Lesbian

Note: Please click the links in the article. 

Ok, back to business.

Are you:

Single?

A Black woman?

Over 15?

If you answered “yes” to all of these questions, then you’re likely desperate to get married.

College- educated?

Oh, you’re definitely desperate.

It doesn’t matter if you claim to have a boyfriend, a fiancé, you’re a lesbian, don’t want to get married or even in high school. You’re still single and worse, lonely, and worse still, unlikely to marry.  This is, of course, is based solely on the thoughts in my all-knowing head—not on like actual studies that say otherwise. I know all women—and girls too— want to be married not like right now, but like yesterday. It’s urgent like a motherf***er. I saw that ABC special where that one thirty-something woman said she cries into her pillow at night because she’s not married and I know that applies to every single Black woman—or girl—alive.

How do I know?

Because I think like a man.

So why aren’t you married yet? Because your standards are too damn high like rent in New York City. You have nerve to be employed, think for yourself and as desperately single as you are, the audacity to scoff at broken men, cheating men, weak men, men you have to support, down-low men, and even your last resort for marriage, bi-sexual men. You out here acting like being single is something to celebrate.

Girl, bye.

You’re miserable. And even worse, you got these good men with better things to do out here trying to work with you and dispense quality advice. These male relationship experts are trying to help difficult you “keep” somebody, and you ain’t been listening: Submit! Shut up! Cook! Clean! In heels! Every day!

F*** your bunions and your feminism too. Let a man lead you even if it’s into a damn hole. At least if you fall in and die, you would have a man—hopefully, your husband— by your side at your demise. Being Mrs. [it only counts if you take his last name] is all you should want to be remembered for anyway.

Unfortunately, it’s probably too late for all of you, especially if you’ve wasted prime husband-hunting years getting a diploma when you should have freed up your time to find a man by getting a GED.  All the hetero Black men alive and even not yet born have, are now or will be planning to marry White women.  And because in the history of mankind no desirable man of any other color has ever been really interested in a Black woman as a wife, you’re left only with one hope for marriage: women.

Yeah, I said it. Single Black women should marry each other.

Think of the benefits: you’ll be married!!! You’ll be married!!! You’ll be married!!!

This will work out well for lesbians because you know, all this time ya’ll have been settling for women because you couldn’t keep a man. But for the rest of you, it’s time to “turn” yourselves gay. It can’t be that hard since the millions-strong LGBT community just rolled over one morning when they hit puberty and decided to go against the grain. You can too!

Just go on and roll over.  Roll, dammit!

Now call your bestie, get on the plane and head to the nearest courthouse in one of the nine states where gay marriage is legal and jump that broom.

I know some of you are wondering, “but will I be happy with this arrangement?” Um… girl, you’re thinking small when you should be thinking big. Your happiness?  That doesn’t matter. You’re finally married! Black marriage solves everything.

“But what about Jesus,” you ask? God loves gays. (No sarcasm.)

Others of you may be wondering, “what about children?” Girl, stop. I read the comments sections on Black blogs and “listen” to Black men —the all knowing source of everything about Black women because of the woman they were raised by and those they’ve dated. You’re over 15, which means you probably have a few kids by now anyway. You and your new wife joining forces? It’ll be like The Brady Brunch. It’ll be fun!

If you so happen to be that one anomaly of a Black woman alive who doesn’t have an out-of-wedlock child? Just go buy one from Africa—white women do it all the time, and at least you’ll know how to do the kid’s hair.

You mad?

Of course, we are inherently more combative by birthright than other women (I watch TV so I know how we can be).  I’mma ask you to put down that bottle or phone you’re ‘bout to throw, and imagine what this could do for the statistics about single Black women. Like 99% of us who are of legal age to marry (ie, older than 15 in most places) could be married.

Boo, I’ve just singlehandedly solved the Black woman’s marriage crisis. You shouldn’t be fighting me; you should be awarding me the Nobel Peace Prize. However, a thank you will suffice.

Demetria L. Lucas is the author of “A Belle in Brooklyn: The Go-to Girl for Advice on Living Your Best Single Life” (Atria), in stores now. Follow her on Twitter @abelleinbk.

  • Rakel

    Hilarious thank you for the morning laugh. I love the satrical tone to this article. I swear the advice given to single Black women is just as crazy. If you guys are taking requests, let’s hear how polygamy will save Black families. Lmao at that one already.

  • Ask_ME

    Love the sarcasm in this post. Very funny.

    Black women should understand we are only 6% of the USA population. If you are straight with yourself together you don’t need to “go gay.” If only 3% of USA non-black men are interested in dating black women you are still good to go.

    Black women need to stop letting other people put us in a box. It’s good to mix and mingle with other cultures…even as friends. All your friends and potential dates don’t have to be black.

    The world is full of men. Forget what the naysayers say. Get out and travel the world. You might be surprised at what you find (Hello Romania!).

    When I was dating my emphasis was on finding a good man. His race didn’t matter to me (and honestly race has never been a factor for me). I’m from LA and to my surprise I ended up marrying a white man from the south. Life is funny. Just live your life and be happy.

  • Sasha

    Haha good laugh on yet another cold dreary morning, springtime show yourself!! On a serious note though- I don’t believe dating is really that hard, complicated or something to invest crazy amounts of energy thinking about.

  • Kacey

    I LOOOOOOOVE IT!!

