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PeriodFor a variety of totally valid reasons — cramps, bloating, stained underwear, fear of attracting sharks — periods have a pretty bad reputation. Ladies, I hear your exasperated signs upon pulling down your pants to pee and realizing your new pair of sexy panties must be thrown away; I know how it feels to have a field trip to Disneyland totally ruined because your lower abdomen feels like it’s being stabbed with a hot knife; and I, too, have calculated just how many pairs of shoes could have been purchased with the amount of money spent on tampons in my life thus far. But! Periods are not all bad. In fact, there are nine just as valid reasons to rejoice in your moon cycle. Here’s why I’m psyched to still be surfing the crimson wave…

1. I have an excuse for seeming bitchy. Generally speaking, I think I have a pretty positive attitude. But I have been known to act a tad emotional both prior to and during my period. It’s one thing when that crazy side is kept within the confines of my own empty apartment, but when it’s directed at someone else? Like, say, a guy I like who didn’t really say the wrong thing, it just sounded wrong to my extra hormonal ears and so I kind of wigged out on him? Luckily, it’s all water under the bridge once I apologize, gesture to my lower abdomen and whisper sheepishly, “It’s that time of the month…”

2. They’re funny. I love that as women have become more open about their periods, menstruation has become a breeding ground for some truly innovative crude comedy. I mean, I will maybe never ever laugh as hard as I did the time an ex-boyfriend of mine dubbed tampons “girl corks.”

3. Hooray, I’m not pregnant! Even though I really, really want a baby right now, I don’t actually want a baby with any ol’ fool right now. Even though I’m either on the Pill or using a condom with my sexual partners, you know there’s always just a littttttle voice in the back of my head whispering, “Psst! What if it didn’t work? What if you are with child right now?!” When my period arrives on schedule, my mind is put at ease that there is no bun in my oven.

4. But chances are someday there will be. As I was saying, I really, really want a baby now, i.e. in the next three years. I have a plan in mind for how that’s going to go and ideally it will happen fairly easily, despite advancing into my mid-30s. I’ve always had a very regular period, which my gynecologist assures me means my reproductive organs are in tip-top shape.

5. It means I’m going to live forever. Okay, not forever, but in general, women live longer than men in part because of the iron we expel during our periods. Not that I’m tapdancing about outliving any of the men I love, but I’ll take as many healthy years on Earth as I can get.

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  • Lisss

    @ Meek Meek LMBO!!! Funniest comment i saw on Clutch today. Im supposed to get my period in a couple of days. I’ll think of your comment when im writhing in pain and throwing back a bottle of Naproxen.

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  • au napptural

    I feel like some of the commenters, I pretty much always hated my period, but I respect it. I think reading the Red Tent really helped me view it as a rite of womanhood. I feel more connected to all my lady friends and family members. We all bleed, you know?

    And I agree, there’s nothing better than feeling iffy, then getting the period! Like, whew, dogded a bullet. lol

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  • GlowBelle

    I appreciate the optimism, wish I could feel that way…but um, hell no! I cannot for anything in the world write a love letter to my period and feel great about it. I will admit that I once had irregular periods years ago and that was due to weight gain, and when I lost weight you bet your tush I was happy to see it and know I was on the right track concerning my health, but that happiness ended within seconds when the stained under-roos happened, the cramps began, and the blood flowed out like that elevator scene in ‘The Shining’ . Not pretty or fun.

    Also I HATE the week before the period…my back killing me, me feeling like I have five different personalities, the fatigue to where I can’t even keep focused… it’s just a crappy two weeks that are an necessary evil and I just can’t “embrace” it. I can get in touch with my womanhood another way. From what my Mom tells me going through menopause is even worse…thanks for nothing, Eve!

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  • AM

    I’ve always HATED it, and will continue to. There is nothing fun about menses. Having blood come out of me, is horrifying to say the least. What is fun though about menses are the stories. I live for them.

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