas please lighten the freak up! Please.

    3) People mispronounce names all the time no matter what it is. SO you can imagine how easy it is to mess up some black names out here. I get irked when a black person has a name that looks like it’s pronounced one way but they get all huff and correct me like I was suppose to know. The name says Jackie. How was I suppose to know it’s pronounced JackAY ???…………

    6) The only reason why I think nonblack friends of black women try to hook them up with some random black guy they know is because soooo many black women go on and on and on about wanting to date black men ONLY. If that weren’t the case and your nonblack friend knows that you’re open then they wouldn’t do that. UNLESS that’s the only guy they knew personally that would be open to dating you. However, there are some exceptions to this case. If you’re a successful, educated, cultured black woman and they try to hook you up with some black janitor then yes we have an issue. If she says that “he’s perfect for you” then it’s time to treat her with a long handled spoon.

  • Chaveevah Ferguson

    I don’t know how old you are, Lannie, but your responses suggest you believe we’re living in a “post-racial” society, when indeed we aren’t. Black and other minority women are already “othered”, despite any attempts/desires to just “fit in”. While I agree that the list was a bit froo-froo/unnecessary’/etc., I understand the urge to lay down some ground rules for cross-cultural engagement; if we don’t establish mutual respect, anything else is a moot point.
    7) I have no control over what other black folks do with the n-word; I don’t call other black folks ‘my nigga’, don’t respond to being called that, and WILL engage black or non-black folks about using the word in my presence…like I said, mutual respect. Unless you’ve grown up in an EXTREMELY sheltered [never experienced racism] or culturally compromised environment [wouldn't recognize it if it you experienced it], you don’t have to look under every bush to find racism. The problem isn’t solely about your fellow black chicas needing to “lighten up”–it’s about non-black folks making an honest effort to understand cultural differences.
    3) it’s TOO simple and makes TOO much sense to simply ask, “how do you pronounce your name?” When a person does that, at least two things happen: 1] they show that they don’t think they already know every freakin’ thing, like the correct way to pronounce a name they’ve never heard before, and 2] they show concern and RESPECT [there's that word again!] that they want to get it right, because EVERYONE’S name is important enough to them to want others to pronounce it correctly!
    6)what’s wrong with a black janitor? Believe it or not, they can be cultured, well-read, and educated as well. Any woman–no matter how “successful and educated” she may be–who believes the janitor or ANY other human being is ‘beneath’ her has a set of issues too complex to be addressed in this one post.

  • Shayna

    Mispronouncing names isn’t just a black problem. My husband is jewish and people mispronounce his name all the time. Just ask, people. How hard is that?

  • kevin

    Wow! How inciteful! Not using the N word! I as a white male never would’ve known! And not touching black womens hair? F that! If i like your hair im gonna touch it! Everyone needs to get over themselves! Color is only skin deep! It’s not your identity!

  • http://twitter.com/ttlovesyou Tanesha ♡ (@ttlovesyou)

    If the n word actually was offensive, NO ONE should be able to say it. By not Letting white people say it that’s discrimination and you’re a fucking hypocrite!

  • Molly

    Race, ethnicity, gender, etc, do impact identity (both naturally and through socially constructed definitions). They can alter the initial impression others have of us (whether we like to admit it or not), have historically impacted our constitutional rights/lack thereof, and shape our life experiences. All if this impacts our identity development and informs the lens through which we see the world. As a white woman, my race and the historical and current social benefits that come along with it certainly have shaped who I am and how I see the world. My race isn’t all of who I am, and I can’t be put into a “White Person Box” as if all white people are the same, just like a black person shouldn’t be put into a “Black Person Box”. We aren’t just our race and we are all unique. However, we are also all shaped by our surroundings, life experiences, struggles, victories, whatever. Our race and ethnicity play a role in all of this. Life experiences that I’ve either sought out or been lucky enough to encounter have broadened my lense (or, more accurately, helped me realize that I possess said lens, as does everyone else). I’m not here to tell you that you’re a bigoted jerk. We’re all prejudiced in some ways. I just want to encourage you to think a little more deeply about your own lens and personal identity development, and how your race, ethnicity, gender, etc., may have played a role in who you are today.

  • Nora

    You don’t know any better Tanesha!!!!

  • http://twitter.com/eshowoman Friday Foster-ABWW (@eshowoman)

    There are many black people who don’t want black people to use the n-word. Are you so angry at common courtesy? Why to you want white people to use the word?

  • http://twitter.com/eshowoman Friday Foster-ABWW (@eshowoman)

    You apparently didn’t learn to much from the people of color in your community.

  • Brendan Harris

    This is all a joke, right? I mean, you can’t seriously think that anyone, be they white, black, or of any race, would benefit from reading this, much less applying this so-called advice, do you!?

    If you continue to believe that others have to be careful when speaking around you, that there are some words you can say that others cannot, that it’s okay for you to attack someone when that person says the word “nigger”, etc., then you are readily ADMITTING inferiority, since you require this special treatment from everyone else; in other words, that you have a handicap that others must note. You must not realize that it is YOU (read “black people”) who PRIMARILY continue to suppress your race. Sure, there are racist (I call them “bigoted”) individuals who mindlessly carry out the completely unfounded, biased indoctrination of previous generations, and I have no place for these people, whatever their race. This goes for the white racists of the south, as well as the black people who still blame “the white man” for all evils they (that is, black people) have undergone. I’m white, I’ve never enslaved or harmed a black person in my life. Why must the misdeeds of generations previous be carried on my shoulders? We should both look back on history, learn from it, and move forward.

  • http://www.facebook.com/chaveevah.ferguson Chaveevah Cheryl Banks Ferguson

    Expecting NOT to be referred to in negative, pejorative terms like “nigger” doesn’t mean I feel inferior, handicapped, or entitled to special treatment–what it means is that I’m expecting COMMON COURTESY from another human being, I’m expecting NOT to have my humanity devalued, and I don’t think that’s too much to ask. People with your “get over it” attitude are as much to blame for society’s ills as anyone else–including the people you claim are holding themselves down. In some instances, that is true, just as it’s true for ANYONE who’s not applying him/herself, given the resources they have to work with. The fact that you throw a blanket over every black person as though there are no legitimate instances where institutionalized racism has held them back is an indication, in my opinion, of how much your white privilege has blinded you to other folks’ realities. No, you haven’t personally enslaved/oppressed anyone; but you HAVE benefited and continue to benefit DAILY from the white privilege on which this society was founded. If you can’t at least concede that, then kindly keep your high-handed, blanket pronouncements about the perceived ills of minority populations TO YOURSELF. Peace

  • http://gravatar.com/rramjit Raj

    This is insulting to blacks. It perpetuates reverse discrimination. I get the N word issue and why it is not okay to use it unless your black/white/whatever color friends get it.
    But the idea that blacks have to be handles with such sensitivity is demeaning..to blacks.

    They don’t or should not want special treatment. Stop painting a black woman as an uptight insecure fragile piece of work. I don’t see them that way at all…I see them as warm and charmingly practical…no nonsense….and all the more incomparable beautiful in this way.