    LMAO @ “Let a man lead you even if it’s into a damn hole. At least if you fall in and die, you would have a man—hopefully, your husband— by your side at your demise.”

  • stef

    Romania ??? LMAO instead of poor blk man from Detroit just get a poor white man from Bacau. now that’s sarcasm

  • http://www.urbanexpressive.com J. Nicole

    I’ve never gotten caught up in these topics. Everyone in my family is married. My parents/grandparents were married until their spouses died and all of my siblings are married, except me….

    Only out of frustration did I blog about it (shameless plug…. Go on, look for it). I’m not in a rush be in a relationship, let alone married. I guess because its something I’ve always been around, doesn’t seem like a dire situation. Especially when one has just as satisfying friendships and a relationship with yourself. All that other stuff, I can take it or leave it.

  • http://tbennettshannon.com MsTBennett

    “Submit! Shut up! Cook! Clean! In heels! Every day!” Lmmmmaoooo. Why did I hear this in Kevin Harts voice?! *tears*

    This post was hilarious!

  • Marisa

    I think the notion of thinking like a man for women is hilarious in regard to have anybody bothered to check out how some of these men think, quite a few of them can keep their train wreck thoughts to themselves a lot of their thoughts have brought quite a few destructions . No I’ll ride out continuing to think for myself hasn’t let me down yet, I do think Demetria should just mail that off so others can just re-print it when its time for those weekly black women suck propaganda. I bet you some will actually take this humorous satire and think its serious like the Grapes of Wrath or Confucius lol.

  • http://twitter.com/scbeauty77 SCBeauty (@scbeauty77)

    WTH at this article.

  • Smilez_920

    ( grabs popcorn , waits for the show to begin)

    Lol Good article . This should have been a reply to yesterday’s article about how ” straight women should give bi-men a chance because clearly we have no other options, because all the straight men are taken and if we don’t want to be lonely forever we need to date the guy who wants to sleep with Idris Elba just as bad as I do”.

    Gasp… Wait we have each other hehe

    All jokes aside , black media is just making a profit off of the relationship crisis propaganda and were playing right into. Trust if there’s a bunch a single black women out there then there’s a bunch of single black men ( or other out there). Either sex can be a bad option .

    But either way you just have to take these relationship articles with a grain of salt. According to most of these ( especially male relationship bloggers) they have the power to lead us out of our lonely bitter lives into the arms of a good man “” thank you Jesus”. -_-

    I also wish we wouldn’t act like people of all races and cultures don’t have dating issues , we just be airing our dirty laundry out lol just like lovers players come in all flavors.

  • Deb

    I don’t agree with traveling TO find a man (i assume that’s what she meant) but if you do meet and connect with a guy in a foreign country, so what?

    Every human being should just date whoever they want to date. Where there is mutual attraction between two, (fairly mentally and emotionally) stable people, what’s the problem again? Every different relationship will have it’s different obstacles and we have to decide if each relationship is worth fighting for. This is life and natural in human relationships everywhere.

    Just speaking in general, people need to stop projecting their view of relationships onto others. It’s getting ridiculous.

  • http://www.urbanexpressive.com J. Nicole

    Yep! Seems as if a new relationship “expert” pops up every day to “tell it like it is”. I blame Steve Harvey for the foolishness. Its just another way to sucker black women out of their money to buy a book. Add that to the business of hair care…

  • SAMURAI36

    It’s sad that sarcasm & snark are the only methods to get one’s point across, rather than clear, level-headed, open & honest dialogue.

    I personally don’t find the predicament that our people are in to be funny, be it women or men.

    Sadly enough, there are numerous, & an increasing amount of women who have gone gay, as a result of the mythic, media-fueled black relationship hysteria.

    It’s either go gay, or get a white boy. Which, as far as I’m concerned, pretty much amounts to the same thing.

    Wake me up when someone has an actual solution for saving Black Love.

  • SAMURAI36

    So wait, you’re blaming Steve Harvey for this? Were you only born 3 or 4 years ago?

    Because black relationship books have been on the market for well past a decade now.

    And guess what? Most of them were written by Black women.

  • Roses

    lol! Fav part

  • Lizi

    Hilarious! Thanks for the chuckle this morning.

  • Skye

    Well let’s be real the numbers are not there for black women to black men in this country not going to get into the factors. What do you think about black women finding love for non-american black men
    Wouldn’t that help the numbers and increase black love. Black men from the U.K, Brazil, Africa, Caribbean.

  • silkynaps

    I’m desperate to get married. But not marry-a-man-shorter-than-me-makes-less-money-than-me-or-is-hideous-like-a-troll desperate to get married.

  • Margo

    Black British men>>>>>>>>>>> Polite, Attentive, Respectful and Fine!

  • http://gravatar.com/jamesfrmphilly jamesfrmphilly

    polygamy?

  • Jo

    This is HILARIOUS! I understand Demetria’s use of sarcasm because the level-headed conversations and articles aren’t getting through to Black women (and really all women b/c if you pick up Cosmo or the like, they get the same expert advice too). I hope that women, especially Black women, begin to realize en mass that as we focus on self love and care, unpack our baggage, and live OUR lives to OUR highest standards everything will fall into place. Note: all adults in and/or wanting a relationship need to focus on the last three actions. Too many are not.

  • apple

    DEAD
    unalive
    in the casket
    gospel choir swaying

  • Bren

    I laughed out loud while reading this article.

  • Bren

    How do you know he’s poor? You know what they say about people who assume, right?

