I would just shrug off news that there’s a petition to make R. Kelly’s “Ignition (Remix)” the National Anthem if it weren’t so unbelievable. But the truth is said petition exists and it’s garnering an inordinate amount of signatures by the minute. In fact, it only needs 92,336 more signatures to guarantee an official response from the White House (just as they had to respond to the petition to begin construction of a Death Star by 2016).

It reads:

“We, the undersigned, would like the Obama administration to recognize the need for a new national anthem, one that even a decade after its creation, is still hot and fresh out the kitchen. America has changed since Francis Scott Key penned our current anthem in 1814. Since then, we have realized that after the show, it’s the afterparty, and that after the party, it’s the hotel lobby, and–perhaps most importantly–that ’round about four, you’ve got to clear the lobby, at which point it’s strongly recommended that you take it to the room and freak somebody. President Obama: we ask you to recognize the evolution of this beautiful country and give us an anthem that better suits the glorious nation we have become.”

Now, say what now?

I loved “Ignition (Remix)” just as much as the next person grinding in the club but what exactly do lyrics like “You must be a football coach the way you got me playing the field” and “The way you do the things ya do reminds me of my Lexus coupe” have to do with our country? On second thought, what’s more American than football, cars and one night stands? They may be onto something.

The writers of the petition set the goal of 100,000 signatures by April 2, 2013. If you are bored feel compelled to support their mission, sign here.

  • Pseudonym

    This isn’t news. Around 7,000 people signed as a joke. No need to report.

  • LKJ

    Umm okay. I’m not signing that, but I hope it gets 100,000 signatures because the response will be hilarious.

  • Yb

    Omigod. Where do I sign? Can you imagine at the next inauguration, the president being sworn in with “mama rolling that body, got Everyman in here wishin” “it’s the freaking weekend baby, imma about to have me some fun” in the background?

    If this happens I will be so proud to be American.

  • http://tontonmichel.tumblr.com/ Tonton Michel

    Could this be an online petition? What a surprise………….

  • Marisa

    If only they used their power for good instead of evil, abusing the petition laws I see. They created that petition site and folks are petitioning any and everything. Dont be surprised if there is a petition outlawing Ground Hogs Day because the lil hairball didn’t see his shadow and were still getting snow, or protesting Taco Bell for delaying the release of the Cool Ranch Doritos Los Tacos. Now that I think about it I might sign that one cuz I love that Dorito Tacos lol.

  • Sweetles

    R. Kelly is a pedophile.

  • http://gravatar.com/nolakiss16 binks

    If this is not the stupidest thing I ever read, truly the dumbing down of America. Come on, not a fan of R. Kelly but if you were going to petition on the changing of the anthem using one of his songs why not use his song “the world’s greatest” which is an awesome and beautiful song. I mean come on…

  • Child, Please

    I agree; this diminishes the intent of a petition and can negate any real impact they may have, especially when many may be getting fed up with them.

  • Pingback: R Kelly Wants What? | Everyone is Welcome!

  • Humanista

    I get the hilarity of it, but…. it’s not as if our government doesn’t waste enough time on b.s. as it is….

  • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

    This could be the National Anthem for perverts and pedophiles.

  • Jame

    I believe I can fly would also be a better option. I guess we should be happy they didn’t propose bump and grind?

  • Guest1234

    This is what happens when democracy goes digital. But in all seriousness, I kinda love it.

    Nobody tsk tsked when they petitioned for a Death Star… and the White House offered a cutesy, cheeky response. But heaven forbid a petition for stuff black people like…..then it’s the end of the world, amirite? #yourblackpathologyisshowing #justsayin’

  • dee

    Okay, I know this is really dumb but I still think it’s hilarious.

  • camille

    If a bunch of idiots can petition to secede from the US with zero consequences, then why not create an equally frivolous and less treasoness petition?

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