  • Dustin Roath

    Chaveevah Cheryl Banks Ferguson,

    All I have to say is that if the black race doesn’t like the word “nigger” being used, then maybe they should stop saying it. Especially when they use it numerous times in every sentence. So I say that if someone uses it around me, then I will use it around them, because it didn’t bother you being called it by a black person. Wrong is wrong, there is no gray area.

  • Chaveevah Ferguson

    Use it around whomever you want, dude–and deal with whatever fallout comes as a result of that. Some folks may have no problem; others may stomp a MUDHOLE in your stupid behind. Like I said, using that word is unacceptable to ME–I don’t speak for every Black person any more than you speak for every white. Do you have Dustin’s opinions or do you have “white” opinions? I have MY views, thank you very much–some of which I share with many other Black people and some of which I don’t share with anyone; that’s called being an individual. You make a foolish and arrogant mistake to lump all people together as having the same views on ANYTHING

  • mi

    I totally agree with a lot of what you have said, then there the ones that I as a human do ‘t.
    Like the hair issue, as a man raised by woman, I have learned that you don’t touch any womans hair. The issue with some/most Black woman the hair is not even theirs, it’s a wig. So the issue is about not touching it so that way either we won’t know it’s a wig or it may come off and you will be caught as a phony.
    Then the Nigger or Niggar word is just a word. You are the one giving it the power. I try not to use it, for the simple fact that Blacks get upset.
    The Name issue, that’s your parents fault for giving you a trendy name or a name from the mother land, that your family has probably never been to. These different names rate right next to the crazy names that celebrities ame theres. IE. wind-summer/North-West an on an on. These parents are the ones that put you through this.
    Then there is your problem with the color of others. My children love being outside in the sun, with that they Tan Brown/Black/Bronse so acording to you they should not do this because they are pretending to be Black. This sounds like it’s you that has a problem with skin color of others. That sounds Racist!
    Then o hell yes I agree with no-one should pick on kids, I would be behond upset if anyone picks on my kids. And I do not like to see or hear others pick on kids. Thats bullying to me, an kids have enough to deal with without others adding to there trouble in life.
    The hip-hop music rant. I like a lot of hip-hop/rap and if you get upset that a White person is listening to and you are thinking it’s some kind of racial issue, then You aee the one that’s the Racist. Aa White cannot listen to Rap. So Rap and Hip-Hop are only for Blacks?
    And finally the Mrs. Obuma issue may not be color but how she is wasting Americans Money on frivelous personal things.
    In clossing I do agree there are diferences between Blacks and Whites and Asians and so on, but mayby instead of telling the world what and how you want it. Why not just stop and see how we are alike?
    I myself have Indian heritage, Feather not Dot. And that’s funny not Racist. but I am not dwelling on the past, I am looking forward to a combined world where we all can live together.
    I agree there is still some racial problems in the world, and they need to be dealt with. But You and Your parents were not slaves, and myself and my family were not slave owners or traders. So then why can we not just be humans together? And not some colored line in the sand??

  • grh

    I found this insightful, and sincere. Thank you.

  • Clay

    Don’t tell me what to do. Don’t assume that you speak for black people as a whole. I realize that this list is slightly tongue-in-cheek, but even so, this kind of “I speak for this group of people and the rules I write are concrete and ineffable regardless of situation or circumstance and god help you if you break one of them, you ignorant cracker” is not enlightening, it sets racial politics back another 20 years.

  • http://TheWiseSloth Neo

    I really liked your article. I grew up around black people and have gone to school and worked with them. Everything you said is true except you left out the part about being loud and obnoxious, argumentative and lazy.

  • Bridget

    I read this list and as a white woman, I was surprised that black women go through these experiences. It’s common courtesy to not touch people without their permission, to say a person’s name properly and to recognize and honor, not mimic or appropriate a person’a cultural heritage. I have a question- When you see a white person, do you assume that they’re going to be offensive or otherwise express their racism? I guess what I’m asking is…Do you think that because I treat all people with respect and kindness, am I an exception to my race? Like how much of this shit do you have to deal with?

  • https://www.facebook.com/divinewords Sydney Latimer

    I generally don’t assume anyone is going to be offensive until they do it; however, some experiences are all too common. I’ve personally experienced almost all of these things; I hate when people touch my hair–and they rarely ever ask. If they do ask and I say no, I’ve had people get offended. I don’t listen to rap music (haven’t since when I was a teenager)–yet I’ve had white people from work talk to me about pop/hip-hop music as if that’s the only subject they can “relate” to me. FAIL. Also, my name is SYDNEY (easy enough, you think, right?)…My name is constantly misspelled, mispronoucned, and people call me “Syd” without my permission–I think this has more to do with people being stupid in general, and not race.

    Another one is assuming that all black people are comfortable with the N-word; I’m not. I don’t like when anyone uses that word, although that’s generally people’s defense when they use it. I know more white and latino people than black folks I know. My fiance is white and he NEVER, ever, ever has done any of these things; so I know it’s not a “White people thing”. It’s an igororant people thing…not exclusive to race.

  • Valeria

    What came to my mind while reading this article was mostly the disappointment in the hint of aggressiveness that i have percieved between blacks and whites. First of all i want to say that i am a white girl, but i also want to say that this to me makes no difference. I say this and everything i will say in this comment aside from history and the numerous racist acts that have been committed towards blacks in the united states. I’m thinking if we really want a difference i believe we really nneed to start behaving spontaneously with one another and considering each other just as any one person. not classifying one another by race. If we really want to forget and eliminate any racial differences then everything in this article is counterproductive. o i know anyone will easily say that all of this is justified by history…but then i want to propose this: should we all be justified if we were to impose behavioural rules upon the german because of what happened in their history? we should not generalize upon one whole ethnicity, race, or any group of people. I could go on with details but i’ll stop here, hoping that the majority of people who read what i just wrote will understand. By the way, please excuse my sometimes confused english, i am italian…i guess this may be a cultural distance that might limitate my understanding of the dynamics between blacks and whites in the US.
    I want to add that though i disagree with what you wrote, i enjoyed reading the article and appreciate its tone.

  • https://www.facebook.com/felice.burns Felice Burns

    Thanks you for sharing :) This was a well-written and informative opinion piece, offering good advice and good reminders of courteous behavior and respecting others. I hope it is widely circulated. I am sorry to hear you have a problem with people asking directions or advise though. Where I live, asking for or giving directions or advise to other people, shoppers included, among women and even the occasional man, regardless of skin tone, hairstyle or manner of dress, is a common and quite friendly casual social interaction. I am glad I live in an area where strangers are not afraid to ask for or receive assistance from others, whether they are shoppers or just someone you happen to be passing on the street. Here, at least, “Which aisle is the peanut butter on?” or “Do you happen to know where the organic section might be?” is no different from asking, “Do you know where Maple Avenue is from here?” or “Can you tell me where the nearest gas station is?”. I have asked directions of and given directions to people of just about every skin tone and style of dress. I have also had some delightful friendly conversations with strangers at the local Laundromat as we each waited for our respective laundry to be done. I hope others will have the opportunity to enjoy such cordial neighborly interactions, rather than be afraid to ask for or give assistance.