  • Pat

    Yes, and as a black woman if you have turned down a marriage proposal, people will look at you as if you’re the crazy one. Not that he wasn’t the right man to marry. .

  • Medusa

    Lmao! Loved it!

  • Leigh P

    Thanks for this!!! I needed a laugh this week!

  • Do Better

    The suggestion that black women should marry each other as a solution to this “black marriage crisis” is so outrageous it’s hilarious. That’s the point. I just about died when I read: “Boo, I’ve just singlehandedly solved the Black woman’s marriage crisis. You shouldn’t be fighting me; you should be awarding me the Nobel Peace Prize. However, a thank you will suffice.”

  • Been

    No pro’lem!

  • Tudor

    *Stands up slowly and applauds* You, my friend, just solved ALL the problems of the black woman. Why didn’t anyone think of this??? Just be sure to tweet the invite to your Nobel Prize Ceremony!

  • Worldly

    HAHA, yes loved this part. So funny.

  • Kacey

    I brought this up in yesterday’s post, but how is dating out (i.e. non-black) synonymous with dating a bisexual black man? What kind of mentality is that? When your black male friends are dating non-black women are you looking at them in the same light – Like they’re settling? I bet not.

    What you’re doing is perpetuating the very harmful reasoning that black men are the only acceptable choice for black women. There is a whole wide world of non-black people out there and (*gasp*, *brace yourself*) some of their men are actually attracted to black women and would marry them. I KNOW, I KNOW – THAT’S SOOOOO RIDICULOUS, RIGHT? OMG!!!

    Yeah, Get a grip!

    As a black woman who has dated [mostly] non-black men since I was 17, I can tell you that there are plenty of great options outside of the black community for black women, and none of them involves settling. But too many black women are listening to people like you and believing that dating out is an undesirable option (undesirable for them, mind you, but not for black men) and that they should instead stop being so picky/uppity/bitchy and work with any kind of black men they can find.

    I have nothing against black men. If I wasn’t in a relationship, I would definitely be open to dating a black man, but because I want to eventually marry and have a family I don’t want to exclude a potential mate based on his race either. I don’t think any marriage/relationship-minded black woman can afford to exclude other men.

    In an ideal world, should black people only be for each other? *shrugs* I guess, but in the world that we’re actually living in, if you really cared about black women, you would want them to find true happiness and companionship with men that they are equally yoked with, and if that includes non-black men, then so be it!

    I’m sure concern about the feelings of black women have never stopped you or other black men you know from dating who you want.

  • victoria

    I find that many black British men are like African American men. No difference.

  • Jo

    YES! Every offer you receive is not meant for you take!

  • AJW

    you must not understand sarcasm…

  • kiesh

    D, youse a damn fool! LMAO. I really could see one of these relationship “experts” writing some ish like this though…

  • Smilez_920

    @Kacey

    I think interracial dating gets so much shade in our community because its always connected to the person having to step out side of their race because no one in their race is qualified or good enough. It could be black men saying they date non- black women b/c ( insert dumb@ss stereotype here ) or black women saying they don’t ate black men because ( insert keys his cole lyrics here ).

    Personally I believe that the love you need might not always come in the package you thought it would .

    I don’t knock sisters who date interracially or prefer just to date black men, do what makes you happy.

    I don’t think it’s color that’s solely limiting blk women’s options to a mate , I think theres a lot of other major factors that hinder mate selection, but again to each it’s own.

  • Anon

    I’m with you. There is nothing funny about the way that black women have been dogged out in the media since the election of the first black president. It has been a focused propaganda campaign against us. NO OTHER GROUP has been singled out and othered as much as we have in the past 60 or so years. And they were targeted for extermination.

  • http://www.misseloquence.wordpress.com misseloquence

    THIS WAS HILARIOUS!!! I absolutely loved it! It would take a whole other blog post for me to describe everything I loved about this. But I am glad that there are other intelligent black women out there who haven’t drank the Kool-Aid and buy into this black woman marriage crisis.

  • Echo

    This. Is. AWESOME! One time for the best morning guffaw of my week thus far. Thank you, Demetria Lucas!

  • Anon

    You tell on yourself and what you truly think of black women every day.

  • http://clutchmagazine blcknnblvuu

    I think society in general should have an open mind to different relationships(monogamy,polygamy,polyandry,same race,interracial,same gender,open mariage cohabitation or single)as long as the stakeholders are consenting adults and were honest.I say to each his own taste

  • Soul dulce

    I’m not going to lie, it’s out here for a playa. I live in LA where black men are infamous for thinking there ish don’t stink simply because they have a degree (gag). If you look like Chris brown or have swagger like these glamorized rappers then the picking is all yours. I’m just sick of all the bullshit that’s put on a pedestal out here. A good black is hard to find, but living in this city the odds are dam near impossible. I’m not giving up hope though and neither should you! Stick to your standards and don’t lower them out of frustrations. Have faith that the one God has for you is not in your life because God he is working on him to become the best man that he can be. Don’t be consumed by the idea of marriage. Lets not forget that the divorce rate is one in two ( that’s not counting the women who have to stay for monetary reasons). To all the women who fear not finding the one all I can say is have faith, and in the mean time work on becoming the best person you can possibly be so that when you do meet mister right your bringing more to the table then just a pretty face.

  • SimpleComplexity

    ROTFLOL, this is HILARIOUS! Best read I’ve had today! Too many comedic quotes to list! Thank You!

