Are You Going To Read “Manology”?

by Yesha Callahan

Manology

Normally I don’t read editorial book reviews, but when I saw “Manology” come across my screen, I headed to the holy grail of reviews, Amazon.

Here are just a couple:

  • “It has often been said that it takes a man to raise a man. With MANOLOGY Tyrese and Rev Run are proving another point; it takes men to tell women the truth about men. As a woman, I’m grateful for the insight. What a blessing! —Iyanla Vanzant, New York Times bestselling author and host of OWN’s Fix My Life  (Maybe they should have sat down with Evelyn Lozada)
  • “The age-old discussion of roles and expectations in the new world of relationships has a new blueprint: it’s called MANOLOGY.” —Vin Diesel (Really Vin? Were you paid for this because of the Fast & The Furious?)
  • “Ladies if you want to get to the bottom of what men are really thinking and feeling, than you need to check out MANOLOGY!” —Sanaa Lathan, Tony award nominated actress (Aren’t you single? Did this book work for you?)
  • “This is not an ordinary book. The relationship insight on these MANOLOGY pages can’t be compared to anything out there. It is a true masterpiece.” —La La and Carmelo Anthony (Are these Lala’s words or Carmelo’s?)

With a the title Manology, you’d think this book was a woman’s handguide to men — you know, written by a woman.  But of course it’s not. It’s yet another relationship book written by men for women.

Who are the two men that sat down to write 288 pages of what women should, shouldn’t do, and what to look out for?

Reverend Run.

Tyrese Gibson.

I’ll let that sink in for a few seconds.

An unlikely duo? Seems like it to me.  Reverend Run says that Manology serves as a “man-ual” for women on how not to be manipulated, by those ever so manipulating men, because you know, some women are just that dumb and can’t realize what’s going on (Well, he didn’t exactly put it that way). Tyrese on the other hand says the book’s goal is to “protect” women from making horrible decisions. Because, yet again, ladies are known for the bad decision-making.

Men =  Great decision makers & not easily manipulated — but are the manipulators

Women = Horrible decision makers & easily manipulated.

There you have it. The book summed up in two sentences.

A few of the topics covered in the book include: Can you ever change a man?; How open should you be with your man?; What’s the most productive/healthy way to fight?; Is cheating ever justifiable?

The book does offer different perspectives on these subjects. Take for example, sex. “If the energy and vibe and the chemistry is right … live it up,” Tyrese told USA Today. But Reverend Run thinks the ladies should keep their panties on. “I believe a woman should definitely keep herself in a position of mystery and mystique … if you want keep the dude,” Reverend Run said.

USA TODAY’s Craig Wilson recently interviewed both authors and they offered up some advice to women, because you know, that’s what “relationship experts” do:

Q: So, why should anyone, especially women, listen to you two?

Gibson: ‘Cause we know what we’re talking about. We have good intentions putting this information out there, trying to protect them from making horrible decisions.

Run: People should read the book based on the fact I have a pretty stable marriage. You can watch it on the TV show (Run’s House, which ran on MTV from 2005-09).

Q: What do you think is the biggest mistake women make when it comes to dealing with men?

Gibson: I think we summed it up with that whole thing about control, trying to mold and shape a man. A lot of women are going into the relationship to mold him into what they want him to be.

Run: I would guess a man needs time alone. Women want you to do things with them. A man needs a man cave, and the woman needs to know that.

Q: Should a woman think she can “change” a man?

Gibson: That shouldn’t be your goal. No man wants to feel like a fixer-up project. If a woman has that intention, it should come from love. It shouldn’t be a charity case.

Run: I believe that a woman and a man can work with each other to reach a goal. But to go into it to see someone that needs help, I’m not sure you can change anyone. That’s God’s job.

Clutchettes, are eager to run out and grab this book? Because you know, all women are eager to get advice from men.

 Men of Clutch (I don’t know what to call you … Clutchers?), if you could write a relationship book geared towards women, what would you write?

  • Rosey

    Have yall ever read Tyrese’s tweets? He needs to get hooked on phonics before he tries to give me advice.

  • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

    Lol! This must be an internet hoax!

  • Yb

    Hell no. Tyrese giving out relationship advice is like Lindsay Lohan teaching people how to be law abiding citizens.

    I’ll pass.

  • The Comment

    Yeah….

    Letting men vent or so called educating women about how men think is a step in the right direction. May not be perfection but at least it is a serious effort I hope.

  • Maeby

    If I wanted to know what men think, I’d just ask them. I wouldn’t ask them what ALL men think, but what they thought. I don’t trust anyone or anything who tries to speak for a whole gender.

  • D

    I’m not sure what the problem is. I understand the feminist instinct to be suspicious of anything men do, but women seeking advice from men about men isn’t exactly something new. I frequently have female friends asking me, or other men, for such advice. From what I’ve seen on here, it’s practically a badge of honor on Clutch for women to proclaim how many male friends they have and how that gives them special insight into men and relationships. So is the problem that it’s in a book? Women have made an entire industry about their confusion in relationships and about getting played by men. Men come along and say here’s how not to get played and they’re mocked? I don’t get it. The advice isn’t condescending or belittling. But it does assume that not all women are as “smart” as the author of this article and may not know everything.

    Men are all different so obviously none of us can know everything about everyone who shares our gender. But there are an incredible number of shared thoughts/characteristics/motives/ideas that male insight can be very useful.

  • Sasha

    F*ck. No.
    Next question.

  • Deidra

    I’ll read it for a good laugh.

  • D

    Oh, didn’t see the questions at the bottom of your post. If I wrote an advice book for women, it would be called “Stop Listening To Your Girlfriends. Please.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/andrea.butler.3954 Andréa Butler

    Nah, I’m not gonna read this. Just sounds like a copy of Steve Harvey’s books, which I did read. I liked those, but I don’t need to read the same stuff from two other people. Pass.

  • Cocochanel31

    Well who can better tell us about men than men? Rev. Run has a successful marriage and seems to have rasied young women who respect themselves…guess my only question is what is the difference between this and Act Like A Lady and Think Like a Man?

  • Whiteprivilegeterminated

    Very good point

  • tish

    hey, i just wrote a book about a new angioplasty procedure! BTW, i’m not a cardiologist, but i have a heart and coronary arteries hence, i’m an expert!

    seriously, i tuned out tyresse after his swashbuckling role of “stank-ass n*gga” in “baby boy…”

    this whole genre of self-help books is a big major wet fart….

  • EST. 1986

    These books are usually a bunch of patriarchal nonsense. I don’t know why men act like they are these complex people.

  • Cin

    No.

  • http://www.stylesweets.com Style Sweets Magazine

    hmmmm…lets see what they think they know. Ha!

  • D

    lol…wrong. It’s exactly the opposite. Most men will tell you we are not complex at all and are extremely easy to figure out. It’s often women who want to believe that there are all types of layers and complexity to men. I can tell a woman that some guy did X because of Y. Simple. But her girlfriends will tell her, he may have done X because of Y. But don’t ignore, Z, A, B or C. It could even be D, E, F, G, H, I, J or K. lol…

    As for patriarchal….uh….most men think in those terms so I imagine the books will read that way. These books are not saying men are right or wrong. They’re meant to explain men’s thinking and provide advice for dealing/or not dealing with it.

  • D

    Yes, I wonder what men know about men. lol…smh.

  • Ladi

    I would have considered reading Rev. Run’s perspective only.

  • Trinity J

    I will read this book. I am interested in Rev. Run’s logic. It appears if he has a great family life, good father, and husband. I’m not ruling out Tyrese. I think both of their perspective will provide us with some sound advice.

  • Z

    From what I’ve read and the interview I heard them give this sounds like a great read for…MEN. Young men especially, but of course it’s geared to women. Personally, I’m done reading relationship, self-help books so no I’m not reading this.