  • johnnie barmore

    No one can make me feel inferior w/out my consent. As a black woman, my only rule is to treat me like you want to be treated. if you happen to offend me I will respectfully correct you. and request to be respectfully corrected if I happen to offend you. Prejudice and racism is significantly prevalent in society. There cannot possibly be a “rule” for every circumstance . The “tools” of courtesy, respect, self awareness, and good communication are the best defense. Those who have an ear will hear, and those want to remain ignorant will do so no matter what you say.

  • http://candyappleelixir.wordpress.com candycoatedapple

    I think the reason why non-black people have issue with black women is because many of them are really, really dumb… I mean the lack of intelligence is unprecidented… most white women cannot stoop so low so we tend to patronize black women. You all are so consumed with yourselves that you take no interest in the world outside the black community and come across as selfish and ingorant.

  • ted

    i read all ten. i have, just as a matter of my upbringing, naturally adhered to all ten for as long as i can remember. that fact has nothing to do with “black women”. it has everything to do with respect for my fellow human being regardless of gender or skin color, but rather, as MLK heralded “the content of their character”. on the uglier flip side of that same coin, there are also some serious douchebags of every race & gender as well. the bottom line for me is that each individual gets an equally fair chance to show which category they belong in.

    - plain ol’ white guy.

  • Edwardo

    I got one for ya! Now listen closely…..STOP BEING SO EFFING EASILY OFFENDED. Grown a thick skin. Really it just shows what little self confidence you have. People mispronounce my name all the time and it never has even been thought of as a problem. Get over yourselves, you’re not that special.
    If you are using the N-word in front of white people, trust me there is an undercurrent, we look at each other and think “Just another hood rat POS nigger”. If you want respect that word needs to be dropped from yawls vocabulary. The double standard is hilarious. I had a black guy trying to rationalize it to me, and it was just like dude give it up, you sound like an idiot. Probably because he is. Similar to Rachel Jeantel. At least she was to stupid to put on an act. Now we all know that cracker is good and nigga is too. Thanks for clearing that up Jeantel!

  • Tony

    wow.. im black (canadian)… and im not offended of any of the BS in this article… black americans are THAT easily offended ? In point 7: “…you may get confronted and/or physically harmed” woww…. crazy people in the south of the border… thats why there is so many black on black crimes i guess… this article is BS as well as my US black brother and sisters … sad.

  • Coshanna

    I tried to give you thumbs up hahaha sorry. I agree with some of the points for all people. 1,2, some of 3, 6,9, and 10. I think it’s ridiculous to say don’t paint yourself black/ bronze or wear an afro wig for halloween, but it’s ok if we do it to jews? And My name is long and people still ask me for a nickname or butcher it. I don’t care. As for the N-word. STOP IT ALREADY. I don’t use it no one i know uses it and whites thing poorly of black people who do use it. I makes the people who use it sound like disrespectful idiots. A s for the Obamas.. well I’m not gonna touch that subject. And that has to do with polotics not race. Your black, get over it. I’m not giving you or anyone else special treatment. Unless you are disabled and need help.

  • sophie

    I am white and canadian-I went shopping at a mall in a black area in atlanta and the salesgirl told me that when I was done trying on the clothes I had taken to the change room that I was to put them all back.as in put them back on the hangers and fold and put them back out on the floor.since we’re sharing mall experiences.

  • http://gravatar.com/gighost89 Alistair

    Exactly. Thought I was the only one who did this.

  • Oh ok

    @Sophie Are you saying that having someone make you put the clothes back on the rack is the same as being accused of stealing? And are you saying that this salesperson only did this because you are white and would have never made a black person put the clothes back on the rack? Please. She was probably just trying to get around doing her job and she probably does the same exact thing to other black people. Also you’re supposed to put your clothes back on the hangar and put them on some kind of rack outside. And I always take the folded clothes back out. Are you one of those people that leaves clothes tossed about the dressing room? I find it less likely that this person was being mean to you because you are white and more likely to believe she was getting around doing her job. You cannot honestly think that incidents like these happen as often as incidents like Just_Joi’s.

  • sophie

    @ oh ok;I did say ‘since we’re sharing mall experiences’ & not to discount hers.only to share my experience & I have more if you’d like to hear;I find myself in black areas often enough as I have black friends.the salesgirl did not mean to put them on a rack outside the change room but to put them back out on the floor as I said where I found them.I’ve never been to a store where that was expected;the salesgirls are there to do there jobs just as I would @ my workplace.my point only is that these things happen not only to black women but it can happen vice versa & it feels terrible just the same when it happens to u

  • sophie

    @ oh ok;& yes she was being mean.I can tell when a girls being mean & also I didn’t say it’s the same as being accused of stealing & like I said I have stories of being discriminated against for real & if u are a logical person then u would see it for what it is too;I just want to put different perspectives out there if only on the internet becuz I think that’s important

  • sophie

    @ oh ok;& how rude to say am I one of those people who leaves clothes tossed around the change room.u & I both know that nowhere on this planet would u be expected to put your own clothes back!ugh.plz don’t discount my experience just becuz u can’t believe it to be true;it makes u sound white.

  • Oh ok

    @sophie – Yes I understand she wanted you to take them back outside to the main area of the store. As I said, this probably has more to do with her not wanting to do her job. Is it mean yes.

    “From experience, I knew that it’s a waste of time telling your white friends when you have a racial experience. They usually just make excuses for why it happened to you- although it’s never happened to them!”

    You are doing exactly what Just_joi was talking about. Here she is saying that she was picked on for being black. Here you come with your story of how black people do the same thing to white people. Your story simply shows that the black salesperson was being mean. I am sure she would have done the same thing to me. These things are not equivalent. You are attempting to say that these events have nothing to do with race but only with mean people. This is untrue. Many black people have had the experience of being followed around the store for know other reason than their race. If you have been truly subjected to unfair “reverse racism” from black people, then I can honestly sympathize, but to pretend as if your experience of someone being mean to you is the same as being racially profiled is annoying. You said that you are simply sharing mall experiences, but no you were attempting to say that a black salesperson being mean to you is the same as being followed around a store or accused of stealing. I am black and have run into salespeople that were rude or did not want to do their job who happened to be black. We seem to share this experience indicating to me that this was more about the salesperson being mean. I have run into rude white salespeople as well. oddly enough I thought they were just mean and rude and not racist. it’s funny there is just something about being accused of stealing that is a uniquely black experience that screams racial profiling. How often have you been followed around a store or accused of stealing by a black salesperson? Basically her point and my point is that people like you try to cover up, deny, or trivialize these experiences by saying the same thing could have happened to you. There is a small probability that it would. Where there is a much higher probability of this happening to me which shows that race is a strong factor.