  • Jaslene

    I will just stick with men of other races.

  • Truth

    But they won’t stick with you when times get tough.

  • Kaeli

    Do you have evidence of this? So a black man is guaranteed to stick with you, huh? Or more likely then one of any other race/ethnicity? Sorry not buying that argument without some evidence.

  • Keshia

    Hilarious darling!! I knew I was not the only one buying this garbage lol shoot if we are the least married then I guess white women have the highest divorce rate?? I’ll take not being married in my poor miserable life for 500 Alex lol.

  • Kaeli

    James you have issues with women “showing flesh”. But sharing a man is a-okay? Please just stop.

  • http://gravatar.com/arlette81 arlette

    wow as a black woman i am glad as hell I am not american, I would have lost my marbles by now.

  • YeahRight2011

    I’m a married lady but I’ll take on a wife. I can’t BBQ so you’ll have to do that BUT you get your own room, bathroom, and you can keep your boyfriend. We go half on the ring though.

  • [email protected]

    BRAVO!!!

    I laughed so hard at this I had to close my office door. There are too many quotes to list that I liked but thank you, this just made my week.

  • Truth

    @Kaeli; Regardless of what the media tells you and your limited experience has shown you, historically black men have stuck by black women in far greater numbers then any other ethnicity of men. We are the only group of people I see disparaging our own on a massive level (and that goes for both black men and women). I don’t really care who you fall in love with, but don’t come on here with false truths.

  • Kaeli

    You are 100% right that historically black men have stuck by black women but I am sure the same can be said for all other racial and ethnic groups historically. I was referring to your assertion that an individual man of another race/ethnicity won’t stick by an individual black woman. No one is disparaging anyone but let’s not make it seem like all men of all other races besides black men can’t be there for you when you need them. A quality man is a quality man regardless of race/ethnicity.

  • The Moon in the Sky

    I’d marry a woman.

  • Kristi

    LOL! Loved it. Made me smile and not feel so bad about my SBW status

  • Stand Up Guy

    Some women are laughing now, but later on today they gonna be like “Hmmmm….”

  • http://gravatar.com/jamesfrmphilly jamesfrmphilly

    merely inquiring as to what ladies think about a subject is a bad thing?

    i am far from an expert but i think polygamy is rooted in african culture. i think it was also a practice in the old testament.

    i wonder what is the background of monogamy?

  • Toni

    Girl… you’ve got balls. Excellent satire.

  • http://gravatar.com/rockthecatbox rockthecatbox

    All of the coverage on this topic deserves a humorous mash-up like this. It doesn’t trivialize an issue to find the humor in it, especially since the “crisis” is wholly imagined and laughable. It’s clear that despite the non-statistics and untruths about both black women AND black men, we manage to keep doing what we’ve always been doing despite the existence of advice books, movies starring Clifton Powell, Tyrese’s remedial tweets, Oprah’s couch, Iyanla’s Vanzant and Steve Harvey’s mustache. The majority of us find matches within our own race, are choosing to date and marry without the help of bloggers and famous people. The media that normally comes up about black people as a group–men and women–are presented as ways to save us from ourselves, invoke “outsider” pity and fabricate a false narrative of dysfunction. Not shocking. Othering black people (and any marginalized group) as troubled and the symptom of all social malaise reinforces white privilege and helps Time Warner and other media forces capitalize upon old, well-sold images of race and gender. To know our history and do a little research on our representation wouldn’t make us tense up when glaring untruths are published–with self knowledge it should make us laugh. So why not have a funny piece from a black point of view to shift the balance.

  • http://gravatar.com/nolakiss16 binks

    Aww…Come on Demetria you missed one more solid solution to the SBW crisis: Half of black women should think about becoming black men themselves… just think about it the solution writes itself…LMAO (Yet sadly I can see this becoming an article one day too…smh) but funny article.

  • Kay

    Some of my relatives were drinking that “Black women are desperately single, unwanted and alone,” kool-aid and were foaming at the mouth to “get” a man and “get” married.They spent all their time slut shaming other women and trying to prove how they were marriage material. Fast forward a few years: many of them were divorced, in an unhappy marriage and/or being cheated on. You know why? Because instead of trying to figure out what THEY wanted, both for themselves and a relationship, they were listening to all the craziness about how they just had to settle down and find SOMEONE. One of relatives even admitted that she had never wanted to get married in the first place, and recently came out, not as a lesbian, but as an ASEXUAL. Meaning she didn’t have sexual feelings. AT ALL. For ANYONE. So all this time she had been putting up with sex she didn’t want just so she could say she was married. Chile, please.

    Life is too short to spend it trying to please other people. Marriage is not for everyone. If you are single and want to get married. That’s fine. But understand that marriage will not complete you, it won’t magically cure all your ills, it is hard work and sacrifice. If you don’t want to get married, then hey, that’s fine too. And people shouldn’t have a damn thing to say about it.

  • ArabellaMichaela

    @Anon. You are quite right. It’s like with the advent of Michelle Obama, black women became a threat. Frankly, I don’t fully understand it myself. But I definitely notice it in the media and life.
    As for the article. Satire aside, the article’s underlying message is black women rely on a future with black men at your own peril. In all likelihood, it ain’t gonna happen. My advice (as a once married, now divorced, career woman) to 20 something’s is your youth
    is your “Ace.” Seriously!
    Use your youth to find a husband. You can build a career while you are married. Plan for kids later. “Use” your youth like the chip it is to find the best guy you can get, of any race.