  • Fantastico

    Hell no. Tyrese has the worst relationship advice and experience. Maybe if Rev alone wrote the book.

  • http://defendingmoney.wordpress.com Marketing Gimmicks

    Honestly this is bandwagon formulaic tripe.

    Think Like a Man got my $12 at the picture show (gratefully I was entertained) but Steve “Fugg” Harvey done set off a bunch of drone clones. Who’s gonna write a book next? Micheal Ealy, Idris…Ole DB? And Baby Boy Tyrese need to especially stop playing. Isn’t this ninja divorced and didn’t he get flack from Black women for having a bunch of Latina women in his R&B videos?

    This trend of black men giving women advice is really disturbing. With the dire critical condition state that black men are in giving us (their sisters, mothers, grandmothers, and aunties who raise them) advice should be the least of their concerns. They really should be giving advice to themselves.

    BTW. “Manology”? How hammy can you get?

  • tish

    *tyrese* i meant. don’t want to disrespect the brother–who’s only trying to “help a sista out” so she can find a good man– by misspelling his name…./sarcasm

  • tish

    if i want to know what my man thinks, i’ll just ask him. that’s what grown folks in mature relationships do.

    i have a better idea, why don’t these helpful brothas write a book to help young men learn how not to be manipulative–hence, it’s clear that women are being manipulated by…MEN right???

    i just find it amazingly irritating that the onus to fix the failed state of black women’s dating life always rests on the bosom of black women. and is most often told through the lens of men.

  • Jess

    I did not know that Tyrese could read–much less write. I’ll pass.

  • EST. 1986

    Men are simple, yes. Men’s contradicting behavior is probably where women get confused.

    For example: A man could make a comment about not wanting to his daughter to ‘end up on a pole’, the same pole that he likes to watch and get a hard-on from by another man’s daughter.

  • Cocochanel31

    These self help books are not geared towards men because women are main ones concerned about relationships and the primary consumers of this stuff. Men historically don’t read self help books on anything in the numbers that women do. I agree with D, most men are simple, we womne make them more complicated, if anything, maybe this book will highlight that. This book is probably filled with things my male friends tell me all the time, whether or not I listen and do it my way is on me.

  • EST. 1986

    ODB has been dead for 9 years.

  • AnGe

    Steve Harvey got the same type of heat. He’s divorced and cheated on his wife, so why is he giving advice on relationships? I just read his to get another perspective. I had also just read Why Men Love Bitches written by a women and that was pretty interesting too.

    I just don’t think they have anything new to offer. I saw an interview with those two and they appear to be coming from a good place. But I am getting over the self proclaimed relationship experts because you’ve been in a lot of relationships.

    Probably gonna pass on this one. I think it would have been more effective of them to write a relationship book for men. Women only rep half of the “issue” in todays male female relationships.

    I’d like to see some books geared towards men with chapter titles like:

    Don’t Come at Your Wife Like That
    Get it Right the First Time and There Will Be No Nagging
    Don’t Forget
    Romance Before Sex
    It’s my cell phone too if I’m payin half the bill
    And so on and so on….

  • http://www.isistheblogger.com isistheblogger

    The date of April Fool’s was changed to the release date of this book.

  • D

    tish,

    I agree with everything you said. Men should write books for other men, encouraging them to be better husbands, fathers, etc. And women should simply ask their men what they’re thinking and why.

    But you’re going a bit far. These men, particularly, Rev. Run. did not write this book in an effort to annoy, belittle or demean black women. I assume they feel they can add to a conversation that’s already begun. Everything men do isn’t an affront to women. They may just be really trying to help. If women don’t want to take advice from men about men, I guess that’s OK. It makes me wonder who else is left, but whatever..

    And by the way, the 8,000 years of Oprah-led women giving each other advice to fix relationships hasn’t worked all that well. Giving men a chance to offer insight can’t be any worse.

  • http://www.geekmommarants.com GeekMommaRants

    Insulting me is free! I will not spend a dime on anyone who insults me. Period.

  • D

    Pretty much sums it up.

  • Skye

    Right. This is what I don’t get about them. Instead of focusing on main issues of young black men or older of starting a business, how to be successful, maintain a family, stopping violence. we get advice on black women’s dating life. I just don’t get it. In order to help black women in the dating arena they can guide young productive men. Its point less when there are no quality men out there.

  • Cocochanel31

    These titles are HILARIOUS! Men will not buy this kind of book, however put a poster in the gym or something where they will be forced to read! loool

  • Hmmmm

    If a black woman wrote this book few if any heterosexual black men would buy this book, and they would not complain about it either. Knowing the power is in their dollar many would simply ignore that it exists. If this is a problem for black women….ignore it….dont buy it….dont speak about it.

  • http://alishawritinglife.wordpress.com Alisha

    Welp. I hadn’t even heard of it. I’m sick of all relationship advice making women out to be the ones with the “problem.” Not a fan of those two together, so nah, I’m good. Great write-up though!

  • Pseudonym

    I wouldn’t want to marry someone like either of the author’s, so NO.

  • http://gravatar.com/pinklipstick227 pinklipstick227

    Not going to read this book but coincidentally I will be coming out with my own book titled Womaology. I’m concerned with the large percentage of single black men. I’ve come up with a few simple rules that I would like to share:

    1)Please excercise self control. Adding a notch on your belt doesn’t make you more of a man.
    2) You don’t have to have a child with every woman you sleep with
    3)Women do not enjoy being manipulated
    4) Please dome to dinner ready to discuss topics other than Lil Wayne’s new song or a video you saw on worlstarhiphop
    5) You can’t all be professional hiphop artists. Pleasenbe original.
    6) Don’t refer to women as inanimate objects. Seriously don’t refer to me as chocolate.
    7) It’s still tricking if you got it. Money doesn’t buy love.

    Surely this is offensives enough.

  • Dee

    NOT. A . CHANCE

  • Joy

    Is Tyreese now, or has he ever been married?? I’ve so tired of these hollywood types that aren’t family oriented, or willing to get married. Bottomline is that I know it really isn’t our business; but I can name numerous hollywood types that aren’t married. I don’t get it. And please don’t come up with the age old excuse that women are just after your money. It’s not always about the benjamins. Besides…..you can’t take it with you

  • AM

    Tyrese is funny. His “philosophical” outreach program to women always gives me the giggles. It’s the same as Brian McKnight’s let me see how your woosy woosy works, as if we don’t know our own bodies. Can’t take Black TY seriously.

  • Treece

    They have served up another “Black Woman What’s Wrong With You?” special and I don’t want a plate…. really sad that so many women subscribe to this bullsh** and don’t think for a second that the men that write it are playing them like fiddle and cleaning out thier purses. There is nothing wrong with the way women think. I repeat (ahem)…THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THE WAY WOMEN (AS A COLLECTIVE) THINK. We are different and think differently (not wrong, but different) than men, so because many times they don’t understand us, here is the thought process: “there must be something wrong with you women. Let me write a book (tv show/movie) and tell you how we men WANT you to be”. Not only are these jackasses (sorry Tyrese but I’m really having some love/hate feelings for you right now) manipulating women with this book, but they are painting thier brethren with one brush too. Newsflash at 11: Not all men would agree with you guys and your relationship advice so much as to recommend to women that all behave a certain way in thier relationships. There is variation among men and they just ignore that, all to “protect women from being manipulated”. Pahleeze!

  • D

    Hallelujah

    This comment section is really going left.

  • D

    Uh…..the book is giving their perspective on how MEN think….the secrets of HIS mind. It is not discussing how women think, telling you what to think, telling you that something is wrong with you, etc. It’s saying “Your man did/said/thinks X….here’s one or two reasons why that may be the case.”

