r-kelly

I would just shrug off news that there’s a petition to make R. Kelly’s “Ignition (Remix)” the National Anthem if it weren’t so unbelievable. But the truth is said petition exists and it’s garnering an inordinate amount of signatures by the minute. In fact, it only needs 92,336 more signatures to guarantee an official response from the White House (just as they had to respond to the petition to begin construction of a Death Star by 2016).

It reads:

“We, the undersigned, would like the Obama administration to recognize the need for a new national anthem, one that even a decade after its creation, is still hot and fresh out the kitchen. America has changed since Francis Scott Key penned our current anthem in 1814. Since then, we have realized that after the show, it’s the afterparty, and that after the party, it’s the hotel lobby, and–perhaps most importantly–that ’round about four, you’ve got to clear the lobby, at which point it’s strongly recommended that you take it to the room and freak somebody. President Obama: we ask you to recognize the evolution of this beautiful country and give us an anthem that better suits the glorious nation we have become.”

Now, say what now?

I loved “Ignition (Remix)” just as much as the next person grinding in the club but what exactly do lyrics like “You must be a football coach the way you got me playing the field” and “The way you do the things ya do reminds me of my Lexus coupe” have to do with our country? On second thought, what’s more American than football, cars and one night stands? They may be onto something.

The writers of the petition set the goal of 100,000 signatures by April 2, 2013. If you are bored feel compelled to support their mission, sign here.

15 Comments

  1. Okay, I know this is really dumb but I still think it’s hilarious.

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  2. camille

    If a bunch of idiots can petition to secede from the US with zero consequences, then why not create an equally frivolous and less treasoness petition?

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