  • Keshia

    I really do believe that when Michelle Obama became our First Lady is when all this mess began like oh no black women you cannot be like her she is a rare one (educated, happily married, classy). So they wanted break down and discourage black women. The media under estimates us tho, we are not that easily broken like our male counterparts..

  • Princess Di

    Yes! That an “F*** your bunions and your feminism.”

  • http://abelleinbk.com belle/demetria

    Hi there–

    I intended the underling message of the article “stop offering asinine solutions and spewing unfounded “facts” and ridiculous myths at BW. ”

    Two of the links provided point to stats that say 88% of Black men marry Black women AND the majority of Black women get married, albeit later than other groups.

    I’m all for women finding love with men of any color. Is that possible with Black men? Yep. But like granny used to say, “you don’t put all your eggs in one basket.”

  • http://abelleinbk.com belle/demetria

    FLOTUS was the catalyst for this latest reiteration of black-woman basing, but this has all been done before. The “Black women are dysfunctional” idea comes up every 10-15 years.

    It was fueled by Moniyhan in the 60s, came back as a backlash against “For Colored Girls” in the 70s (fun fact: the very first Essence mag cover in 1970 had the coverline: “Black man, do you still love me?” The feature story was about the “vast” numbers of Black men dating White women.) It popped off again as a reaction to “The Color Purple” in the 80s and again as a reaction to the popularity of “Waiting to Exhale”– the book and later the film in the 90s. FLOTUS was right on schedule in 2008.

    So we’re clear, it never really goes away, the roar is just duller at some points more than others.

  • mm

    LMBAO at Steve Harvey’s mustache!!!!!!!

  • Ask_ME

    @jamesfrmphilly

    You forgot to add that men who practice/practiced polygamy were/are usually men of means (meaning they can afford multiple wives/children).

    If African American men can barely afford one wife (and we won’t even talk about affording/providing for children) how exactly do you figure they can afford several wives???

    Women don’t just agree to polygamy just to have someone or just to have companionship. For the women, they must GAIN something from the arrangement. In this case, African American women won’t anything from that arrangement.

  • The Moon in the Sky

    “Use your youth to find a husband. You can build a career while you are married. Plan for kids later. “Use” your youth like the chip it is to find the best guy you can get, of any race.”

    I rolled my eyes while reading this.

  • Rue

    “…then you’re likely desperate to get married.

    College- educated?

    Oh, you’re definitely desperate.”

    Um, speak for yourself, hon. No some of us are not…

  • YesIdid

    you didn’t get the sarcasm?

  • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

    ” (I watch TV so I know how we can be).”

    Lol!

    Great post, Demetria!

  • Jen

    Great post. I loved the satire. Satire has been used as a tool for ages, to make statements that need to be made, encourage discussion, and get people to think critically.

    My favourite line:
    “If you so happen to be that one anomaly of a Black woman alive who doesn’t have an out-of-wedlock child? Just go buy one from Africa—white women do it all the time, and at least you’ll know how to do the kid’s hair.” :-)

  • http://gravatar.com/keb325 kirby

    for a minute, i thought you were serious. and i got very concerned. but then i thought “she MUST be kidding.” and as i kept reading, i realized you were :) LOVED how that snuck up on me!

  • Mama Mia

    I know this is a free country, but I think it is kind of rude for you to post a picture of your “lips”. Not everyone will see them as you do. Every time I read through the comments and I see your avi, I get sick to my stomach. Please be considerate of others. Sheesh!

  • MommieDearest

    ROFLMBAOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!

  • Facts

    Actually, it’s a confirmed fact that white men stick with their black wives at a much higher rate than any other marital pairing. Look it up.

  • simplyme

    rofl I lost it at “You mad?”

  • Facts

    I have had opportunities to be married and when presented with those opportunities I realized that I’m not yet prepared for that big of a step. At least not right at the moment. I imagine that a lot of women jump at the chance to get married, even though the guy isn’t quite right, and that is why there are so many divorces.

    Marriage is not an institution to be taken lightly, it’s supposed to be a LIFETIME commitment despite how the celebrities and media make a mockery of it. If you’re fighting and arguing with your boyfriend every other day or can’t picture yourself rocking on a rocking chair with this person at the age of 80, holding hands and sipping on iced tea, marriage might not be the right step.

  • onetime

    LAO!! I normally don’t comment but this article was awesome!!!! I had been thinking the same thing!

  • Savvy Nina

    I’m sorry but this is some BS. Even though it is being said sarcastically some things should not be said at all. “I’ve just single handedly solved the Black woman’s marriage crisis.” I understand this the article is an opinion piece but I have some issues **sigh** you know what … A lot of people don’t have to ability to draw the lines between reality and entertainment and this will fly over some people heads. This, in my opinion, notion (with no supporting facts) moves focus away from the real issues. I don’t find this funny at all. All foolishness starts with an idea or opinion… This article will spread and spark discussion, but not on the topics that needs to be spoken on. All this for some web hits though? Links to other opinion pieces? I can’t deal…

  • Shelle

    I have never laughed so hard reading an article. This was great!!!

  • Brittany

    CLAP CLAP CLAP

  • Chelley5483

    “gospel choir swaying” . . LMAO! Too much!

  • Chelley5483

    ‘Iyanla’s Vanzant’. . . I am literally dying from Ms. Lucas’ piece and your POV on this. Well written rockthecatbox.