  • Oh ok

    @Sophie – My comment about the clothes tossed about was to say why was this such a big deal to you? We have to bring our clothes outside to a rack anyway don’t we usually. You don’t just leave the clothes in the room. So if you had to bring your clothes out anyway and the mean lady told you to put them back up, I don’t understand why this is such a big deal equivalent to being accused of stealing. It is not to me. While your experience was definitely bad, it is still not that bad. As I said before, I have run into rude salespeople black and white during my years of shopping as well. I am simply wondering why having to take your clothes back is so bad to you? I take my clothes all the way back out many times especially if it is only 3 or 4 garments or if they don’t have a rack. I do not leave them in the room. If someone black or white had told me to go and hang them on the outside rack, I would have been annoyed but I doubt I would have remembered the experience. It was simply a person getting around doing her job.

    I don’t discount your experience. It was a bad experience. Someone was obviously being mean to you. But it was an inappropriate response to Just_joi’s comment. She talks about how she was racially profiled and you respond by bringing up an incident where a black salesperson was mean to you as if black salespeople are never mean to us too!

    You are doing exactly what she said discounting her experience when you haven’t experienced it.

  • http://gravatar.com/onetraeh sophie

    @ oh ok-oh my gosh lol let me explain this just one more time so u understand.the salesgirl wanted me to take the clothes back out onto the floor & INDIVIDUALLY put them back where I INDIVIDUALLY found them see & she did not say anything to my black friend so how would u explain that?she liked my friend better becuz she’s prettier?like really.trust me she didn’t like me becuz I’m white & trust me;me & my friend were both tripping on the attitudes we came across in the south believe that.it’s intolerant of u to steadfastly believe that it had nothing to do with my race just as it would be for me to do the same & I don’t use the term reverse racism;I do think her experience was racial but I think mine was too so that is why I shared.now see you’re saying that my experience was not racial & refuse to believe otherwise so actually U are doing what she said about her white friends.also nobody forced u to read my ‘annoying’ comment;the title of this article says ten things every non black person should know about black women so I clicked on it to see what kind of ridiculousness it was so that’s why I’m here.seems to me they want non black people comments so.

  • http://gravatar.com/onetraeh sophie

    & u & your brethren can down vote me all u want-I don’t care I always get down voted

  • Oh ok

    @sophie – I perfectly understand that she meant for you to take the clothes all the way back out to the main area of the store where you got them from. I have said this in all three of my comments. Somehow you think I don’t understand. Anyway…..your comment mentioned nothing that would lead me to believe this incident was racial except the salesperson was black and you are white. You are just NOW mentioning your friend having a different experience who is black. Sophie we will just have to agree to disagree. I have already said that I can sympathize with you if you experienced such a situation. I have agreed that this situation was rude and mean. You are just NOW mentioning your black friend receiving different treatment from the same salesperson. Now with this information it does seem like a racial incident. You insist on making it seem as if I am saying it is okay for this woman being mean to you because you are white. That is not what I said. I said that you are discounting her experience when you have never experienced it. So now you have shown me that black salespeople can be discriminatory too as if I said that they could not. Your experience is still not the same as being accused of stealing. Was it racial? Yes, but the fact that we are mentioning it in an article speaks to how often it happens. Your experience is not common. Oprah Winfrey was not allowed into a French store because they thought she would steal something. How many white actresses have been kicked out of stores by black people are made to put their clothes back where they got them from? What is annoying about your comment is how you act as if you don’t understand that this has happened to many black people because they are black. You seem to be saying that this could happen to a white person or that white people experience humiliation at the hands of black salespeople often as well. You have had a racial situation but is it common? No. Is it as bad as being accused of stealing? No. It’s like if a black person says that he was beaten up by the cops because the cops thought he had attacked someone and you respond by saying a black person beat you up in high school because you were white.

    Me and “my brethren”? You seem like the exact type of person that would talk about reverse racism.

    Also…down votes happen. That’s what happens when people disagree. It is not the end of the world. Me and my brethren probably read your comment and thought you were making it seem like your incident is as common as her incident. I don’t refuse to see your situation as racial. You are just now providing information that shows the racial aspect.

  • sophie

    @ oh ok-sooo which part are we agreeing to disagree on if u agree that my experience was racial?I seem like a what sort of person?u are the one who used the term not I & u shouldn’t try to be clever when clearly you’re not if u have continually been not understanding what I meant about the clothes but now you’re saying that u do.okay.we can agree to disagree that u have a strong grasp of the english language.idk why u think u caught a live one when u haven’t becuz I never discounted any discrimination of black people @ all in fact it’s happened to people I know right in front of my face so I’m not sure what u mean.my point of posting is to point out a lack of tolerence from BOTH sides that is all.lol the end of the world.what are u talking about.

  • Oh ok

    @sophie – “Yes I understand she wanted you to take them back outside to the main area of the store. As I said, this probably has more to do with her not wanting to do her job.”

    I said this in my second post. Somehow you think I am still talking about her wanting you to put the clothes on the garment rack outside the dressing room where the salespeople then take them back put to the MAIN AREA. What does “main area” mean to you? Since you are so smart it is probably hard to discuss things with us un-clever people. Let me break it down for you. There is a garment rack outside the dressing room that we usually have to bring our clothes out of the dressing room and put our clothes on. We cannot leave our clothes in the dressing room. We must put them on the rack. The salespeople usually take the clothes off the rack and take them to the MAIN AREA where you got them from. This person was being lazy and wanted you to take them back out to the main area. Main area=place where you originally got the clothes. Main area=shopping area. Main area=not the garment rack outside the dressing room. No confusion on my part. Maybe “main area” means something different in Canada. LOL. Whatever. I mean how hard can it be to understand what you said? Just about every store has a garment rack outside the dressing room. When I said the salesperson was trying to get around her job didn’t you grasp that she was trying to get around her job of taking the clothes of the rack outside the dressing room to the main area? My point about the messy dressing room is that you can’t just leave your clothes in the dressing room. You are supposed to put them on the garment rack outside the dressing room. There is a rack there for all the people who try on clothes to put things they don’t want. The worker then takes these clothes to the MAIN AREA.

    Since we have finished discussing how dressing rooms work, we can move on. My post says what I meant perfectly. If not let me state it finally and this can be the end of this not so clever discussion. Your comment that you said was meant to show the “lack of tolerance from both sides” does comes off as a way to say that black people are racist too and that we discriminate and humiliate white people in the same manner. If your black friend were to tell you that she was accused of stealing at a store by a salesperson simply because she was black would you then proceed to tell her about your main area garment rack racist mean salesperson experience? It is inconsiderate and not the same. It’s like if a sexist man had called you the b word and tried to grope you and when you tell your experience to a male friend he then replies that well a woman called him a dumb male pig. Or what if after your experience with the racist black salesperson if your black friend had then responded and said well my white kindergarten teacher was mean to me? Wouldn’t that feel as if she were discounting your experience? As if she were trying to trivialize your experience? And when you responded here, it did not come off as sharing the intolerance on both sides. It came off as insensitive. She talked about racial profiling something that many black people have been humiliated by and sometimes even killed over. You then replied with a comment to say that black people do it too. You seem to think your response is appropriate. I don’t, so we are disagreeing.