    Your comment is knee-jerk nonsense completely unrelated to the topic.

  • Treece

    LMAO at “this whole genre of self-help books is a big major wet fart…”! Ahhh, that made my day….

  • Gell0h0h

    Pass.

  • Joy

    Maeby: I hear yeah.But generally thinking men think alike about a lot of things, just like generally speaking women think alike about a lot of things. And no I’m not saying that they think alike on each and everything. But believe me on certain issues each gender has similar thinking

  • Kam

    I read the excerpt available on the Amazon (click on the link for the Kindle edition). Essentially what it seems like is a book that will help avoid women like Tyrese! I must say it’s an interesting twist, however it still points to the lack of advice given to males to stop acting in this way. I won’t be buying, since well, Tyrese types are a total turnoff for me.

  • Treece

    “your comment is knee-jerk nonsense completely unrelated to the topic”
    Clearly not so unrelated as I was speaking about books like this in general and didn’t feel the need to clarify that before I wrote. this book is just like the other ones: basically implying that there is something faulty about the way women think/act in relationships and that women need to change thier ways of thinking about men so as not to be “manipulated” instead of insisting that thier fellow men change manipulative ways. Like the author said, the implication is always that there is something wrong with the woman (in this particular case, that she is dumb and naive) and that is why i wrote what I wrote.

    No need for personal attacks and rudeness…..peace

  • Joy

    AnGe: At least Steve was willing to keep trying (to find the right match that is). It appears that he got it right this time (with Marjorie). None of us are perfect. Also it’s been my experience that (sometmes) (some) people want to give deep comments on marriage, and divorce (and they’ve never been married, or divorced). And sometimes if you’ve never been there, and done that you don’t have a feel of the whole thing. I applaud Steve for not giving up on love because a lot of black men aren’t even willing to get married. Family, and marriage is the last thing on (not all….but) a lot of their minds

  • D

    You can debate all day whether men should manipulate women. The fact is it happens. If another man wants to help you from being manipulated by giving you insight, I’m not sure why he’s criticized. It’s not about women being dumb or naive. When a female friend falls for some typical male bullshit, I don’t go seek out the guy to give him a lecture on respecting women. That would be pointless…changing that guy’s (apparently successful) approach is less likely than giving her helpful insight and suggesting different ways to better understand what men think, say and do.

    And again, it is not criticizing the thinking of women at all. It’s explaining the thinking of men. But if you feel like you have all the answers, or know how men think better than men do, then by all means skip the book.

  • Joy

    It’s also pointless when 94% of men don’t read a book. In fact it’s been estmated that only about 6% of the entire population reads a book from cover to cover on a regular basis.Most of the time when these books are written they are preaching to the choir. I do agree that they should be trying too teach young men the basic things of life. I think the Rev can do that; but I don’t know about Tyrese. I really don’t see Tyrese as being an example of a stellar man

  • Joy

    z: There never has been; nor will there ever be (very many) men….young, old, or in between that read this book, or any other book from cover to cover. Unfortunately it’s just not going to happen. The closet thing to that is men who read a college text book (because they have to) in order to pass a course

  • victoria

    I never had a problem taking advice, but I am selective of who I take advice from. And I will let people know when Im not interested in their words of wisdom – in a respectful way, of course. When I was single I took selective advice from selective men and a lot of it was great.

    Rev Run appears to be in a healthy, stable marriage; therefore, I wouldnt have any problem reading his point of view. Tyrese is not the type of guy I am interested in; therefore, I wouldnt be interested in his advice.

  • TajMarie

    Why don’t someone write a book to “Black” Men on how to be a productive decent man with standards and convictions in addition to the pitfalls of being a “player”.

  • tish

    d-

    thank you for agreeing with me, to some degree. yet i can unfortunately not reciprocate.

    i find it difficult to believe that this book will be anything more than the same recycled mumble-jumble, bent on telling black women that it is THEY who need to change, and that it is THEY who are complicit in their own misery!

    in addition, i fully anticipate that it will be loaded with groundbreaking advice about “how not to be manipulated” or “how to give better head” or “how to never voice disapproval about anyfuckingthing” or “how to be your man’s mama/lady/freak/maid/nanny/chef/brood mere (and not gain an ounce of fat nor get one stretch mark)…”

    seriously, brotha???

    the advice given in these “relationship help books” is akin to telling a GSW victim how s/he should not stand in the trajectory of a bullet.

    how about advising folks DON’T F*%KING SHOOT PEOPLE, perhaps?

    i digress…

    to continue, i take pause at any argument that chooses to use the anti-black feminist banter of how oprah has in someway brainwashed sistas into believing that…

    ….hell, i don’t even know what oprah as taught us. *shrugs*

    perhaps rev run, tyrese or the next non-psychotherapist b-side entertainer can enlighten us.

    peace and blessings…

  • http://gravatar.com/pinklipstick227 pinklipstick227

    Where is your sense of humor? Surely the sentiments expressed above are not shared by all black women.

    - I have gotten quite far with my lack of comprehension skills. Yep, graduating from an ivy league institution is an easy feat.

    - I am projecting humor by providing “insight” into the minds of all women.

    - I regularly visit a counselor and I suggest that most people do the same. I don’t understand why taking care of one’s mental health should be a source of shame.

    - Sorry to upset you but I am not angry, and you, hunty, have just been read.

  • http://gravatar.com/nolakiss16 binks

    I can think about 5000 things I could do instead of picking up this book and reading it. Someone need to tell these celebrities that just because you have an opporunity to be a jack/jill of all trades doesn’t mean you should be.

  • http://melodymoose.deviantart.com/ Catpopstar

    Are these books aimed at women who can’t imagine hanging around men who actually like them?

  • dirtychai

    If a book was written about the collective thought of women, men wouldn’t dare touch it.

  • http://gravatar.com/rastaman1967 rastaman

    What are the pitfalls of being a player?
    I am not one myself but I have known enough to know that oftentimes the benefits outweigh the downsides. You cannot be a playa if there was no one to play with.
    I don’t know about the effectiveness of advice books but I do meet many women who ask my advice on the men in their lives but I will not be writing a book.

    Maybe it is those women whose these books are intended for. I heard last year that Hostess stop making the twinky, it did not bother me one bit since I don’t eat twinkies or need one. I am sure for many women the existence of this book is just as unnecessary.

  • lol

    good point but i need to ask something. you have a habit (you do this quite often) of writing “want” when you should be using “won’t”, do you do this for a special reason?

  • lol

    any special reason you wouldn’t want someone like Rev Run? not being funny just asking out of curiosity…

  • Job

    It’s pretty simple. Men do what they want to do. For the most part we don’t really care what women in general think about us. And if we sat around catering to the whims of women all day you wouldn’t respect us. Writing a book about how men shouldn’t be players, deadbeat etc. is pointless. Men already know they shouldn’t be those things, but if its working for them they aren’t going to change. Most players, manipulators and deadbeats that I personally know of have multiple women lined up waiting for them.Therefore writing such a book is pointless. There are good, kind and considerate men and there are bad men. It’s up to you to learn how to chose good men, not hope for them to change.

  • Job

    These comments make me laugh. Many women here sound like my female friends who come to me for advice. They complain about what their loser boyfriend is doing and ask me why he did such and such. I tell them, “You can’t change him. He’s a moron. Find someone better.” Do they ever listen? Of course not.

  • Pseudonym

    February 2nd, “Clutch” posts a story titled, “How Do We Fight Back Against Stupid Relationship Advice Nobody Asked For?”
    [Available: http://www.clutchmagonline.com/2013/02/how-do-we-fight-back-against-stupid-relationship-advice-nobody-asked-for/

    February 7th, “Clutch” posts this article.