  • Perspective

    Not only that but if you do get with a man who is less established than you, what future do you expect to have with these men who have this supposed potential (I’m assuming) that women would want to make a man desirable in the first place. (I mean, that is what you complain about, correct – too many of us are financially weak?) What type of potential does this man have? Does he have the potential to surpass you financially? If he does not, I ask again, what type of future did you think you were going to have with a guy who you have already accessed would never financially surpass you? Where would you be living? Wouldn’t you obviously be the breadwinner throughout the marriage? In the event of children, would he heave to be in the position to hold down the home financially during late state pregnancy and early motherhood? If you envisioned a scenario where you would be the bread winner, and were mentally prepared for that role, then its obvious that you weren’t looking for a man to be your financial superior. This unfortunately, comes with many drawbacks in all things that cost money. The fact that many women were never looking for a man to be their financial superior is what you can and will never get them to admit. Demetria brought up cheating. Nice smokescreen. What does cheating have to do with a man’s financial position in the marriage? Are you aware that money is not a determing factor when it comes to men cheating? Sure, men with more money are more capable of cheating, but doubt the cheating would be any less of a betrayal if it was fewer women rather than more. The number of women is obviously not women’s point behind bringing up cheating; it is the act of cheating itself that is their concern, but again, what does that have to do with a man’s financial position? I don’t think; I know many of you avoid men who are your financial superiors because of the fear of dependency on black men AND, the economically and socially ‘subordinate’ position it would place you in DURING the marriage, as feminism puts it, despite the fact that men are STILL expected, financially your inferior or not, to build and maintain the community. I’m still trying to figure out how it is black men promote black women and value the black woman’s womb which is attached to legacy building from a financially subordinate position to his woman. Other races of women don’t seem to have that problem, now do they? Women should only submit when there are clear benefits to that submission; black women seem to want the best of both worlds starting from a community that is already deteriorated. Your men haven’t built the foundation for you to received those benefits, and the irony of it all is that despite your complaints, the truth is you don’t really want men to be in the position to establish that foundation because of where you would fit into that equation. Question, have you ever seen someone drive a car and win a race from the rear passenger seats? That’s what black women expect black men to do.

  • Perspective

    Not only that but if you do get with a man who is less established than you, what future do you expect to have with these men who have this supposed potential (I’m assuming) that would make a man desirable in the first place. (I mean, that is what you complain about, correct – too many of us are financially weak?) What type of potential does this man have? Does he have the potential to surpass you financially? If he does not, I ask again, what type of future did you think you were going to have with a guy who you have already accessed would never financially surpass you? Where would you be living? Wouldn’t you obviously be the breadwinner throughout the marriage? In the event of children, would he be in the position to hold down the home financially during late stage pregnancy and early motherhood? If you envisioned a scenario where you would be the bread winner, and were mentally prepared for that role, then its obvious that you weren’t looking for a man to be your financial superior. This unfortunately, comes with many drawbacks in all things that cost money. The fact that many women were never looking for a man to be their financial superior is what you can and will never get them to admit. Demetria brought up cheating. Nice smokescreen. What does cheating have to do with a man’s financial position in the marriage? Are you aware that money is not a determing factor when it comes to men cheating? Sure, men with more money are more capable of cheating, but I doubt the cheating would be any less of a betrayal if it was with fewer women rather than more. The number of women is obviously not women’s point behind bringing up cheating; it is the act of cheating itself that is their concern, but again; what does that have to do with a man’s financial position? I don’t think; I know, many of you avoid men who are your financial superiors because of the fear of dependency on black men AND, the economically and socially ‘subordinate’ position it would place you in DURING the marriage, as feminism puts it, despite the fact that men are STILL expected, whether your financial inferior or not, to build and maintain the community. I’m still trying to figure out how it is black men promote black women and value the black woman’s womb which is attached to legacy building from a financially subordinate position to his woman, at the individual and collective level. Other races of women don’t seem to have that problem, now do they?

    Women should only submit when there are clear benefits to that submission; black women seem to want the best of both worlds starting from a community that is already deteriorated. Your men haven’t built the foundation for you to received those benefits, and the irony of it all is that despite your complaints, the truth is you don’t really want men to be in the position to establish that foundation because of where you would fit into that equation if he were in the financially superior position. I guess men are supposed to build and maintain the community with your resources? Question, have you ever seen someone drive a car and win a race from the rear passenger seat? That’s what black women expect black men to do.

  • Furious Styles

    Good piece. However, anything written ironically or tongue-in-cheek will be lost on many folks here.

  • Perspective

    I don’t think her point were lost at all. I just think women say these things based on emotion rather than thinking about what the real problem is.

    I’m still waiting on a response to my post, if us men are so out of pocket.

    As someone told me, “Break it down all the way so that it stays broke!”

  • lea

    well as the other person said polygamy is when you can take care of all of the wives and their kids in the same household… i hate to say it but many men don’t even want to own up to their responsibility, that is why the US gov’t system has child support as a way to force irresponsible men to be responsible.

  • Brencock

    I fully agree with this article. I’d even take it one step further, all women should only marry women. Instead of constantly complaining about how no man is ever good enough for you, just cut them out of the equation! Tough problem, simple solution, everyone is happy!

  • Perspective

    Thumbs down and no rebuttal simply means that you have no valid counter points.

    CHILD-LIKE behavior does not entertain me. I don’t even know why they have ratings on this site.