    This is my last comment to you since you are getting emotional and resorting to personal attacks. I will work on my English though so I can figure out this supposed communication breakdown we are having over the difference between the main area and the dressing room garment rack outside the dressing room. LOL. Good day.

  • sophie

    @ oh ok-U STARTED IT!

  • aDORKable

    Most of them made me laugh. The only ones I agree with are 3, 7, and 8.

    3. I am only annoyed when people mispronounce my name after I’ve told them what it was, so I usually give them a shortened version and when people do ask what my full first name is I tell them. It irritates my parents that I go by a shortened name but they’re the ones that gave me my name while their names are more common.

    7. I don’t like the use of the N word in the first place and anyone who uses it, in my opinion, is ignorant to what it means and the damage it did and had done to our ancestors. My grandparents worked hard, raised children and even owned land without the need of government assistance (don’t think there was any in that time) in a time where everything was segregated. They couldn’t pick up an item and look at it without being stared at and ask what they were doing as if they were committing a crime for just touching, thinking they could own such an item. If they looked at a White person wrong, they could come up “missing”. Why would I want to use that word? Why would anyone want to use that word? And then to use it at each other because we’re “taking it back”, is the most ridiculous and idiotic thing I ever heard. Some Black people have made it too easy for people to use that word even though no other group in their right mind calls each other a derogatory term that has been used against them.

    8. Michelle Obama is our First Lady. I don’t know her personally, but I respect what she is trying to do. Because she is the First Lady of the U.S. I will show her respect as I would any president, diplomat, royal figure, person in power, and any person on the street that I do or do not know. That was the way I was raised and it hasn’t done me any injustice yet.

    1, 4, 5 are non-issues to me. There are bad kids in all races, along with bad parents. I love Halloween and there will always be idiots. Plus, if someone admires a certain idol or great figure in history and wants to dress up as them, why should I care or tell them not too? Unless, it’s someone like Hitler, I doubt I’d be the only one who would be like.. That’s not cool.

    2- Don’t really want anyone touching my hair no matter who you are. Best if you ask or just touch the tips, but going to close to the face, is uncomfortable and I have an immediate reaction of stepping back or grabbing a wrist. (My mother used to try to grab towards my neck to pull me closer so yeah, quick reactionary response.)

    6 & 9- Never happens.

    10- Usually, happens when I’m in certain clothing stores, but I usually get asked my opinion on an outfit than what the price is. If I do get asked about price, I don’t even tell them I don’t work there until after I’ve helped them and they thank me. The look on their face is priceless and there are some stores I frequent so much that I know the layout better than the employees.

  • Aziara

    #3, absolutely. I might be white, but I have an odd last name, Hoehl. Is it really so hard to ask me how to pronounce it? Instead, I have to hear people refer to me as ‘Mrs. Hole”. It’s the same as ‘Hale’, thank you.

  • http://asmaajama.wordpress.com asmaajama

    Well said!

    I find it quite offended that I actually take the time to know the person’e name Kate,Lucius, Scott, Mary-Elizabeth. Even through they may sound quite foregion to me but the fact is that I take the time to pronounce their names correctly rather then pronouncing whatever manner that sounds correct to me. I ask every single person to take the time to get to pronounce some’e name correctly it takes less than 3 minutes to pronounce someone’s name correctly.

  • jjj

    I disagree with #7. I understand and appreciate why people try to stand up for the right of everyone to say any word they want. I stay away from it myself because I’m a chicken and the thought of saying it mortifies me, but I really don’t think it should. I think it’s STUPID that a word terrifies me.

    And #10… I had no idea that was an issue. How weird. I don’t think of black women as salespeople. But maybe it’s because I don’t go to girly clothing stores enough to know the associated stereotypes.

  • https://www.facebook.com/taft.parsons Taft Parsons III

    jjj, it really isn’t up to you to agree or disagree with what offends black women. Also, as a biracial/ black man, I agree with #7 and #10. I have had all of these examples happen to me, and observed several of them happen to my wife, and they are all offensive.

  • N/A

    Misuse of ignorant:

    ig·no·rant

    ˈignərənt/Submit
    adjective

    1.
    lacking knowledge or awareness in general; uneducated or unsophisticated

    Otherwise I agree with what’s been said in this piece. (Kudos)

  • http://gravatar.com/schooly schooly

    Okay, I’m late to the party but I just read the thing about Larry Busby which led me to read the thing about how people regularly seek out the author to show their willful ignorance when finally led me here to read this list. I have to say, these seem pretty obvious to me. My experience as a white woman is only going to have similarities to a black woman’s experience–like, duh. People can still read a list like this and believe the author is demanding special treatment? Next time you’re asked, PUHLEEZ take the red pill.

  • momo

    It’s racist and ignorant to assume all black women are alike. So dang stupid, you don’t represent all black people.

  • Anonymous

    I have to say these all seem pretty obvious…except for, pretty glaringly, #8 about Michelle Obama. By this logic I can’t criticize President Obama, or in fact any other African-American person at all, in the presence of another African-American person. This rule actually seems racist itself because, assuming I am criticizing something about them as people and not related to their skin color, it assumes that the black person listening will be offended just because I am criticizing another black person for something which has nothing to do with their race, which of course is not a safe assumption. And, if my criticism has nothing to do with skin color, I have every right to and should express my opinion, and would respect my black listener enough to realize that they are an individual who may or may not agree with my criticism. In sum this rule seems pretty ridiculous and I would love to hear someone else defend it or, better yet, repudiate it.

  • Anonymous

    The Michelle Obama rule is also racist because it furthers the idea of separation between whites and blacks. I don’t “got Jackie O and Princess Diana.” I couldn’t care less if you want to criticize them, in fact someone’s skin color plays no role in whether I will defend someone from criticism or agree with it. While a black person, as a victim of discrimination, may understandably be more likely to come to a black person’s defense, it would still be racist of me to assume that every black woman feels a personal connection with or cares about Michelle Obama or Oprah Winfrey.

  • http://gravatar.com/luckygirl502 Lucky

    Maybe this may be beyond the scope of your understanding (hopefully not) I cannot speak for all of my Sisters but many Black people want people who look like us, that we can look up to and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

    If we were truly living in a colorblind society, your comment would have merit.

  • http://www.writelaughdream.com Writelaughdream

    I would definitely want to add … not sure if someone did already, please don’t approach us as if we are not grown women. I am not sure what it is that makes some people approach us as if we are little girls. Maybe it’s because we look youthful. lol. But nonetheless … that has a long history in this country that is not pleasant.

  • sophie

    Lol some of u guys r really nuts.I’m srry.I really don’t mean disrespect to all black people but SOME of u guys r really nuts.