  • tish

    “It’s also pointless when 94% of men don’t read a book.”
    “It’s also pointless when 94% of men don’t read a book.”
    “It’s also pointless when 94% of men don’t read a book.”

    oops….

  • http://gravatar.com/heavenleiblu heavenleiblu

    I’m only interested in the thoughts of men that I admire and respect, so I’ll just stick to picking their brains, and letting this book end up in the Dollar Tree or Deal$, thanks.

  • http://cupofjo-jo.blogspot.com bk chick

    This book is a capitalistic enterprise. Plan and Simple. Neither of them are sincerely trying to help a sister out. Someone probably pitched this idea to them, especially after the success of Steve Harvey’s book, and they prob signed a book deal for lots of $$$. Like another comment said, it’s just another hustle. At this point I can’t say I blame them for capitalizing on the “Women’s Insecurity Industrial Complex” because its REAL and most women believe the b.s. that is fed to them by the media. I put this book in the same category as plastic surgery, “youth defying” creams, diet pills, etc….the list goes on and on. My solution? I turn the T.V. off or change the channel when these companies try to push me to buy things that I really don’t need. Life is too short for all that B.S. Books like “manology” feed on the vulnerability of of women and I refuse to let anyone bully me into feeling insecure in order to line their pockets with my hard earned money.

  • tish

    “When a female friend falls for some typical male bullshit, I don’t go seek out the guy to give him a lecture on respecting women. That would be pointless…”

    so, since this level of endemic disrespect towards women is so pervasive, i’m assuming that you’ve encountered a MAN who has been on the “bullshit giving”, yes? after all it is “typical”, yes?

    my question: it is clear that you feel inclined to educate your clueless-as-hell sistren about the potential pitfalls of the “typical male bullshit”, so do you likewise sit your compadres down and educate them on the importance of not acting like a dick?

    i’m just saying–since the behaviors that we stupid broads fall for are so “typical–you’ve never mentioned the advice you give to your brethren who are complicit in the typical (and obviously common) “bullshit giving.”

    oh, wait….you did:

    “That would be pointless…”

  • http://gravatar.com/heavenleiblu heavenleiblu

    The premise isn’t the problem. For me, the issue is that one of the authors is Tyrese. If his tweets are any indication of the breadth of his knowledge, women are better off asking their cats about men.

    I do solicit thought from SOME men. My best friend is a happily married man without a history of bad relationships, and wasn’t slinging his dick all over the place when he was single. You wouldn’t want financial advice from MC Hammer on how to preserve wealth, would you?

  • Mahogany

    Advice is free so you can either take it or leave it. In this case I’ll pass on that one because their only intentions are to inflate their pockets. Well not with my time and not on my dime.

  • mr.vicious

    Glad you said it, the state of the black community is due to the state of the black matriarchy. They are mirror image of each other.

  • TajMarie

    If a man finds himself before a judge facing jail time because he is unable to pay child support for a number of children he has had with multiple children, then yes, there is a downside to be a player. Moreover, when people partake in behavior typical of a “playa”, they select those people who are an “easy” mark. So, no, I am not impress. However, people can be “underestimated” and that so-called “easy” mark is not such an easy mark when they do the so-called “playa” in by implementing the very same tactics that the “playa” has imposed on others. That is why you should do unto others as you would have them do unto you. You would think with the unemployment rate of Blacks, that would be more of an issue than how Black Women go about their selection of men. However, has others have stated, this book is only a “hustle” and hence, they “Run and Tyrese” are only empowered to fatten their pockets.

  • http://gravatar.com/mimiandy1683 MimiLuvs

    @trueletterson:
    She/he is a troll.

  • Job

    @tish
    If a man is getting plenty of sex all while acting like a complete jerk, why would he change? The logical thing to do would be for the woman to move on. Men know exactly what they’re doing right or wrong. They are not children who need to be educated on how to behave. All the talk in the world won’t change a man set in his ways. Women need to understand that and move on. But complaining is always easier.

  • Kema

    I recently borrowed ‘The art of Mackin’ from a male friend.

  • ruggie

    I remember the day I decided to stop reading relationship self-help books. I was reading one in a cafe when this man looked at the cover of my book and said “Why don’t you just talk to us?” I looked up and expected to see some sarcastic jerk, but the guy was sincere and very nice. We chatted for a bit and it made me think how many times I was busy reading about dealing with men when i could’ve been relating to them in real life. I really think these books keep women insecure, seeking the right answer based on someone else’s idea of who men are, when a positive relationship can only come from loving ourselves and being honest with the men in our lives, not the self appointed gurus writing these books.

  • http://gravatar.com/pinklipstick227 pinklipstick227

    This!!!

  • http://gravatar.com/pinklipstick227 pinklipstick227

    You actually never make any sense…you aren’t even worth a valid response.

  • Nightwing

    Men don’t buy books because they think they know everything.

  • http://Clutch SL

    “Men do what they want to do. For the most part we don’t really care what women in general think about us. And if we sat around catering to the whims of women all day you wouldn’t respect us”

    LOL – truer words have never been spoken. It does not pay to stress over a man – they do just what they want to do – until they want something from you

  • http://Clutch SL

    Really – they let you pick their brain? Humm, where do you find those kind of men? I don’t know any man who let’s a woman pick his brain. They are very skeptical of women who try to get inside their heads. They think you have an agenda and they don’t want you working your agenda on them – lol. Best response I get is when I totally forget my husband exists and go about my business which is all he really wants anyway – to be left alone -lol

  • http://Clutch SL

    @D – I like your response.

  • http://Clutch SL

    Me too and I am in a silly mood tonight.

    If most women really knew what men thought they’d be scared.

  • Nightwing

    “Men do what they want to do”
    “You can’t change a man”

    Meanwhile, these men keep writing books telling women to change.

  • Nightwing

    “If most women really knew what men thought they’d be scared.”

    Like the fact that studies show most men don’t view rape as a crime?

  • Nightwing

    Interesting. If a woman was on her third marriage she would be labeled as desperate and a wh*re.

  • Tara

    I would not want any relationship advice from any of these fatherless negroes. Men learn primarily how to be good husbands/fathers/providers from their fathers. If you did not grow up seeing that, how would you know? Many of these negroes just play it by ear. They just take advantage of the numbers and dumb chickenhead fatherless women who dont know how to choose a good man.

  • PBR

    Question – if Steve Harvey’s Think Like a Man was so enlightening and helpful, why are so many women STILL so desperate and confused? It obviously didn’t help them. I’d like to see statistics on how many black women got married to a good man due to reading Think Like a Man. It’s not a one-sided problem. Stop supporting this nonsense with your $$ ladies!

  • Overseas_Honeybee

    @Job … now that’s plain and honest truth and you didn’t need 288 pages to say it either. Rev and Jodie can both have a seat. No thank you.

  • tish

    “Men know exactly what they’re doing right or wrong. They are not children who need to be educated on how to behave. ”

    yet women require 16 gazillion books, written by men, to educate us?

    rather paternalistic, heh?

    full disclosure: i have two sons and a husband. my sons were taught at a very young age to respect their female peers. they were also taught that if you need to “get off”, consider masturbating; and do not use a living, breathing human being as a blow-up doll…

    my husband learned at some point that he should not treat women like a disposal douche. most likely from his father and other positive male role model. the outcome: he’s had a very positive dating history, and is now married and doesn’t act like a “knuckle-dragging-neanderthal” who needs to “go upside my head” with a club to scheme on some poon.

    see the trend here? at some point they were TAUGHT to not treat girls/women like crap.

  • tish

    ;-)

  • mEE

    No, I won’t be reading this book because I like myself.

  • ChaCha1

    I won’t be buying it (or any other book like it) because I have no use for it, and if I want to know about my man, I’ll talk to him. If by any small chance I feel the need too seek advice from an outside male source, I’ll talk to my dad or brother, both of whom have successful marriages. Tyrese? Pshh…what a joke.