    You can NOT LIKE what I had to say all you want. That doesn’t make it any less true.

    Let’s try this again – please explain to me how men are expected to provide, protect, defend, maintain, and uplift the black community and black women from a collectively financially subordinate position.

    Again, I just think many of you all simply want the BENEFITS of a structure that doesn’t exist but reject its establishment because its predicated on male leadership and male financial dominance.

    Surely, you can’t tell me that all the benefits white women enjoy is because of her financial dominance and not her man’s.

    Even with the STUPID idea of men building and maintaining the community with women’s money and a woman’s discretion – how would a man who doesn’t have the wherewithal to surpass his own woman really know how to build and maintain the BLACK community?

    I’m guessing that it will be argued that black women are going to DIRECT black men on how to build and maintain, right?

    Ummm – so why aren’t women doing these things, and why are they complaining that men aren’t doing these things if women not only have the resources, but also the knowledge, vision, and foresight?

    I guess black men are just chattel labor huh?!

    If I’m so wrong – you have the below space to detail exactly how you think things should go down.

    A lot of crickets in there today.

  • http://www.facebook.com/just.ron.96 Just Ron

    That would certainly go a long way toward solving the over population problems all around the earth.

  • The Moon in the Sky

    “Thumbs down and no rebuttal simply means that you have no valid counter points.”

    That may be true in some cases, but in yours, no one feels like dealing with you.

  • alldawg

    You remember that cartoon the smurfs, and what they did to brainy smurf…
    Thats what they do to BM who dont go with the flow, i see nothing derogatory in your post.
    The real wonder is are BW willing enough to respond without ridicule or dismiss the question as some form of BM imposing himself on a BW only website..

  • Perspective

    Yes moon sky – I already know that women don’t like dealing with logic and reason. I am quite familiar with the fact that they prefer character assassinations and ad hominems, as if me being a one legged, self hating, bald, crippled, ugly, fat, homosexual, sissy would change the things I laid out.

    I’m finding it hard to believe that black women such as yourself can handle – “THE WORLD!” as so many like to claim, but not 1man’s apparently stupid comments that don’t dignify a response.

    I also have taken note of the fact that you can only really get black women think, listen, and understand what a man like myself is saying when I phrase my points in QUESTION form because that way, “I’m not attacking or blaming anyone,” which seems to be sistas hang up.

    “ITS NOT OUR FAULT!”

    You don’t have to accuse women of anything, just ask the right questions.

  • The Moon in the Sky (Do not shorten my name)

    You think you are so smart when really you are just an arrogant, condescending a**.

  • WhatIThink

    Actually no matter how much some folks think this is meant to be funny the truth is I see to many she men running around with their girl friends that I cant take it as anything but serious.

    This has been part of the overall feminist movement since day one and unfortunately no matter what flavor of it black women choose, this too will be there.

    I mean we miss the obvious so much…..

  • http://gravatar.com/jamesfrmphilly jamesfrmphilly

    so the objection is financial? there are plenty of black men who have money.

    what then?

  • camille

    Perception sounds like a catch. You married, boo?

  • Jean

    LOL. I thought it was a camel.

  • Wakeup

    The black community is weakened because of immorality. Immorality should not be “an option because you’re single”

  • Tara

    Another article written by another black woman throwing black women under the bus bringing attention to us just to get another hit……..Really sad

  • Tara

    If there are so many angry rejects on here why do you stay on this blog. I have no interest in black men and have NEVER visited a black male blog. Why dont you do the same and skidattle?

  • Joleika Powell

    Some people.would not recognize sarcaism if it hit them in the face and announced its arrival.

  • Perspective

    eyes roll

    Morality goes out the window when peoples basic needs are not being met.

    Please hold the Religious stuff.

  • Misty Moonsilver

    I agree 100 percent. Morals are what makes a community strong.

  • Anon

    Glad that others are noticing this trend!

  • Nisha

    My thoughts exactly. Have our critical thinking skills sucken so low that people can’t recognize blatant social satire/sarcasm? Just wow! Reading the comments to this article do nothing for my faith in the intellect of today’s society. Reading and reasoning have obviously become a lost art.

  • Anon

    The divorce rate is only about 20% or less if both partners are college educated. More than 4 out of 5 educated spouses stay together. The 50% number is bandied about due to mis-application of statistics. Most people who get married remain married and tend to be happy in those relationships. Outside of abuse, many couples who divorced in the 70′s and 80′s have reported regretting those divorces 5-7 years later.

  • K. Michel

    “I don’t think; I know many of you avoid men who are your financial superiors because of the fear of dependency on black men AND, the economically and socially ‘subordinate’ position it would place you in DURING the marriage, as feminism puts it, despite the fact that men are STILL expected, financially your inferior or not, to build and maintain the community. I’m still trying to figure out how it is black men promote black women and value the black woman’s womb which is attached to legacy building from a financially subordinate position to his woman.” (Perspective)

    Reading this, I realize that Black women really are in a double-bind. I’m sure you understand that in the African-American community, women can’t purposefully look for a man that’s her financial superior (as you say) without very harsh criticism coming her way. This is a mindset; we’ve trained the women of our community to avoid asking questions about money after a certain age. This is bigger than just hip hop, too. Generally speaking, this is what they learn from black churches …not to look at a man’s money, but his character and his faith.

    If it were up to me, I’d tell Black women that they could look at a man’s character, faith and social mobility; all at the same time. They don’t have to choose. The men who have, won’t mind the questions …the men who have not, will mind. Usually.