  • Jay

    1. If a kid is being a snot he/she deserves to be called out (with the parents). Your attitude is why most violent crimes in Chicago are committed by youth 12-16. If a kid is acting up anyone has any right to address the issue.
    2. Shouldn’t be an issue as I have no desire to touch anyones hair. But art? It’s fake hair, I wouldn’t call it art.
    3. La’Taquisha, Marquaysa, Taiwanas, etc. You name your kid something odd it’s going to happen, accept it. The only purpose for doing this is to be different/unique. You get exactly what you comes with that.
    6. Six is odd, because black women criticize black men for dating white women. Black women hate white women who date black men. But when someone tries to hook a black person up with a black person, they are racist? Go figure. You can’t win here, don’t bother hooking your friend up with anyone if they aren’t the same race as you.
    7. Have you listened to any rap album in the last 5 years? Lil Jon – Real N(i)gga Roll Call ??? If making a white word off limits to blacks is racist, doing reverse is racist. Let’s address the issues at home first.
    8. She is a public figure, if she acts a fool or whatever else on national television it’s going to be talked about. She knew their was going to be a certain level of attention when her husband decided to be a politician. You are in the white house, the world is watching you.
    9. If you got in the car and someone put country on, you would still be offended. There really is no winning in this one. Leave the radio off and try to make the silent commute as awkward as possible.
    10. I have never seen this one? But while in Dom Repub I did witness a black woman, from America, hand her trash to the tour guide for him to throw away. I was thinking this Dominican man just said he is a history major & went back to learn 5+ languages. He has more education than most of us combined and your giving him your trash after them asking us to throw our trash in the basket on the way out.

    11. Big is not beautiful. This is something I am hearing more and more in order for black woman to completely disregard any lifestyle changes they may need to make to be healthy.
    12. If a black person is bettering themselves, don’t tell them they are being too white, or too anything. Tell them, congratulations and keep working. You don’t know how many times I was told this simply for taking college courses.

  • Ed

    I am not a huge fan of the Obama’s however I would never think of being disrespectful towards them. I am married to an Adian woman and our lives can be made tough at times from outside influences. Obviously, I feel very upset and often angry about the misconceptions of our relationship compared to the so called normals! My hope for our future is that racism fades to the point where everyone thinks of it as a sad historical mistakes never to be repeated.

  • Anonymous

    I’m sorry you feel that my comment is without merit, but your response doesn’t really address what I said. You’re talking about having someone that looks like you that you can look up to; I agree, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. What I was saying seems wrong to me is the idea that I can’t criticize Michelle Obama in front of someone who looks like her when what I am criticizing has nothing to do with what she looks like.

  • bluevw

    Rude. Just proving her point.

  • bluevw

    1. This comment was referring (I think) to Quvanzhane Wallis being called a “brat” simply for correcting someone who decided to call her Annie instead of learning the pronunciation of her name. Also not sure if you heard about this but she was called a C*** in an Onion article. Not funny. In neither instance was she being a snot.
    2. Thanks for implying all or most black women have fake hair. Natural hair and permed hair apply as “Art” as well. Not just extensions. It even says this in the article. By the way plenty of white women have extensions as well. At least in LA.
    3. Try to learn the pronunciation. It’s not hard to ask. You would do it if it was a foreigner. I personally don’t like when people make up their own names, but it is what it is and I still show respect to the people whose names I don’t like.
    6. Once again, we are not a monolith. You should know this. I could care less if a black man dates a white woman. The only problem I have is the attitude that white women are superior and when black men get rich they’re too good for black women. I do NOT think this applies to most interracial couples, but it does sometimes.
    7. I partially agree with this statement. The n-word should not be used period even by black people. But I disagree with the implication that it’s acceptable for black people to use derogatory terms for white people. It’s not. Racial slurs=bad. Not matter who is being insulted.
    8. I’ve never seen her “act a fool” but okay.
    9. Who would be offended by that? That’s ridiculous and I have a feeling you know that. I’ve had white friends play country in my presence and no it’s not my cup of tea. I strongly dislike it in fact, but I’m not offended by it and it’s not my car so I recognize it’s their choice.
    10. That’s terrible but does not discount what the writer is saying.
    11. We are NOT a monolith! We’re not all fat! And last time I checked 70% of the U.S. population is overweight! We only make up 12% of the total population.
    12. Agree 100%. I’ve had the same problem.

  • Anonymous 2

    To Anonymous, the point being made here is that for this person its not okay and probably for most black people. what is being said is that since many things that are attributed to black society, culture and heritage are criticize and deemed as bad. Its nice to have sometime that is acceptable. Think of it as living in a rundown house, everything is dirty but you have one table, a beautiful nice table that you can be proud of, something you proclaim proudly as being yours and then have someone come to you and say negative things about one of the few things you can be proud of.

  • Dara

    I think we should all just respect each other, regardless of race/ethnicity. I agree for the most part with what you’re saying, although I don’t think it should be with ONLY Blacks, but with everyone. Hair touching, learning how to properly pronunciate names, etc. I see many people here do a ”white vs. black” theme and the title obviously states ”non-Blacks”, who are everyone else… but Blacks.
    I have a genuine question that I’ve been looking for an answer to: Why is it that when Black men and women call other Black men and women brotha and sistas, it’s fine. But when Whites, or anyone else really, does it, they are somehow stealing the term from Blacks? I’ve experienced that quite a few times and I just don’t understand it, and would really like an answer.
    Thank you!!

  • http://gravatar.com/luckygirl502 Lucky

    Black people have been referring to each other as “Brother” and “Sister” since the pre-Civil Rights era for reasons that should be profoundly obvious. What about whites?

  • http://gravatar.com/luckygirl502 Lucky

    I’ll be honest, what really chaps my ass is when white women refer to each other as “Soul Sista” (I was looking for a Soul Sista t-shirts). I did a Google image search for the term and I was blown away at the number of pics in which WW referred to themselves as “Soul Sister/Sista”. I don’t have anything against you and I can’t speak for all Black women, only myself, but Black women are the ORIGINAL Soul Sistas, and we’ll always be!

    No kudos to Train for the song, either!