    As a side note, there is a small handful of relationship books for men, but how many are actually buying them?

  • Wanda

    Let the buyer beware.

  • I see

    Blackmen always wants to make their money off b w! The same stupid that they don’t think much of! Then they go spend it on non bw! Not my money!!

  • IslandgirlDesi

    Your post made my day! lol

  • Job

    @tish

    Nobody is forcing the women to buy the gazillion books. They are the ones complaining and asking for advice. Last time I checked none of the players are complaining that they can’t attract women.

    You can train young boys, but you can’t force grown men to do anything. Men are not boys. I’m glad you are training your boys to be respectful. If you train them well, they will be able to be respectful and have long-term stable success. Otherwise they will quickly learn that the best way to get women (short-term) is to treat women like they don’t care about them. The biggest douches I knew growing up were swimming in girls. My female friends would tell me about jerks they “hated,” but couldn’t stop chasing after. I didn’t take that path because my parents trained me well. But don’t think I didn’t get envious a bit. But now when women have matured I can truly see the value of mutual respect and stability.

  • http://gravatar.com/chloerayne516 GirlSixx

    End of Story….

    Preach!!!

  • GirlSixx

    Honestly, I may read this book 4 Free of course!! just for shytes -n- giggles, just how I came upon Steve Harvey’s book.. FREE *lol* I find these kind of books comical because alot of stuff is basic common sense, it’s not rocket science. Men are not THAT DEEP OR TOO COMPLICATED TO FIGURE OUT.

    You can’t force ANYBODY to be or do something they don’t want to do until he/she is ready to — so in keeping that in mind if it’s not up to par with what you want or is looking for then YOU make the change by removing yourself from the situation..

    Too. Damn. Easy.!!!!

  • tish

    “Q: So, why should anyone, especially women, listen to you two?

    Gibson: ’Cause we know what we’re talking about. We have good intentions putting this information out there, trying to protect them from making horrible decisions.”

    –really?? i thought i heard the pimp outside the greyhound bus station tell a girl from kansas that also….

    “Run: People should read the book based on the fact I have a pretty stable marriage. You can watch it on the TV show (Run’s House, which ran on MTV from 2005-09).”

    –yes, and your TV marriage is also under the strict handling of producers who show what is desired….BTW, “MTV?”….

    i’ll help you out: why should anyone, especially women, listen to you?

    –because they’re either on crack, or can’t afford to pay a therapist.

  • tish

    ok…i’ll try this again:

    you teach MEN how to treat WOMEN by teaching them as BOYS.

    tell me, do you know how to put on your shoes and write your name? do you know that it’s not good to steal? did you learn that at 25?

    no, you were taught as a child. as are most social teachings. even those less than desirable. including that it’s perfectly fine to treat women like crap.

    we carry these teaching into our adulthood and they shape our personalities and social interactions.

  • Joy

    bk chick: I’m not defendingthe book because Tyrese can’t tell me S. He has no examples of a good relationship that I know of. However ALL books are written for capital gain. No doubt it’s all about the benajmins

  • Joy

    PBR: Just for the recordd I’m not on Steve’s payroll (although I wish I was bc Steve has become a very sucessful businessman, and like him, or not it’s reality). I think Steve’s book was well thought out. You ask “why are so many women STILL so desperate and confused?” Because there have always been deperate, and confused women, and always will be. And every woman hasn’t read his book. I say to women take any useful info from a book that works for you; and discard any info that doesn’t work for you. Everyone is different; but I’ve heard numerous women say tht Steve’s concept has worked for them. And I say good for them.

  • http://cupofjo-jo.blogspot.com bk chick

    Hey Joy. I agree with your last sentence up to a point. Yes, all things people do as professionals are motivated by making money, but there are levels. Kim Kardashian’s desire to make a fashion line is not the same as Coco Chanel’s. J.K. Rowling made a shit ton of money off of Harry Potter, but she is a writer. It’s what she loves to do and it’s her art. Just because she made money off of it, doesn’t take away from the fact that her motivations for writing a best seller revolve primarily around the art of writing. Now, I’m sure Tyrese and Rev Run don’t spend the majority of their days perfecting their writing and thinking of ideas for novels. They are celebrities taking advantage of their “brand” and in this case making something that is clearly beyond their scope solely for the purpose of making money.

  • http://Clutch SL

    Thank you @Trueletterson. I know I am right cause REAL GUYS do talk to me. I don’t have to ask them to either or try and “pick their brains” – that BS will only get you the answers you want to hear!

    I read and sigh over the cluelessness.

  • Revita

    One word, no…a resounding no.

  • gmarie

    Tyrese is the difference

  • http://gravatar.com/missinformation7 Ms. Information

    Brothers need to start reaching out to brothers…there are so many black men in jail and headed there for various reasons….

  • Pseudonym

    Well, Rev Run’s just not my type, so need need to learn how to marry a man like him. Also, his marriage isn’t a relationship I would like to emulate. I saw his show and his wife seems annoying and acts like a two year-old brat and his job is to pacify her. I don’t want that marriage dynamic, so doesn’t interest me. His current wife is his second wife, so it’s a different approach to relationships when you’re on your second family. There’s also the elephant in the room that when he met his current wife, he was already rich and famous. His fame and bank account definitely had great influence on their relationship dynamics and wouldn’t apply to me unless I start dating someone rich. Also, how women respond to you when you’re rich is different. Then you have their older age when they met. It’s just they come from a totally different place than that in which I am currently dating.

    However, their relationship seems to work for them, so I say more power to them and wish them the best. I just don’t think Rev Run should write a relationship book. and since he did, there’s no reason for me to read it.

  • http://Clutch SL

    @Trueletterson – thank you for the compliment. I’m not worried about the thumbs down – I understand “why” many “can’t” or “don’t” get what I’m saying. my dad had 17 brothers so I had A LOT of male exposure – in addition to growing up with my own brothers I had a lot of male cousins I grew up around. Only thing I did was pay attention – I learn the most about people by paying attention to what they say or don’t say and by simply observing their behaviour and actions.

  • Kimberley

    I just cracked up reading the article. The comments after the celebrity quotes were hilarious and some of the comments too. I’m not buying this book. I have no interest in reading this book. There ain’t a damn thing neither of these jokers can tell me. How about writing a book for men on how to be men or write a book geared towards young men who are growing up without fathers???? Leave us women alone.

  • http://therulesbook.com/ KissOfDanger

    Your comment made me laugh out loud. I am biased when I get relationship advice. You have got to be good at getting a relationship, and keeping a relationship. This is why I listen to Ellen Fein, Sherrie Schneider, T.D. Jakes, and Dr. Phil before I listen to anyone else.

    You know the funny thing is that these books sound good, but it’s poison. These men are out to manipulate women for their own best interest.

    I’ll stick to books like “The Rules”.

  • Stanley

    *THE RULES* is not a good book.

  • http://trueletterson.wordpress.com trueletterson

    Job you are right I know of a women a good women who destroyed her marriage and family trying to change her very good responsible husband and good father to her children into a male feminist both had good education and great careers.

  • tish

    @honest.

    *sigh*

    let me try it this way:

    you know what, on second thought….nevermind…

  • Mademoiselle

    @trueletterson I’m sure (or maybe just hoping) your comment was meant to be more positive than negative, but when you say things like “if the numbers were reverse … that would be foolish and self defeating we are not that stupid,” you essentially call women foolish, self defeating, and stupid. It’s a covert insult and hypocrisy (if you want to talk about not starting gender wars).

  • http://trueletterson.wordpress.com trueletterson

    Mademoiselle don’t take it personally my comment was not meant to be insulting to women just trying to give you women some wise counseling. Mademoiselle A word to the wise is sufficient but a sermon to the dumb want work!