    That’s just the way it is.

    I can tell that you feel strongly about your experiences regarding what you’ve said being true. I’m not taking anything away from that.

    I’d just be careful about instilling values within a group of women, and then speaking out when she applies those values as an adult seeking relationships with men. Maybe it’s not these women who are the problem but what we as a culture are teaching them.

    It seems like we don’t even know how to talk to each other anymore. Maybe it’s just an online thing.

  • bsnews

    lolz is the media outlets masking as african american blogs again propogating the extinction of african americans by the fueling the interracial bs, isnt it funny that is all this cunt spews, but ofcourse african americans will succumb and fail thier offspring as usual, weak by nature apparently. so sad and we had high hoped for the lot of you overseas. .

  • http://twitter.com/ZenMamaPolitic Alisha M.Gray (@ZenMamaPolitic)

    I have been speaking on many of these problems affecting Black women for quite some time. But these are still taboo issues within African American Community. However; we need to address them as educated Black women. The problem is that it often makes African American men feel ‘inadequate’; therefore women back off the topic. Yet; if we look at the issues; the solutions can be achieved quite easily if we work through the
    idealism that Black women only have one option..or if you believe this article (2). The first dating a Black male & the second being LGBTQ. And although I am an Activist & have no problem with gay or bi-sexual lifestyles. It may not be for the majority of Black women. In fact; many males are now finally stating that they are bi-sexual. This does not mean that they are unavailable; just that new relationship & legal boundaries need to be
    established. This includes the prevention of placing male homophobic rhetoric upon these males; which helps to prevent violence towards women.

    Note: I am not trying to effeminize Black males; only to find middle ground for everyone.

    Also; consideration should be considered for different races. Stigmas prevent conversation. As long as there is no exploitation of Black women or culture; race shouldn’t technically matter, except for preference anyway. Let’s keep this real. Stating that African American women are unattractive is ridiculous. And denying that there is a problem with the availability of Black males at this point is absurd. We need to begin deconstructing this situation and maturely deciding our own futures, before we let it be decided for us. We have the power to control our own futures….let’s not throw it away. Excellent Points.

  • http://uhbye.com Womp Womp

    ::plays violin::

  • Liz

    THANK YOU!

  • Liz

    not balls! You’ve got ovaries… so much better!

  • Ed

    “NO OTHER GROUP has been singled out and othered as much as we have in the past 60 or so years.”

    BLACK MEN have been through hell and they are still living in it. You must be a self absorbed twit to conclude that black women have it worse when 8% of your young men are locked up in prison. You can pity yourself all you like but don’t ever be fooled about who has it worse.

  • chinaza

    LOVE THIS! *dwl*

  • E in CT

    Hilarious how many male commenters got scared after reading this article. It’s SATIRE, but if you never read, you won’t know that. If the masses of single black women really did turn their affections to one another, Steve Harvey, Kevin Hart, Tyler Perry, Hill Harper, Tyrese et al would starve to death! TWO happy paired off Negresses not worrying what men of any color thought of them and not buying their shitty books and movies and not caring what Kim and Kanye are up to? America would damn near fall apart.

    Most folks DO NOT READ, let alone explore tone, satire, alliteration, etc. As a former high school English teacher, I know that you can teach and plead and beg, but if students don’t read, there little you can do. That’s the REAL ABOMINATION!

    i chuckle at WOMEN who think black women’s marriage rates are lower bc we just don’t ‘act right’. Act like who?

    MAYBE a man will choose you if you cook, clean, shut up, go to church, and make a man ‘feel like a man’, whatever the hell that means? Ha. That’s hogwash. I know black women who do ALL of those things short of hiding their light under a bushel and still… crickets. I know women who do NONE of those things and they’re happily married, myself included.

  • Engaged

    But I’ll be married!!! I’ll be married!!! I’LL BE MARRIED!!!!!! rofl

  • http://www.MaryKay.com/MMinor1 Michelle

    I enjoy and amusing read and as usual the responses are equally amusing. So many jokes I could make but I’m walking away.

  • Melody

    This article is definitely satirical. That said, black women are no less marriageable. We may be pickier – about the wrong things. I was fielding proposals from my late teens until my marriage at 30 years old. In retrospect, I was looking for my validation in another person. He had to be perfect because I wanted him to enhance my image. I have a diploma, a degree, a career and children. One child was born out of wedlock, but thank God I had the sense to keep her, and not have an abortion. Too often, young black women are brainwashed by a media that rarely understands us or sees us as nothing more than the stereotypes they propagate.

    Don’t buy the hype. If black women want to be married, we can be. We don’t have to settle on the major things like good character, decency, sexual preference, work ethic, intelligence, health.

    We do need to give a man room to grow in his finances, be accepting of his children (especially if we have our own), and learn to accept the little flaws like an unattractive car, or poor taste in clothes.

    One last thing, it’s okay to date and marry outside of your race, it is harder to commit to omeone outside of your faith.

  • Melody

    Excuse the typo. I meant to say: “One last thing, it’s okay to date and marry outside of your race, it is harder to commit to someone outside of your faith.”

  • LOL

    This made me LOL

  • Pingback: Marriage: Black Folks Need to Get It Together – CCL 59 | chocolatecoveredliesdotcom

  • Pingback: “Solution to SBW Crisis: Black Women Should Just Marry Each Other” | Black Women and Marriage rpierreblog

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