  • onelove

    Racism is Racism no matter what race the person being racist is. I only read a couple comments and I am amazed by how backwards people still are. The author of this article talks about us being well into the 21st century and therefore these things should already be known. However, I personally find her whole article to be slightly racist and I find it ridiculous that certain things are seen only as black/white/everybody else issues. We the people keep racism alive and well by racially charged articles, comments and hypocritical thinking. No one race has the right to claim a saying such a soul sister/sista, brother/sister, etc. I know people from many races who could be considered soul sisters or brothers. Also using the term brotha/brother, as in “what’s up brother” is not black, white, brown, yellow (or whatever color you want to throw out there) specific. The fact is, too many people in this world today feel as though their rights are the only rights and that others must live by their rules. We must not offend African Americans, but it is ok to offend those of other ethnicities and backgrounds, especially “white people”. That is how this article (and others), and several of these comments come across to me. I have a great idea, how about we just let people be people. Better yet, why don’t we stop throwing race into everything and just start treating individuals just that way, like an individual. We all have different backgrounds, ideas, beliefs etc. These things are molded by the way we are taught growing up, the people we grew up around, the region in which we grew up etc. I know black, white, Asian, Hispanic, etc. people who would not want a stranger walking up to them and feeling their hair. This is NOT a black woman specific thing. As far as the “N” word, no person, black, white, Asian, Indian, Hispanic, etc. should be using that word. It is a word rooted in hate and negativity and it is not acceptable for anyone to say, with an a or an er at the end! I teach my sons (who are black, along with other ethnicities, as am I) that there is no purpose on earth for that word to be used. It is nasty and ugly and many people, black, white, Jew and gentile died fighting against that word and the mentality that came along with its use! I do not care if their peers are saying it, I better never here that word leave their mouths. Unlike many of their peers, they have been taught its history and they know why it is completely unacceptable. I liken this to the b word, taking something negative and trying to put your own spin on it and making it cool to be a “b!tcH does not change the fact that you are degrading yourself! If we want people’s idea of who and how we are to change, we must change our own thinking. This applies on both the individual and the group level.

  • Alison

    She’s obviously one of those people who begin their sentence with: “I’m not racist BUT….”
    You need to meet some black women and befriend them so you can be educated on how the world is seen in our perspective.

  • sophie

    My comment won’t post

  • sophie

    well this site obviously doesn’t like wht I’m saying so I’m out anyways lmao..these comments r too much

  • sophie

    & I didn’t attack anybody in my comments @ all or use swear words sooo;I see wht time it is

  • Independent Thinker

    Let’s add another important “don’t” to this list: Don’t– if you’re a White woman or man trying to “bond” with another person who happens to be Black– call another Black person who may have done something wrong “a house negro,” Uncle Tom,” or some other derivative. I’m amazed that there are White people who think that it’s OK to use racial slurs to denigrate a Black person in order to demonstrate cohesiveness with another Black person. Just as a gay person would never want to hear a straight person call another person a “faggot,” Black people do not want to be reminded that no matter what we do–good or bad–we’re always going to be reduced to a stereotype to explain our actions. Oh, and I’m a college professor working in a so-called intellectual environment with people who should know better and be more sophisticated in their thinking.

  • Anonymous

    Anonymous 2, that position of getting annoyed by criticism of Michelle Obama is totally understandable, but that person needs to realize that she is a public figure and is therefore open to criticism unrelated to her race, especially as a politician. She is not the only nice “table” in the broken down house as you say. Also, we need to keep in mind that, gasp, all black people do not feel or think the same and some of them are not even going to connect to Michelle Obama at all if race is not a factor that makes them connect to people.

  • true

    “white people are basically overgrown children”

  • http://gravatar.com/luckygirl502 luckygirl502

    No hun, some of YOU guys are nuts, by believing that your creedo and your beliefs are theis the standard that everyone else has to follow.

  • Dalia

    As a white woman I can say these aren’t just issues that whites are doing to black people. I have had both black and white women touch my hair, mispronounce my name, and give me unwanted nicknames.

    I think most of these aren’t what white people are doing…. its what classless people of all races are doing

  • Jules

    Is no one else going to address the fact that giving “Jew-fros” a pass is racist?
    Otherwise I agree with this article completely.

  • Lynn

    1. So if a child is naughty in school or in church or hurting your child, the parent’s sensitivity and pride is more important than the parent being made aware?
    2. Agreed, although that goes for anybody touching anybody.
    3. Let’s admit that the name trends are toward the unusual and creative, so if people mispronounce it, don’t get mad, just politely correct.
    4. Really. “Jew fro”. Racist.
    5. Models? Yes, the normal white woman encounters so many models and are responsible for their makeup.
    6. People like to match up others. Why assume their motive is based on race?
    7. It’s foul no matter who says it. Physician heal thyself.
    8. No one is allowed to voice an opinion? May I provide a list of individuals about whom no else is allowed to “diss”?
    9. Most hip hop music lyrics present an image of a culture that negates the respect you demand.
    10. People mistake other races as employees, too.

    Thank you for letting me know how to maneuver through the eggshells.

  • Geneva

    We have a timeshare at a high end resort in the Caribbean. I can’t even count how many times I’ve been on the beach with my family, wearing a swimsuit and someone asks me for more towels or tries to get me to order them a drink. Black people don’t visit resorts? Once I was holding my infant daughter and someone STILL mistook me for a worker!

  • Rochelle

    1. Don’t insult me with some (barely) veiled, racially tinged joke and get mad when I tell you about yourself, or worse yet, tell me that I don’t have a sense of humor.

    2. Don’t confuse your discomfort with being surrounded by other people of color with feeling discriminated against.

    3. Don’t insult me by saying that I’m not a “black black” because I don’t speak the “jive” you’re expecting. Don’t hate because I may be better educated, better spoken and more evolved than you.

    4. Don’t be surprised that I didn’t come from a single-parent family.

    5. Don’t tell me that I should just get over “it.” Don’t tell me that I’m playing the race card. Don’t walk a mile in my shoes, just stand still in my skin; then we can talk.

  • cambeul41

    I am white, and I have been called “bro” by Blacks any number of times. They may be testing me to see if I twitch, but I just take it as a compliment

  • Afghan Whig

    This is a sensible list, but I do have something to add. If it’s offensive to “diss” Oprah and Michelle Obama, presumably because they’re black, doesn’t this imply the kind of uncritical racial solidarity that leads white people to assume that black people will only date other black people, and they’ll share common values, assumptions, etc., based on their shared ethnicity?

  • Afghan Whig

    1. Don’t assume that in a multi-racial, multi-cultural country, people should share the same sensibilities as you. You’ll save yourself a lot of heartache by accepting that as long as Americans have different backgrounds and assumptions about the world, we’re going to offend and sound ignorant to each other sometimes. Also, don’t assume you know something significant about someone’s character because they like the kind of racially-tinged humor Chris Rock has deservedly made a career out of.

    2. Don’t assume you understand white people because they’re the ones with “power.” Whiteness is also not monolithic, and if simply having more aggregate power translated into instant empathy, no one would ever misunderstand the motives of white people when they talk about race. Step one: Accept that most white people, rightly or wrongly, and often hypocritically, are committed to the ideal of color-blindness, judging people as individuals, as opposed to making assumptions about people based on their skin color. This is a conscious suspension of prejudice. If you can think of a better, realistic general principle to teach our children concerning race, please share it.

    3. Don’t call Clarence Thomas an Uncle Tom for being conservative. Also, if you don’t want people to assume that being black means acting like a stereotype right out of the movies, don’t tolerate it when teenagers accuse their classmates of acting white for being even-tempered and studious.

    4. Don’t badger people for being put off by defensiveness. This will discourage people from taking the time to actually get to know you and treat you the way you want to be treated.

    Americans have a generations-long path to tread if we ever want to achieve racial balance and harmony. It’s going to take a lot of humility and hard work on behalf of all Americans to expedite this process. This means being humble, accepting difference, and often letting small injustices slide. I know you’re aware of this, but I want you to know I am, too.