  • JJ

    I’m done with relationship advice books from men or women. Everyone is different. You just need to use our common sense when dating and if we mess, which we will no one is perfect, we learn from that and move on.

  • thinkpink

    @Stanley I’m interested it to hear what makes the rules not a good book in your opinion

  • Pema

    I haven’t bought relationship books in years but Tyrese is a suspicious addition. I would not take any relationship advice from him. Is he even in a relationship?

  • http://www.facebook.com/nieshag Niesha Gourdine

    ugh… is this book really gonna change how women think… hmmm.. maybe for a month after that back to their usual …

  • KnowYourHistory

    “Men are simple,… ”

    When are we going to realize that the “men are simple” sentiment is just as much an ancient untruth / social construct as the heretofore “accepted” notions such as: women not being able to drive automobiles well (they now are race car champions), or not being equipped to “handle money” (women are now CFOs of major corporations and single mortgage holders), or that they get “hysterical” in crisis situations (women now supervise major male military units, police departments etc.) ?! All of these hoary myths (that we’ve held to be the Gospel truth, like, forever,) have been DISPROVEN; just like the notion of men being inherently, genetically “simple”. It’s just that, to be considered complex is, as internalized by so many guys, is tantamount to being an indecisive, non-warrior, “hysterical” female.

  • Rose

    All they can talk about is how women should NEVER try to change a man, but this whole fucking book is telling women to change. This “book” is just another excuse for men to try and tell women what to do, how to act, and how to be “what men want,” while never taking into consideration what women want. They don’t want to think that any blame in a relationship might be on them, so they make books like this to tell women that their failed relationships are all THEIR fault. It’s sickening, it’s exploitative, and I will NOT be buying it.

  • Misty

    Women, please stop feeding/making rich/making relevant, these black men who TELL US WHAT TO DO, in books, that you buy, that lend NOTHING to you and your brand. Listen to a smart and respected woman in your life, of any race, before giving these men audience again.

    At least when other races of women support male self-help book writers directed at them the men are usually doctors, psychologists or some sort of learned man. I don’t even trust the random “pastor” who writes a book for black women about relationships.

    Come on, let’s not continue being these desperate fools feeding these guys. I just can’t….I mean who next? Ike Turner risen from the dead with a relationship book?

  • leelah

    they act like everything is great in the black community and we have time for the fun stuff now. Maybe at their economic level folks have time for yoga and speed dating and these fun conversations, but in the hood the violence and dysfunction have people so overwhelmed. No, brothers. things aren’t great and you should be writing books for the population that really needs your guidance. It would be a powerful move if these brothers wrote a book for young men and gave it the same exact title, Manology. Then had their book signing at middle schools and high schools in the black community. It would be powerful to see two black celebrities actually reach out to black men. Instead of using lines like ‘men are simple’ and ‘brothers are going to do what they want so we’re focusing on the women who want advice’. Those lines are excuses to ignore the audience that needs their advice the most, for the audience they know will spend money on books. Because everybody knows that most black men don’t read for pleasure that why most black books are targeted at black women.

  • PBR

    Again, real stats on how many black women got married to a GOOD man (employed respectable and takes care of reaponsibilities) due to reading Steve Harvey’s book please.

  • PBR

    Right, like that 25 year old relationship “guru” on twitter who is unmarried and has a baby momma who he is not with. How could he or anyone like him advise anyone, man or woman, about maintaining a successful relationship? Sisters we need to think critically rather than emotionally.

  • PBR

    Judging by all of your responses she has proved her point. You can dish out sexist / stereotypical advice to women but can’t take it!

  • Shutthiscrapup

    YESSS!!!

    Why do they act like all men think just like them.

  • Pseudonym

    uGH! I just read the quotes from the interview.

    Sounds like Rev Run should actually write a book for Tyrese called “Pull Your Head Out of Your @$$: You Haven’t Put Out A Song Since the Early 2000s and Since ‘Baby Boy,’ Your Movie Roles Have All Been Whack and Nothing You’ve Done is Legendary and Your Personality Seems Repulsive, So Ain’t Nobody Checkin’ for You Like That, Playa.”

  • Furious Styles

    “Q: So, why should anyone, especially women, listen to you two?

    Gibson: ’Cause we know what we’re talking about. We have good intentions putting this information out there, trying to protect them from making horrible decisions.

    Run: People should read the book based on the fact I have a pretty stable marriage. You can watch it on the TV show (Run’s House, which ran on MTV from 2005-09).”

    This is how low the barriers to entry are for people who want to peddle relationship advice. F*ck, no, I’m not reading this…book!

  • Joy

    bk: And they probably didn’t even write the book. Probably had a ghost writer (as so many celebs do)

  • Joy

    PBR: I’m curious ….Are yoou married, or have you ever been married? My point…experience is the best teacher. And for the record you may not know of any; but there are lots of “Good” black marriages, and relationships. Are they perfect….Hell to the nah….because no one, and nothing in life is perfect. In my opinion too many people spend time looking for that “perfect” life; when there is no such thing

  • http://trueletterson.wordpress.com trueletterson

    Joy you comment is right on point, I to think some single black men and women are looking for that prefect mate in my opinion they are cowards they are afraid of getting hurt some have a inflated opinion of themselves and some are looking for a utopia.

  • LMO85

    Exactly! Wish I could up-check this comment 1000 times over.

  • http://therulesbook.com/ KissOfDanger

    @Stanley The Rules IS a good book, and I have read them. It works. Men hate The Rules becuase it works. The Rules make men respect you. The funny thing is that Sherrie Schneider said in a recent interview that alot of the men who HATED The Rules eventually bought the book for their daughters. Men are real hypocrites.

  • Furious Styles

    “Leave us women alone”
    Why is Pink Floyd’s “We Don’t Need No Education” in my head now?

  • http://gravatar.com/pinklipstick227 pinklipstick227

    @SMH

    I’m sorry but I don’t have time to get upset over a comment a stranger wrote about me. My initial comment should not have been taken seriously. It was a joke.

  • http://gravatar.com/pinklipstick227 pinklipstick227

    Too bad I love my gainfully employed, respectful, and kind black boyfriend. Clutch sure knows how to reel in the weirdos.

  • http://www.demetriajackson.com Demetria

    Will and Jada need to write a book. I want the recipe to that life.

  • http://www.notacookie.com lanee

    THIS!!!! A THOUSAND TIMES YES!!!!

  • alldawg

    i wish i remembered what i posted….lol

    i guess i violated the rules…again

  • alldawg

    A man wants to be greeted with CONTENTMENT; not CONTENTION
    A man wants to be NURTURED; not NAGGED
    A Man wants a woman that has mastered the art of FEMININITY; not FEMINISM
    A man wants a woman that knows her ROLE; not one that constantly engages in ROLE PLAY

    A Man wants a woman that can FEED his SOUL; not DEPLETE his SPIRIT
    A Man wants to feel appreciated for his EFFORTS AND ACCOMPLISHMENTS; not reminded of his FAILURES

    A Man wants to be asked “HOW CAN I HELP YOU, WHAT DO YOU NEED FROM ME?” Instead of being asked WHY HAVEN’T YOU DONE THIS YET?
    A Man wants a woman that is WISE enough to invest in his POTENTIAL and help him get to where he needs to BE; not a woman that is FOOLISH/MATERIALISTIC and disregards him because he hasn’t “ARRIVED”

    Do these for a BM, and you will hear the words THANK YOU, and to those of you thumbs down this, when is the last time a BM said thank you for you doing something for him..including you miss.moderation

  • http://Clutch SL

    Love this!!!

    “A Man wants a woman that has mastered the art of FEMININITY; not FEMINISM”

    And this!!!

    “A Man wants a woman that can FEED his SOUL; not DEPLETE his SPIRIT”

    And yes!

    “A man wants to be greeted with CONTENTMENT; not CONTENTION
    A man wants to be NURTURED; not NAGGED”

    And double yes!!!

    “A Man wants to feel appreciated for his EFFORTS AND ACCOMPLISHMENTS; not reminded of his FAILURES”.

    And hit the nail on the head!!
    !
    “A Man wants a woman that is WISE enough to invest in his POTENTIAL and help him get to where he needs to BE; ”

    And finally – thank you!

  • Nadell

    It’ll become a best seller – I guarantee that.
    Men giving advice to women on how a woman should be a woman never gets old. Congress tells women they know what is best for them and now you have Gibson. In essence he and Run are no different than Congress.
    I’m sure soon Lil Wayne will team up with Toure and give the sound advice to women.

  • tulipenoire

    I seriously can’t believe some of these comments on here, especially from trueletterson and I think SL, who I think is a woman. I have never read relationship/self-help books because all they do is put blame on the reader. This book isn’t doing anything but spewing out recycled vomit, I mean “advice”. that Black women hear all the time.

    Well, I’m going to say that no, it is NOT Black women’s fault how relationships in our community have deteriorated to. Black men are just as much at fault and it’s books like this that allow men to continue playing games because it’s women who try to change our partners all the time. Pretty sure I’ve had some guys try to change me.

    This book completely reeks of patriarchy so in short, I won’t be buying it. The article above has convinced me enough. As if their book is the end-all solution…HA!

  • http://trueletterson.wordpress.com trueletterson

    Nope tulipenoire I trueletterson is not a women, I am the only son of Trueletter, Trueletter is my mother.

  • tulipenoire

    I was saying that SL is who I think is a woman, not you.

  • http://Clutch SL

    Yes, I am wonderfully, proudly a woman and I think some of these brothers are talking and telling women who men really are – a lot of women think they want a man – well, now do you really want a man or do you want boys who pretend to be men? There’s a big difference. It’s up to each decide for herself…

  • tulipenoire

    And another thing, I found a link that allows people to read the first eighteen pages of Manology and when I was reading Tyrese’s part of the intro, I wasn’t sure if I was reading the intro to a relationship advice book or his biography. I didn’t like it just based off of that short free reading so read the other pages would be a waste.

  • tulipenoire

    *reading

  • http://Clutch SL

    Thanks to Clutch I’ve found there is a whole host of words that describe women like me: traditional, archaic and the best one: male identified – lol

  • http://trueletterson.wordpress.com trueletterson

    tulipenoire again all these people who write all these books, talk show host, TV talk shows and life coaches are nothing more than modern day hustles [legal pimps] they target women [Oprah etc.] because they know men don’t read their book, watch their story and want listen to them and spend their money, they know that women are searching beleiving they are going to “reinvent the wheel” and will spend their money trying to find out how to do so, no disrespect women will believe in a fairy tale and will spend good money for someone male or female to tell them what they want to hear or to make them feel good for a short time.

  • tulipenoire

    Yes, I do think it’s time for the Black family to get back to being a decent and stable foundation. HOWEVER, men need to step up and recognize their faults as well as women do. It’s takes two to make a relationship work.

    I know quite a bit about the feminist movement and the eventual separation of white feminism from women of color feminism and not all feminists are lesbians; if they are, so what? I don’t need a white woman or any other person on this earth to tell me that how I should be treated.

    My point about this book is it’s putting blame on its target audience instead of who it’s about. I don’t want any relationship book telling me it’s my fault for choosing wrong constantly IF it’s supposedly about men. I understand that might be true but how many books can be written blaming women?

  • tulipenoire

    Yes, I do think it’s time for the Black family to get back to being a decent and stable foundation. HOWEVER, men need to step up and recognize their faults as well as women do. It’s takes two to make a relationship work.

    I know quite a bit about the feminist movement and the eventual separation of white feminism from women of color feminism and let me just tell you, not all feminists are lesbians; if they are, so what? I don’t need a white woman or any other person on this earth to tell me that how I should be treated.

    My point about this book is it’s putting blame on its target audience instead of who it’s about.

  • http://twitter.com/Kiki_Liki Kiki L. (@Kiki_Liki)

    I think it will be an interesting read, but I think it’s going to fall on deaf ears. Because of all these movies where the “plain” girl makes the “amazing” guy go above and beyond for her (I.S 50 Shades of Grey) a lot of women think that they are something special when they don’t have anything special to offer. I think a lot of women will read it as a warning to their man , but they won’t remember it. It doesn’t take much to figure out a guy! As usual women are over thinking their relationships with men. If it feels right keep going it it feels weird/ wrong, run!

  • http://melodymoose.deviantart.com/ catpopstar

    “A man wants a LAP DOG”

  • simplyme

    What really rubs me the wrong way is when men want to proclaim that a “man” deserves xxxxx by virtue of being male. EVERYONE wants to be nurtured. EVERYONE wants contentment. EVERYONE wants a partner that will feed their soul and spirit and EVERYONE wants to be appreciated. Its a human thing…. A man doesn’t deserve anything just by virtue of being male. If you want to be nurtured you nurture, if you want your soul to be fed make sure your feeding her soul. To me these types of books and guys like the above reek of selfishness and entitlement…. Its not even like paternalism of the old days where men took all the responsibility. It just seems like men don’t want to do anything and expect women to do all the work. It takes 2 people to make a healthy functional relationship and that selfish mentality (in both women and men) is part of the reason so many relationships fail. These books are based on the premise that men are all the same and are somehow incapable of adapting and changing themselves so all women must have to adapt to fulfill men’s needs. The only relationship books worth reading are gender neutral (or likely written by married women for women or by married men for men) and focus on the importance of sacrifice and selflessness in BOTH parties.

  • alldawg

    All of us are born with a purpose, but do you think a great man is groomed on his own? He needs a patient and understanding wife. Sometimes a man may not even see or know his potential until he marries a woman that recognizes it and CULTIVATES it. A marriage is a partnership, your husband is your business partner. Formulate a financial plan together. Assist your husband. Nagging does not produce positive results nor will it produce a solution. So many Brothers are passed up because they aren’t sitting on stacks……but these same Sisters that are passing them by…..are sitting…..by themselves. Check the unemployment rate for Black Men! Some of these items on our checklists aren’t realistic, and to be honest, Sisters want Brothers that they themselves aren’t even QUALIFIED for. You want a man (insert who you consider to be a great man) then look at his wife, study what type of woman SHE is.

  • Lex

    oh wow. I almost didn’t want to keep reading after that side comment at Sanaa Lathan haha

  • http://Clutch SL

    @alldawg

    Yes, I get what you are saying and where you are coming from.

    Consider this though – I know where you are coming from, but the ladies want a balanced approach.

    Eventhough I feel you, The way you have written it puts the rise and fall – the success and failure of BM squarely on the shoulders of BW and that is not solely or wholly true. It neither can be nor should it be.

    The truth is that we are supposed to make each other better. We are suppose to help each other reach our best potential. That love thing – only works when it is a two way street.

    Yes, I saw my husband’s potential, yes I’ve nutured him and join him as a partner in pursuit of his dreams. When we married, I made a full 1/3 more than what he was earning. I encouraged him to believe he could make just as much and within a few years of bumps in the road he surpassed me and today his salary has eclisped mine and I’m not ashame to say that I make over 150k a year. My man is doing it now but he wasnt when we married. Now, I have the option to work if I want to or be a stay-at-home mom. We have built a successful life together.

    The point is that yes I’ve helped him realize his potential and he’s help me have the option to choose. We both help each other to be the best we can be.