  • http://fluxforum.com fluxforum

    YES. Hot damn. All black-nonblack interaction (really any human interaction at all) could be summarized as such: If you’re unsure about how to treat someone who seems different than you TREAT THEM LIKE A HUMAN BEING. Just like you. It’s perfectly alright to ask for permission, to ask how someone wants to be referred to, treated or touched. Thanks for the article =)

    -Valentine
    Flux: Encountering Adulthood

  • Z

    #’s 2, 6, and 7, okay.

    The rest? Get over yourself. This isn’t planet “You”.

  • Truth

    My presumption is that you are going to make some unfortunate gentleman monumentally unhappy. This article was almost unreadable due to the ridiculously inflated sense of importance of the author. Ouch.

  • Mo

    Amazing how so many people are offended at someone (in the case BLACK women) wanting the same level of respect as the next person. What I’m sensing from some of these comments is that a black woman doesn’t deserve the respect nor consideration that they expect because they would never confuse the mindset of “respect my personal space as in don’t touch my hair” with an “inflated sense of self importance”…at times like this I’m so glad to live in NYC where people are actually used to DIVERSITY *I actually hate this word but…yeah haha*, “funny sounding names” like Shaquisha…and Llewellyn (hint hint) and uh respecting other people’s personal space.

  • Wilma Gregory

    I married a wonderful warm brown man some forty years ago and have had many years of being confronted by black women under my belt. I have discovered that strangly enough they ( black women), just want what everybody wants. Respect, for space and face. The only thing that ever confused me were comments like, dont steal the few good black men from a good black woman. Well they wernt there when we were falling in love and not all these years we had to endure prejudices from all sides. Black and white. No person of any color or race belongs to another.

  • Allard

    Number 7 makes me angry.

    How is it OK for black people to use the N-word when it’s not for white people?

    I am white and don’t use this word. But the fact that I can’t say it, just because of MY (white) skin colour, is in fact also racism. There you’re basically saying that it’s only OK for black people to be racist (on a very small scale).

    I think everyone should stop using the N-word OR it should be OK for everyone. We’re all equal right?

    When I get together with some black friends and they start calling each other that, it just makes me really uncomfortable and I feel left out.

  • Anon

    Excuse me.. Michelle Obama?
    So whiten people are forbidden from having a political viewpoint because?

    Have you seen her photo she tweeted of the presidential dogs in diamond TIARAS AT DINNER
    , while people of all color go HUNGRY?

    I just imagine the absolute hypocrisy of this entire article being lost on the author.

    She loves her some Michelle Obama simply for the color of Obama’s skin whereas a white person is assumed RACIST unless they stfu about the first lady who was not a proud American until her husband’s election?

  • Vickie

    Hi – I really enjoyed this article! Just discovered Demetria because of the TV show Blood, Sweat and Heels. I think she is fabulous. I also wanted to point out that I also have the “people want to pet my hair” thing that happens to me all the time. No matter if they are black or white, people always want to touch my hair and it’s unnerving to say the least…lol! I have really really long naturally curly hair, mostly blond although my gray roots are threatening to take over, and I don’t understand the touching thing. I don’t mind it too much if I actually know you, but please – stop trying to pet me!

  • http://Touchmag Amy

    #1. I HATE THE N-WORD.
    2. Children do what they are taught, whether from their parents, teachers or the streets. They ALL have an equal shot at getting in trouble in my eyes. No race stands out to me… sorry.
    3. I won’t touch your hair if you don’t touch mine!
    4. I worked with a Beautiful Black Woman who not only had to spell her name but I actually had to practice it. She was very gracious. Her children were the best behaved children I have ever met, impressing me at age 3 by calling “Miss Amy” and saying “thank you”, and “nice to meet you”. Better than my White Grandchildren. How embarrassing is that?
    As for the rest of the situations I don’t single out the “Black Sales People” any-
    one with knowledge about the product is good for me. I don’t care for HipHop, and I have great respect for Michele Obama, she is doing great work for Childhood Diabetes. I’m a Nurse so anyone helping not just a classroom but the Nation is ALRIGHT BY ME!. Thanks for letting me share. Oh I am white. I hope I have said Nothing Offensive to anyone. LIVE FREE ;-)

  • Amy

    When it comes to your hair… What would you do if a random Black Woman said ” I love your hair, don’t change a thing? Do you only take this attitude with “white people?” Also there are some of us that are not as well off as others but we all are not trash. It’s ashamed that all this stereotyping is going on. If that alone stopped the repreccussion would be phenomenal.

  • Perry

    So when a black person calls me a cracker, is that supposed to be ok? Because they all fucking sue that word. I’d UNDERSTAND if they got hurt. So damn hypocritical.

  • anna

    “Better than my white grandchildren. how embarrassing is that?” Why should that be embarrassing? Please don’t try to deny your ignorance, it makes you seem more ignorant. All humans are ignorant of situations they personally didn’t have to experience. Acknowledging this is the only way to become educated about, and gain any understanding about cultures other than your own. I see the good intentions behind your words, and coming from a place of privilege I know where you’re coming from. Understanding is hard, but we have to acknowledge that racism and white privilege are both still very prevalent. We’re not there yet and we can’t get there until every single one of us comes to terms with our own ignorance and becomes willing to learn from it rather than trying to convince the rest of the world that “I’m white and I’m not racist!” Who are you really trying to convince?

  • Sunshine

    KUDOS to you Kacey!!!! And Bwahahaha to the clueless caucasian…..

  • Sunshine

    Why is it that non-black people are threatened by people of African descent who speak well ( at least they seem to be threatened), especially African Americans who are very dark -> complexion-wise? It seems as though non-black people think that dark-skinned people of African descent should all speak “ebonically”….really???? The shock on their (non-blacks) face when they hear you (dark-skinned person of African descent) speak “correctly” is so comical that you just have to walk away…otherwise you’d literally explode from holding in the laughter.

  • JCRACK

    Im guessing all the things you said about like sales girls, eavsdropping on somebody’s convo and hearing the “N-bomb” im guessing its you that been through all that. SMH. I apoligize for my fellow americans, but people do make mistakes sweetheart dont get offended. We’re only humans!. Btw im dominican.#liveLoveLaugh. Anyrace, anycolor you heard

  • Sunshine

    @JCrack,”…… hearing the “N-bomb”…..I apoligize for my fellow americans, but people do make mistakes sweetheart dont get offended”

    Sweetie – dropping the “N-bomb” is not just a mere mistake, but pure hatred….a mistake would have been mispronouncing the customer’s name – try not to confuse the two. Don’t get offended, but, I clearly understand why you felt the need to apologize for your fellow Americans…

  • tracena barnwell

    Wow just found this article & it really hits the nail on the head. Cant tell u how many of these scenarios have happened to me before.

  • Just When

    I just can’t wait to see the list of things you should know (by now) not to say to white women. Fun stuff.

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