  • http://trueletterson.wordpress.com trueletterson

    More power to you SL!!!!!!!!!

  • http://Clutch SL

    @alldawg and @trueletterson

    Consider though, my husband didn’t come with a blank slate (he had credentials), he didn’t come having fathered children with other women and he didn’t come with a rap sheet. I did not have to leap those kinds of hurdles with him.

    I was engaged twice before I met my husband – both brothers who just didn’t have it together and today they haven’t gotten it together yet.

    Any BM who wants a good BW women can find one – who would be willing to go all in with him, but he’s got to come straight – no games. He’s got to come true.

    I never once had to worry if my husband was gonna call when he said he would…never had to worry if he was with someone else…never had any doubts about his claims – none. He did everything he said he was going to do – no excuses – no games. He was straight up. Sistah’s just want a dude who is going to come straight.

  • Tara

    Tyreese does not even like black women. When will black women learn. These black men write these books and laugh about all the money they will make behind closed doors so they can support their non-black women. When will they learn? Does Chris Rock have to put that in a comedy routine to get the point across to black women. Are black women just that clueless?

  • http://TheTruthHelps Sheila

    I despise the fact that so many men are profiting from fatherlessness in the AA community. The Bible says that he who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from The Lord. Therefore, why are women reading books about how to win over men….ridiculous. If we had good fathers in our community, women would not need to rely on Steve Harvey and Tyrese Gibson for relationship advice.

  • http://Clutch SL

    @sheila – true!

  • hopeful2

    A Man wants to be asked “HOW CAN I HELP YOU, WHAT DO YOU NEED FROM ME?” Instead of being asked WHY HAVEN’T YOU DONE THIS YET?

    Why is the burden on the woman’s shoulders, as if a relationship doesn’t have the word (relate) in it? I remember reading those books to be the best girlfriend, wife, etc, I could be. But I stopped when I realized it was a one sided endeavor. I had a man whose childhood wounds from his mother seeped into our marriage. Instead of voicing his pain of how he was neglected or abused with his mother, her retaliated by hurting me. So nothing was good enough, even if I went through the above list and checked it twice. What I’m saying is that sometimes those lists are coming from a place of woundedness that will never feel fulfilled if the hole in the soul isn’t healed.

  • http://twitter.com/scbeauty77 SCBeauty (@scbeauty77)

    Tyrese is beginning to rub me the wrong way with his know-it-all attitude.

  • Tanycha

    It seems from the comments presented here that most believe the BM are the weaker sex. I’m in a 35 year marriage. I love my BM. He doesn’t require all the nurturing and preconditions suggested by some of these comments. We nurture, support, love and respect each other. He’s present, positive and impactful in our relationship each and every day, as am I. It’s a reciprocal relationship and I couldn’t see it succeeding any other way.

    Truth be told through my humble experiences, a lot of brothers today seem weak or weakend emotionally. Maybe the lack of responsible, male role models, or the many boys raised entirely by women who pamper them and have not prepared them to handle their own. At one time, men were expected to protect and provide for their wife and children. Nowadays, they need support, nurturing, conjoling, excuses, compliments and damn near indentured servitude to function as men. I feel sad for the choices my 20-something daughter has to choose from today. Not saying there are no good BM, but there are so many poor choices for social, economic, and emotional reasons, it seems to be difficult to navigate through it all.

  • http://Clutch SL

    @Tanycha – 35 years in is longer than most people on this website been alive! Yes, you talking bout a whole other era altogether. But what you’ve said is true with one caveat:

    With the breakdown of the family unit, Both men and women are weaker.

  • alldawg

    I remember watching the ABC special on youtube “Why Can’t Successful Black Women Find a Good Man?”, and the Brothers were talking about the women giving their men affirmation. I can’t remember her name at the moment but she is the Sister on the view and she said “I don’t have time to stroke a man’s ego”, what’s funny about that is, a woman will find time to stroke something else, but doesn’t realize that men need some of the same things BW need.

    It’s OK to tell your man “Baby you da Bomb!” “Baby I appreciate you and everything you do.” “Baby I got your back.” ” Baby you can accomplish anything.” I mean BW can be the “hype man” too. BM needs to hear “Baby I love you”. So keep saying what you don’t “have time for” if you want to, then don’t be surprised when your time RUNS OUT.

    ***Note, I just want to say that it’s not about stroking a man’s ego, it is about giving us what you want from him, that’s how reciprocity REALLY works, you know this society paints BM as all hard and void of emotion, but we have a heart and feelings just like bw do. Betty Wright said “Love is like a flower it needs the sun and the rain”, that means love has to be continuously fed and nurtured. Go on and tell your King he freaking rock and ain’t NOBODY as bad as HIM! Send him off to work with that, that will make such a difference in his day. That will make a man even on the most demanding job work cheerfully, because he is knows what type of Woman he will be returning home too.****

  • http://trueletterson.wordpress.com trueletterson

    Tanycha welcome now that’s what I am talking about your comment are a breath of fresh air on this and other black blogs you almost never hear black people making positive comments about black marriage less more something positive about a black male, I am in my 28 year of marriage and all our children are successful professional adults I am proud to say I have grown to love, respect admire and appreciate my beautiful wife and after years of marriage I feel my wife love, admire and appreciate me and for that I am now loving every minute of my marriage so much so I would not want to live without a good black wife that being said the young black men are weaker for the very reason you stated also the young black women are weaker, abrasive, conformational and always bragging about their independence and how many sexual partner they have had or bragging about how many different nationality of men they have dated while at the same time wondering why they are still single, the young black males and females have a lot of trust issue and just don’t get it and can’t seem to understand that in order to have a successful relationship/marriage the two must embrace the interdependent mindset they must learn to trust each other, love each other and be willing and proud to serve each other without always keeping scores. Now I must leave to give my lovely wife some attention because she bought me a big lovely fruit basket with my favorite big red chocolate cover strawberry in it for valentine day.

  • alldawg

    Ok……so you want a man or men that have been broken, emasculated, and made weak on PURPOSE to INSTANTLY gain some type of Herculean Strength? Ummm ok well if women expect instantaneous results from bm, can bw promise the same? Can bw say Black Man I have been taught for hundred years to hate you, gave birth to children that hate you, aided and abetted in your destruction, but I am going to stop IMMEDIATELY. No? Ok I didn’t think so.

    You know when it comes to the bm, bw want expedited results, but when it is on bw, bw start speaking French so quickly you would think that is their native tongue. “BM we need you to be more patient with us”, “We need to work together”, “we, we, we” but when it is bm, it’s just you, you, you. It’s simple.

    Whatever bw require, first be WILLING to give it. If bw want to be UNDERSTOOD, then bw have to be willing to first UNDERSTAND. If bw want to be HEARD, bw must first be willing to LISTEN. If bw want to be VIEWED differently, bw must first be willing to adjust thier VISION. You see the pattern right? The bottom line is, if bw are asking for something that bw aren’t willing to give, if bw want change, while continue to stay the same, and if bw want apologies while refusing to acknowledge thier wrongs, then bw are being unjust, bw are being unfair, bw are being hypocritical…..where is the “equality” in that?

  • tulipenoire

    I don’t believe in putting down Black men, as they get that enough from the media and society and all this other stuff in general as do Black women; all my comments were referring to were more so just taking responsibility in relationships and not placing total blame on one sex unless it’s necessary.

    I firmly believe that all relationships should be ones that are equal in all aspects; 50/50 responsibility and full of love and supportive. I just want relationship books, when focused on it, to state that as well. You don’t have to “baby” your spouse but do what you can to make him/her know that his/efforts in your relationship are appreciated and loved.

    If I were to buy a book that focused on me and my love life, then it would make sense to read about my faults in my dating life but this book by Rev Run and Tyrese makes no sense whatsoever.

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